Hide and Seek

Sometimes I feel the need to play hide and seek from myself;
My best friend is my vape pen…

If I’m sad, I’ll hit my pen.
If I’m anxious, I’ll hit my pen.
If I’m anything except on top of the world, I’ll hit my pen.

The sad news is the pain is like a band-aid.
The pain goes away temporarily and comes right back.

I wish someone would help me out of my hiding place,
Even though my hiding place is within.

Why am I hiding in the first place?
I want to be here, but not where I am right now,
Therefore, I place a veil over my heart to not fully expose myself.

When someone special decoded to come in and see through the veil, it makes me want to take it off, even though the veil is crazy glued to me.

Do you actually want to see what’s inside?

Ok fine, you can have it!

I just need to believe in myself and in you while manifesting and acting towards certainty.

Thank you for convincing me to be me and igniting my flame!

I shall remove my veil and get better;
Now I can finally see myself thriving!

Time to put the pen down!

The Man Who Made Me Feel

Why do I always write about you?
Because you’re my boo!

I never thought I’d like anyone again for a long time;
I want you to be my partner in crime,
But first, we need to put in more time!

I have so many adventures planned.
I just need to take a stand on my life
So I don’t keep enduring more strife.
Let’s go on this flight
While never getting in a fight
During our plight towards amazingness!
And I don’t want to miss a beat!

We both march to the beat of our own drum
But don’t worry, we never sound dumb!

We are beautiful beings onside and out
And uniting together makes us even stronger,
Which makes me want to stay for longer!

This is the millionth ting I’ve written about you,
But before I met you I was so blue…

Now we both shine brighter than the sun,
Because you are the bun to my burger…

I hope one day we can take this a step further!

Kill 'em With Kindness

If someone gave you the world and said it was in your hands now what would you do?
In a world where evil prevails and kindness can send you back to start, taking control of your life can be difficult.
With multiple goals in mind and many blockades in play, how does one win the game?

I feel like I keep writing the same thing over and over again in a different iteration each time.
It’s time to change my story, but how?
To be able to change the world, you need to set yourself up on a path that enables you to have the space to give to others while still being able to help yourself,
But sometimes you need more than 1 set of hands to make your world go round.

We are meant to be social beings; it’s ok to need help!
Kindness makes more pleasure than pain; keep being kind and your support window will grow!
The more support, the bigger and more powerful your life feels.
You can feel like you’re losing when alone until someone throws you a bone!
When you are kind, you are not alone!
So why not use kindness as a weapon instead of hate?

I Dream of Dark Chocolate

I’ve been single for so long
But am starting to feel more full.
Being different has held me back,
And has put me ahead of the pack.

There’s a twinkle in my eye that’s so close yet so far
I wish I could jump into my phone screen and see you.
You check all my boxes and aren’t a figment of my imagination
Or a cartoon character.
My time with you is like a vacation…
A vacation from my brain that takes me to a paradise island!

Only time will tell
I hope we never yell
Except at a rave,
Which you will be my babe.

You treat me super well,
Which caused me to raise my standards,
Though you are far from standard!

The last time I wrote a love poem
It was 9.5 minutes long and the person turned out to be Voldemort from Harry Potter.

You are like the blotter I put into my mouth and see stars, the moon, and rainbows.
My eyes, ears, and heart are wide open!
I hope this paper is tasteless,
So I can take my dark chocolate bar and run with it.

Pinch me!
I hope this isn’t another fucking dream…

Healing Sun

What can make the sun come out today?
Is it up to God?
Is it up to me?
Is it up to some undefined higher power known as the weather, which may or may not be controlled by something up there?

It is raining in my eyes right now.
I see Niagara Falls from a mile away, but have never been.
Going to a new destination would fill me, but I cry so much and my bucket is still empty…

Is there a place where the sun is always out?
Is there a place where a special healing plant is always in season?
Do I have to find the sun or make something happen on my own or can lady fate help me?
Someone please embrace me!

Maybe I have to plant the seeds to make the magic plant appear to help the sun come out and make it warm again?
I’ll figure it out and make my own goddamn sun!

"I Guess You Had to Be There" -- Chicago Apartment Life

I guess you had to be there the time I went through life after leaving my full-time job. For reference, I had a full-time job as a web developer at a large company, which I left on my own terms for a shot at self-employment. Now, I drive for Uber while being in between jobs, hoping someone gives me a job offer that can be permanent for me.

Let me begin by saying I became friends with both of these lovely people on interesting terms. I met my dear friend Kyle through a high school friend and several additional pathways later, our now mutual ex friend introduced us to each other at my very first apartment. He made some tasty drinks for us that's forsure! I met my dear friend Noah on an even crazier venture; Kyle met Noah through OkCupid and invited me over to a gathering at his apartment to meet Noah for the first time. After a series of events, I ended up in a fetal position on Kyle's bed while he was comforting me and Noah was looking at shoes because Kyle was gone and he didn't know anyone. Note none of us were sober that night... Fast forward a couple years after that and now we're all living together. Plus, with Kyle being an Uber driver too, he helped me be able to become one too by showing me the paperwork and going over how to use the Uber Driver app with me. Thanks for all the help by the way I truly appreciate it!

Both  of these lovely people have seen the before and after changes in me from about a year ago until today. A year ago, I was making good money living the high life, involved in many activities, and being willing to drive an hour and a half to go perform at a local talent show. Now, I am driving for Uber at insane hours, playing the hustle game, and crossing my fingers I make rent. They have probably seen my boobs, PJs, no makeup self, gross crying mode, anxiety attack, and all the works. They have also seen me bring back people who are pleasurable and ones who we want to get the fuck out immediately. Those who aren’t the best people range from not fully recovered alcoholics who acted drunk and belligerent to “friends” who end up causing me to emotionally over-drink on my birthday because they upset me and stole my phone to send text messages saying “I love pickles” to my friends while constantly making fun of me. Throughout the course of living with these two, they have seen several of these “bad friends” they didn’t like, but at least the good outweigh the bad and thankfully, both of you are still here! At least I introduced them to our amusement park travel buddy who I met randomly while playing Dance Dance Revolution!

While driving for Uber, there would be days I would come back over caffeinated, exhausted, post all-nighter, etc. and both of you ended up spending eons telling me I needed to sleep until my eventual wakeup call. Now I have slept basically every single day since Labor Day. I would sometimes be gone over 24 hours at a time without returning home except maybe to pee. Lately, I haven't been gone for more than 10 hours at a time and when it seems like I was gone for a long time, I would get text messages wondering where I was, prompting me to want to return home shortly after. I always want to make sure to at least see both of you for a little bit before going to sleep. Now that I return home at midnight or earlier, the chances of that happening are significantly greater. Thanks for convincing me to get myself as much of a sleep schedule as I can and sleep every single day instead of driving through the night.

I appreciate how much you both care about me and want me to do well in life. A lot of the time we have been living together, I always mention all the job interviews I'm about to have and how I am craving to get an offer somewhere. Many interviews and rejections later, I finally received an offer from a commission only job at a small outsource marketing firm in the Chicago loop. Both of you gave me multiple red flags after my first day and continued to urge me to quit, which I appreciate. I came home super beat in a non gratifying way and you noticed the difference in my mood and overall well-being immediately. I quit less than 3 weeks later. You know those moments where you know someone’s right and it takes awhile to listen to them because you want to see for yourself? This instance was one of those moments. I also like to see my dearest friends be successful too and celebrate accomplishments, such as new jobs and promotions. For example, taking a shot after each of you got jobs at Mariano’s and a shot after I received my job offer.

One of my favorite moments of celebration, besides of course being able to throw parties, is getting to go on mini vacations to ride roller coasters at Cedar Point. The three of us and another friend went to Cedar Point over the summer, 2016. Someone told how something to either expand or falter relationships is going on trips. On vacations, especially when sharing hotel rooms, you see the entirety of a person. For me, that’s how long I take in the bathroom, how slow I am at getting ready, and me with no makeup. Living with people and vacationing them presents a lot of vulnerability. Being at an amusement park also presents standing in line. I have been in past situations before where I was standing in line with my now ex boyfriend. He would pull the petty argument card while in line and I ended up on my phone ignoring him the entire time. This time, it was spent laughing, bonding, and watching my friends become gradually more afraid of the big rides as we approached the front of the line. We are definitely planning on going on another trip to ride roller coasters in 2017.

Growing up, I always had a difficulty becoming close to people. I had a couple strong friendships in the past, but I always felt like something was missing. There were also multiple experiences regarding failed relationships with roommates, like in college when I lived with someone I barely knew as opposed to knowing them for a couple years prior to living with them. It was definitely a hot mess. This time, the situation is way different, and for that, I shall be grateful.

Today, 2-12-16, in Micropoetry... Kindness Exchange

Kindness is sometimes a blessing and a curse.
I don't have expectations for other people to avoid getting let down.
When I go to visit with a person,
I want to lol with them instead of watch them play lol.
My mission is to successfully bond with people and mutually exchange love in some way.
I refuse to go out of my way to watch people distance themselves from me,
But that means I need to not distance myself from my own feelings.

If someone says, "I'm sorry I didn't treat you better"
It's a sign of needing to use the mental strength of the black belt.
Treat people the way you want to be treated.
Positivity will shine down on you;
You shall love yourself first in order to receive love in return!

The Tallest Candle on the Tree

And today for my Christmas poetry musings, here's my newest work, "The Tallest Candle on the Tree" - I speak from the unconventional Christmas views and experiences of not really having a blood family to want to talk to, my roommates are with family, my sister is with her boyfriend, I'm off work, etc. Instead of dwelling about being alone on Christmas, I decided to use it as a day to celebrate myself instead (I never grew up celebrating Xmas either). So Merry Holidaymas to everyone and with that, my poem is below!

It’s Christmas! 

When I woke up in the morning, 

There were no bells singing,

Reindeers running through my apartment,

Or Santa answering to milk and cookies at my doorstep.

Everyone’s either with family or their partner.

Love is in the air,

As we all want to catch a stare at this holy point in the year.

Here I sit on my big blue comfy couch,

With my laptop blocking the view of the holiday bush in my apartment,

Writing this poem in the same solitude I see from 9-5 in my grey box with no windows.

Oh how I yearn to have a clan to spend the holidays with,

Dress up nice,

And share a victory feast with.

Only this year is different than other years.

If fifteen was my lucky number,

Why would I be alone on Christmas?

Only this year is different than all other years.

It’s a common cliche only until it’s actually true!

Because this year, the Shamash candle, the central and highest-standing candle in a Menorah, has been lit every day for all of December

To signify the creation of a new beginning and newly found sense of self worth.

The Shamash candle also acts the keeper for the core central flame gathered when I visited my other star warriors, aka my second family.

Instead of feeling the need to celebrate with others all the time,

How about taking this day to celebrate myself on the only day of the year I’m not tied down to 8000 commitments or people because everything is either closed or canceled.

Or how about telling myself, “hey, you’ve worked your ass off for the past 350 something days and your roommates are gone for a few hours, go relax and have some me time because you’ve definitely done way more than enough to deserve it!”

People should take more days to honor themselves

And appreciate each day spent on earth,

Not in a hospital bed.

I don’t need some day in the calendar dictating when I’m supposed to see my loved ones just because I never grew up celebrating Christmas, I dumped a boyfriend for being a douchenwaffle and value my dignity and finding myself over being in a relationship, and these communities I have become a part of in my adult life are more my family than my blood family;

It’s better to be surrounded by your own warmth and knowing you’re loved than to be in an environment clouded by toxicity!

That way, you can realize the only way to see the light on the tree is to take your laptop off your lap!

If fifteen is my lucky number,

I can surely name 15 people I’ve helped this year and 15 things I’ve accomplished this year!

Here’s to everyone being happy and healthy on this extra warm holidaymas!

Find Treasure in the Red Zone 2015

Find Treasure in the Red Zone 2015 - Probably one of the most real poems I've written in a very long time and I've spent longer on this piece than most of my other poems. Enjoy! This is basically what I discovered after lots and lots of recent deep reflections!

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I am a warrior princess and must be strong for you.
On the streets, I am not a black belt, contact sport artist, or badass;
I am a small, vulnerable little girl, hungry for life’s adventures.

If fifteen is my lucky number,
How would I end up in the red zone more than the green?

I put a mask over my scars every day
While I bury my baggage under my bed for me to know and no one to ever find out;
It digs a pit into my heart of which I am trying to fill with love.
But I am a strong warrior princess who must feign being fine.

If I was really man’s best friend,
Why would attempts at kindness from men turn into my body acting like the fire alarm is going off?
I need to turn into an animal to make sure you don’t turn on me.
I wear a smile every day
While turning the red into inspirational quotes drawn on post it notes
To prevent myself from ending up needing to curl into a fetal position.

Oh womanhood,
How childlike you make me feel.
I can’t have a positive connection with my woman creator;
As a result fear my own gender while befriending men who think wanting to “chill” has a further assumed meaning than watching TV and talking.

I’m a 16 year old vulnerable little girl
Who’s scared to death of her first kiss,
Because being violated so many times
Makes me see affectionate touch is a warzone instead of a safe haven.

I want to find a magic lamp to wish for my virginity to have all nine lives again
In the same way you reset a video game when you’re about to get a game over
So you don’t lose your progress when you’re about to beat the game.

I want to feel pure again, unharmed like a healthy newborn baby,
Releasing the balloons and walking towards the rainbow.

Love is something to be given and received.

After finding music at a big dance concert at the Aragon to spread the sands of love
And hearing the resilient saxophone player roaring at 4am at the Green Mill to drunk people,
I have come to realize love is right in front of me;
I don’t have to search extra to find it unless I want to end up in shady town each time.
It has helped me channel the warrior’s strength to make my baggage feel like a 5lb weight being carried with one finger.

If fifteen is my lucky number,
I’d realize being in the red doesn’t mean game over;
It means I’m experiencing life fully and learning a lesson.
As I have been on more roller coasters and in more states in the last five months than I’ve been in my entire life.

Red is the universal color for love;
I just need to know it’s in my heart and in the stars the entire time.
I will look in mirror to confidently say “I love me and am worthy of love”!
For that, I shall be thankful!

The Positivity Garden

This is the story of what inspired me to want positive people in my life. Enjoy :)

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A few months ago, when my life turned into chaos and I’d come home to my very roomy one bedroom apartment in one of the hip areas in Chicago, I looked sink and realizing how full it is, exclaim, “NOT THE DISHES!” at a month’s worth of dirty dishes. This describes how I feel with dead weight in my life.

When I was in college, during my freshman year in the dorms, someone pointed out to me how I was “friends with everyone”. I saw that as a good thing when I was younger, but I felt like something was missing. I had tons of friends and a very fruitful network, but felt very lonely…

Once I graduated college, since due to proximity issues, it was difficult to maintain friendships, I needed to start over. I was a new person after college and felt confident enough to go out into the world and meet people. Shortly after my return home, I ended up reconnecting with one of my friends from high school named Shawn. He introduced me to his friend group, and I later realized I was hanging out with a toxic group of people who had no motivation to do anything in life except watch TV, party, and not have a job. My relationship with that entire group is dissolved at this point. Shortly after I reconnected with Shawn and friends, I ended up reconnecting with another high school friend, Chris. Chris ended up introducing me to his friend group as well. Of course, these people would end up being toxic for the same reasons and then some; however, I decided not to purge everyone.

I recently had to move out of my one bedroom apartment and realized how much I’ve been hoarding only 2 years into my full adult life, such as papers, notes, clothes, etc. Something memorable one of my ex boyfriends told me was how my true friends will help me move when I need to. Two of my dearest friends, Kyle and Noah, who are now my roommates, were the only two people I decided to maintain relations with after the second group of friends I met after college disbanded. The pair of them and a pair of movers helped siphon through my 800 square feet of clutter, which was all mine, and get it onto a truck which needed to fit 3 people’s belongings… About ¾ of the truck was filled with MY stuff. Whoops! Thanks Noah for your parents helping me to erase or donate a large portion of junk I didn’t need. About a month into living with each other, this is the first time since living in the dorms in college where I can get closer to my roommates instead of having to worry to fight with them. That was nice!

With a more optimistic view towards people, I still wanted a select person to form a spiritual bond with. Not even a romantic relationship, especially because I am still recovering from a somewhat recent breakup. With all of the “best friend” figures I’ve had in my life, I’ve always felt like there’s been a barrier separating me from the relationship I want with the other person. One adventure on the Mystery Machine later, an old green Pace Bus remodeled and painted from his family to represent a parody of the Scooby Doo version as the “Mystery Machine Party Bus”, ended up introducing me to his roommate, Trevor. Both of these two lovely people helped me with assembling my new apartment, which I dearly appreciate. After hanging out with Trevor some more, I feel like I’ve found someone to help me maintain my positivity garden, which is an outlet to spread joy and good vibes to all. Not only that, but this kind of connection with someone is depression’s antidote. Life’s too short to waste your time with toxic people. Hold onto those who want to create and foster love with you. Who do you want in your life?

A Nerd's Awakening

This is the story of when I realized it was ok to be myself. Enjoy!

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Every day at a place I thought was home in the averagetown burbs, with an identical twin sister, and my mom and dad, I felt like I had a neon sign on my back displaying, “goat”. This term represented being the center of negative attention. I’m about to go chill at my friend’s place and decided to wear pink leggings, blue shorts with cherries, a Five Finger Death Punch shirt, an ear full of metal and an armful of bling, the family points and laughs. My mom says, “Are you really going to go out in public like that”. I reply, “um, yeah?!?” I then storm out the door and slam it shut, never looking back, wondering what I did to make myself the black sheep.

Being an identical twin almost means two people, one soul. I still get called by my sister’s name by those who don’t even know I have an identical twin sister named Rachel. But how do you find your own identity by having the same friends, doing the same sports and activities for the most part, going to the same college, even choosing the same major, and never having any room to find yourself? At least having the initials “RAD” is pretty rad, even though they aren’t unique…

From my endless amounts of experiences, long list of hobbies, and trying to fill every moment and every person around me with color, I’ve learned that life is a story. You are the main character. Each adventure you take marks another chapter in your book. You can choose to either have 15 pages, 100 pages, or even a thousand pages. As for me, I like to venture into distant lands.

When I went to college, like everyone else, I wanted to find my home and people to call my family, since I abide by the phrase, “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb”. It was also a time for me to shake the neon sign and pray a trail of the ill colored light didn’t decide to follow me. For most of my life, most of my friends have been men. Even growing up, I was best friends with a man named Kyle who inspired me to proceed down the path of nerddom. With the strong desires to bring some women into my life, I decided to go Greek. A major goal of the Greek system is to recruit members, but what if you’re indirectly assigned the role of the water boy instead of being able to talk to people? We would be in the Circus Room of the Student Center, tables set up all eloquently, about 50 women decorated fully and sporting their nicest lettered shirts, sitting at tables in their poses, and trying to convince women to join the sorority. My goal was to authentically see if the woman’s values fit with mine and would fit with what the sorority would want in a reputable person. Apparently, all that got me doing was serving finger sandwiches and water to my sisters and the pnms aka “potential new members”, and getting yelled at for checking my phone during voting while my mom was telling me my great aunt had just been admitted to the hospital.  By the end of the day, I was left out on the street to fend for myself, and don’t really talk to any of my “sisters” at this point in time. The last time I was invited anywhere was to someone’s birthday party, which just so happened to be on the same day as “Belegarth day event” (where you fight and converse during the day only and don’t camp overnight). I yearned for some real friends in my life because I sure didn’t find many in college.

After four years away from the nest, it was time to fly home again. Almost 2 months after getting back, I was introduced to a world of the nerd club, singing pirates, hitting people with foam weapons, campfires, camaraderie, medievalness, lots of food, and even the Mystery Machine? My friend Josh I met in the IT department at school, offered me a ride to the local “nerd club” practice in Elgin, IL. I accepted his offer, showed up in my workout clothes, and had no idea what I was getting myself into. After the schpeal of “Welcome to the Belegarth Medieval Combat Society” and being told the rules, I was handed a foam sword, a foam shield, and told to go get em. I ended up beating 1 person, which was an accomplishment for me. Plus, people were drawing conversations with me and seemed interested in me. Flabbergasted like a 5 year old who missed several social cues throughout life, to myself, I was like “what, you want to be my friend”, and awhile later, start screaming to myself, “they like me, they really like me!”. After the practice was over, everyone present went to go get Mexican food as usual, and talked as if we had known each other forever. From then on, I knew I was hooked.

Once I joined Belegarth, the neon sign fell off. I looked at it, stomped it on the ground, and glided forward. I learned how the bullying stopped once I fully accepted myself. Bullying is very real, and went on for me from about age 3 to age 23 in some form or another. But that’s not going to stop the warrior side from taking over. All of the times I was told to go get em, I told myself I needed to rise from the scars of my past, including the ones I have to wear every day. I also needed to tell myself finding a home in the stars was possible. After an encounter with the magic jester god, he introduced me to the holder of the stars named Kabii. The first time I saw the fellowship of Selonia, once I reached my “official” 1 year anniversary of being in Belegarth, I was welcomed into camp with a giant hug machine, apple pie drink inside of a skull, more food than I can stomach, and 6am ventures of laughing, crying, and seeing the sun come up around a campfire. I was welcomed into the fellowship and plan on placing my turkey stamp and cooking parades this year where my home away from Chicago is, Davenport, Iowa.

After many years, it looks like this program finally runs. Finding your home is actually possible as long as you are willing to keep putting yourself out there with grace and pride. When I ask myself what I could have done to become the black sheep, the answer is nothing. All I did was be myself every time and fight those who try to stop me. For those of you who struggle with being different, you are never alone. Being yourself is something to never be frowned or ridiculed upon, because nowadays, nerd is the new cool! I love being a nerd. Do you?

Can I Throw Flowers Now?

I wake up in the morning and exclaim how life is beautiful. I dress up and decorate myself for the day and tell myself I’m beautiful. I venture outside and tell myself today will be a beautiful day. I walk into my grey box and somehow my cheeriness gets left at home every day because I can’t be myself or interact with anyone. Thankfully, I have my roomies and friends to keep me sane and alive!

I go to work in the morning and tell myself, “you can do this, Rebs”. The day eventually becomes a blur and ends faster than I can blink. My “career” is going nowhere and I feel like I have several talent chips which don’t fit into any of the boxes. I am the ghost who walks. I sit there, I exist, I do stuff, no one sees or hears me, and I leave, and come back the next day.

After moving, thankfully, it’s time for “Oktoberfest”. By that, I mean, going camping in the Kingdom of Belegarth. Belegarth is the medieval foam sword fighting sport and community in which I call my home; if you have any questions about that, feel free to flag me down. To sum it up, you hit your friends and other fellow nerds with foam weapons while initiating in beast mode and martial arts skills, of course while having tons of fun. Whenever I’m in a place where I can make others smile, my day and life are made. I will share all of my confetti and flowers and sprinkle them on all my friends and those who could sure use a pick-me-up; Belegarth events are a time of celebration and happiness for everyone. I made some new friends along the way, learned the meaning of properly handling the drama llama, fought the best I had ever fought at an “event”, and was able to uplift myself and others with all of the positive attitudes I can find. After being refreshed from my event and healed from a transformational leadership workshop, I told myself when I had to return to work, “you can do this, you can REALLY do this”…

Nope…

Several reflections of being told how it’s “bad” to be the jack of all trades and the master of none later, an epiphany struck and told me how much I’m bullshitting myself and others when I realize I’m sitting somewhere and don’t want to do what I’m told. No, I don’t mean when your mom tells you to clean your room or your teacher tells you to do your homework, but I mean when your heart is legitimately stopping you from doing something your entire being doesn’t want to do. When I’m sitting at my desk, writing this story instead of doing the project myself and several people deemed a dead end months ago, I think to myself how I’m always the queen of ambition, and sometimes even too much ambition. Meanwhile, I sit here looking pretty on the sidelines doing even less than the waterboy on the team. As my mind enters a more deep state of reflection, I’ve been telling myself how I feel like I’m in the wrong career path. I love being a web developer, but if I can’t throw my flowers and spread joy to others, then I’m just a wilting plant needing more water. But I always find the checkered flag when I trust my heart and listen to myself...

From my experiences, it’s not your career path or job you’re failing at that defines you. It’s not how large your paycheck is that defines you. It’s how you spend your remaining time and how you act towards others that define you. I’m living my dream making others smile and laugh while telling my story. How will you spread love and joy to the world?

September Quote Center of Inspirational Upliftingness

September Quote Center of Inspirational Upliftingness is officially a thing. More details soon, but basically I want to make 1 quote per day in September and share it with our beautiful universe. I will update this as often as possible. Enjoy!

August 31: If you’re stuck in one place and know your heart is elsewhere, keep your head in the game and strategically plan your next move. Patience and perseverance are power!

September 1: They told themselves they can, and they did. They climbed up walls; they fell down some, fell again, and again, and got back up. They said to themselves they are somebody, and they shine past the sky’s gates, leaving a star in the sky to represent an imprint of light in the world!

September 2: If you want to feast in life’s delights, it’s about time you take life’s plights and plunge into the sea of awakening!

September 3: If you want to make a difference, don’t wait for someone else to tell you what you can or can’t do. The world is much larger than an enclosed space, especially if you have technology in your hands. Even if you can’t physically show your face, your heart can be seen from miles away!

September 4: I knew there was a voice trapped inside me for all these years, and validated myself when I let it out! Your voice comes from your heart; let its spirit guide you!

September 5: Let your friends be your rocks and take their hands, because life is not meant to be a solo journey when joys can be shared!

September 6: The purpose for the journey isn't solely to emerge victorious; the experiences which create wisdom to power the journey are the purpose for adventure!

September 7: Realize what those who are fighting the war are sacrificing. Be thankful you don't have to ask the skies to take a breath of fresh air after a fatal wound and praise those who cross the line who enable you to celebrate life!

September 8: When struggling to smile, do a good deed for someone or convince them they have more potential than they ever imagined. Smiles and love are contagious; sharing both will direct the cycle in your direction when you need it most!

September 9: Use love for helping or healing; you can maybe save someone's life!

September 10: Use love for helping or healing; you can maybe save someone's life!

September 11: Imagine how much one day can impact the world. If you had one day to change the world, what would you do, start a revolution towards the sun or down into the fire? But never forget those days where brave souls extinguished the fire…

September 12: Let yourself get in touch with the current moment, because every second is an experience you shall embrace!

September 13: Shield your loved ones with your heart, because you never know when you’re going to need a hand in return…

September 14: When you look into the distance and see your goals in the sky, don’t let them fly by; instead, go jump high and let yourself celebrate with pie!

September 15: Let yourself know the finish line exists; if you believe in the checkered flag, your destination will appear as a result of your resilience! 

September 16: Power through your mental blockades as if you were trudging through quicksand about to fall.

September 17: If you wake up in the morning and tell yourself you’re going to win the race, your attitude shall dictate your actions!

September 18: No matter how selfless of a person you are, in order to take care of others with your full heart, you must take care of yourself first!

September 19: Those who enable you to feel safe will destroy your walls!

September 20: As long as the sinking ship has a battery, it is possible to overcome the fear and push the accelerator button!

September 21: Rain from your eyes is like a storm revitalizing a city in deep drought! Dismissing that will only create an endless dark cloud needing water to restore its glow!

September 22: If you create positivity within you, the cycle will return it in your direction!

September 23: There is always someone out there willing to take your hand!

September 24: Take advantage of the moments when you can embrace the positive auras of your surroundings!

September 25: Fear is your driver, not your shield. Let the fuel ignite the fire instead of dissipate it, no matter how large you want it to be!

September 26: Challenge yourself to create goals higher than you think you can achieve in order to reach higher mountains!

September 27: Rejection only means the opportunity wasn't right for you and not a pitfall to your doom!

September 28: To summon the upper vibes, you must embrace them and the desire to be happy! 

September 29: Life's losing streaks aren't permanent because when the rabbit goes down the hole, the only way it can climb is up. With several losses in a row, will plus resilience results in a win!

September 30: The finish line is the light at the end of the tunnel. Chase after it like you’re running away from a charging bull!

Welp, that's it on the daily quotes. I will still make quotes whenever I choose to, but this is the end of my September Quotes of Inspirational Upliftingness. I hope you all enjoyed it! :) Here's to all the happiness and success for everyone <3

Be Grateful

<rant>

Plenty of people may have lots to complain about... whether it's hating your job, bad relationships, getting a speeding ticket, tripping over yourself clumsily, missing the train, those are first world problems. Imagine if you didn't have a job, had no money or fallback, no room for life progression or advancement, didn't have loved ones, access to medical care, food, clean water, shelter, or were so ill you couldn't even get up to walk to the bathroom to pee. Imagine if you had nothing and were stuck on the streets. I am surely guilty of complaining about first world problems, but I wish we could all take a moment and be thankful for everything we have... every opportunity, all of the education we've received from intelligent teachers and professors, having loved ones who have helped you to rise from the holes dug down to China. Just take a moment and be thankful that you can walk and are healthy enough to pursue your daily life activities, regardless of being in a mundane 9-5 grind. Be thankful to have the means to survive and thrive. Take a moment, appreciate being alive, and be thankful for every breath you're able to take above ground! I'm always down for volunteering and giving back and if anyone wants to join in on some fun, hit me up. We're all in this world to make a difference, so let's make every day you get out of bed count! It’s time to rise and shine!

</rant>

Surviving an Episode of the Mother's Day Show

Since I feel people notice Hallmark Holidays, especially ones directed at a parent, when they're close with their parents or their parents have passed away, I'd like to touch onto the third category of these holidays, which is troubled relationship with parents. My poems haven't entered this direction in awhile, but after seeing too many happy social media posts from others, I had to get the sour feelings off my chest. Thus, this poem was born. Enjoy!

Last Updated: 5-8-16

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Dear Hallmark Holiday,
I see all the Facebook pictures, cards, flowers, gifts, and social media posts, saying “Happy Mother’s Day to my beautiful mother” or other silly sappiness.

Let me begin again by saying I am not mourning a loss,
But instead, I am envisioning the feelings I wish I had and channeling my inner smile by thinking about my friends who are new moms…

My heart aches at the inability to post a picture on Facebook of us because I would rather be my own free agent than show the world the woman who created my boss levels.

I shudder at my inability to tell you I love you, which I don’t remember the last time I’ve done so.
I don't feel safe around you and the thought of family gatherings makes me wake up feeling like I rolled in the mud and forgot to take a shower.

My stomach drops like the Tower of Terror ride at the inability to trust you, see you as a role model, or see myself as your daughter.

Fast forward to most episodes of the Mother’s Day show after I had to venture to your headquarters as usual.
I walk into the room and feel like you see me as someone from a distant land and parade me more intensely than the toughest job interview.
The episode replays itself annually as I put on my fake smile and bring you a present.

I can’t even tell you the slightest bit about my life, which leads you to Google-creep my name to find I was a finalist in a bacon cooking contest or my blog posts in which I share my story publicly.

Mom, if you end up seeing this poem online, I want you to know you are still my mom, my adventures are helping me forgive you, and you are the reason why I am alive.
I no longer wish to hold onto the dead weight of bitterness, because I thank you for raising me right to learn the skills to become a successful and independent woman.

To everyone who struggles with parental unit relationships, you are not alone or forgotten about during these arbitrary calendar days.
There are hopefully other people in your life to show love and affection to without a hallmark holiday.
You are all loved by many and may have to live through some uncomfortable encounters, but you will win and move forward.

While embarking on soul-searching ventures to figure out who I need in my life, the biggest lesson I want to share is how family and love don’t come from blood or default placement; they come from where the stars guide you.

Open Mic Nite Performance Of "Reassurance"

This loveliness is a poem in my boyfriend's voice about how we communicate with each other and share our love for each other. Yay love poem! Performed at the Elevator Sessions open mic at the Justin Pauly Art Studio in River North, Chicago. I recorded this on January 23, 2015 and the link is: http://dbzmaron.blogspot.com/2015/01/reassurance.html -- Enjoy!!!

Shape of Love Revised

I edited "The Shape of Love" poem which I made on a GIF... but sorry, I have not remade the graphic at this time. The poem is much improved though. Enjoy!

Today I shall vow
For love to be the wealthiest entity
Because this sacred power
Is one to cherish for every beat...

It is the core of existence
As you spiritually unite with your heart and project it towards being in the now
In order to absorb every breath taken above ground
And smile towards the almighty skies while exuding your passions each day...

Without utilizing your fullest potential to the best of your ability,
Life's evils will consume you
And happiness won't protrude at its brightest...
Remember to stay conscious if you want to take the gold medal!

Reassurance

This is a "persona poem" I wrote in my oh so lovely poetry class where I was writing about what my boyfriend would say to me (me talking through his voice). He would always reassure me that everything would go smoothly and that I'm a better person than I think I am. Enjoy!

---

Haaaaaayyy!
I know you're on a mission to better yourself,
And now, I'm peeking into your dream to gleam upon your life...
Because you know, I know you way better than you think I do... and feel like I can read your mind…
It literally feels like we've met in a past life and held our hearts together for eternity only to need each other now!
Any strife or dumb bullshit you've been through, take my hand and go to neverland because that shit’s in the past...

We shall operate as a team!
Starting by taking our visions we constantly discuss on Google Hangouts, such as starting a business, making a mobile app, making a technology blog, making websites together, whatever else it is, and placing them into fruition!
That way, we can prance around in Japan or Hawaii on the beach, be alone on our own private island in dream land, enjoy near-unlimited cute time together, and engage in cuddle puddles with Ash the evil kitty of adorableness!
Let's lie down and look at the stars while we plot our plans to execute our everything's together...
Of course without bickering about trivial crap that is only going to lead us into a loop of eventually despising each other...
The amount we can see and accomplish together is endless… as long as we are dreamers AND doers!

Oh Rebs...
I can totally see ourselves traveling together... not looking back but only looking forward...
Yes, that trip to the World’s Fair in Italy, which you’ve mentioned 8 bagillion times IS happening as well!
When we went to goodwill to grab ourselves a place to store your clothes aka a rusty mc desk drawer,
I really wanted to let you know how much you don't need makeup to impress anyone... which would give us an extra bit of us time... and cuddles as we lie with our skin touching as we feel each other's heart and embrace each other's being...
And even more time to sleep in the morning while we're exploring the world together...
Why?
Because you're beautiful...
No need for further explanation...
You don't need to try to impress me... all I need is you hunny...

The stars synchronize and we, the duo laughing at each other pretending to be an old couple and eating the el famous Max breakfast of oatmeal with almond milkie, hard boiled eggs, and an orange, are going to continue to tackle the world by storm as we work to combat injustice and foster the greatest efficiencies...
Just be yourself and believe in yourself... and let's enjoy us, while we fuse our hearts together, place our bullshit arguments behind us, and make each other whole... as we are one!
I'll be the happiest man in the world when you no longer need reassurance of my love for you...
I love you to the moon and back, and nothing will change that, especially because you love Ash, who is my baby and my boy!
I choose you, Pikachu!
Never forget that you silly dorkface!

Now let’s cheers to a long and treasurable forever with my darling by my side and a tasty glass of wine!

The Stars Have Aligned

I wrote this lovely spoken word poem in dedication to my boyfriend who has been oh so wonderful to me since we've been together and I finally got in the mood to write a love poem... now that I actually know how it feels. Enjoy!

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Dearest Max a Million,
Let me begin again to tell you how the stars have aligned…
When the pink-sunsetted skies and spiritual guides casted a powerful glow to continue the flow,
A case of the feels flew down my spine as my heart notified me today was going to be something special…
As I saw a shooting star whiz past the emptiness I once held in my glass, I was blessed with fairy dust being sprinkled upon me to convert my glass from empty to overflowing!

A few hours later, in a suburban apartment containing computer nerds, you blissfully graced my presence…
I felt your soul radiating throughout the main room as my senses were drawn to your essence in the same way a cat smells food and runs to go get it!
Your energy levels synced with mine behind your hazel eyes,
Enabling me to feel your gleaming aura
And tell me the stars have aligned…

Immediately, we form a team of protagonists and touch our superhero rings together like dorky cartoon characters to combine our powers, uniting as one being, while we combat the forces of evil and injustice!
Your significance to me is infinite because of how we both empower each other to exude our greatest strengths and turn each other’s weaknesses into superpowers!
Every time I feel the warmth melt from your hands I feel your entirety ejected into my veins through your gently beautiful soul.
When you were halfway around the world in India, I was still able to sense your presence thanks to the art of communication.

Before we met, I was consumed by a past flooded with pain and plentiful amounts of sorrows… until you mended me with your healing love and full-blown passions.
Listening to your heart beat enables me to notice how our different drums roar in unison as you inspire me to play more confidently, more boisterously, and to the best of my ability.
You embrace how different I am and see it as something beautiful in a way no one else can even fathom.
The more time we spend together, I crave to delve deeper into your core to know why and how you are who you really are,
But no matter what, I know the stars have aligned and you are all mine!

Throughout our adventures and struggles together, you're always there to hold my hand,
To catch me when I feel my world is going to crumble,
To hold me when I'm an erupting volcano in a fetal position by your side,
To instantly forgive me for my wrongdoings,
To kick turbulence to the curb and eliminate the toxic waste in my life
To share the same visions of success,
To accept me for how redonculously nerdy I am,
To be the person I can share my silly self with more than 100% with,
To be the special someone I can engage deep conversations about the meaning of everything
To be my go to person for book recommendations,
To be the taste tester I can share my food experiments and homemade soupie a la Rebs when you’re sick,
To let the tides pass during a trivial argument and allow me to communicate,
To inspire me to conquer each day and stand up for justice
And to engage in our glory walk, envisioning our forever’s together,
With me knowing how wonderful it is to be able to write a laundry list of reasons of how wonderful you are to me and still be able to continue writing indefinitely!

You are my rock, my set of ears that listens to me and appreciates me…
You are the missing piece of my puzzle I've been looking for my entire life!
Your unwavering support and being there for me means everything to me…

And just so you know, my darling:
I choose you isn't enough to express how much you mean to me and tell you how much I miss you when you’re gone… even if it’s for a day!
I love you isn't enough to show the depth of my feelings towards you, especially when you financially save me!
Thank you isn't enough to display my gratitude for all you've done for me!
You’re amazing isn’t even meaningful enough to tell you how incredibly beautiful and noble of a person you are and how much I love feeling your being even when I’m asleep…

I can't wait to continue unfolding our lives together down as our love at first sight was meant to be!
Time is a meaningless explanation of how love works, especially with you because you’re sweeter than my favorite blue pixie stick!
Your love helped a new version of me emerge from the previous darkness which is now healed by the ultimate medicine from your heart, which I love sharing with you too!
You are so sacred to me to where I can add you as a character in my book of wonder!
I want to embrace our lives as one as we continue trekking down the yellow brick road together skipping through the flowers and holding hands!
Your endless amazingness and gleaming glow behind your hazel eyes and your powerful presence is exactly how and why I know the stars have aligned,
And I'm more than lucky and thankful to be a superhero with you!
Because I confidently know that my heart is yours, and your heart is mine!

Love Rebs!

Open Mic Nite Performance Of "The Stars Have Aligned"

This lovely poem was performed on 11-3-14 at the Weeds bar (and Weeds Open Mic Nite) in Lincoln Park, Chicago. Here, you can see me performing what I wrote for my boyfriend who's been nothing but a darling to me (first love poem yay!) Enjoy!