I want to be happy, I promise!
Though I have never felt more alone in my entire life… until right now.
It is the holiday season right now and all I want to do is work or do something productive.
Part of me feels like I have nothing to celebrate,
While the rest of me doesn’t have a safe place to go to celebrate.
Might as well throw a dinner and trip to the arcade party, party of 1.
Tis the time to be with other people.
During the time I need it most,
You find out how selfish humankind really is.
I don’t mean to be salty,
But my tears taste that way…
Joy seems to be somewhere yonder,
Even though survey says you’re not supposed to seek it out.
I feel so full of energy
With the pain buried down below.
In order to fully shine, you need to fill your own cup.
One of my tables at work a few days ago asked me how I was doing.
I said I was fine with a smile and they immediately called my bullshit.
I replied by saying I was fine in the present moment, which was true, and gracefully walked away like all the people in my life seem to be doing right now.
My pain translated itself into illness, which causes people to disappear with haste.
If the ultimate goal is to spread light, how can you do so when the light is dim?
Illuminate the black, of course.
What if you are the black?
If creatively sorting my thoughts and drawing it onto a notepad is the only way to get people to listen, so be it.
I will continue spreading as much light as I can in this crazy life I am grateful for having.
Learning to be alone is a skill.
One of these days, I will figure out how to touch the stars,
But someone else has the key.
In that case, I’ll go to the moon instead!
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