I wrote this post in reaction to my best childhood friend who passed away on May 25, 2013. He was my biggest inspiration and the foundation for the rest of my life. I had never lost anyone close to me and these are my opinions on how one should properly cope with the gravity of a hefty loss...
I know that dying is a part of life, but the true mystery is that you never know when it's going to happen. There are many different ways that people perceive Death, but this is the best way to handle it:
Up until now, during my 22 short years of living, I had never had any real encounters with Death before. I never lost anyone super close to me. I have lost people who lived on my dorm floors and talked to occasionally, had a couple classes with, a couple family members that I wasn't too close with, and even someone in one of my turnabout groups. I even went to a wake for a good friend whose infant son passed away. But never had I lost anyone close to me before. I'd rather learn now than later. It will teach me and provide me with another one of life's experiences.
On May 25, 2013 I lost my childhood best friend who helped me to initially choose my life's path. We got into an argument when I was in high school and things weren't ever the same. I feel like it's a common phenomenon to realize how important someone truly is to you when they're gone. People always have that feeling of "I wish I could have said goodbye" or "I wish I could have told them how I feel" or "I wish I could have rekindled our friendship". Unfortunately, you can't. There are most certainly healthy ways to cope with a heavy loss and optimistic ways to continue to live and love your life.
When someone passes, they may be buried in the ground or have his or her ashes scattered about, but the spirit and legacy will always live on. You can always do something in the person's honor, such as dedicating some kind of personal memorial to them. For example, a school can dedicate a track meet to someone who was active on the track team or the ones who were closest can get a personalized tattoo to remember the loved one or very close friend. Most importantly, even though someone "being there in spirit" isn't the same, it is a healthy way to hold the passed person in your heart forever. Saying a prayer isn't a bad idea either. Mourn the passed person and celebrate their life. It will lighten the mood from the waterfall of tears and room full of sadness.
Your family and friends will be there for you. Alcohol and drugs are not the answer. Those will dilute your problem for a short amount of time and eventually cause your life to spiral out of control. If need be, there is always grief counseling available. One thing to also do is write a lovely letter in remembrance about the person and read it at the funeral. Cry your eyes out and call your best friend to console you and you will feel more at ease.
Death is inevitable and is just another part of the life cycle. Although it's the most terrible thing and it's even worse when the person is young, but it happens and you need to move on from it. You will never forget the person and you can always say hello at the cemetery. Just realize that the person is in a better place and although you can never touch or hear them, but you can feel and sense them. Most importantly, don't dwell on the past. Take your mistakes and lessons and learn from them for the future. If you messed up or did something you shouldn't have to the person, don't regret it. That will make you more miserable later. Just move on and keep living. That's all you can do. Don't get stuck in a black hole. Move forward. The person will always want the best for you and would be happiest if you lived your life to the fullest.
Don't be afraid you're going to die and keep thinking about Death. You should live your life like you're going to die tomorrow and accomplish as much as you can. Life is short, but live on the edge and don't hold back. Don't let fear consume you. Live in the present and don't take things for granted, especially life. Life is the most precious thing one can have. Take advantage of the world. The world is your canvas. Paint as much as you can upon it and people will see it and become your happy followers and driving force. Take on the world with a smile. Happiness and love are driving forces. Display love to everyone, because who knows, they may one day be gone forever and there is nothing you can do. Believe what you want. Do what you want. Fight adversity and don't be afraid to be the odd one. Just enjoy yourself. Be free. It's better to know that you die happy and fulfilled than miserable and empty! Celebrate life always! Treasure the wonderful gift of life and you will be able to continue marching onward from the tragedy and sorrow. That way, it's never game over for you!
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