Thursday, March 7, 2019

Can I Have Some Sour Cream With That?

My first attempt at trying to write some more comedic/stand-up related content. Having a poetry/storytelling background, and googling how to write a punchline were definitely helpful in this endeavour!



“Can I have some more sour cream with that?”


Being a server
An adventure embarked on while trying to figure out which road to take combined with a love of people and food,
Even the most quirky of people can survive.
Running trays, bussing tables, and picking up after people can sometimes be a pain,
But the love for making people’s day takes all!


I walk into work smiling every day
Even when my family gives me a hard time right before starting my shift.
My coworkers ask me, “how are you so happy all the time?”
And my answer is, “laughing is my anti drug and talking to people is my sanity!”


This one time, when I first started the current job I have, I had the worst table of my life.
The four guests who appeared to be of some sort of Indian descent asked for the most complicated order I’ve ever seen. And don’t forget about the extra jalepenos… grilled and seasoned to perfection… and extra spicy…
And some extra sour cream with that!
The next day, the manager tells me I got 4 bad reviews the previous night.
I guess the sour cream was as sour as their attitude… and their tip!


The day before I quit my first serving job, one of the managers said serving wasn’t for me.
Guess what I did by accident a few hours later?
Spill an entire pot of soup in the soup warmer instead of the container inside the warmer and then tell the other manager that I quit about an hour later… Oops!


I enjoy serving,
But I wonder where my next adventures will take me…
Maybe I’ll become the next “Mama Julia”
The world may never know…
Oh shit, my table just got sat!




Tuesday, February 5, 2019

False Promises

Don't give me false promises.
The ones where you say you will pay me back and you don't.
The ones where you say you will help me and you refuse when the time comes...
The ones where you say you will be there for me and you run away when the time comes...

You tell me how real you're trying to be and it turns out you're fake.
You are exactly who I don't want to be in my life.
You are the one who wants everyone to like you by forcing inspiration instead of being genuine.
The one who needs support from someone else in order to be alive,
And the one who will only take someone else's hand and both shove me aside...

I don't need to depend on anyone for my self worth.
I can stand strong on my own.

Be free from those false promises.
Do my own thing and believe in my own power.
I am strong enough!

Rebs Is In Search Of...

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Technical Writing: $30 an hour and up
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Content Writer/Blogger: $20 an hour and up
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College Essay Writing: $20 an hour and up
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Personal Chef: $25 an hour and up
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Flow Classes: $15 per person per class
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Babysitting: $20 an hour and up
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Cat Sitting: $50 per night and up