Programming Career Misadventures

As a young twenty something millennial, when you're around this age, it's the perfect time to go soul searching, especially for what you want to do the rest of your life. Some people have their big break sooner than others, but you want to do everything you can to make it your time as well. It's not an easy road to get to the top, and I am not quite there yet. I thought I knew what I wanted to do from an early age, but when I got into my field, I confirmed with myself my heart is somewhere else. I'm not going to give up and want to share my story of how I at least got to where I am now so others can feel like they aren't alone in this. Enjoy!

=================================

Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to be happy all the time hand have everyone else around you feel the same? But how do you get yourself into the proper environment away from drama, especially one conducive for following your dream and being able to go soul searching?

For much of my life, I thought I wanted to be a web developer, sit in a desk, and live the life in my safe cushion job. Little did I know, when I entered the workforce, this environment would be much different than I expected, for worse.

When I was about 12 years old, my twin sister and I had created our first website under the direction of our childhood friend, Kyle because him and his older brother taught themselves how to code and became experts. Kyle and Ryan would show my sister and me their newest creations, but wouldn’t exactly explain what they did. Thus, my sister and I went to the library to check out some books on web development and Photoshop. Unfortunately, I felt the progress with understanding the coding was slow and passions lied elsewhere at the time. I was still curious, but not enough to be super serious about it; something felt like it was missing in terms of my passion for programming. Down the road, Kyle helped us create 3 websites, which we basically only know how to make small tweaks and add content. When high school came around, I had wanted to try taking a programming class. Since my math scores were high, it was recommended for me to register for the advanced level. That was a complete mistake; I ended up only passing the class with lots and lots of help from a tutor and having a friend who gave me the answers to the number of assignments I fell behind on and wouldn’t have been able to complete otherwise. After that, I adopted the mindset of “this stinks, let’s see if I do any better in college and wait to take classes then”. That of course also ended up being a horrible idea, but I triumphed anyway.

I ended up studying Web Development (with a business minor) at Illinois State University. When it came for my first programming course, bad luck struck me once again. Programming was much different than I expected it to be and something still felt like it was missing. Not only was my passion not glowing, but my grade in the class went down the toilet due to handwritten coding exams being an awful experience for me, as well as not fully understanding the material. Thanks to my resilience, I took the class again instead of dropping the major, but requested to take it with another professor and earned an A. I had a similar, but worse issue with my first actual web development class, but was stuck taking the class with the same professor and barely passed the second time. Despite the evilness of handwritten programming exams, my overall grade point average was pretty high for the department and enough to be eligible for all scholarships and internships/jobs. I was still excelling in the department nonetheless. I earned several scholarships, eventually ran the club, raised money to send myself and 3 others to a national conference almost singlehandedly, setup a career fair, worked as a TA for one of the professors, did the research symposium and mobile application development contests, and I was basically the face of the IT department my senior year. I was having a lot of success, but the thought of web development being my niche still sat funny with me. I still loved programming, but other hobbies of mine give me more of a spark and enjoyment.

With the job market being rough, I had a goal of landing a (corporate) job before graduation; I achieved that goal about 3 weeks prior to graduating. When I walked into the door at my first big girl job on day 1, everything started as feeling like unicorns and rainbows. I felt successful, on top of the world, and like a champion. A few short months later, after a lot of post-graduation depression, personal issues, and difficulty getting myself up to speed with my workload, the rainbows rapidly faded as I did everything to avoid being jaded. More time elapses at my job and I needed a change in scenery, which later led me to doing an internal transfer to a different team with a more compatible manager. It didn’t take long for the rainbows to fade again. I began realizing how badly I was failing at my job and have been taking action to find and create a positive change for myself. I also became aware that the cubicle life is not my dream either.

Resilience has been my best friend for as long as I can remember. The farther I fall in my career in IT, the more accepting I am of failure. But why would I accept failure? I didn’t lose everything, nor have I lost this fight because I am still going. I haven’t totally fallen on my face, but with failure, I have realized and confirmed with myself that web development isn’t my calling. Failure means to learn a lesson from lack of success and continue to move forward. I may not be following my dreams from sitting in a desk, but sitting in a desk temporarily enables me to have the means to reach my dreams. Dreams exist, and are real, reasonable, advanced thoughts of the desire for achievement which humans heavily crave. Then how the heck am I going to follow my dreams? For now, here I am, standing before you, putting myself out there, and telling you my stories of the craziness that is my life. The more I plug away at that and keep resilience in my heart pocket, I will in due time find the key to unlock my treasure chest and pay it forward in honor of all of those who helped me reach the top with a smile. That’s the true meaning of success!

The Unconventional Sport

Note, this is based on a fantasy, but all information is 100% real! What live action game can you call a “sport”, call garb a “uniform”, hit people with foam weapons, and be a giant nerd?

Um….. The adventures of Dankey Kang mcZorldo?

NOPE!

It's called "Belegarth”!

What the…?!?!?!? Is this LARPing?

Not really… there are other live action battle games similar to this, such as “Dagorhir”, “Nero”, and “Amtgard” that contain more LARP-ing aspects than Belegarth, but this is simply a combat game with foam-padded weapons. Even though this game is based off of Dungeons and Dragons with lots of sprinkles of fantasy, I can best compare this to an extension of point sparring in martial arts. Yes, I am also a martial artist and have been studying Shotokan Karate collectively for about 8 years. Most LARPing and lore (also known as “battle or character stories”) are a part of the community and done off to the side.

When I was living at home, my parents would always give me this weird look whenever I’d be dressed up in my garb to go to practice or have new weapons shipped to their house (because you can build or buy them). They’d be like “OMG LARP”. Eventually, I ignored their making fun of me attitude and they eventually had to accept the fact that this is something I love! Too bad for them and any other haters!

Whenever I tell people I do this “Belegarth” thing, I generally refer to it as “Medieval Combat Club” or “Medieval Foam Sword Fighting” or just sword fighting. Since the vast majority of the population has no idea what this is, I get plenty of questions. Another one of my favorites is, “is this based off of role models”? The answer to that question is “I guess”, because it will at least give people some sort of reference to draw a visual image to. The atmosphere is very “renaissance faire” like. There is no jousting though…

Well, how do you play?

In short, you can use up to two one-handed weapons or one two-handed weapon and a shield. Weapons consist of swords, bats, warhammers, axes, daggers, spears, giant swords, bow/arrows, and much more. There are other projectiles you can use such as javelins even a knitted rock shaped like a one-up mushroom. While dressed in garb and carrying around your fighting name (mine is Maron), yourself, your weapons, and your optional armor and/or helmet, enter into battle. If you hit two limbs (arms/legs) with sufficient force, hit the same limb two consecutively quick times with sufficient force, or hit in the torso, back, or butt, you “die”, meaning you are out until the next round (which generally isn’t more than a few minutes) or lose the fight, depending on whether or not you’re sparring with one other person or in a larger battle. This game is also based on the honor system, so take your hits people! There are also “heralds” (the referees) who ensure no one is cheating, and everyone is playing safely. Weapons are also checked to ensure they are properly padded and safe for combat. We don’t want anyone getting hurt… Also, make sure to wear safety glasses. I’ve heard too many stories of people getting permanent eye damage because of arrows… Eeeeewwwww!

Growing up, I was decently athletic and always involved in sports (on top of my 8 years of martial arts experience), such as fencing, track, and I could even consider Dance Dance Revolution and marching band a sport. You don’t have to be athletic or in super amazing shape to participate, though it’s nice to feel super nimble. I started doing this lovely activity with 60 extra pounds on me and was still able to play just fine. I even met someone who helped me get rid of the weight through Belegarth. How awesome is it to meet people in some “different” type of community who can help transform your life?

I also get asked if there are tournaments, winners, or losers. My best answer to that question is as long as you’re having fun, you win. You may not win the particular battle, but you still win in general. Tournaments are like Easter eggs in video games. They generally are hosted by someone at a national “event” (which can take place during an entire day or a long weekend).

Events don’t take place all the time, but they’re not too difficult to find. For example, there is a weekend event this weekend called “Armageddon”, which I am attending. For a day event, it’s generally hosted in a gym or large outdoor space and you fight, chat, and hang out for about 6 hours. Most of the time there is a feast afterwards consisting of tasty noms such as chili, kebabs, beef barley soup, and anything else that’s quite delicious (and always homemade). There are also after parties sometimes too, which are like adult versions of college parties where people know how to handle themselves and not act obnoxious. Armageddon and other events of the sort are weekend events, in which you go camping, fight, be merry, and be off the grid. It’s definitely nice to get away from responsibility and commitment land for awhile!

If you’re interested in joining this group of epic nerddom, the closest practice to here is Foster Avenue Beach on Sundays at until around sundown or when people are done for the night. You can search for “Belegarth Medieval Combat Society” on facebook, or “Morva” on facebook to find out information and updates about the practices. Belegarth is even cool enough to have Fox News come out and record us doing our thing in Elgin tomorrow (6-2-15) at Wing Park at if anyone is really interested in seeing what we’re all about. I hope to see you lovely people come out and fight, nerd up, and be merry!

Here is the awesomeness that happened on June 2 that was on Fox News: http://www.myfoxchicago.com/clip/11584227/hundreds-gather-in-elgin-park-get-medieval-in-live-action-role-play

Enjoy your adventures in nerd town!

From Black Sheep to Pink Wolf

After my college years, I transformed from the black sheep to the pink wolf as a young lady searching for my identity.

I feel like I don’t mention this too much anymore, but I’m an identical twin. I finally found my identity just before turning 21 when I went to Israel in January, 2012. I attended a Jewish group trip called “Birthright” for about 2 weeks with my sister. We were basically attached at the hip our entire lives, but I began separating from my sister because she convinced her crew to dislike me; I decided to not deal with it anymore. When we went to the Western Wall, I put my entire body against the small section of the wall reserved for women. I cried to God, praying I would be able to reveal what I masked my entire life.

Prior to the trip, in college, I served as the secretary of the IT department club during my junior year and reached a point of almost quitting the club. After the trip, two months later, I knew I had a laundry list of club-improvement ideas and ultimately decided to run for president. To my confidence-lacking disbelief, I won the election to serve as president for my senior year. My sister didn’t attend any meetings during my term as president. This was the first time when people began to see me as “Rebecca” and didn’t even know I had a twin, despite having the same major and attending the same school. No more being called “Duxler”, “Duxlers”, “Dux”, “Dux Trux”, “Duxler Twins”, anything else associated with my last name, and my favorite, “Rachel”. No more feeling like I was stuck under my sister’s shadow. I was finally liberated and could start being myself without fear of ridicule.

During my term as club president, I excelled, began getting noticed in the department as a standout, and even won some scholarships and awards along the way. On my last day of finals second semester senior year, I was given advice on how to handle finding my identity, how to attract people while being different, and how to survive living at home again post-graduation from a 37 year-old marine veteran. From that point on, the old me began to vanish.

After my commencement ceremony a couple days later, I had to move back home; my extracurricular involvement ceased due to school ending. Sadness struck. My only escapes were going to work, going home and sitting in my car to cry, or sitting in my room alone crying myself to sleep most of the time no thanks to the hostile environment from my parents. I was always the target of bullying from my immediate family, as well as some of my relatives. I was called fat all the time because I graduated college with some extra weight. I was put down and criticized for any existing reason. Anything my parents couldn’t take responsibility for, ranging from my dad’s ulcerative colitis flare-ups to misplaced car keys was my fault. I felt like my best friend was my laptop. This was the second most depressed I had been in my entire life.

Thankfully, my friend Josh was a lifeline to me. Around July 4, 2013 I asked him for advice on how to get out of this rut. He tells me, “hey I’m interning in the suburbs, you should come to my medieval combat club called “Belegarth” with me.” Without hesitation, I accepted his offer. I showed up in my work out clothes, was handed a foam sword and shield, and made my attempts to go fight. I did well on the field for my first practice ever and people were actually treating me well. After practice, we went to El Faro, some taco/Mexican food restaurant, to all hang out together. After Josh drove me back to my car, my heart told me this was something I would invest much of my time in… without my sister. My sister had always wanted to do activities separate from me. This time, it was my turn to make the separation call.

Fast forward to October, 2013, I went camping with Belegarth for the first time. Belegarth camping trips are called “events”, which generally last for a weekend or more. After getting a spear to the face during one of the line fights, the spearman apologized to me. Oddly enough, we realized we knew each other indirectly from high school fencing; he introduced me to his practice leaders, one of them being a man named Danny. Danny and I chatted for awhile and I would later grasp his initial reputation as someone who was super helpful and could fix physical ailments.

Around Thanksgiving that year, I asked for advice on how to handle more family abuse when I ran into him at a practice; he told me he was a holistic doctor, owned his own practice, and handed me a business card. We exchanged numbers, and I called his office the next day.

After being under his wing for about a year, I lost 60 pounds, my depression and anxiety weren’t overtaking me anymore, I sustained being able to live on my own, I finally fell in love, and I realized how wonderful Belegarth people truly are. Not only is Belegarth a place of healing for me, it is a place where I can be my whole self, be free from traumatic scenarios, truly realize my identity, and even dig deeper into the martial arts side of me.

Another very memorable Belegarth moment was actually off the field. Given my history of being bullied, at one of my camping events, I randomly encountered a lovely man named Chris at night. After talking to him, he told me he was surprised I was ever bullied. His compliment moved me to tears, and now he is one of my dearest friends in Belegarth.  To top it off, instead of people wanting to avoid me or pick on me, they are trying to find me on Facebook and hang out with me. People actually want to be my friend for who I am. Thank you Belegarth for being oh so sacred to me and for helping me transform from the black sheep who got picked on all the time to the pink wolf, my lovely and quirky-warrior self. Now, I’m just me, and that’s how I’ll always be!