Corona Craziness

Remember.
The world we live in
Is supposed to be beautiful.

Right now, it is clouded with a virus named after a beer.

Why don’t you go outside and go for a walk?
The world is too clouded with fear from the media and is going to stay inside and freak out.
Missing out on that opportunity to shine and see the sun.
All that’s being shown is the news;
Outside still exists!

We are one nation, quarantined in solitude, with an oompa loompa in charge of the rulebook.

How will we overcome this madness?

Go for a walk anyway?

When home is like a cage for stressed animals, all you want to do is break free!
With nowhere to go, the streets are a desolate desert town with everyone looking out their window and only going to the store to buy out bread, toilet paper, and hand sanitizer, because now we need to be extra clean, as if we weren’t already?

Pandemonium is real!
When humans are thrown off course, they panic.
I see it from my daily prison cell, which is supposed to be a place of safety, only to be riddled with illness and a rollercoaster-like negative energy.
I have my own shit to do and have nowhere to go to escape the fire…

The only solace is going outside for a walk.
The sun is your friend.
Take a deep breath.
If we can survive the plague and 9-11, we can survive some crazy virus.

Remember,
The world we live in
Is supposed to be beautiful.
And now it is empty…

Time for everyone to come together and start over!

Kill 'em With Kindness

If someone gave you the world and said it was in your hands now what would you do?
In a world where evil prevails and kindness can send you back to start, taking control of your life can be difficult.
With multiple goals in mind and many blockades in play, how does one win the game?

I feel like I keep writing the same thing over and over again in a different iteration each time.
It’s time to change my story, but how?
To be able to change the world, you need to set yourself up on a path that enables you to have the space to give to others while still being able to help yourself,
But sometimes you need more than 1 set of hands to make your world go round.

We are meant to be social beings; it’s ok to need help!
Kindness makes more pleasure than pain; keep being kind and your support window will grow!
The more support, the bigger and more powerful your life feels.
You can feel like you’re losing when alone until someone throws you a bone!
When you are kind, you are not alone!
So why not use kindness as a weapon instead of hate?

Waterfall

My therapist keeps telling me to trust my fam, but I feel like certain recurring events make me want to keep backing away. How much farther away can I go? I want to send my love to them, but a voice in my head keeps telling me something isn't right.

I want to love my loved ones, but do I even love myself? I do enough to be able to present videos in public... behind the shadows... hiding my heart only for me to see... unless you look deeply within. And even then, my heart is covered with tar. Do you want to help me clean it off or will I just continue to wither away...

The waterfall continues... 

Stuck

Stuck

I’m stuck in mud and can’t get out.
This mud is so deep;
It’s really only making my feet dirty.
How to get out? How to get out?
I go to reach for the escape rope;
It seems so far away.
All I have to do is extend further;
But sometimes, a little birdie needs to tell me so first…

Will You Go Demon Slaying With Me?

If I can stand here al day writing poems about you, I would!

Every day I’ve been thinking about you more than I can press my thoughts because you help me put them to rest.

You are my demon slayer!

You are the one who takes my worst enemies and tells them to fuck off.

Being as real as humanity you inspire me to bring upon my strongest and most authentic self.

It’s been so long since I’ve ever felt this way towards anyone.

Maybe you’re what I’ve been looking for all along!

Will you go demon slaying with me?

Hopeful

I wish it was easier to make art with a smile than a grimace…

Lately I have been on a streak of lovely occurrences
While hope is in the air.

Every time I think my world is crumbling, I close my eyes and breathe,
And tell myself I am not homeless, in jail, or in the hospital.

I may not be a holiday person,
But I would like to give as much thanks as possible
And not only on Thanksgiving.

I used to feel super alone and distant from those closest to me;
When I opened my eyes and heart and want to share the positivity every day,
People seem to want to stay.

My tribe is my family.
They help me achieve my best self in the name of love and won’t leave through the absolute worst.

On top of it all,
I used to think I was going to be single forever.
Someone told me you will find love when you’re not looking or trying
And BAM there it is… right in front of me in one of the most obvious places.
Love is in the air
I hope I can stay as bright as possible even with this rain cloud above my head.
How will you stay happy, humble, and positive?

I Dream of Dark Chocolate

I’ve been single for so long
But am starting to feel more full.
Being different has held me back,
And has put me ahead of the pack.

There’s a twinkle in my eye that’s so close yet so far
I wish I could jump into my phone screen and see you.
You check all my boxes and aren’t a figment of my imagination
Or a cartoon character.
My time with you is like a vacation…
A vacation from my brain that takes me to a paradise island!

Only time will tell
I hope we never yell
Except at a rave,
Which you will be my babe.

You treat me super well,
Which caused me to raise my standards,
Though you are far from standard!

The last time I wrote a love poem
It was 9.5 minutes long and the person turned out to be Voldemort from Harry Potter.

You are like the blotter I put into my mouth and see stars, the moon, and rainbows.
My eyes, ears, and heart are wide open!
I hope this paper is tasteless,
So I can take my dark chocolate bar and run with it.

Pinch me!
I hope this isn’t another fucking dream…

Positive Haiku Poems

What all can I do
To be embraced by someone?
Be yourself and win!

Bye negativity
Time to rid myself of hell
Before it eats me!

To win the battle
You must hold it together
To prove your own strength

What is family?
It may not be who you think.
Careful who you choose!

Home is in your heart
Not where other people say
Or where bullies are…

You can reach the stars
Sometimes the stars come to you
Only if you try…

Believe in yourself
Even when no one else does
You must still believe!

Love wins over all
Kindness destroys the evil
The real shall prevail!

Healing Sun

What can make the sun come out today?
Is it up to God?
Is it up to me?
Is it up to some undefined higher power known as the weather, which may or may not be controlled by something up there?

It is raining in my eyes right now.
I see Niagara Falls from a mile away, but have never been.
Going to a new destination would fill me, but I cry so much and my bucket is still empty…

Is there a place where the sun is always out?
Is there a place where a special healing plant is always in season?
Do I have to find the sun or make something happen on my own or can lady fate help me?
Someone please embrace me!

Maybe I have to plant the seeds to make the magic plant appear to help the sun come out and make it warm again?
I’ll figure it out and make my own goddamn sun!

Bye Bye Base

My childhood house is not a home;
It is the shelter above my head and nothing else.

What is home?
Home is a dwelling place with benefits
Like when you’re playing tag as a child and holding onto the pole at the park deemed as “base”

Base is the only place you’re supposed to fully be safe and immune to harm in the game

Now imagine “base” being removed from tag.
You would be running around endlessly struggling to find freedom until either the round ended or you got a game over…

My home life has never been a positive experience.
The atmosphere is clouded with the spirit of Debbie Downer with a  side of infinite stress and my parents fighting all the time.
I feel like I’m tiptoeing on lit coals with criticism in the background disguised as love being force fed into my mouth.

I’m on a mission to find my voice;
Every time I speak a barrier seems to deflect my purpose and overtake my belonging…

Visions in my head sound off to search for direction but have led me to hell and back

Nowhere feels safe anymore;
What is privacy anyway?

My room and car are subject to search even behind locked doors;
The negative energy overtakes the entire space…

Every waking moment feels like a fight against the shadow monsters with your secret weapon being disabled.
Sadly, it seems like the only way to win the battle is to teach myself to fly and flee to find the escape rope to my freedom…

What would you do if your home was the enemy?

The Lone Shining Light

I want to be happy, I promise!
Though I have never felt more alone in my entire life… until right now.

It is the holiday season right now and all I want to do is work or do something productive.
Part of me feels like I have nothing to celebrate,
While the rest of me doesn’t have a safe place to go to celebrate.
Might as well throw a dinner and trip to the arcade party, party of 1.

Tis the time to be with other people.
During the time I need it most,
You find out how selfish humankind really is.

I don’t mean to be salty,
But my tears taste that way…

Joy seems to be somewhere yonder,
Even though survey says you’re not supposed to seek it out.

I feel so full of energy
With the pain buried down below.

In order to fully shine, you need to fill your own cup.

One of my tables at work a few days ago asked me how I was doing.
I said I was fine with a smile and they immediately called my bullshit.
I replied by saying I was fine in the present moment, which was true, and gracefully walked away like all the people in my life seem to be doing right now.

My pain translated itself into illness, which causes people to disappear with haste.

If the ultimate goal is to spread light, how can you do so when the light is dim?
Illuminate the black, of course.

What if you are the black?

If creatively sorting my thoughts and drawing it onto a notepad is the only way to get people to listen, so be it.

I will continue spreading as much light as I can in this crazy life I am grateful for having.

Learning to be alone is a skill.

One of these days, I will figure out how to touch the stars,
But someone else has the key.
In that case, I’ll go to the moon instead!

Reality's Dreams

Hallucinations
Are when reality meets
Fictional events

Imagination
Can be real if you turn it
To living actions

Dreams as real as stars
Exist because thoughts manifest
Into reality

Broken Record

I feel like my friends are tired of me telling them the same story over and over again...

It is past 4am
And I'm scrolling through my messages wondering who my next victim will be to hear about how I found another way to screw myself over.
I don't want to bother anyone,
But my instincts tell me to message someone before I shove more artificialness through my mouth because I haven't been to therapy in 2 weeks...

It would be nice if someone could hold my hand and tell me everything would be ok, but I've held my own hand the last 4+ years.
While I don't regret it, I need to open the door instead of letting myself continue to drown...

"I'm a strong independent woman!"
I continue to chant that to myself as I try not to let myself cry.
The magicness is right next to me, but it's locked in the safe and I shouldn't go grab the key...

"I'm a strong independent woman!"
I continue to tell myself that while pushing unnecessary societal and familial pressures aside to keep myself afloat.
I am one to march to my own irrythymic heartbeat at my own pace and shall continue on my way to the golden roads!

"I'm a strong independent woman!"
I scream that to myself in the mirror as I look at my bare body, realize what I've done to it, and vow to be better.

I'm not a broken record.
You cannot shatter me as easy as glass breaks.
I may sound a little off, but I still am able to function.

I'm sorry the songs have some minor keys, but I'm not sorry for being me!
I'm not sorry for being free!
And I'm definitely not sorry for being different.

I have already walked away from the ridicule for it to follow me back to what is supposed to be home.

If I am a strong independent woman as I say, it is time to lay the layers, brick by brick, and pave my own golden roads!

Prey Meets Rock

I feel like prey,
The clay that gets destroyed when the fire is so strong it's ineffective.
When the blood of the covenant is not thicker than the water of the womb I wonder why and want to cry... And then run away...
To the abyss where it feels like I keep taking shots and I miss...
The shots hit the rim and bounce right out every time...

I need to be a rock...
Immovable and hard to destroy...
Because I won't be your toy
As you are a leech and shall let your grasp finally elude me...

Goodbye to you.
You are not my family.
You have sucked every ounce of blood out of me, but I am still conscious.
I will be my own rock
And squash whoever tries to break me!
I have learned from my mistakes while the stakes were high,
And now I will make the successful shot I need...
Right in the net!