Lately, been suffering from a lot of confidence issues lately due to a lot of recent changes in activities, friends, and my career path and have taken a lot of time to reflect about what I've done for a quarter century. This past weekend, I went camping with my “sword fighting” group called the “Belegarth Medieval Combat Society”. On these camping trips, we play our “nerd foam fighting combat game” during the day, and eat, drink, and be merry around campfires at night. I usually have a group to camp with, but most of my close friends from Davenport, Iowa were unable to attend this event. I want to feel like I’m worthy of success and fitting in. When I told a bunch of my friends I had nowhere to camp this event, they all welcomed me with open arms and even offered to setup my tent. Aside from knowing I'm an accepted part of the Belegarth community, I have 2 really good friends at home to help me realize I’m never alone. I was even able to successfully meet new people, which I was proud of.
I also took a recent leap of faith, which has been on my mind for quite some time. I decided I no longer want to continue on the career path I chose in college, Web Development. To also confirm that decision, I’ve somehow been phased out of all my committees and leadership positions within the IT field. There was even a conference I was recently supposed to volunteer for, a place for college students pursuing technology could network and find career and certification opportunities. They for some reason stopped contacting me. I also departed from 9 to 5 land, the place that kept my wallet safe and gave me a springboard to figure out what I want to do with my life. Now, I have turned into “Your Friendly Neighborhood Uber Driver”, rideshare driver at large hoping my blog of the same name or other projects of mine get noticed. My blood family doesn’t necessarily support my decision, but my real friends call me brave. I’m aware dreams come in baby steps and not overnight. You have to work gradually to achieve your goals. Every time I question whether or not I’m capable of attaining success when I feel down, I always flashback to how I was able to earn my black belt for Shotokan karate. The test of physical and mental strength was quite the strenuous fiend.
December 5, 2015 quickly approached. I spent all day at home relaxing, practicing a little, refreshing my memory on Japanese terminology, picking up my gi, and picking up one of my roommates from work thanks to him being oh so kind enough to watch my exam. When I arrived at the testing venue, I frantically applied my essential body oils for mental balance that I rub behind my ears and topically for medicinal benefits, chugged water, and waited to be placed in line to test. I was of course the oldest one in my testing session, but that’s because being a 20 something isn’t a very popular demographic in my karate club. I ended up having to test among kids who were about 15-16 years old when I’m supposed to test with people 15-35 years old. While I was waiting for my name to be called, since there were less people than usual in my testing group, I was to either test in front of the dojo owner or test for the most senior instructor who I tested in front of when I tested poorly prior to taking a 5.5 year karate hiatus at the end of my junior year in high school. Testing for the senior instructor would be my redemption to show him how much I’ve grown in the 7+ years since the last time I saw him. When my name was called, it was no surprise to I’d have to test in front of the senior instructor.
It was time to kick some ass and take some names. I took a deep breath and waited in my ready stance for the test to start. “Downward block assume!” was called. The fire was lit. As we were doing warm up punches and kicks down the floor, of course my contact decided to almost fall out; doing front kicks forward and backward down the floor while having one functioning eye felt like a half blind man trying not to bump into walls. My contact eventually popped back in. The proctor called, “Inward block reverse punch”; “Downward block reverse punch”; “Knife hand block”; “Front kick, spear hand thrust”. I was desperate for water and gasping for air. It also felt weird when the judges were staring at my loud breathing, but I’d rather be breathing loud than not show any fighting spirit. My “kiai” spirit yells were louder than the sound of hearing a firetruck siren from your house. Once the basics portion of the test was done, it was time to do our katas. Before beginning the kata, you announce the name of what you're performing; “Bai Sai Dai”, channeled from my heart through my mouth. The executed kata was successful. Next, it was time for the colored belt katas. Thankfully, we had to do these katas for the tournaments; I completely spaced on having to do those katas for the first degree brown belt going on black belt test… oops! “Heian Godan” gets called and it went very well too of course. After katas were performed, it was time for target tests, to see if we could punch a target and escape in time and kick a target. I hit the focus mitt with as much drive as I could with plenty of accuracy. Once the target tests were over, we were asked Japanese terms and needed to execute the move corresponding to the Japanese term called out. “Kosa Dachi”; “Shuto Uke”; “Mawashi Geri”. All of those were called out correctly. We were then asked how many classes we attended, if we went to any tournaments, and if we went to the kickathon service event fundraiser to raise money for charities involving helping sick children. For the final portion of the test, it was time to do one point sparring, meaning each person goes to the front of the line and does a block/counter technique to the person throwing the attack. When it came my turn, I was luckily presented with opportunities to catch people’s round kicks, spin them around, and followup with a punch. By the time the test was over, my legs were ready to collapse faster than an olympic sprinter who just won first place.
The day after the exam, it was time to receive my results. I arrived at my class, and it was announced in front of everyone by the instructor I had growing up as a child that I had earned my black belt. I pictured myself in my dreams crying my eyes out in the middle of class, but instead, I wasn't surprised. It took me about 8+ years to earn my black belt. Victory is mine and I am now worthy of the official title of badassery! If I am capable of earning my black belt, I am capable of achieving my dreams with hard work and passion by my side.
