Surviving an Episode of the Mother's Day Show

Since I feel people notice Hallmark Holidays, especially ones directed at a parent, when they're close with their parents or their parents have passed away, I'd like to touch onto the third category of these holidays, which is troubled relationship with parents. My poems haven't entered this direction in awhile, but after seeing too many happy social media posts from others, I had to get the sour feelings off my chest. Thus, this poem was born. Enjoy!

Last Updated: 5-8-16

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Dear Hallmark Holiday,
I see all the Facebook pictures, cards, flowers, gifts, and social media posts, saying “Happy Mother’s Day to my beautiful mother” or other silly sappiness.

Let me begin again by saying I am not mourning a loss,
But instead, I am envisioning the feelings I wish I had and channeling my inner smile by thinking about my friends who are new moms…

My heart aches at the inability to post a picture on Facebook of us because I would rather be my own free agent than show the world the woman who created my boss levels.

I shudder at my inability to tell you I love you, which I don’t remember the last time I’ve done so.
I don't feel safe around you and the thought of family gatherings makes me wake up feeling like I rolled in the mud and forgot to take a shower.

My stomach drops like the Tower of Terror ride at the inability to trust you, see you as a role model, or see myself as your daughter.

Fast forward to most episodes of the Mother’s Day show after I had to venture to your headquarters as usual.
I walk into the room and feel like you see me as someone from a distant land and parade me more intensely than the toughest job interview.
The episode replays itself annually as I put on my fake smile and bring you a present.

I can’t even tell you the slightest bit about my life, which leads you to Google-creep my name to find I was a finalist in a bacon cooking contest or my blog posts in which I share my story publicly.

Mom, if you end up seeing this poem online, I want you to know you are still my mom, my adventures are helping me forgive you, and you are the reason why I am alive.
I no longer wish to hold onto the dead weight of bitterness, because I thank you for raising me right to learn the skills to become a successful and independent woman.

To everyone who struggles with parental unit relationships, you are not alone or forgotten about during these arbitrary calendar days.
There are hopefully other people in your life to show love and affection to without a hallmark holiday.
You are all loved by many and may have to live through some uncomfortable encounters, but you will win and move forward.

While embarking on soul-searching ventures to figure out who I need in my life, the biggest lesson I want to share is how family and love don’t come from blood or default placement; they come from where the stars guide you.