Stargaze

I found this sitting in my emails when looking for something else! Whoops! This is 4 years old, but still provides awesomeness. Enjoy!

Go take a look at the road

To see what on earth is going on ahead of you

It's so new like never before

With the innovation at its finest

While showing all of your true power

Please don't go

Into the path 

Known as conformity

And don't fall asleep within your own mind

Just take a look at what's inside

That's just the way you will thrive!

(small guitar interlude)

Never ignore

The thoughts within your heart

From the start

They're all yours

Like the pride within a lion's golden mane

Go journey on the forbidden road

Display all the joy in the world

Climb up that incline

That's as steep as a mountain

The finish line is right there in front of you

Just sprint across that line

It's so divine

You will be fine!

(another small guitar interlude)

Take a look around you

And smell those flowers

They're right there in front of your face

Because you're able to stargaze

The empty sky is yours to design

Don't fill your canvas with cloudy days

Your goal is there, it is there, it is really right there

Don't let it slip away

Or flutter on past you

Into the abyss

Go ahead and strike a pose

And never be afraid to stargaze!

Shout your heart out

Towards the sun and the stars

Try not to let the wind go into your head

It will cloud you like a tornado

Just step in time and keep a clear mind

Stress is like a vampire

That's ready to eat you alive

It will infest through your veins

Provoking panic and fear

While tears of sorrow drip down your face

(filled with fear)

Hold on… 

Stop right there and stay dead in your tracks

It is the man who's here to douse you with some ease!

So chill 

While trying to lack insanity

You need to fight on all those goddamn fears

And don't freeze in tears

Now try to go ahead and stand tall

Just live for the moment and stay alive!

(another small guitar interlude wheeeee!)

Take a look around you

And smell those flowers

They're right there in front of your face

Because you're able to stargaze

The empty sky is yours to design

Don't fill your canvas with cloudy days

Your goal is there, it is there, it is really right there

Don't let it slip away

Or flutter on past you

Into the abyss

Go ahead and strike a pose

And never be afraid to stargaze!

Take a breath around here!

Look at what's all around you!

Instead of mindlessly leaving

You need to go and start moving!

And hopefully not envision any negativity 

So be strong! 

To enable yourself to live life to all its fullest

Just don't break down

Your goal is there, it is there, it is really right there

Chase it with everything you've got within your heart

Stand tall

Be yourself 

And you better not be afraid to stargaze!

How to Paint the World with Extra Color

How do you paint the world with color in a time of grey?

It’s time to take a trip
An adventure in your mind
To taste the rainbow
And activate senses only triggered by magic paper.

When you want to see space,
But can’t physically go to see the stars
In an area of pollution
Where little light is visible
Sprinkle some magic on a piece of paper 1 mm by 1 mm.
Put it under your tongue for lights to come alive!
Use a little extra for your outer perspective to pop!

Sit back
Take a break from reality and go exploring inside your mind,
Let music elevate you
Let video games be elevated
Let your outer reflection guide you into space
But make sure you’re in an ideal mental state,
Otherwise your thoughts will go awry!

When you feel level headed, pop the paper.
Taste nothing and feel everything.
Patience is key.
Wait for the effects to set in or you will go overboard.
Do you want the ship to sink or sail?

The time comes and the mothership will scoop you up and show you the rainbow
And take you to a secret land only available to those with advanced minds.
How do you call the holy ship?
The ship will come to you
Are you ready for the magic carpet ride?

Hide and Seek

Sometimes I feel the need to play hide and seek from myself;
My best friend is my vape pen…

If I’m sad, I’ll hit my pen.
If I’m anxious, I’ll hit my pen.
If I’m anything except on top of the world, I’ll hit my pen.

The sad news is the pain is like a band-aid.
The pain goes away temporarily and comes right back.

I wish someone would help me out of my hiding place,
Even though my hiding place is within.

Why am I hiding in the first place?
I want to be here, but not where I am right now,
Therefore, I place a veil over my heart to not fully expose myself.

When someone special decoded to come in and see through the veil, it makes me want to take it off, even though the veil is crazy glued to me.

Do you actually want to see what’s inside?

Ok fine, you can have it!

I just need to believe in myself and in you while manifesting and acting towards certainty.

Thank you for convincing me to be me and igniting my flame!

I shall remove my veil and get better;
Now I can finally see myself thriving!

Time to put the pen down!

The Man Who Made Me Feel

Why do I always write about you?
Because you’re my boo!

I never thought I’d like anyone again for a long time;
I want you to be my partner in crime,
But first, we need to put in more time!

I have so many adventures planned.
I just need to take a stand on my life
So I don’t keep enduring more strife.
Let’s go on this flight
While never getting in a fight
During our plight towards amazingness!
And I don’t want to miss a beat!

We both march to the beat of our own drum
But don’t worry, we never sound dumb!

We are beautiful beings onside and out
And uniting together makes us even stronger,
Which makes me want to stay for longer!

This is the millionth ting I’ve written about you,
But before I met you I was so blue…

Now we both shine brighter than the sun,
Because you are the bun to my burger…

I hope one day we can take this a step further!

Corona Craziness

Remember.
The world we live in
Is supposed to be beautiful.

Right now, it is clouded with a virus named after a beer.

Why don’t you go outside and go for a walk?
The world is too clouded with fear from the media and is going to stay inside and freak out.
Missing out on that opportunity to shine and see the sun.
All that’s being shown is the news;
Outside still exists!

We are one nation, quarantined in solitude, with an oompa loompa in charge of the rulebook.

How will we overcome this madness?

Go for a walk anyway?

When home is like a cage for stressed animals, all you want to do is break free!
With nowhere to go, the streets are a desolate desert town with everyone looking out their window and only going to the store to buy out bread, toilet paper, and hand sanitizer, because now we need to be extra clean, as if we weren’t already?

Pandemonium is real!
When humans are thrown off course, they panic.
I see it from my daily prison cell, which is supposed to be a place of safety, only to be riddled with illness and a rollercoaster-like negative energy.
I have my own shit to do and have nowhere to go to escape the fire…

The only solace is going outside for a walk.
The sun is your friend.
Take a deep breath.
If we can survive the plague and 9-11, we can survive some crazy virus.

Remember,
The world we live in
Is supposed to be beautiful.
And now it is empty…

Time for everyone to come together and start over!

From Red to Rainbows

On an adventure into the abyss
My heart is filled with bliss
And you make me feel more full,
Containing a complete sense of purpose.

My first trip in many years
You help me face my fears
Bugging me for oh so long!

Your touch heals me
Along with your warm essence and being a positive energy source.
You help me prove to myself healing is real and real can be beautiful without clouding it!

I have never said thank you more than I have now in my entire life because now I truly understand what it means to be grateful even after I claimed so multiple times…
I have never “good cried” so many times because you assure me I am safe and tell me to be me and let go…
I have never felt this many positive emotions towards someone until you came along!

We met by fate
And kindness brought me closer to you!

You have showed me why I need to continue to be kind
And changed the trajectory of my life forever for the better
As you have showed me the light;
Hell, you are the light!

One of my therapists told me I am worthy of being loved just because…
Because I am worthy
And can trust you with my being.

You are an angel for being patient with me;
You give me the utmost reasons to want to grow better and stronger
And I shall reciprocate the out of this world brightness in your direction.

I am free
Free to be me
After my temporary flee from hell and bullshit.
I am free
Free from my past and can start my brain over again.

You have turned the red into rainbows;
Now my soul can rest easy at night
All thanks to the power of love.

After these adventures I have realized I am worthy of all things positive
And kindness shall prevail!

Will You Go Demon Slaying With Me?

If I can stand here al day writing poems about you, I would!

Every day I’ve been thinking about you more than I can press my thoughts because you help me put them to rest.

You are my demon slayer!

You are the one who takes my worst enemies and tells them to fuck off.

Being as real as humanity you inspire me to bring upon my strongest and most authentic self.

It’s been so long since I’ve ever felt this way towards anyone.

Maybe you’re what I’ve been looking for all along!

Will you go demon slaying with me?

Hopeful

I wish it was easier to make art with a smile than a grimace…

Lately I have been on a streak of lovely occurrences
While hope is in the air.

Every time I think my world is crumbling, I close my eyes and breathe,
And tell myself I am not homeless, in jail, or in the hospital.

I may not be a holiday person,
But I would like to give as much thanks as possible
And not only on Thanksgiving.

I used to feel super alone and distant from those closest to me;
When I opened my eyes and heart and want to share the positivity every day,
People seem to want to stay.

My tribe is my family.
They help me achieve my best self in the name of love and won’t leave through the absolute worst.

On top of it all,
I used to think I was going to be single forever.
Someone told me you will find love when you’re not looking or trying
And BAM there it is… right in front of me in one of the most obvious places.
Love is in the air
I hope I can stay as bright as possible even with this rain cloud above my head.
How will you stay happy, humble, and positive?

I Dream of Dark Chocolate

I’ve been single for so long
But am starting to feel more full.
Being different has held me back,
And has put me ahead of the pack.

There’s a twinkle in my eye that’s so close yet so far
I wish I could jump into my phone screen and see you.
You check all my boxes and aren’t a figment of my imagination
Or a cartoon character.
My time with you is like a vacation…
A vacation from my brain that takes me to a paradise island!

Only time will tell
I hope we never yell
Except at a rave,
Which you will be my babe.

You treat me super well,
Which caused me to raise my standards,
Though you are far from standard!

The last time I wrote a love poem
It was 9.5 minutes long and the person turned out to be Voldemort from Harry Potter.

You are like the blotter I put into my mouth and see stars, the moon, and rainbows.
My eyes, ears, and heart are wide open!
I hope this paper is tasteless,
So I can take my dark chocolate bar and run with it.

Pinch me!
I hope this isn’t another fucking dream…

Bye Bye Base

My childhood house is not a home;
It is the shelter above my head and nothing else.

What is home?
Home is a dwelling place with benefits
Like when you’re playing tag as a child and holding onto the pole at the park deemed as “base”

Base is the only place you’re supposed to fully be safe and immune to harm in the game

Now imagine “base” being removed from tag.
You would be running around endlessly struggling to find freedom until either the round ended or you got a game over…

My home life has never been a positive experience.
The atmosphere is clouded with the spirit of Debbie Downer with a  side of infinite stress and my parents fighting all the time.
I feel like I’m tiptoeing on lit coals with criticism in the background disguised as love being force fed into my mouth.

I’m on a mission to find my voice;
Every time I speak a barrier seems to deflect my purpose and overtake my belonging…

Visions in my head sound off to search for direction but have led me to hell and back

Nowhere feels safe anymore;
What is privacy anyway?

My room and car are subject to search even behind locked doors;
The negative energy overtakes the entire space…

Every waking moment feels like a fight against the shadow monsters with your secret weapon being disabled.
Sadly, it seems like the only way to win the battle is to teach myself to fly and flee to find the escape rope to my freedom…

What would you do if your home was the enemy?

Chill the Fuck Out

I’m not ok
The spirits in my heart are trying to take over
Where is the bay?
It’s all over the place…

Nothing makes sense anymore
As I’m trying to escape through the dark depths of hell
What do I do?
I can ward off the demons and chill.

Relax!
Before you fall on over
For the demon to take over
Why must it be me?
There’s a reason for that
Take a deep breath
And make sure to release the warrior inside!

Still hanging in there
Before I get even sicker
I don’t need a doctor
I need a miracle and a prayer
What I can’t see
Is where I need to be
Before the ship sets sail without me…

Take a deep breath
Before you fall on over
For the demon to take over
Why me?
It happens for a reason
Chill the fuck out
And make sure to release the evil inside!

Damn
What the hell is going gin this lifetime of mine
I hope I’ll be fine
Rest in pieces
Is where I’ll go if I don’t feed myself with love and healing
I need to get the fuck out of here
In order for me to see clear
What do I do?
Where do I go?
Just get up and keep on trying
(and don’t ever give up)

Chill the fuck out
Before you wage a war with the demon inside
Why me?
It happens for a reason
Then why not me?
It’s time to embrace life
Everything happens for a reason
You need to make sure to please yourself
So take a deep breath
And be are to release the beast inside!

Take a deep breath
And chill the fuck out
Take a deep breath
And chill the fuck out
Take a deep breath
And chill the fuck out
(and don’t ever give up)

The Lone Shining Light

I want to be happy, I promise!
Though I have never felt more alone in my entire life… until right now.

It is the holiday season right now and all I want to do is work or do something productive.
Part of me feels like I have nothing to celebrate,
While the rest of me doesn’t have a safe place to go to celebrate.
Might as well throw a dinner and trip to the arcade party, party of 1.

Tis the time to be with other people.
During the time I need it most,
You find out how selfish humankind really is.

I don’t mean to be salty,
But my tears taste that way…

Joy seems to be somewhere yonder,
Even though survey says you’re not supposed to seek it out.

I feel so full of energy
With the pain buried down below.

In order to fully shine, you need to fill your own cup.

One of my tables at work a few days ago asked me how I was doing.
I said I was fine with a smile and they immediately called my bullshit.
I replied by saying I was fine in the present moment, which was true, and gracefully walked away like all the people in my life seem to be doing right now.

My pain translated itself into illness, which causes people to disappear with haste.

If the ultimate goal is to spread light, how can you do so when the light is dim?
Illuminate the black, of course.

What if you are the black?

If creatively sorting my thoughts and drawing it onto a notepad is the only way to get people to listen, so be it.

I will continue spreading as much light as I can in this crazy life I am grateful for having.

Learning to be alone is a skill.

One of these days, I will figure out how to touch the stars,
But someone else has the key.
In that case, I’ll go to the moon instead!

Why Me?

Sometimes I wonder “why me”?

My friends often tell me “I’m always going through something”,
Especially compared to their other friends…
This is sadly true.
My life is very eventful.

I feel like life is like a game of Pokemon.
You battle the first boss, you think you beat the game, and bam, another boss level appears.
But before you even get to the boss level, there’s monsters all around you needing to be defeated.

When you finally get to the boss level, you need to unleash all your power.
If your arsenal fails, you can keep powering up until you’re strong enough to complete the final mission.

In many video games, you can select easy, medium, or hard mode.

On social media, I see everyone’s picture perfect life and at their best selves only;
Their life is on easy mode.

For my adventures, I feel like trying to accomplish your dreams is like being in the boss level where the enemy grows rapidly after each attack and it feels like there’s no hope; My life feels like the hard mode button is stuck and won’t turn off…

I wish for my life to be easier, but maybe there’s an underlying reason why everything feels turbulent all the time.
But beating a boss level usually results in a major reward at the end.

Boss levels are difficult, but not impossible.

Once you finally beat the game on hard mode, after lots of perseverance and sometimes a zillion tries, instead of wondering “why me?”, I shift my perspective to “why not me?”

So why not me?

Broken Record

I feel like my friends are tired of me telling them the same story over and over again...

It is past 4am
And I'm scrolling through my messages wondering who my next victim will be to hear about how I found another way to screw myself over.
I don't want to bother anyone,
But my instincts tell me to message someone before I shove more artificialness through my mouth because I haven't been to therapy in 2 weeks...

It would be nice if someone could hold my hand and tell me everything would be ok, but I've held my own hand the last 4+ years.
While I don't regret it, I need to open the door instead of letting myself continue to drown...

"I'm a strong independent woman!"
I continue to chant that to myself as I try not to let myself cry.
The magicness is right next to me, but it's locked in the safe and I shouldn't go grab the key...

"I'm a strong independent woman!"
I continue to tell myself that while pushing unnecessary societal and familial pressures aside to keep myself afloat.
I am one to march to my own irrythymic heartbeat at my own pace and shall continue on my way to the golden roads!

"I'm a strong independent woman!"
I scream that to myself in the mirror as I look at my bare body, realize what I've done to it, and vow to be better.

I'm not a broken record.
You cannot shatter me as easy as glass breaks.
I may sound a little off, but I still am able to function.

I'm sorry the songs have some minor keys, but I'm not sorry for being me!
I'm not sorry for being free!
And I'm definitely not sorry for being different.

I have already walked away from the ridicule for it to follow me back to what is supposed to be home.

If I am a strong independent woman as I say, it is time to lay the layers, brick by brick, and pave my own golden roads!

Go the Fuck to Sleep

Go the fuck to sleep, Rebs!
It's 6am.
Why are you still awake?

"I can't sleep", says the mechanism in my brain churning constant creative thoughts...

Aimlessly scrolling through Facebook, I stumble upon the "Rezz" fan page.
I look through her page and find a motivational post about channeling positive energy into creating and envisioning success.

"What do I want to do with my life?" Says the mechanism in my brain wondering why I am where I am, being a waitress and an Uber driver, soul searching for my artistic dreams to come true...

I plowed through a newly downloaded music making program on my phone to figure out what kind of sound I want to project onto the universe.

In a world where people have to hide their true selves in order to fit in, those who wish to defy the unwritten laws of society end up ostracized like aliens from planet whoknowswhere;
They are left behind to flounder around until luck, opportunity, and dedication meet on the same street corner.

In my family, I was taught you were supposed to go to college, get a degree, work a mundane 9-5 job, go home, watch TV, go to bed, repeat.
I gave that life a shot with many embellishments attached and the only places it got me were fired or almost fired...
The only thing I have to show for college at this point is a certificate with my name on it and insurmountable debt.

Every time I try to give my soul to the man, a voice inside my head tells me, "no no no, what the the hell are you doing?"
Rezz indicated she's always been herself in order to climb to the top.

If the point of life is to be happy, why do so many people want to conform just to get by and feel miserable after?
Every time I am myself, I am satisfied and at my best.

I may need to take the unconventional route to success, but will still find it with many positive self affirmations and support from my friends!
Success doesn't have a time limit or a maximum age.

When I see people younger than me realizing their dreams, I have to keep telling myself everyone's path is different and each step forward is a baby step.

The path of the creator isn't for everyone, but if you want it, go for it! The choice is yours!

Go the fuck to sleep, Rebs!
It's 7am.
Why are you still awake?
I chose to follow the yellow brick road!
With time and patience, you may be pleasantly surprised where you end up!

March Onward

What did I do to deserve this life?
The answer is nothing...

No substance can mask the pain.
No exercise is helping any gains.
No beautiful day will help the sun stay.

Running away from home to find solace while spending my time alone,
I look to my windowless room for light only to see glow in the dark stars among the paint-chipped ceiling and rusty pipes shleided by neon lights and a colorful tapestry.

What is home?
It shouldn't be a tearful, bad vibe, or hostile space to receive 5 page-long text messages for lifeing instead of cleaning.

I try to clean the mess but the stains won't hide.

Walking inside I smell the foul air and feel the foul play I'm trying to keep at bay...

Outside of home I'm controlled by a green piece of paper that rules the world.
I want to save some for later but someone always seems to take the last slice.

The world shouldn't be limited to be seen from a screen hiding the true colors,
But if I barely have enough pieces of paper to fill my belly, how can I feed my eyes with the colors of the wind?
I'll paint it myself, of course!

But only this poem and these reflections can help me see light again!

What did I do to deserve this life?
The answer is nothing...
I'm just gonna march onward!

Thank the Heavens for Life in Trying Times

When someone knocks on the door and wants to come inside
The desire for a mask truly comes to life
Putting on a show of pretentious false reality
Displaying a world of lies
For the public eye
Your skin is the costume to your bones
To either get decorated or ripped apart...

Something will come along soon as long as the proper path is picked!

Masking the pain will exacerbate the life wrapped behind closed doors
In front of the curtain there's unicorns, rainbows, and smiles
On the other side there's lightning and fear
With only a tiny peep hole to look if you dare
At the chaos behind the veil...

I don't want you to see me crumbling from the inside out
Nothing but perfect is ever enough
Caring will only do so much
But change comes from the flames within!

How much am I worth?
My senses are all that matter,
But when you're thrown into the fire by your own blood and clone
And further ripped apart by those who claim to share hearts
It leaves a scar larger than life.
Just let it pass,
Keep moving along,
And realize not all sights are sharks.
I am not my scars!

I don't want you to see me crumbling from the inside out
Nothing but perfect is ever enough
Caring will only do so much
But change comes from the flames within!

When the world owes you nothing
And people owe you money,
You pray the platform you're carefully standing on doesn't crumble...
There's such thing as stability
And it doesn't feel real except for mental tenacity,
The only thing keeping me alive!

I don't want you to see me crumbling from the inside out
Nothing but perfect is ever enough
Caring will only do so much
But change comes from the flames within!

The only thing to do in desperate times
Is to keep on going,
To never ever quit,
And thank the heavens for life!

Creepy McCreeperface

Creepy
The antithesis of who I need in my life
Bringing the gross spiders to the table,
Tossing them onto the ground in front of my best friends and I,
Who in turn cringe and run away.

Inside your guts lies the desire to do more than slither on my lap;
You latch onto me, bite, and inject your vicious venom in my heart,
Causing a sharp, lingering pain to ooze throughout my body.

I don’t want you here, you nasty varmin
Go away
Leave me alone
You have no benefit to me except to fulfil your selfish desires;
Chew me up, spit me out, and leave me to be wrapped in other spider webs… and used gum

Creeper McCreeperface
I will squash you like my opponent in a warzone
Just kidding
I’ll use my secret ninja powers, inaudibly scream at how the hell I ended up in this situation again, sneak out the back door when you’re asleep, and run the fuck away!
Bye Bye!

The Girl and the Snake

Being different and being a woman can be a pain sometimes, even back then.
I’m pretty, right?
I wish the right person would notice me,
A hero, a real man, a knight in shining armor
Carrying a sword and a shield in his hands,
Chivalry in his heart
Tell me how beautiful I am,
Take me for a spin in your antique car,
Show me your heart
Turn my pet snake into the furry friend I’ve always wanted.
It would be a dream come true!
So please, please, prince charming, splash some color into my life!
I hope you don’t bite!

Alphabetic Story of my Life

A day in the life of me
Brings joy, adventures, misadventures, and newfound glory.
Craziness is also a factor;
Disasters happen… sometimes!

Everyday's a new day to succeed, but
Failure is also exists.
Gotta git gud, gotta go fast, gotta climb up the ladder.

Here I go! I’m ready!
I strive for every day to make it the best it can be,
Jumping over hurdles, joking around those I interact with.
Kicking ass and taking names is my middle name!
Losing is never an option!

My oh my, what a crazy life I have,
Never a wink of restful sleep,
Or offers of hands or shoulders to lean on, but opportunity will always be on my mind!
Priviledge doesn’t really exist for me, especially now.

Quests are embarked on,
Races are won,
Savages are met with serpents.

Today will be my day, which I constantly tell myself.
Universes will meet where I want and need them to.
Voracious for a win am I.
Winning is my first name!
Xylophone sounds will ring when I reach the top.
You will hear the sound of my name in lights!
Zero chance it won’t happen; one hundred percent chance it will!