A Nerd's Awakening

This is the story of when I realized it was ok to be myself. Enjoy!

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Every day at a place I thought was home in the averagetown burbs, with an identical twin sister, and my mom and dad, I felt like I had a neon sign on my back displaying, “goat”. This term represented being the center of negative attention. I’m about to go chill at my friend’s place and decided to wear pink leggings, blue shorts with cherries, a Five Finger Death Punch shirt, an ear full of metal and an armful of bling, the family points and laughs. My mom says, “Are you really going to go out in public like that”. I reply, “um, yeah?!?” I then storm out the door and slam it shut, never looking back, wondering what I did to make myself the black sheep.

Being an identical twin almost means two people, one soul. I still get called by my sister’s name by those who don’t even know I have an identical twin sister named Rachel. But how do you find your own identity by having the same friends, doing the same sports and activities for the most part, going to the same college, even choosing the same major, and never having any room to find yourself? At least having the initials “RAD” is pretty rad, even though they aren’t unique…

From my endless amounts of experiences, long list of hobbies, and trying to fill every moment and every person around me with color, I’ve learned that life is a story. You are the main character. Each adventure you take marks another chapter in your book. You can choose to either have 15 pages, 100 pages, or even a thousand pages. As for me, I like to venture into distant lands.

When I went to college, like everyone else, I wanted to find my home and people to call my family, since I abide by the phrase, “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb”. It was also a time for me to shake the neon sign and pray a trail of the ill colored light didn’t decide to follow me. For most of my life, most of my friends have been men. Even growing up, I was best friends with a man named Kyle who inspired me to proceed down the path of nerddom. With the strong desires to bring some women into my life, I decided to go Greek. A major goal of the Greek system is to recruit members, but what if you’re indirectly assigned the role of the water boy instead of being able to talk to people? We would be in the Circus Room of the Student Center, tables set up all eloquently, about 50 women decorated fully and sporting their nicest lettered shirts, sitting at tables in their poses, and trying to convince women to join the sorority. My goal was to authentically see if the woman’s values fit with mine and would fit with what the sorority would want in a reputable person. Apparently, all that got me doing was serving finger sandwiches and water to my sisters and the pnms aka “potential new members”, and getting yelled at for checking my phone during voting while my mom was telling me my great aunt had just been admitted to the hospital.  By the end of the day, I was left out on the street to fend for myself, and don’t really talk to any of my “sisters” at this point in time. The last time I was invited anywhere was to someone’s birthday party, which just so happened to be on the same day as “Belegarth day event” (where you fight and converse during the day only and don’t camp overnight). I yearned for some real friends in my life because I sure didn’t find many in college.

After four years away from the nest, it was time to fly home again. Almost 2 months after getting back, I was introduced to a world of the nerd club, singing pirates, hitting people with foam weapons, campfires, camaraderie, medievalness, lots of food, and even the Mystery Machine? My friend Josh I met in the IT department at school, offered me a ride to the local “nerd club” practice in Elgin, IL. I accepted his offer, showed up in my workout clothes, and had no idea what I was getting myself into. After the schpeal of “Welcome to the Belegarth Medieval Combat Society” and being told the rules, I was handed a foam sword, a foam shield, and told to go get em. I ended up beating 1 person, which was an accomplishment for me. Plus, people were drawing conversations with me and seemed interested in me. Flabbergasted like a 5 year old who missed several social cues throughout life, to myself, I was like “what, you want to be my friend”, and awhile later, start screaming to myself, “they like me, they really like me!”. After the practice was over, everyone present went to go get Mexican food as usual, and talked as if we had known each other forever. From then on, I knew I was hooked.

Once I joined Belegarth, the neon sign fell off. I looked at it, stomped it on the ground, and glided forward. I learned how the bullying stopped once I fully accepted myself. Bullying is very real, and went on for me from about age 3 to age 23 in some form or another. But that’s not going to stop the warrior side from taking over. All of the times I was told to go get em, I told myself I needed to rise from the scars of my past, including the ones I have to wear every day. I also needed to tell myself finding a home in the stars was possible. After an encounter with the magic jester god, he introduced me to the holder of the stars named Kabii. The first time I saw the fellowship of Selonia, once I reached my “official” 1 year anniversary of being in Belegarth, I was welcomed into camp with a giant hug machine, apple pie drink inside of a skull, more food than I can stomach, and 6am ventures of laughing, crying, and seeing the sun come up around a campfire. I was welcomed into the fellowship and plan on placing my turkey stamp and cooking parades this year where my home away from Chicago is, Davenport, Iowa.

After many years, it looks like this program finally runs. Finding your home is actually possible as long as you are willing to keep putting yourself out there with grace and pride. When I ask myself what I could have done to become the black sheep, the answer is nothing. All I did was be myself every time and fight those who try to stop me. For those of you who struggle with being different, you are never alone. Being yourself is something to never be frowned or ridiculed upon, because nowadays, nerd is the new cool! I love being a nerd. Do you?

The Unconventional Sport

Note, this is based on a fantasy, but all information is 100% real! What live action game can you call a “sport”, call garb a “uniform”, hit people with foam weapons, and be a giant nerd?

Um….. The adventures of Dankey Kang mcZorldo?

NOPE!

It's called "Belegarth”!

What the…?!?!?!? Is this LARPing?

Not really… there are other live action battle games similar to this, such as “Dagorhir”, “Nero”, and “Amtgard” that contain more LARP-ing aspects than Belegarth, but this is simply a combat game with foam-padded weapons. Even though this game is based off of Dungeons and Dragons with lots of sprinkles of fantasy, I can best compare this to an extension of point sparring in martial arts. Yes, I am also a martial artist and have been studying Shotokan Karate collectively for about 8 years. Most LARPing and lore (also known as “battle or character stories”) are a part of the community and done off to the side.

When I was living at home, my parents would always give me this weird look whenever I’d be dressed up in my garb to go to practice or have new weapons shipped to their house (because you can build or buy them). They’d be like “OMG LARP”. Eventually, I ignored their making fun of me attitude and they eventually had to accept the fact that this is something I love! Too bad for them and any other haters!

Whenever I tell people I do this “Belegarth” thing, I generally refer to it as “Medieval Combat Club” or “Medieval Foam Sword Fighting” or just sword fighting. Since the vast majority of the population has no idea what this is, I get plenty of questions. Another one of my favorites is, “is this based off of role models”? The answer to that question is “I guess”, because it will at least give people some sort of reference to draw a visual image to. The atmosphere is very “renaissance faire” like. There is no jousting though…

Well, how do you play?

In short, you can use up to two one-handed weapons or one two-handed weapon and a shield. Weapons consist of swords, bats, warhammers, axes, daggers, spears, giant swords, bow/arrows, and much more. There are other projectiles you can use such as javelins even a knitted rock shaped like a one-up mushroom. While dressed in garb and carrying around your fighting name (mine is Maron), yourself, your weapons, and your optional armor and/or helmet, enter into battle. If you hit two limbs (arms/legs) with sufficient force, hit the same limb two consecutively quick times with sufficient force, or hit in the torso, back, or butt, you “die”, meaning you are out until the next round (which generally isn’t more than a few minutes) or lose the fight, depending on whether or not you’re sparring with one other person or in a larger battle. This game is also based on the honor system, so take your hits people! There are also “heralds” (the referees) who ensure no one is cheating, and everyone is playing safely. Weapons are also checked to ensure they are properly padded and safe for combat. We don’t want anyone getting hurt… Also, make sure to wear safety glasses. I’ve heard too many stories of people getting permanent eye damage because of arrows… Eeeeewwwww!

Growing up, I was decently athletic and always involved in sports (on top of my 8 years of martial arts experience), such as fencing, track, and I could even consider Dance Dance Revolution and marching band a sport. You don’t have to be athletic or in super amazing shape to participate, though it’s nice to feel super nimble. I started doing this lovely activity with 60 extra pounds on me and was still able to play just fine. I even met someone who helped me get rid of the weight through Belegarth. How awesome is it to meet people in some “different” type of community who can help transform your life?

I also get asked if there are tournaments, winners, or losers. My best answer to that question is as long as you’re having fun, you win. You may not win the particular battle, but you still win in general. Tournaments are like Easter eggs in video games. They generally are hosted by someone at a national “event” (which can take place during an entire day or a long weekend).

Events don’t take place all the time, but they’re not too difficult to find. For example, there is a weekend event this weekend called “Armageddon”, which I am attending. For a day event, it’s generally hosted in a gym or large outdoor space and you fight, chat, and hang out for about 6 hours. Most of the time there is a feast afterwards consisting of tasty noms such as chili, kebabs, beef barley soup, and anything else that’s quite delicious (and always homemade). There are also after parties sometimes too, which are like adult versions of college parties where people know how to handle themselves and not act obnoxious. Armageddon and other events of the sort are weekend events, in which you go camping, fight, be merry, and be off the grid. It’s definitely nice to get away from responsibility and commitment land for awhile!

If you’re interested in joining this group of epic nerddom, the closest practice to here is Foster Avenue Beach on Sundays at until around sundown or when people are done for the night. You can search for “Belegarth Medieval Combat Society” on facebook, or “Morva” on facebook to find out information and updates about the practices. Belegarth is even cool enough to have Fox News come out and record us doing our thing in Elgin tomorrow (6-2-15) at Wing Park at if anyone is really interested in seeing what we’re all about. I hope to see you lovely people come out and fight, nerd up, and be merry!

Here is the awesomeness that happened on June 2 that was on Fox News: http://www.myfoxchicago.com/clip/11584227/hundreds-gather-in-elgin-park-get-medieval-in-live-action-role-play

Enjoy your adventures in nerd town!

From Black Sheep to Pink Wolf

After my college years, I transformed from the black sheep to the pink wolf as a young lady searching for my identity.

I feel like I don’t mention this too much anymore, but I’m an identical twin. I finally found my identity just before turning 21 when I went to Israel in January, 2012. I attended a Jewish group trip called “Birthright” for about 2 weeks with my sister. We were basically attached at the hip our entire lives, but I began separating from my sister because she convinced her crew to dislike me; I decided to not deal with it anymore. When we went to the Western Wall, I put my entire body against the small section of the wall reserved for women. I cried to God, praying I would be able to reveal what I masked my entire life.

Prior to the trip, in college, I served as the secretary of the IT department club during my junior year and reached a point of almost quitting the club. After the trip, two months later, I knew I had a laundry list of club-improvement ideas and ultimately decided to run for president. To my confidence-lacking disbelief, I won the election to serve as president for my senior year. My sister didn’t attend any meetings during my term as president. This was the first time when people began to see me as “Rebecca” and didn’t even know I had a twin, despite having the same major and attending the same school. No more being called “Duxler”, “Duxlers”, “Dux”, “Dux Trux”, “Duxler Twins”, anything else associated with my last name, and my favorite, “Rachel”. No more feeling like I was stuck under my sister’s shadow. I was finally liberated and could start being myself without fear of ridicule.

During my term as club president, I excelled, began getting noticed in the department as a standout, and even won some scholarships and awards along the way. On my last day of finals second semester senior year, I was given advice on how to handle finding my identity, how to attract people while being different, and how to survive living at home again post-graduation from a 37 year-old marine veteran. From that point on, the old me began to vanish.

After my commencement ceremony a couple days later, I had to move back home; my extracurricular involvement ceased due to school ending. Sadness struck. My only escapes were going to work, going home and sitting in my car to cry, or sitting in my room alone crying myself to sleep most of the time no thanks to the hostile environment from my parents. I was always the target of bullying from my immediate family, as well as some of my relatives. I was called fat all the time because I graduated college with some extra weight. I was put down and criticized for any existing reason. Anything my parents couldn’t take responsibility for, ranging from my dad’s ulcerative colitis flare-ups to misplaced car keys was my fault. I felt like my best friend was my laptop. This was the second most depressed I had been in my entire life.

Thankfully, my friend Josh was a lifeline to me. Around July 4, 2013 I asked him for advice on how to get out of this rut. He tells me, “hey I’m interning in the suburbs, you should come to my medieval combat club called “Belegarth” with me.” Without hesitation, I accepted his offer. I showed up in my work out clothes, was handed a foam sword and shield, and made my attempts to go fight. I did well on the field for my first practice ever and people were actually treating me well. After practice, we went to El Faro, some taco/Mexican food restaurant, to all hang out together. After Josh drove me back to my car, my heart told me this was something I would invest much of my time in… without my sister. My sister had always wanted to do activities separate from me. This time, it was my turn to make the separation call.

Fast forward to October, 2013, I went camping with Belegarth for the first time. Belegarth camping trips are called “events”, which generally last for a weekend or more. After getting a spear to the face during one of the line fights, the spearman apologized to me. Oddly enough, we realized we knew each other indirectly from high school fencing; he introduced me to his practice leaders, one of them being a man named Danny. Danny and I chatted for awhile and I would later grasp his initial reputation as someone who was super helpful and could fix physical ailments.

Around Thanksgiving that year, I asked for advice on how to handle more family abuse when I ran into him at a practice; he told me he was a holistic doctor, owned his own practice, and handed me a business card. We exchanged numbers, and I called his office the next day.

After being under his wing for about a year, I lost 60 pounds, my depression and anxiety weren’t overtaking me anymore, I sustained being able to live on my own, I finally fell in love, and I realized how wonderful Belegarth people truly are. Not only is Belegarth a place of healing for me, it is a place where I can be my whole self, be free from traumatic scenarios, truly realize my identity, and even dig deeper into the martial arts side of me.

Another very memorable Belegarth moment was actually off the field. Given my history of being bullied, at one of my camping events, I randomly encountered a lovely man named Chris at night. After talking to him, he told me he was surprised I was ever bullied. His compliment moved me to tears, and now he is one of my dearest friends in Belegarth.  To top it off, instead of people wanting to avoid me or pick on me, they are trying to find me on Facebook and hang out with me. People actually want to be my friend for who I am. Thank you Belegarth for being oh so sacred to me and for helping me transform from the black sheep who got picked on all the time to the pink wolf, my lovely and quirky-warrior self. Now, I’m just me, and that’s how I’ll always be!