Since my career feels rather unsatisfactory right now and the thoughts of such have been invading my head for awhile, I wrote a short story (yesterday, 9-11-15) called "Hectic Misstep Avoidances" about my why I feel the need to fill my schedule and how success comes from finding where you belong. Enjoy the funnies and story-ness :) There is a video with this as well!
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Oversleep, go to work, go to nightly activities, force myself to work on personal projects or clean, crash, repeat. Welcome to the hectic misstep avoidances of Rebs… where every moment is a jump instead of a walk. Will I achieve my destiny? I tell myself this every time I step up to the plate for a challenge.
In high school and college, my time was consumed by clubs, activities, sports, and leadership positions. Currently, I’m working full time in an empty grey box due to feeling like I’m the waterboy on the team, loading my schedule to make up for the lack of career fulfilment, running around to open mic nites and 800 other activities (ex DDR, karate, belegarth, volunteering, networking, classes), working on personal projects, and collapsing when my body gives me the finger… sometimes in public even, and repeating the process. Who else would be this crazy?
Some people ask me if I sleep, and the answer is “very carefully”. When you feel like the path your parents “set you up with” is starting to tank pretty badly because you know you’re in the wrong place, you go out of your way to put yourself where your heart tells you the right place is. I also know I’m in the wrong place because my quirkiness is starting to leak into my “professional life”, such as by saying “not the logic puzzle” at the wrong time; it came out like accidentally leaking a curse word in front of a little kid you didn’t notice was around. Unfortunately, I wasn’t always comfortable acknowledging my true passions due to being shot down by my parents all the time, but I am ready to finish ditching my past. I need success because the emptiness in desk land is beginning to overtake my subconscious like a ghost taking over your body and entrancing you in its red world. This is all while struggling to avoid falling in the trap door when one foot is already out the door. You crave your prayers to be answered and dreams to come true, you believe in your prayers, and you pour your heart into success’s cauldron to cook it into a gourmet food.
Others ask me how I handle all of these responsibilities. The answer to that question is because recently, after a fairly recent breakup, I feel like I’ve been having a lot more luck in the friend department. My friends have either been flaketastic, bullies, or both in the past; to my shocking surprise, it is the exact opposite. Maybe it’s because I feel like life’s adventures lead you down the path of acquiring more wisdom. Or maybe it’s because when I make mistakes, allow myself to open up to people, and be myself for once in my life, the right people and opportunities will trickle into my life. For all I know, it could even be because after accepting how nerdy I truly am, I joined the group I turned a blind eye to in college, the Belegarth Medieval Combat Society. Who knew joining live action battle game group would further provoke my passion for martial arts, introduce me to health’s shrine to even lose almost 60 pounds, and even show me the true meaning of family. As soon as I accepted and began to love who I was, I began receiving love which actually felt genuine for the first time ever. According to my sorority’s code of ethics, “in order to receive much, you must give much”. After receiving love, I have made it one of my missions to spread love and joy, especially on 9-11, where we acknowledge the meaning of love to our land. My dream is to be able to make a difference and a living outside of a box all in one. What’s yours?
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