Living at home instead of in freedom...
It had been about 4 years since any evident return to the nest. I know this topic has been brought up on this blog and through my expressions years ago, but here we are once again... living at home... *cough* I mean hellhole land.
How did I get here? AGAIN? The last couple of times this happened, I had an immediate escape route (a place to go to avoid being at the nest or an immediate plan to move out because I had a nice shiny job), but now, after October, 2018, my escape route has escaped...
Last night, I went to bed at about 3am after a lovely day of productivity and not having to work. I was notified of an additional snow day at work and decided to stay up later indulging in video games.
My sister and me were fast asleep and at about 8am, we were woken up by the sound of my mom yelling/freaking out over where the TV remote was. We couldn't fall back asleep for another 2 hours and have been running on fumes all day. The first thing I wanted was a cup of coffee with a side of some vices. I want to be able to feel good physically and mentally in order to continue embarking on my path to success and being "here" isn't going to make me feel good. It is not worth "saving money" just to be in a negative environment. I am in the process of cutting my expenses on vices and using what I would spend on vices to cover a security deposit and a few month's rent somewhere.
It isn't just being woken up to screaming that's the problem.
I am not in the best shape of my life, but have dropped almost 15 pounds in the last month or so. Here I am celebrating an accomplishment, but I go to eat yesterday while my mom is also on a snow day and sitting in the kitchen, I grab "whatever I feel like eating" and receive negative feedback (ex., "why are you eating that?") about basically just eating in general because "apparently everything I put in my mouth is going to make me gain weight" while my mom is projecting her poor body image onto me just because my weight issues are a bit more blatant. Even my uncle didn't accept my body image when I was at a happy weight because he isn't happy with himself and wants to project that onto me, a vulnerable target. At least I am healthy enough to run for 15 minutes without stopping and pass songs on Dance Dance Revolution that I haven't passed since I gained the weight back again (before I started getting in shape again).
I keep telling myself how well I am doing and how I am accomplishing a bunch of small goals. It's always good to look at the bright side of things NO MATTER WHAT. Right now, I may not have a shiny job, but at least I have a job that's making me feel adequate and I can go there smiling every day. I am smiling because I am free and in my own world. I can make connections and be myself without negative feedback. My parents want me to have some stability and have a healthier financial life, but it seems like the only things my mom likes to talk about are complaints, money, and negative feedback in the form of, "I just want the best for you". My job isn't good enough to be accepted, but at least I am healthy enough to work. At this point last year, I couldn't even hold onto a job for very long because my mental health was bothering me too much. Both my parents fight all the time and after almost 33 years of marriage, I wonder why they are still married. My mom wants to be safe and my dad is whipped by her. He feels negative because he doesn't have the best job and projects that onto my mom, which is more negative energy projected onto the entire house.
How can one be successful in a negative environment?
Honestly, the best way to thrive in a negative environment is to get the hell out of there as much as possible whether it be working (at work), going to a coffee shop to go opportunity hunting, going to networking events to meet more positive people, and exercising/being involved in hobbies. Of course, the other thing to do is focus on what you can do now to make your future more fruitful. My biggest goal is to be free again and get my own place. For me, if I want to be a viral blogger and youtuber, I have to produce my own content frequently in order to get there instead of giving all my time to "the man" and to "everyone else". I don't need to be like everyone else in order to be accepted, because as long as I accept myself and keep smiling in places where I am safe and free, all will continue to move forward as expected.
2019 is my year. 2019 I will be out of this place for good and onto the path to realizing my dreams! I can do it. Besides for living in this place, everything else in 2019 has been solid. By this point last year, my year was up in flames. If I can keep smiling with this hellhole in my shadows, you can too!
Happy end of January and snow day (again), everyone!
Showing posts with label success. Show all posts
Showing posts with label success. Show all posts
Thursday, January 31, 2019
Sunday, September 18, 2016
Where is Success When You Can't See It? Life as a Twenty Something
Ranting, the verbal activity I seem to do the best at… but it sometimes annoys my friends, so I generally keep it to myself.
A common theme that comes up in my life is how to find yourself as a twenty something and function as an “independent” adult. Something you unfortunately need to do as an adult is pay bills. I left college with almost zero knowledge of money management, a skill I wish was taught in a remedial college course.
When I graduated from college, I thought I wanted to be a Web Developer, get a job, stay there forever, move up in the ladder, and go from there. Not so long after I started my job, I was certain I was a bit too free spirited for Corporate America and needed to be in a place where I’m able to create. I did everything in my power to keep the job alive, but my will caved and I decided to jump out the window, with my parachute in tact, thankfully knowing where the ground was. I knew I was going to get screwed over at my job and marked on my calendar the day I knew would be the end of the road. Leading up to that day, I did everything in my power to get a new job. With no luck, one of my dear friends I live with told me my car would pass an Uber inspection and criteria and should become a driver. As reluctant as I was to do so, I did my research, gave it a test run, and felt decent. A few days before my “doomsday”, I knew being a driver and a free bird were in my fate, and handed my manager a 2 weeks notice letter.
Fast forward 8 months of being an Uber Driver and I am officially ready to throw stones and look for something else. The first thing is I feel like is slavery still exists. I don’t mean the stuff you saw 100 years ago; it’s more under the table. People are so damn greedy; the head honchos only want money and productivity. If you’re not wringing everything out of yourself and not making enough money, you’re not doing well enough, was a major theme of my last job, and even ridesharing. For starters, I have to pay for my own gas and repairs, as well as they take 25% of my fares right off the bat as a “commission” to them for using their service. Lately, I’ve had days where I’ve made as little as $7.50 per hour, which is less than the legal Chicago minimum wage. Thankfully, that’s pretty rare, but I’d drive overnight, drive myself into not sleeping, drive myself into depression and isolation, and drive my knees and energy down the toilet. I’d be out as many as 29 hours at a time, just to make sure I “make it” to my next bill payment and have a little extra for groceries. I have to wear a knee brace while driving because with my car, you have to push harder on the gas pedal; lately, my other knee has been starting to give me trouble too. I have barely been able to see my friends lately, including the ones I live with (it’s been a bit more under control now though). Those I am close with, I would bombard them with texts of how tired I was, how shitty I felt, or some sort of stress or anxiety-related thing was bothering me. Thanks for bearing with me, guys! I’ve had to decrease my attendance at open mic nites, karate classes, my “nerd” group called, “Belegarth”, everything, just to pay my bills and get by. I even created an “emergency fund” when I knew I was forsure going to leave my job, which I recently exhausted all of it.
But here I am. I am still willing to search for a better opportunity for myself, still willing to drive and do what it takes to make money (and still paying all my bills on time), and I am even here today. For that, I am successful!
A common theme that comes up in my life is how to find yourself as a twenty something and function as an “independent” adult. Something you unfortunately need to do as an adult is pay bills. I left college with almost zero knowledge of money management, a skill I wish was taught in a remedial college course.
When I graduated from college, I thought I wanted to be a Web Developer, get a job, stay there forever, move up in the ladder, and go from there. Not so long after I started my job, I was certain I was a bit too free spirited for Corporate America and needed to be in a place where I’m able to create. I did everything in my power to keep the job alive, but my will caved and I decided to jump out the window, with my parachute in tact, thankfully knowing where the ground was. I knew I was going to get screwed over at my job and marked on my calendar the day I knew would be the end of the road. Leading up to that day, I did everything in my power to get a new job. With no luck, one of my dear friends I live with told me my car would pass an Uber inspection and criteria and should become a driver. As reluctant as I was to do so, I did my research, gave it a test run, and felt decent. A few days before my “doomsday”, I knew being a driver and a free bird were in my fate, and handed my manager a 2 weeks notice letter.
Fast forward 8 months of being an Uber Driver and I am officially ready to throw stones and look for something else. The first thing is I feel like is slavery still exists. I don’t mean the stuff you saw 100 years ago; it’s more under the table. People are so damn greedy; the head honchos only want money and productivity. If you’re not wringing everything out of yourself and not making enough money, you’re not doing well enough, was a major theme of my last job, and even ridesharing. For starters, I have to pay for my own gas and repairs, as well as they take 25% of my fares right off the bat as a “commission” to them for using their service. Lately, I’ve had days where I’ve made as little as $7.50 per hour, which is less than the legal Chicago minimum wage. Thankfully, that’s pretty rare, but I’d drive overnight, drive myself into not sleeping, drive myself into depression and isolation, and drive my knees and energy down the toilet. I’d be out as many as 29 hours at a time, just to make sure I “make it” to my next bill payment and have a little extra for groceries. I have to wear a knee brace while driving because with my car, you have to push harder on the gas pedal; lately, my other knee has been starting to give me trouble too. I have barely been able to see my friends lately, including the ones I live with (it’s been a bit more under control now though). Those I am close with, I would bombard them with texts of how tired I was, how shitty I felt, or some sort of stress or anxiety-related thing was bothering me. Thanks for bearing with me, guys! I’ve had to decrease my attendance at open mic nites, karate classes, my “nerd” group called, “Belegarth”, everything, just to pay my bills and get by. I even created an “emergency fund” when I knew I was forsure going to leave my job, which I recently exhausted all of it.
But here I am. I am still willing to search for a better opportunity for myself, still willing to drive and do what it takes to make money (and still paying all my bills on time), and I am even here today. For that, I am successful!
Tuesday, May 31, 2016
Finding Your Rainbow Road
Sometimes, I feel like I run away from my problems instead of treating it like the boss level of a video game. Other times, I feel like making a “Grand Theft Auto” type getaway is quite necessary.
Right now, I’m at a point in my life where I want to figure out who and what to keep as integral components. It seems like a lot of people “be getting married and having kids and settling down and having a dog and a 9 to 5 job and playing family” and within the past year, I left a serious relationship, quit my corporate desk job, and find valid, but fake excuses to bail out of family events. I am, however, very lucky to have a chosen family!
A lot of people around me, including my twin sister, are all starting to couple up. I on the other hand have decided to focus on myself. While I am about to go get my second chance at a proper trip to Cedar Point in the next few days, the last time wasn’t so unicorn and rainbow filled. When me and “Voldemort” were about to go to Cedar Point, I was elated to finally live one of my childhood dreams; I also was on the verge of dumping his ass. Long story short, he was a very manipulative, unhappy person who enjoyed picking trivial arguments with me and not returning the favor in bed. We were only in Ohio for 2 days, but at least I had made sure to save a batch of my “special extra chocolate brownies” for the trip. The trip started with a, “hey, so you’re driving the entire way there” right as we were about to leave. We stopped at a Dunkin Donuts to get coffee and noms for the road and I began munching on my special brownies behind his back. I made sure to also eat some every rest stop we took and every time he left the room or turned his back. By the time he was ready to head back to Chicago, there was still another hour or so left before park closed, which I wanted to capitalize on. The more he upset me throughout the trip, the more I continued to keep contact with my “peanut gallery” in order for me to talk myself into breaking up with him. For the record, I had never broken up with someone on my own where it hasn’t been a mutual breakup before. He was being a jerk and decided to stay in the car while I walked around the parking lot for about 20-30 minutes, played a quick round of Dance Dance Revolution, went to the bathroom, and made a mad dash back to Millennium Force (a record-holding coaster with a steep and high drop). Unfortunately, the ride broke down several times while I was in line and I ended up waiting an hour and 45 minutes. During that time, I received several angry texts from him, most of which I ignored. After his display of waiting by the exit with disdain and refusing to talk to me for the car ride, I fell asleep in the car, woke up, got back into my apartment, and broke up with him that night. About 36 hours later, I ended up back at his apartment, grabbed my stuff, and “ghosted him” (stopped replying to him).
Not only do I need to be treated well by people I let into my life closely, but I also need to be treated well by my career path. When choosing to be a web developer, I was always a bit skeptical about staying in the IT field. As soon as I walked into my nice shiny job out of college, I was aboard the SS Sinking Ship, set to un-anchor itself at an undefined timeline. I’ve always been a high achiever and have experienced my fair share of failure, but never to this extent. When I was in school and had difficulty in a given class subject, I’d go to the professor and receive adequate assistance. I thought when at work and you experienced difficulty in a particular subject, you were supposed to ask your manager. However, asking the manager questions meant the project getting reassigned to a “cheap Indian laborer” contractor. After a few of these incidents, I began reaching out to others on my team, as well as networking a bit further. As soon as everyone was too busy to help me since I was unable to figure out how to complete the assignments on my own, I displayed a facade of productivity and success while internally, I knew I wasn’t contributing much of anything except for spreadsheets and install meetings. As soon as those weren’t good enough for my manager, my motivation went down the toilet and I felt the urgency of, “I need a new job and need to get out of here”. I ended up finding a new role, but within the same company; I did need to sneak through a few corners in order to attain the position, but it worked out and off I was to a building further south into the city. Minus the displeased manager and task reassignment, my new team wasn’t much different. I was still very unmotivated and felt the “I need to get out of here” urges. I ended up vanishing to go for many “walks” and there were a few times I went grocery shopping during work hours. My success facade walls were beginning to be broken down. A few months later, it was almost time for reviews. From midyear review to final review, I hadn’t completed a single significant task, including an assignment spanning across 8 months that lulled due to my coding program crashing beyond repair. I ended up deciding to put my technology “career” behind me and basically ghosted out of my job to everyone besides my manager and HR. Now, I’m significantly happier, am driving for Uber, performing a lot more frequently, and trying to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. I have not been treated poorly by any customers yet either.
Hardships are definitely difficult to face. Even though these experiences were necessary for wisdom’s sake, sometimes, you need to play ghost and do you in order to find true happiness!
Right now, I’m at a point in my life where I want to figure out who and what to keep as integral components. It seems like a lot of people “be getting married and having kids and settling down and having a dog and a 9 to 5 job and playing family” and within the past year, I left a serious relationship, quit my corporate desk job, and find valid, but fake excuses to bail out of family events. I am, however, very lucky to have a chosen family!
A lot of people around me, including my twin sister, are all starting to couple up. I on the other hand have decided to focus on myself. While I am about to go get my second chance at a proper trip to Cedar Point in the next few days, the last time wasn’t so unicorn and rainbow filled. When me and “Voldemort” were about to go to Cedar Point, I was elated to finally live one of my childhood dreams; I also was on the verge of dumping his ass. Long story short, he was a very manipulative, unhappy person who enjoyed picking trivial arguments with me and not returning the favor in bed. We were only in Ohio for 2 days, but at least I had made sure to save a batch of my “special extra chocolate brownies” for the trip. The trip started with a, “hey, so you’re driving the entire way there” right as we were about to leave. We stopped at a Dunkin Donuts to get coffee and noms for the road and I began munching on my special brownies behind his back. I made sure to also eat some every rest stop we took and every time he left the room or turned his back. By the time he was ready to head back to Chicago, there was still another hour or so left before park closed, which I wanted to capitalize on. The more he upset me throughout the trip, the more I continued to keep contact with my “peanut gallery” in order for me to talk myself into breaking up with him. For the record, I had never broken up with someone on my own where it hasn’t been a mutual breakup before. He was being a jerk and decided to stay in the car while I walked around the parking lot for about 20-30 minutes, played a quick round of Dance Dance Revolution, went to the bathroom, and made a mad dash back to Millennium Force (a record-holding coaster with a steep and high drop). Unfortunately, the ride broke down several times while I was in line and I ended up waiting an hour and 45 minutes. During that time, I received several angry texts from him, most of which I ignored. After his display of waiting by the exit with disdain and refusing to talk to me for the car ride, I fell asleep in the car, woke up, got back into my apartment, and broke up with him that night. About 36 hours later, I ended up back at his apartment, grabbed my stuff, and “ghosted him” (stopped replying to him).
Not only do I need to be treated well by people I let into my life closely, but I also need to be treated well by my career path. When choosing to be a web developer, I was always a bit skeptical about staying in the IT field. As soon as I walked into my nice shiny job out of college, I was aboard the SS Sinking Ship, set to un-anchor itself at an undefined timeline. I’ve always been a high achiever and have experienced my fair share of failure, but never to this extent. When I was in school and had difficulty in a given class subject, I’d go to the professor and receive adequate assistance. I thought when at work and you experienced difficulty in a particular subject, you were supposed to ask your manager. However, asking the manager questions meant the project getting reassigned to a “cheap Indian laborer” contractor. After a few of these incidents, I began reaching out to others on my team, as well as networking a bit further. As soon as everyone was too busy to help me since I was unable to figure out how to complete the assignments on my own, I displayed a facade of productivity and success while internally, I knew I wasn’t contributing much of anything except for spreadsheets and install meetings. As soon as those weren’t good enough for my manager, my motivation went down the toilet and I felt the urgency of, “I need a new job and need to get out of here”. I ended up finding a new role, but within the same company; I did need to sneak through a few corners in order to attain the position, but it worked out and off I was to a building further south into the city. Minus the displeased manager and task reassignment, my new team wasn’t much different. I was still very unmotivated and felt the “I need to get out of here” urges. I ended up vanishing to go for many “walks” and there were a few times I went grocery shopping during work hours. My success facade walls were beginning to be broken down. A few months later, it was almost time for reviews. From midyear review to final review, I hadn’t completed a single significant task, including an assignment spanning across 8 months that lulled due to my coding program crashing beyond repair. I ended up deciding to put my technology “career” behind me and basically ghosted out of my job to everyone besides my manager and HR. Now, I’m significantly happier, am driving for Uber, performing a lot more frequently, and trying to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. I have not been treated poorly by any customers yet either.
Hardships are definitely difficult to face. Even though these experiences were necessary for wisdom’s sake, sometimes, you need to play ghost and do you in order to find true happiness!
Wednesday, April 6, 2016
10 Signs You're Adulting Just Fine
The adult world can be a jungle without a map,
But I can tell you 10 reasons why you and I are doing just fine.
1. After graduating from college and taking ownership of my expensive piece of paper,
I thought I landed my dream job right away.
Little did I know, I'd be riding a sinking ship.
At least I found a life boat and a place to work!
2. Some people are connected to their blood family.
My clan is comprised of a chosen few I genuinely love.
I'm blessed to have a family.
3. Everyone wants to feel like they're a part of something.
It could range from a religious organization to a group of nerds who hit each other with foam weapons;
If I can belong to one of the most outlandish groups out there, you can belong somewhere too!
4. I'd rather be single than in a miserable marriage or have an oops baby and ruin my life. It's fun to be able to dance like Beyonce, waving my hands without a ring on my finger, and be proud of it!
5. I sometimes compare myself to others, especially through social media, but no one around me has their black belt. I'm always aware I can always kick some serious ass!
6. I feel like I need a money management 101 class, which was never taught in school,
But at least I can afford to pay my bills on time!
7. Even if you see other people reaching their dreams before you, you are on your own journey and will reach your goals at your own time! Keep your eyes on the prize! You are worthy of success!
8. Sometimes during these mapless adventures, you reach a crossroad. Difficult decisions and sacrifices will have to be made, but it's all for the gold. Realize and accept these necessary choices and believe in your journey!
9. Don't take small things for granted. If you think you're low on your luck, be blessed you have a roof over your head, a place to listen to art, and the health capacity to be here today.
And 10. If you are alive, you are adulting just fine. Just be thankful for this beautiful life!
But I can tell you 10 reasons why you and I are doing just fine.
1. After graduating from college and taking ownership of my expensive piece of paper,
I thought I landed my dream job right away.
Little did I know, I'd be riding a sinking ship.
At least I found a life boat and a place to work!
2. Some people are connected to their blood family.
My clan is comprised of a chosen few I genuinely love.
I'm blessed to have a family.
3. Everyone wants to feel like they're a part of something.
It could range from a religious organization to a group of nerds who hit each other with foam weapons;
If I can belong to one of the most outlandish groups out there, you can belong somewhere too!
4. I'd rather be single than in a miserable marriage or have an oops baby and ruin my life. It's fun to be able to dance like Beyonce, waving my hands without a ring on my finger, and be proud of it!
5. I sometimes compare myself to others, especially through social media, but no one around me has their black belt. I'm always aware I can always kick some serious ass!
6. I feel like I need a money management 101 class, which was never taught in school,
But at least I can afford to pay my bills on time!
7. Even if you see other people reaching their dreams before you, you are on your own journey and will reach your goals at your own time! Keep your eyes on the prize! You are worthy of success!
8. Sometimes during these mapless adventures, you reach a crossroad. Difficult decisions and sacrifices will have to be made, but it's all for the gold. Realize and accept these necessary choices and believe in your journey!
9. Don't take small things for granted. If you think you're low on your luck, be blessed you have a roof over your head, a place to listen to art, and the health capacity to be here today.
And 10. If you are alive, you are adulting just fine. Just be thankful for this beautiful life!
Monday, January 4, 2016
Motivational Quotes for the New Year
Quote 1: Today is always one step forward for being alive!
Quote 2: Today’s failure is tomorrow’s success!
Quote 3: It is not your job to please everyone. Even if you make an unpopular decision, as long as the decision is yours, it makes you happy, and stands by your moralized code of ethics, don’t let other’s disapproval cloud your vision!
Monday, December 21, 2015
Sail at the Shooting Star
Meanwhile in short poem land... Sail at the Shooting Star! I wrote this to represent my desires to feel like I'm making it in this world!
=================================
Whenever I see people who’ve climbed to the top already,
I wonder why I haven’t reached the peak yet…
I wonder why I haven’t reached the peak yet…
I’m sure there are plenty of people who go through the routine of waking up, doing whatever in the bathroom, eating breakfast, going to work, coming home, eating dinner, watching TV, and going to bed.
But I want more, even if it means losing my sanity a little.
But I want more, even if it means losing my sanity a little.
When my eyes see the light each morning, I feel like I end up writing the same thing in my journal,
As I travel merrily on my way to nowhere.
Is there really a yellow brick road this movie speaks of, to lead me to the land of destiny?
The place where I pave my own path,
Acknowledge my accidents,
And move forward frequently?
As I travel merrily on my way to nowhere.
Is there really a yellow brick road this movie speaks of, to lead me to the land of destiny?
The place where I pave my own path,
Acknowledge my accidents,
And move forward frequently?
Being forced to fly on the isle of my creators,
I had to navigate the stormy skies alone,
Thinking there’s no finish line,
While still sailing away.
I had to navigate the stormy skies alone,
Thinking there’s no finish line,
While still sailing away.
Resilience guides me through each sorry letter thrown in the shredder,
And each match lost with no damper in my spirits.
I will never accept a knockout,
Even if every ounce of me is broken.
And each match lost with no damper in my spirits.
I will never accept a knockout,
Even if every ounce of me is broken.
The warrior’s spirit tells me not to be like Violet,
Otherwise I’ll turn into a giant exploding blueberry sentenced back to start.
My guru tells me if I wait for the shooting star, I'll be able to snap the right photo!
The goal is near,
Just keep plugging away
Because when resilience wins,
You win!
Just keep plugging away
Because when resilience wins,
You win!
Thursday, December 3, 2015
The Positivity Garden Exercise of Reflection: Seeing the Stars
This ended up happening thanks to my recent serious endeavors to give my past the finger and walk away... mainly towards poor relationships (with men), being treated poorly period, my toxic relationships with my blood family, and my professional non successes.
The Positivity Garden Exercise of Reflection: Seeing the Stars - take a few minutes to write down on a piece of paper what you are... in the same way SpongeBob writes his "what I learned in boating school is" essay. I am _________ - thanks to my super awesome friend Daniel Whited for the idea :) Because in the end, you are worth it!
#inspiration #motivation #success #optimism #positivity #exercise #positivitygarden #mindsight #believe.
Wednesday, November 4, 2015
Sunday, October 25, 2015
Friday, October 9, 2015
Today, 10-9-15, in Micropoetry... "Shining Light" (3 Haiku Poems)
Screw all this shooting and negative crap the media portrays. Instead, here's 3 haiku poems of light:
Be thankful for life
It can be taken away
Faster than you think
It can be taken away
Faster than you think
Don’t ever give up
Resilience always helps you
See the light of day
Resilience always helps you
See the light of day
Follow all your dreams
You will certainly find them
If you keep fighting
You will certainly find them
If you keep fighting
Wednesday, October 7, 2015
Can I Throw Flowers Now?
I wake up in the morning and exclaim how life is beautiful. I dress up and decorate myself for the day and tell myself I’m beautiful. I venture outside and tell myself today will be a beautiful day. I walk into my grey box and somehow my cheeriness gets left at home every day because I can’t be myself or interact with anyone. Thankfully, I have my roomies and friends to keep me sane and alive!
I go to work in the morning and tell myself, “you can do this, Rebs”. The day eventually becomes a blur and ends faster than I can blink. My “career” is going nowhere and I feel like I have several talent chips which don’t fit into any of the boxes. I am the ghost who walks. I sit there, I exist, I do stuff, no one sees or hears me, and I leave, and come back the next day.
After moving, thankfully, it’s time for “Oktoberfest”. By that, I mean, going camping in the Kingdom of Belegarth. Belegarth is the medieval foam sword fighting sport and community in which I call my home; if you have any questions about that, feel free to flag me down. To sum it up, you hit your friends and other fellow nerds with foam weapons while initiating in beast mode and martial arts skills, of course while having tons of fun. Whenever I’m in a place where I can make others smile, my day and life are made. I will share all of my confetti and flowers and sprinkle them on all my friends and those who could sure use a pick-me-up; Belegarth events are a time of celebration and happiness for everyone. I made some new friends along the way, learned the meaning of properly handling the drama llama, fought the best I had ever fought at an “event”, and was able to uplift myself and others with all of the positive attitudes I can find. After being refreshed from my event and healed from a transformational leadership workshop, I told myself when I had to return to work, “you can do this, you can REALLY do this”…
Nope…
Several reflections of being told how it’s “bad” to be the jack of all trades and the master of none later, an epiphany struck and told me how much I’m bullshitting myself and others when I realize I’m sitting somewhere and don’t want to do what I’m told. No, I don’t mean when your mom tells you to clean your room or your teacher tells you to do your homework, but I mean when your heart is legitimately stopping you from doing something your entire being doesn’t want to do. When I’m sitting at my desk, writing this story instead of doing the project myself and several people deemed a dead end months ago, I think to myself how I’m always the queen of ambition, and sometimes even too much ambition. Meanwhile, I sit here looking pretty on the sidelines doing even less than the waterboy on the team. As my mind enters a more deep state of reflection, I’ve been telling myself how I feel like I’m in the wrong career path. I love being a web developer, but if I can’t throw my flowers and spread joy to others, then I’m just a wilting plant needing more water. But I always find the checkered flag when I trust my heart and listen to myself...
From my experiences, it’s not your career path or job you’re failing at that defines you. It’s not how large your paycheck is that defines you. It’s how you spend your remaining time and how you act towards others that define you. I’m living my dream making others smile and laugh while telling my story. How will you spread love and joy to the world?
Friday, September 4, 2015
September Quote Center of Inspirational Upliftingness
September Quote Center of Inspirational Upliftingness is officially a thing. More details soon, but basically I want to make 1 quote per day in September and share it with our beautiful universe. I will update this as often as possible. Enjoy!
September 7: Realize what those who are fighting the war are sacrificing. Be thankful you don't have to ask the skies to take a breath of fresh air after a fatal wound and praise those who cross the line who enable you to celebrate life!
September 8: When struggling to smile, do a good deed for someone or convince them they have more potential than they ever imagined. Smiles and love are contagious; sharing both will direct the cycle in your direction when you need it most!
August 31: If you’re stuck in one place and know your heart is elsewhere, keep your head in the game and strategically plan your next move. Patience and perseverance are power!
September 1: They told themselves they can, and they did. They climbed up walls; they fell down some, fell again, and again, and got back up. They said to themselves they are somebody, and they shine past the sky’s gates, leaving a star in the sky to represent an imprint of light in the world!
September 2: If you want to feast in life’s delights, it’s about time you take life’s plights and plunge into the sea of awakening!
September 3: If you want to make a difference, don’t wait for someone else to tell you what you can or can’t do. The world is much larger than an enclosed space, especially if you have technology in your hands. Even if you can’t physically show your face, your heart can be seen from miles away!
September 4: I knew there was a voice trapped inside me for all these years, and validated myself when I let it out! Your voice comes from your heart; let its spirit guide you!
September 5: Let your friends be your rocks and take their hands, because life is not meant to be a solo journey when joys can be shared!
September 4: I knew there was a voice trapped inside me for all these years, and validated myself when I let it out! Your voice comes from your heart; let its spirit guide you!
September 5: Let your friends be your rocks and take their hands, because life is not meant to be a solo journey when joys can be shared!
September 6: The purpose for the journey isn't solely to emerge victorious; the experiences which create wisdom to power the journey are the purpose for adventure!
September 7: Realize what those who are fighting the war are sacrificing. Be thankful you don't have to ask the skies to take a breath of fresh air after a fatal wound and praise those who cross the line who enable you to celebrate life!
September 8: When struggling to smile, do a good deed for someone or convince them they have more potential than they ever imagined. Smiles and love are contagious; sharing both will direct the cycle in your direction when you need it most!
September 9: Use love for helping or healing; you can maybe save someone's life!
September 10: Use love for helping or healing; you can maybe save someone's life!
September 11: Imagine how much one day can impact the world. If you had one day to change the world, what would you do, start a revolution towards the sun or down into the fire? But never forget those days where brave souls extinguished the fire…
September 12: Let yourself get in touch with the current moment, because every second is an experience you shall embrace!
September 13: Shield your loved ones with your heart, because you never know when you’re going to need a hand in return…
September 14: When you look into the distance and see your goals in the sky, don’t let them fly by; instead, go jump high and let yourself celebrate with pie!
September 15: Let yourself know the finish line exists; if you believe in the checkered flag, your destination will appear as a result of your resilience!
September 16: Power through your mental blockades as if you were trudging through quicksand about to fall.
September 17: If you wake up in the morning and tell yourself you’re going to win the race, your attitude shall dictate your actions!
September 18: No matter how selfless of a person you are, in order to take care of others with your full heart, you must take care of yourself first!
September 19: Those who enable you to feel safe will destroy your walls!
September 20: As long as the sinking ship has a battery, it is possible to overcome the fear and push the accelerator button!
September 21: Rain from your eyes is like a storm revitalizing a city in deep drought! Dismissing that will only create an endless dark cloud needing water to restore its glow!
September 19: Those who enable you to feel safe will destroy your walls!
September 20: As long as the sinking ship has a battery, it is possible to overcome the fear and push the accelerator button!
September 21: Rain from your eyes is like a storm revitalizing a city in deep drought! Dismissing that will only create an endless dark cloud needing water to restore its glow!
September 22: If you create positivity within you, the cycle will return it in your direction!
September 23: There is always someone out there willing to take your hand!
September 24: Take advantage of the moments when you can embrace the positive auras of your surroundings!
September 25: Fear is your driver, not your shield. Let the fuel ignite the fire instead of dissipate it, no matter how large you want it to be!
September 26: Challenge yourself to create goals higher than you think you can achieve in order to reach higher mountains!
September 27: Rejection only means the opportunity wasn't right for you and not a pitfall to your doom!
September 28: To summon the upper vibes, you must embrace them and the desire to be happy!
September 29: Life's losing streaks aren't permanent because when the rabbit goes down the hole, the only way it can climb is up. With several losses in a row, will plus resilience results in a win!
September 30: The finish line is the light at the end of the tunnel. Chase after it like you’re running away from a charging bull!
Welp, that's it on the daily quotes. I will still make quotes whenever I choose to, but this is the end of my September Quotes of Inspirational Upliftingness. I hope you all enjoyed it! :) Here's to all the happiness and success for everyone <3
Friday, August 21, 2015
Today, 8-20-15, in Micropoetry...
Some motivational haikus for all you lovely people out there. Enjoy!
(You Can Do It!)
You know you can do it
(You Can Do It!)
You know you can do it
Keep telling yourself you can
Your goal will be reached!
(Fuel Your Fire)
Fuel your fire
Release whirlwinds of potential
For the world to see!
(No Quitting Allowed)
Resilience is key
You will thank yourself later
When you didn’t quit!
(Heart of Passion)
Passion is fashion
It lies in your heart pocket
To fuel the fire!
Wednesday, August 19, 2015
Teachings and Lessons from Failure
I’ve been having quite the eventful past few weeks, and have summarized my recent reflections. I am speaking from experience here. I didn’t get the first, second, or third job I applied for. I failed 2 classes in college. I’ve gotten F’s on exams plenty of times, but still won several scholarships and had a solid GPA. I’ve missed deadlines. I’ve received so many rejection letters for contests and castings I’ve applied for it’s not even funny. We are human and there is no possible way to get accepted to everything and succeed on all the shots you take. Nope, nope, nope! I am currently experiencing a failure in my life right now, and here is what I have to say for myself:
After a very disheartening meeting at work, I was sent a quote this morning which perfectly described my current feelings on life:
Arnold Schwarzenegger once said, "Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength."
Not every battle ends in victory. Not every exam in school earns an A, a B, or even a C. Not every audition will land you the lead role, or even a part at all.
Failure is defined as not meeting a desired or expected goal.
Winning isn’t easy, but the first way to be able to do so is to get the fuck out of bed and tell yourself how glorious of a day you’re going to have. Carry that attitude with you to the finish line, and bam, your chances of success increase just with a positive attitude.
Unfortunately, the path to the finish line isn’t just running across a straight line and whoop, there it is. There’s twists, turns, ups, downs, lefts, rights, and plenty of downs. When you reach a down, you may feel like you’re so far into the ground there’s no way to get up. You lie there, feeling like you’ve reached your pending doom; but lying down isn’t what’s going to drive you forward. The moment you let the light reach your eyes and realize the hole contains a hidden ladder to climb out is the moment you realize you CAN do it. Keep telling yourself you can in the same way the childhood fable characters adapted to struggles, hardship, and adversity, to realize their greatest potentials.
Everybody has moments where they fall short. Everybody has moments when they trip over their shoelaces, or miss a step in a dance, or drop a line, or even make a miscalculation for a major project, present it to the CEO and an audience, and have the entire audience realize your mistake. Failure is a real thing; nobody is perfect. We are human, therefore perfection is the only aspect of life to be deemed impossible.
How do you take failure into your life? Do you let it rule you? Do you let it tell you how much you can’t do xyz? Do you let it tell you the end of the world is approaching? No. You take a deep breath, close your eyes, count to 10, reflect, and keep walking. Giving up, especially without a valiant fight, is your worst enemy, because you only run out of hit points when you die. If you keep walking, you will have as many tries to reach the finish line as your heart desires.
When you fail, think about what caused your result to not turn out as expected, tweak your plan, and try try again. Keep on trying, because success will be achieved as long as you always back yourself up and allow your imagination to tell you a positive result exists. When you fail, don’t just think, “oh, I fucked up”. Instead, ingest this experience and take proper corrective action to learn from your mistakes. Failure isn’t a death sentence. It’s a moment of learning lessons and personal growth and enlightenment. It’s another few paragraphs or even an entire chapter’s worth of juicy content to add to your story.
Society seems to have glorified expectations of what a “successful” person is. You see people already at the top and think they magically appeared there or found an easy route. Nope. They have put in hours of hard work. They have fallen on their ass or fucked up plenty of times. They have been told no enough times to build a tolerance to it.
The definition of success, from General Colin Powell, is that there are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work and learning from failure. When you fail, keep going. Keep on going. You will get there. You have a race to win. You can do it! Everyone believes in you. Now you need to believe in you. Life is yours. Do you want to win?
After a very disheartening meeting at work, I was sent a quote this morning which perfectly described my current feelings on life:
Arnold Schwarzenegger once said, "Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength."
Not every battle ends in victory. Not every exam in school earns an A, a B, or even a C. Not every audition will land you the lead role, or even a part at all.
Failure is defined as not meeting a desired or expected goal.
Winning isn’t easy, but the first way to be able to do so is to get the fuck out of bed and tell yourself how glorious of a day you’re going to have. Carry that attitude with you to the finish line, and bam, your chances of success increase just with a positive attitude.
Unfortunately, the path to the finish line isn’t just running across a straight line and whoop, there it is. There’s twists, turns, ups, downs, lefts, rights, and plenty of downs. When you reach a down, you may feel like you’re so far into the ground there’s no way to get up. You lie there, feeling like you’ve reached your pending doom; but lying down isn’t what’s going to drive you forward. The moment you let the light reach your eyes and realize the hole contains a hidden ladder to climb out is the moment you realize you CAN do it. Keep telling yourself you can in the same way the childhood fable characters adapted to struggles, hardship, and adversity, to realize their greatest potentials.
Everybody has moments where they fall short. Everybody has moments when they trip over their shoelaces, or miss a step in a dance, or drop a line, or even make a miscalculation for a major project, present it to the CEO and an audience, and have the entire audience realize your mistake. Failure is a real thing; nobody is perfect. We are human, therefore perfection is the only aspect of life to be deemed impossible.
How do you take failure into your life? Do you let it rule you? Do you let it tell you how much you can’t do xyz? Do you let it tell you the end of the world is approaching? No. You take a deep breath, close your eyes, count to 10, reflect, and keep walking. Giving up, especially without a valiant fight, is your worst enemy, because you only run out of hit points when you die. If you keep walking, you will have as many tries to reach the finish line as your heart desires.
When you fail, think about what caused your result to not turn out as expected, tweak your plan, and try try again. Keep on trying, because success will be achieved as long as you always back yourself up and allow your imagination to tell you a positive result exists. When you fail, don’t just think, “oh, I fucked up”. Instead, ingest this experience and take proper corrective action to learn from your mistakes. Failure isn’t a death sentence. It’s a moment of learning lessons and personal growth and enlightenment. It’s another few paragraphs or even an entire chapter’s worth of juicy content to add to your story.
Society seems to have glorified expectations of what a “successful” person is. You see people already at the top and think they magically appeared there or found an easy route. Nope. They have put in hours of hard work. They have fallen on their ass or fucked up plenty of times. They have been told no enough times to build a tolerance to it.
The definition of success, from General Colin Powell, is that there are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work and learning from failure. When you fail, keep going. Keep on going. You will get there. You have a race to win. You can do it! Everyone believes in you. Now you need to believe in you. Life is yours. Do you want to win?
Resilience of the Sword
Another set of lyrics are up and ready to go (finally). This one is basically about if you want to change the world, you need to get up and do something. Enjoy the loveliness! Dreams ARE real!
Welcome to a world that keeps you hungry
Dashing here and there chasing after your dreams
You keep on searching
For the path leading to the gold
Be bold and daring to conduct some experiments
Living for experience
Avoiding being delirious
Looking for the food to fill your muses
Be sure to avoid blowing up the fuses
Who are you?
Do you want to change the world, or set it on fire, or sit and not do a damn thing?
You watch others win the race
And see yourself as a disgrace
Don't let them bring you down!
But make sure to get off your ass
While not roaming with sass
Now get the fuck up and go!
Follow your dreams
You've probably heard that phrase about a million times
But as cheesy as it sounds
You know what you ought to do
Go get it!
Go get it!
If you're stuck in the grind or shuttered to the mundane and the shrine seems like it's light years away,
It's your job to not cry, or run awry and make sure you try.
Now look at the ocean,
And keep your head in motion
To realize how much you're able to pull the sword from the stone...
Welcome to a universe that never stops moving,
Never sleeps,
Never quits,
And even rarely disconnects
If you take a step back you may feel as if you missed everything...
If you feel as if you're absent
Time melts itself away,
But if you try to stay present
You don't want to end up in the desert
If you're doing something you don't want to do,
Don't give up,
Don't give up!
If the only thing in your vision is a big fat endless loop,
Go destroy it,
Go destroy it!
Stay resilient and confident!
You can do it!
Don’t you stop now!
So keep fighting!
Follow your dreams
You've probably heard that phrase about a million times
But as cheesy as it sounds
You know what you ought to do
Go get it!
Go get it!
If you're stuck in the grind or shuttered to the mundane and the shrine seems like it's light years away,
It's your job to not cry, or run awry and make sure you try.
Now look at the ocean,
And keep your head in motion
To realize how much you're able to pull the sword from the stone...
Now look at the ocean,
And keep your head in motion
To realize how much you're able to pull the sword from the stone...
Go push on through the whirlwind, and don’t get bit by the serpent,
But as long as you keep on trudging through the mud
Know that destiny shall let you win
And you’ll get the sword in the stone!
Welcome to a world that keeps you hungry
Dashing here and there chasing after your dreams
You keep on searching
For the path leading to the gold
Be bold and daring to conduct some experiments
Living for experience
Avoiding being delirious
Looking for the food to fill your muses
Be sure to avoid blowing up the fuses
Who are you?
Do you want to change the world, or set it on fire, or sit and not do a damn thing?
You watch others win the race
And see yourself as a disgrace
Don't let them bring you down!
But make sure to get off your ass
While not roaming with sass
Now get the fuck up and go!
Follow your dreams
You've probably heard that phrase about a million times
But as cheesy as it sounds
You know what you ought to do
Go get it!
Go get it!
If you're stuck in the grind or shuttered to the mundane and the shrine seems like it's light years away,
It's your job to not cry, or run awry and make sure you try.
Now look at the ocean,
And keep your head in motion
To realize how much you're able to pull the sword from the stone...
Welcome to a universe that never stops moving,
Never sleeps,
Never quits,
And even rarely disconnects
If you take a step back you may feel as if you missed everything...
If you feel as if you're absent
Time melts itself away,
But if you try to stay present
You don't want to end up in the desert
If you're doing something you don't want to do,
Don't give up,
Don't give up!
If the only thing in your vision is a big fat endless loop,
Go destroy it,
Go destroy it!
Stay resilient and confident!
You can do it!
Don’t you stop now!
So keep fighting!
Follow your dreams
You've probably heard that phrase about a million times
But as cheesy as it sounds
You know what you ought to do
Go get it!
Go get it!
If you're stuck in the grind or shuttered to the mundane and the shrine seems like it's light years away,
It's your job to not cry, or run awry and make sure you try.
Now look at the ocean,
And keep your head in motion
To realize how much you're able to pull the sword from the stone...
Now look at the ocean,
And keep your head in motion
To realize how much you're able to pull the sword from the stone...
Go push on through the whirlwind, and don’t get bit by the serpent,
But as long as you keep on trudging through the mud
Know that destiny shall let you win
And you’ll get the sword in the stone!
Wake Up
Wake up!
Wake up!
It’s time to get your ass out of bed,
And shine brighter than seeing eye to eye with flames!
You have a destination to reach!
There’s an entire day ahead of you.
You slowly creep from the comforting slumber cloud,
Foot by foot emerges from the cave to the ground,
Wipe those sand-sacked eyes, you sillyface!
You’re going to be late again!
The internal alarm goes off and you jump, and twirl, and dance around your living space,
In the same fashion as Snow White cleaning her apartment with animal cuteness,
Telling yourself, “today, I will conquer the forces of life”
Even if you don’t always feel that way when you walk outside.
You smile at the bus driver, tell him good morning, and take a seat,
Engulfing yourself in online news gossip and the slew of text messages you woke up to.
Your stop approaches and you dance away, waving hello to everyone who exchanges a glance.
It’s almost time to enter success land… or so you think.
Walking in as the new kid in school, with your flowery black and pink dress ensemble, and a neon sign saying “colorful person willing to help, I have joy and smiles to share and a goal to reach, can I join?”, in hopes to make a difference.
She is handed a picture of a maze where the illustrator forgot to add the end symbol, and sent on her way.
The face once filled with pink is now filled with blue,
Proceeding onward to be locked all alone in the confines of a 7x10 grey, thin-walled box for several hours,
You tell yourself, “I can still do this… I can still do this”,
And before you know it,
Your destination has been unlocked.
Towels were about to be thrown into the ring,
But you put up a valiant fight and emerged triumphant.
You let yourself color outside the lines,
With your flowery black and pink dress ensemble,
The joy and smiles,
And the optimism shining through the previously blank walls,
Now painted with color.
Wake up!
Wake up!
Aren’t you glad you got out of bed today?
Friday, August 14, 2015
Programming Career Misadventures
As a young twenty something millennial, when you're around this age, it's the perfect time to go soul searching, especially for what you want to do the rest of your life. Some people have their big break sooner than others, but you want to do everything you can to make it your time as well. It's not an easy road to get to the top, and I am not quite there yet. I thought I knew what I wanted to do from an early age, but when I got into my field, I confirmed with myself my heart is somewhere else. I'm not going to give up and want to share my story of how I at least got to where I am now so others can feel like they aren't alone in this. Enjoy!
=================================
Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to be happy all the time hand have everyone else around you feel the same? But how do you get yourself into the proper environment away from drama, especially one conducive for following your dream and being able to go soul searching?
For much of my life, I thought I wanted to be a web developer, sit in a desk, and live the life in my safe cushion job. Little did I know, when I entered the workforce, this environment would be much different than I expected, for worse.
When I was about 12 years old, my twin sister and I had created our first website under the direction of our childhood friend, Kyle because him and his older brother taught themselves how to code and became experts. Kyle and Ryan would show my sister and me their newest creations, but wouldn’t exactly explain what they did. Thus, my sister and I went to the library to check out some books on web development and Photoshop. Unfortunately, I felt the progress with understanding the coding was slow and passions lied elsewhere at the time. I was still curious, but not enough to be super serious about it; something felt like it was missing in terms of my passion for programming. Down the road, Kyle helped us create 3 websites, which we basically only know how to make small tweaks and add content. When high school came around, I had wanted to try taking a programming class. Since my math scores were high, it was recommended for me to register for the advanced level. That was a complete mistake; I ended up only passing the class with lots and lots of help from a tutor and having a friend who gave me the answers to the number of assignments I fell behind on and wouldn’t have been able to complete otherwise. After that, I adopted the mindset of “this stinks, let’s see if I do any better in college and wait to take classes then”. That of course also ended up being a horrible idea, but I triumphed anyway.
I ended up studying Web Development (with a business minor) at Illinois State University. When it came for my first programming course, bad luck struck me once again. Programming was much different than I expected it to be and something still felt like it was missing. Not only was my passion not glowing, but my grade in the class went down the toilet due to handwritten coding exams being an awful experience for me, as well as not fully understanding the material. Thanks to my resilience, I took the class again instead of dropping the major, but requested to take it with another professor and earned an A. I had a similar, but worse issue with my first actual web development class, but was stuck taking the class with the same professor and barely passed the second time. Despite the evilness of handwritten programming exams, my overall grade point average was pretty high for the department and enough to be eligible for all scholarships and internships/jobs. I was still excelling in the department nonetheless. I earned several scholarships, eventually ran the club, raised money to send myself and 3 others to a national conference almost singlehandedly, setup a career fair, worked as a TA for one of the professors, did the research symposium and mobile application development contests, and I was basically the face of the IT department my senior year. I was having a lot of success, but the thought of web development being my niche still sat funny with me. I still loved programming, but other hobbies of mine give me more of a spark and enjoyment.
With the job market being rough, I had a goal of landing a (corporate) job before graduation; I achieved that goal about 3 weeks prior to graduating. When I walked into the door at my first big girl job on day 1, everything started as feeling like unicorns and rainbows. I felt successful, on top of the world, and like a champion. A few short months later, after a lot of post-graduation depression, personal issues, and difficulty getting myself up to speed with my workload, the rainbows rapidly faded as I did everything to avoid being jaded. More time elapses at my job and I needed a change in scenery, which later led me to doing an internal transfer to a different team with a more compatible manager. It didn’t take long for the rainbows to fade again. I began realizing how badly I was failing at my job and have been taking action to find and create a positive change for myself. I also became aware that the cubicle life is not my dream either.
Resilience has been my best friend for as long as I can remember. The farther I fall in my career in IT, the more accepting I am of failure. But why would I accept failure? I didn’t lose everything, nor have I lost this fight because I am still going. I haven’t totally fallen on my face, but with failure, I have realized and confirmed with myself that web development isn’t my calling. Failure means to learn a lesson from lack of success and continue to move forward. I may not be following my dreams from sitting in a desk, but sitting in a desk temporarily enables me to have the means to reach my dreams. Dreams exist, and are real, reasonable, advanced thoughts of the desire for achievement which humans heavily crave. Then how the heck am I going to follow my dreams? For now, here I am, standing before you, putting myself out there, and telling you my stories of the craziness that is my life. The more I plug away at that and keep resilience in my heart pocket, I will in due time find the key to unlock my treasure chest and pay it forward in honor of all of those who helped me reach the top with a smile. That’s the true meaning of success!
Friday, July 3, 2015
Be Grateful
<rant>
Plenty of people may have lots to complain about... whether it's hating your job, bad relationships, getting a speeding ticket, tripping over yourself clumsily, missing the train, those are first world problems. Imagine if you didn't have a job, had no money or fallback, no room for life progression or advancement, didn't have loved ones, access to medical care, food, clean water, shelter, or were so ill you couldn't even get up to walk to the bathroom to pee. Imagine if you had nothing and were stuck on the streets. I am surely guilty of complaining about first world problems, but I wish we could all take a moment and be thankful for everything we have... every opportunity, all of the education we've received from intelligent teachers and professors, having loved ones who have helped you to rise from the holes dug down to China. Just take a moment and be thankful that you can walk and are healthy enough to pursue your daily life activities, regardless of being in a mundane 9-5 grind. Be thankful to have the means to survive and thrive. Take a moment, appreciate being alive, and be thankful for every breath you're able to take above ground! I'm always down for volunteering and giving back and if anyone wants to join in on some fun, hit me up. We're all in this world to make a difference, so let's make every day you get out of bed count! It’s time to rise and shine!
</rant>
Plenty of people may have lots to complain about... whether it's hating your job, bad relationships, getting a speeding ticket, tripping over yourself clumsily, missing the train, those are first world problems. Imagine if you didn't have a job, had no money or fallback, no room for life progression or advancement, didn't have loved ones, access to medical care, food, clean water, shelter, or were so ill you couldn't even get up to walk to the bathroom to pee. Imagine if you had nothing and were stuck on the streets. I am surely guilty of complaining about first world problems, but I wish we could all take a moment and be thankful for everything we have... every opportunity, all of the education we've received from intelligent teachers and professors, having loved ones who have helped you to rise from the holes dug down to China. Just take a moment and be thankful that you can walk and are healthy enough to pursue your daily life activities, regardless of being in a mundane 9-5 grind. Be thankful to have the means to survive and thrive. Take a moment, appreciate being alive, and be thankful for every breath you're able to take above ground! I'm always down for volunteering and giving back and if anyone wants to join in on some fun, hit me up. We're all in this world to make a difference, so let's make every day you get out of bed count! It’s time to rise and shine!
</rant>
Thursday, May 14, 2015
Dreams are for Humans not Horses
Walking down the illuminated city streets
With a tasty teriyaki beef stick in one hand and phone in the other,
A lovely lady in a bubble shield shall blockade the grind’s tirade…
With a tasty teriyaki beef stick in one hand and phone in the other,
A lovely lady in a bubble shield shall blockade the grind’s tirade…
Work hard, play harder, knock ‘em dead, survive to thrive…
The following words are ones to live by in order to pry the barrier between being a somebody vs being an everybody in the crowded farm…
Do you want to rise to the top?
Do you want to know what it’s like to be the one sitting on the throne shared with Donald Trump, or Marissa Mayer, or anyone who’s plowed and teethed their way through every battle to be able to wear the crown?
Do you want to know what it’s like to be the one sitting on the throne shared with Donald Trump, or Marissa Mayer, or anyone who’s plowed and teethed their way through every battle to be able to wear the crown?
Success isn’t for everyone… it’s for those with the desire to aim beyond the stars,
The drive to rocket to the moon and back with the willingness to fall in the mud,
And even soar past Pluto,
While saying hi to the Disney Dog as he rubs his comedic attitude onto you…
The drive to rocket to the moon and back with the willingness to fall in the mud,
And even soar past Pluto,
While saying hi to the Disney Dog as he rubs his comedic attitude onto you…
Work ethic means to mold to being a human, resilience and reason,
Not being a work horse on autopilot…
Not being a work horse on autopilot…
We all possess the desires to live the story book life,
But if you want your story to be more than a fantasy,
You have to eat, drink, breathe, sleep, live for the dreams
In order for them to come alive!
But if you want your story to be more than a fantasy,
You have to eat, drink, breathe, sleep, live for the dreams
In order for them to come alive!
It’s one thing to “say” you want it
It’s another to “act” upon your goals
If you dream it, do it!
That’s all there is to it!
It’s another to “act” upon your goals
If you dream it, do it!
That’s all there is to it!
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
Eat Your Damn Cake
How the hell did I end up in this hole of feeling empty again?
I don’t understand what went wrong…
I almost tumbled and fell, but managed to get up to migrate a few streets away to another building under the same roof, praying it would be my solace,
But apparently not…
I feel like I’m stuck at a dead end in career land as a young millennial soul-searching to find her place in this city…
I don’t understand what went wrong…
I almost tumbled and fell, but managed to get up to migrate a few streets away to another building under the same roof, praying it would be my solace,
But apparently not…
I feel like I’m stuck at a dead end in career land as a young millennial soul-searching to find her place in this city…
Let me begin by saying how the majority of people who have a job want to be able to help and do a “job” at said job… no matter the size or effort of the task…
We’re all supposed to be in this world to make a difference,
And having that stripped away makes you feel like the only thing you’re doing is sitting in a box that feels like a louder version of solitary confinement, giving x amount of time to the man, and seeing yourself as a body instead of an asset to your team…
But on the flip side, it is quite the blessing to be granted with any opportunity in your field, which shouldn’t be taken for granted, especially because you get handed green paper for as long as you show up and continue to earn an A for effort, even with your assignment notebook being empty most of the time, and not “obtain the fuck up”, meaning to be pushed down the edge of a jagged cliff and put into a trash can…
We’re all supposed to be in this world to make a difference,
And having that stripped away makes you feel like the only thing you’re doing is sitting in a box that feels like a louder version of solitary confinement, giving x amount of time to the man, and seeing yourself as a body instead of an asset to your team…
But on the flip side, it is quite the blessing to be granted with any opportunity in your field, which shouldn’t be taken for granted, especially because you get handed green paper for as long as you show up and continue to earn an A for effort, even with your assignment notebook being empty most of the time, and not “obtain the fuck up”, meaning to be pushed down the edge of a jagged cliff and put into a trash can…
Trying to navigate through this “big scary adult world” as a youngin right out of college in a campus of 16000 people where nearly all of them can be your parent feels… weird…
It also feels like finally getting inside the restaurant door and taking a seat at the table after waiting your turn for 2 hours…
You fill your plate with sweets and tasty treats and everything your being craves to eat,
Fill it with fruits and veggies and meats galore being so excited for a new beginning… you then place a juicy steak on your plate…
You cut through that first piece of steak that cuts like butter…
Aaaaand then the plate gets snatched from you…
Only leaving a paper table cover and utensils…
You fill your plate with sweets and tasty treats and everything your being craves to eat,
Fill it with fruits and veggies and meats galore being so excited for a new beginning… you then place a juicy steak on your plate…
You cut through that first piece of steak that cuts like butter…
Aaaaand then the plate gets snatched from you…
Only leaving a paper table cover and utensils…
“Ok Mr. Indian Giver, I’ll just go to a new restaurant in the same building… peace out, suckaaaazzz!!!”
You end up going to the new restaurant, and apparently the restaurant management in this building has some issues…
This time, instead of a buffet line, you’re given a menu, order several items, and they’re out of every single one of them…
This time, instead of a buffet line, you’re given a menu, order several items, and they’re out of every single one of them…
Now you’re starving and want to hit a punching bag with a home run bat to strike away the frustration due to some failed attempts at hitting a home run…
After dusting yourself off, despite being pretty famished, you continue down the rugged road to find that place that will give your food, let you eat your food, and let you use your magic to make other people food!
But, if you ever feel a void in your professional life, realize that it’s not your title that defines you…
It’s your holistic being and your actions that speak far louder than green paper and a wallet…
Through resilience and persistence, you will find the x that marks your spot,
As your thriving and jumping into your gold room like Scrooge McDuck!
Life is yours!
Now go eat your damn cake!
It’s your holistic being and your actions that speak far louder than green paper and a wallet…
Through resilience and persistence, you will find the x that marks your spot,
As your thriving and jumping into your gold room like Scrooge McDuck!
Life is yours!
Now go eat your damn cake!
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