The Arrows Way

In 2001, I was introduced to the world of Dance Dance Revolution, DDR for short, a video game in which you are supposed to use your feet to hit 4 arrows: up, down, left, and right, and time your foot stomping with arrows that run to the top of a screen.

My closest childhood friend and his older brother got me into the game when they brought over a plastic pad strapped to a wooden plank to try to mimic the feel of an arcade-style pad. For many years after that in middle school and high school, my twin sister, my childhood friend Kyle, and me would ride our bikes to this place called "Eskape" several times a week to play DDR. After mine and Kyle's friendship died in the middle of high school, I went away to college and played very scarcely for a number of years. In 2014, after gaining a bunch of weight in college, I decided to start avidly playing again and in combination with that, martial arts, running, and proper diet, I lost 60 pounds. Who knew how much a silly game would later impact my life for the better!

Fast forward to pretty much my birthday, February 24, 2018. I was having a very tough time. I had just had a falling out with those I thought were my best friends and was forced to move and had done so three days prior to this day. I was extremely out of shape and hadn't played DDR in a hot minute. I also hadn't gone out in awhile and decided since it was my birthday weekend to go live a little. I knew on Facebook there was a DDR party going on that night and decided to give it a whirl. And it was 25 minutes away from where I was living at the time. This was my first DDR party and went into it hoping for the best.

When I arrived at the party, I didn't know anyone and headed straight towards the DDR machine. I sat down and waited to play. Within a few minutes, a guy named Chris walks up to me and we start talking for awhile. A few minutes later we stepped into the corner room to talk some more. Within a few minutes of conversation, a recent bad memory triggered, along with having an unstable mental state at the time, and I proceeded to lose my marbles and cry for about 90min to this poor guy I just met that night. Thankfully, Chris was a brave warrior and listened to me and consoled me. As soon as I felt better, we played a few rounds of DDR, talked some more, and that night lived happily ever after and continued talking to each other a lot for the most part after that night.

A week later, Chris invited me back to the person's house who hosted the party to play some more DDR. I thought it was just going to be me and Chris alone, but there were a few others there, specifically a certain someone with green hair at the time named Adam. I noticed the super cool hair and the extroverted side of me decided to talk to him. I was sharing my interests and hobbies with Adam and he seemed very interested in what I had to say, specifically that I like recording videos and posting them to YouTube. We exchanged contact information and recorded a video together, but didn't become super close until we went to a couple of anime conventions together. I didn't realize how integral both Chris and Adam would be to my life until I decided to ditch most of my old friends, which opened up the ability for me to become close to new people. They were also both there for me at different points of a very rough living situation.

I had mentioned earlier how I had just moved into a new apartment, but it fell apart very rapidly and I had to move a second time. In May 2018, I found out the apartment I was living in had bedbugs, specifically visible on my bed. My relationship with the people I was living with was also sharply declining. Throughout my time in "shitpartment land" as I coined it, both Chris and Adam were there for me at different points. Whenever I was stressed out or needed a morale boost, Chris was always there for me. He also encouraged me to make wise decisions, like improving my relationship with my parents, ditching my old friends, and taking an overall step back in my life in order to get back on track. As for Adam, he has resparked my hope in what it means to have real friends by being there for me emotionally and allowing me to express my needs. By the time I was ready to get the fuck out of shitpartment land, Adam was ready to go on an epic adventure with me before being the only person to help me move my stuff. He has also given me a safe haven place to get away from those who don't treat me right, have fun, and express my creativity. I've also gotten back on track health wise, drastically improved at DDR, and even found a job in my field of choice after 3 years of trying since I met both Chris and Adam. The three of us call ourselves the "Midwestern Triangle" and I'm excited to see what the future holds for us. I've met plenty of other beautiful souls in the DDR community, but Chris and Adam have been the most noteworthy. Thank you DDR community for helping me get through one of the most difficult parts of my life. I'm onto bigger and better things now.

How can such a niche arcade game create a widespread, loving community? Go get involved in the underground society, put yourself out there, and present yourself with a smile!

Friendship Presents

One way to piss off the friendliest person in the world
Is to call their friends stupid.

People are like pieces of paper.
You can choose to beautify and hold onto them like a sacred prayer scroll,
Or you can use them as gum wrappers and throw them away.

When you reach a certain age,
It becomes time to be more selective with who you want to include in your life,
Especially if you have a history of people treating you less than adequately.

At one point, it was possible to think about being the most popular kid in school
With everyone as your friend,
But would you rather have 100 shards of diamond
Or one large stone?

When people from the past come creeping back and seeking a second chance,
It’s wise to stare with a watchful eye
To ensure no shots are fired.

Recently,
I went to the beercade with my best friends and wanted to revisit an old friend from high school who I hadn't seen in awhile.
We were all going to hang out afterwards,
But an honest mistake and miscommunication happened,
Causing the plans to fail.

He called me from a number I didn’t recognize because his phone battery died.
I asked who’s calling me and he responded with a condescending tone.
Strike 1.
I explained the situation and apologized. He yelled at me and called me stupid.
Strike 2.
I explained the situation a second time with clarification. He called my friends stupid.
Strike 3.
The three strikes and you’re out rule took shape.

I’ve been called stupid enough times for my own good,
But like the protagonist character in the cartoons would say,
“You can hurt me, but you can never hurt my friends”.
And in a flash, I turned into a ghost,
For this person to never find a trace of me.

It is time to put my foot down
As I am done accepting dung wrapped in present boxes from the naysayers.
No one deserves less than love.
Choose your crew wisely!

Today, 2-12-16, in Micropoetry... Kindness Exchange

Kindness is sometimes a blessing and a curse.
I don't have expectations for other people to avoid getting let down.
When I go to visit with a person,
I want to lol with them instead of watch them play lol.
My mission is to successfully bond with people and mutually exchange love in some way.
I refuse to go out of my way to watch people distance themselves from me,
But that means I need to not distance myself from my own feelings.

If someone says, "I'm sorry I didn't treat you better"
It's a sign of needing to use the mental strength of the black belt.
Treat people the way you want to be treated.
Positivity will shine down on you;
You shall love yourself first in order to receive love in return!

The Positivity Garden

This is the story of what inspired me to want positive people in my life. Enjoy :)

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A few months ago, when my life turned into chaos and I’d come home to my very roomy one bedroom apartment in one of the hip areas in Chicago, I looked sink and realizing how full it is, exclaim, “NOT THE DISHES!” at a month’s worth of dirty dishes. This describes how I feel with dead weight in my life.

When I was in college, during my freshman year in the dorms, someone pointed out to me how I was “friends with everyone”. I saw that as a good thing when I was younger, but I felt like something was missing. I had tons of friends and a very fruitful network, but felt very lonely…

Once I graduated college, since due to proximity issues, it was difficult to maintain friendships, I needed to start over. I was a new person after college and felt confident enough to go out into the world and meet people. Shortly after my return home, I ended up reconnecting with one of my friends from high school named Shawn. He introduced me to his friend group, and I later realized I was hanging out with a toxic group of people who had no motivation to do anything in life except watch TV, party, and not have a job. My relationship with that entire group is dissolved at this point. Shortly after I reconnected with Shawn and friends, I ended up reconnecting with another high school friend, Chris. Chris ended up introducing me to his friend group as well. Of course, these people would end up being toxic for the same reasons and then some; however, I decided not to purge everyone.

I recently had to move out of my one bedroom apartment and realized how much I’ve been hoarding only 2 years into my full adult life, such as papers, notes, clothes, etc. Something memorable one of my ex boyfriends told me was how my true friends will help me move when I need to. Two of my dearest friends, Kyle and Noah, who are now my roommates, were the only two people I decided to maintain relations with after the second group of friends I met after college disbanded. The pair of them and a pair of movers helped siphon through my 800 square feet of clutter, which was all mine, and get it onto a truck which needed to fit 3 people’s belongings… About ¾ of the truck was filled with MY stuff. Whoops! Thanks Noah for your parents helping me to erase or donate a large portion of junk I didn’t need. About a month into living with each other, this is the first time since living in the dorms in college where I can get closer to my roommates instead of having to worry to fight with them. That was nice!

With a more optimistic view towards people, I still wanted a select person to form a spiritual bond with. Not even a romantic relationship, especially because I am still recovering from a somewhat recent breakup. With all of the “best friend” figures I’ve had in my life, I’ve always felt like there’s been a barrier separating me from the relationship I want with the other person. One adventure on the Mystery Machine later, an old green Pace Bus remodeled and painted from his family to represent a parody of the Scooby Doo version as the “Mystery Machine Party Bus”, ended up introducing me to his roommate, Trevor. Both of these two lovely people helped me with assembling my new apartment, which I dearly appreciate. After hanging out with Trevor some more, I feel like I’ve found someone to help me maintain my positivity garden, which is an outlet to spread joy and good vibes to all. Not only that, but this kind of connection with someone is depression’s antidote. Life’s too short to waste your time with toxic people. Hold onto those who want to create and foster love with you. Who do you want in your life?