Happy New Years 2013

Living in a life that makes no sense
Starting the previous year on one of the lowest rungs on the ladder
Battling a long-lasting illness
That caused so much pain
You find out that everything happens for a reason

Someone who's so different
But looks like she can be a part of the "in crowd"
Though she really isn't
And has no intent of conforming

All the ridicule
The pointing and laughing
The exclusion
The isolation
The ostracizing
Just the simple definition of being left out of course

In a place where you're supposed to meet your best friends
It doesn't always happen
Just a loud-spoken poet of many words
With an analytical mind
And unorthodox thought and learning process
No one seems to understand but the few outside the circle

The deletion
The treating her like an outcast
Don't worry
She's found her true place
Where she is truly wanted

Falling in love for the first time
Is anyone's Disney fairy tale imagination
Yet it happened to her

She may not believe in coincidence
But she believes in karma
And definitely tells people to NOT call her maybe
And to never surrender

With karma
While extending her hand
She was extended one back to her
One that was much needed
And turned into true love

Discovering the meaning of love
And extending a hand
She needs to give in order to receive
But doesn't have a need to be impaired to discover the true meaning of fun
And understanding the present

After embarking on a life-changing journey
To the holy land
And deciding to drop almost everything to chase dreams
And maybe a shot on Wheel of Fortune
It shall happen

To recognize her own strengths
That she doesn't give herself enough credit for
She writes her accomplishments on a paper
And shows them to prince charming
Without arrogance
Only modesty

She's trying her best
That's all she can do
Not beat herself up
Walk around with her head up
Loving all
Winning all
Earning all
And being the ultimate
While always keeping her chin up

Tragedy

I wrote this poem based on my thoughts of the Sandy Hook shooting. I just think something like this is awful and shouldn't ever be considered a common occurrence. Though it shall never be forgotten, we need to continue to realize that life goes on, live in the Now, and find ways to better ourselves and this country from this situation. We can sit here and pout about it all we want, we can sit here and say how we "plan" on executing all these plans, but there won't be change unless people are proactive and actually act on their words!

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Look at this place
Tainted by evil
This situation
Caused a more than enough mayhem

A once quaint area, destroyed by tragedy
Innocent lives
Stripped away by the devil
A once happy town now mourns with sorrow

No one wants to fall
And lose it all
To one who never deserved to exist
And doesn't even deserve to spit
Because he was only a waste of space

Who would want such a thing to happen
Something to spark a worldwide phenomenon
It will be a painful recovery
Doable when everyone comes together
But we can't wait on the world to change

This isn't the place for shock
This isn't the place for killing
No one deserves to die
No one deserves to feel this terrible ailing

This man should have been fed to the dogs
This happens way too often
Someone should have stepped in to help
In order to prevent people from seeing the red in the world

Some people think life is a Cinderella story
Bring a gun and it will turn into your worst nightmare
Life is beautiful
But shouldn't be viewed with a veil

Should we have seen this coming
Or should we have used our firepower to stop it?
What caused this to happen?
We may never know

This day will live in infamy
Along with the other days filled with tragedy
But why do we think as such?
We still need to see the good above the evil
It's shocking, but true!

We still wonder why we think of tragedy instead of wonder
Why we decide to look more into the dark of the day instead of the light at the end of the tunnel
Why people recognize death instead of charity and beauty
We need to put our shine on
But not disregard the black

As we pray for peace
We wish for infinite protection
And come together
To band as one
Providing a safe haven
For those who suffered
Providing comfort
To those who are now feeling despair
In a sick and twisted tragedy

We can never point a finger at the problem
Only to the devil
But find all possible to change
All necessary to cause a triumph
Find justice
Find peace
Sing out loud
Have your voice heard
Shed a waterfall of tears
And take a deep breath
Filled with relief
Filled with joy
Even if you're affected
Just take a breath of fresh air

Find a way to fight evil
Find a way to fight all fears
We can say we're going to fight
But we actually have to fight to win!

What about now to see the sun?
We shouldn't always look for the black hole in the puzzle
It may be no fairy tail ending to live without your loved one
The heroes should be rewarded
More than a purple heart
If only they can be rewarded with another chance
But that's not how life works

Sing out loud
Sing to the clouds
Escape from hell

Let's rid ourselves from this sin
Never forget
But remember we can always come together
As one free nation
And not dwell on what we don't have or what we lost
But focus on the Now
Focus on the beauty
Focus on the seeing the stars at night

Take a moment
Smell the flowers
Because they may never come back
You only have one chance
Go with a bang!
Gaze at the clouds!
Walk with your head held up high
And hope it never, ever happens again!

We can act
We can change the world
We can't bring people back
But we can continue to pay it forward
And advocate kindness and pure heart

We can continue to be reminded of life's beauty
And take a moment
See the light
Past this sick and twisted tragedy!

Prince Charming

Prince Charming
A term given to the few, fresh, finest
A wonderful man of honor
Walking along with a head held high filled with pride and a pleasing spirit
Viewed as a hero to all he encounters
Riding down a radiant road towards success
Always putting his loved ones before himself
Loving children and adults alike

On your special day
Devoted solely to you
It is a time to be selfish
And live in the now
When everyone bows down to you
Where the present represents a path of loving life and all around you
Where the sweetest are given all they deserve
And you shall triumph through life and love's rugged pathways

Lenses

Do you see that cliche yellow brick road in front of you? Maybe so. Forget your lenses? They can be somewhere. Maybe these lenses are staring at you… or even on that stage in front of you… in a place you are never alone, where you are not looking at the phone or through those bones… Satisfied by your side is a world unknown. A world only you know… or many others for that matter. Such a world, known as music, is more than a mere noise, sound, or rhythm. It's a way of life! There is no reason to be afraid for a form of self-expression. Piercings, tattoos, hair or clothing style. It's your own. It's your form of beauty. It can even bring a happy couple closer!

Wherever you may be, you can run into a world of disgrace. Your heart, bulletproof, produces a long string of words that are everyone else's to decipher. All the while, they are yours, hopefully… not someone else's that are fed into your mouth just to achieve popularity. They should be yours to take pride in, not for publicity and fame. They should be a joy that people cherish and not drool over. They should be for you, not to impress anyone except for you… and maybe your boyfriend or best friend!
Nowadays, the true definition of music is to your discretion. Nowadays, these so called "stars" are trying to taint your lenses with fame, fortune, and luck. The lyrics have no depth, they were mass produced, and a true musician would vomit.

Thankfully, a cover can paint some color to a dull frame. It can give a new image to a tainted lens. It will create a vivid image of life, ranging from girls looking for loser boyfriends, girls breaking up with their boyfriend, a wife leaving, etc. But this image will be from someone else's mind through your lenses…

It is all still of a larger entity, whether for fame, for you, or a smaller audience soon to grow, it is for you. It is from your heart, through your soul, and pulsating through your veins. It is a part of you. It is about life through your lenses. Whether or not people understand, it's their loss; that is why there are multiple genres. You can either go through a hurricane and exit dead or alive.

No matter what you choose, the path you take, the life you live, it's all yours. People can criticize, hurt, hate, demoralize, but you are still you, no matter what. Don't drive into a deep end of depression, angst, and bittersweet memories. It's you. Take pride. It's life through your lenses. And that's all that matters...

Nine

That moment when people talk down to you...

Your confidence is low
You feel lost and lonely
You even wonder why someone who should be so close to you seems like they're turning their back on you

That moment where people ridicule you...

You're scarred
You're scared
You're chock full of sorrow

Years later, you finally overcome the fear and realize how much of a disease it really is. Feeling strong, you walk over to the water and stare at your glistening reflection. Flashbacks begin to engulf your mind...

You take a seat and cry for about an hour and realizing what you missed because of the plague. You can't go back nine years, but you can go forward nine minutes and begin to make a difference!

When you mentor someone, they call you “the best tutor ever”
When you lead an organization, many people thank you for your contributions
When you help the people you love the tools they need to thrive, they kiss you at your feet
You realize how much you have paid it forward. You can get people off the ground. You have the power!

But you're living on borrowed time in a borrowed space
Alone in a place that isn't really yours, but you use it anyways
With headphones blasting metal
Wanting to lock yourself away
But being in a public place
Sipping on a drink
With the loud piercing sound keeping me sane
That's what I say
While I stare into space...

If you walk across the water with a humble mind
You will complete your task and get quite a few gold stars
You will be viewed as a hero to your peers
The water will hold onto the nine minutes you have to complete your task
Completely alone
But you still survive

If you walk across the coal with an arrogant soul
Your heart will be sold
The devilish spirit will make you cold
But you think you're bold
You think you're so smooth, eh?
In due time, your life will just revolve around needing nine of everything

You have nine friends
Nine lives
But not nine strikes

You need to have a proper frame of mind
Or the clown mirrors will attack your perspective
You're alone in a room caught in a hurricane
Seeing yourself as just an animal...

Curling into a ball, you sob, waiting for someone to come rub your back
At least you're not always stuck in the background
That's what a frontman does
A president is a leader of an organization
But can a woman do something this big in a world that shouldn't see man as superior?

Will everyone understand... or just some
You just need to come
Come back to where you're from
So you can show how it's done!

Everything is a big pile of maybe
Indecisive...
Insecure...
Impossible...
On the minds of many
Maybe should take nine minutes to ask yourself why...
Do you want this nonsense to last?
Or do you want to take a trip into the serene beauty?
Just modulate...
Maybe that will take you somewhere
Where nine isn't your life...

Don't give up
Keep going
Don't let life bring you down
Just the normal cliché things one would say to motivate...
Inspire...
Impact...
Implement...
Indestructible...
Admirable...
Success!
If you do those, you can free yourself from nine
And enter into the magic world of now!

Stars

You're breaking inside. Every bone, every emotion, every last feeling...
You give me chills down my spine.
Should you stay or leave?
Do you feel like you're hiding in everyone else's shadows? Who would want that?
Your goal is to be a leader

If you're the best leader there is...
You are unbreakable
You are unstoppable
You are the ultimate!


Why are people so opinionated?
Why do people enjoy judging others and driving someone into an emotional hole?
You wish people understand...
There will be no sacrifice


How is it to be you?
Do you love you?

Do you want to live in the shadows of despair?
Do you feel torn?

Surviving is more difficult than it seems
So many are lost so soon, especially ones you'd least expect
If you hit the wall, do you feel like you leave pieces of your emotions behind?
Do you want to hold yourself together?


Look into the stars
Realize how beautiful you are
You are never too late
You are never last in line to ANYONE
You are always first

The line is yours
This life is yours

You are you
Realize you are you

Ignore those who hurt you
Disregard those who create fumes
Because you are the only who in the picture
It's just a known feature
Look into the details of your amazingness
And you will be fine!

You never need proof
Because your heart is all you need!
As long as you look up into the stars...

Painting

The pile is filled so high
How high can it go?
Before it weens itself away, you begin to ponder...
Ponder about life's mysteries with an analytical point of view

Looking closely through the glass
Looking closely into the thin paper filled with words
The tide rises high
Your mind spins in cycles

Your feet are firmly planted on the ground
You want to stand tall with a short stature
Get the liars away
Get the haters away
Get the condescending away
Don't let life slip away
You think this makes no sense?

Things can be purposefully vague
But that just mean you need to take a look inside
Take a look inside
Your maker is right within you

Your heart glows wide
The positivity shines through
You take pride in your personal art
You take pride in the different
You shoot out what you want
Dressed up as you
Before your insides are sucked out by the fire
The fire that will make you dead inside

You are you
He is he
Take pride in the you
Take pride in the now
Take pride in the me

Pride and consciousness are your best friends
Don't suck yourself dry
Don't hide in silence
Serenity is yours if you give it to yourself

Don't freak the freak out
Keep a calm head
Swiftly swim through the serene layout
Thrive for yourself
Never for anyone else

If you're going crazy, resurrect yourself
Because life is how you paint it
This is your painting
In your own riptide
Does this make sense?

Wake up
Read inside
Not just within the bare bones

Sound confusing?
That's how you think when you begin to start your own painting of life!

Something

She locks herself in her room, punches holes through the walls, throws her room into a tornado
She feels like no one trusts her, no one loves her, she feels abandonment…
She silently cries…

Looking out her window, she stands there as an observer to everyone running around the park
She just stands there as tears run down her face
Feeling like she cannot enter, she feels like a lost puppy in a puddle of sorrow
She feels absent from the world, withdrawn, in a world of pain
Sensing her mother, she hides in her closet and blocks the door with her dressers
It’s as if a robber entered her house
How would you feel if you had been brutally abused in your past?

Why would anyone do such a horrible thing?
All these mass shootings
All these murders, abusers, people who cause a world of hurt

===============

You sit there and wonder why…
You wonder how you can be an anti-bullying and anti-abuse advocate
You wonder how you can make a difference

You don’t have to be famous
You don’t have to be a millionaire
If you actually go out and do something big, something huge, something substantial enough to get yourself noticed, you will make something happen

A little something is a bit of everything

If you want to stop bullying and abuse, then make shirts and sell them at school
If you want to make a point, rally your friends, think outside of the box and do something
Doing something is all you need to do
Do what you say you will do
Just doing will take you a long way!

Fire

One striking moment in time can do a devastating amount of damage…
How on earth could that happen?
A meteor, an earthquake, a volcano, a what?

You only have a few minutes to gather everything near and dear to you

All of a sudden, a fire goes ablaze

You lost everything…

Your life and your family’s life is now drastically changed,

You are forced to start over

You vividly remember the moment and constantly relive it on a daily basis

Your dog somehow managed to escape

Everyone made it out alive, but now you have nothing except for your husband’s heart and the relationship with your family to count on…

The fire began to engulf the business next door
Your friends live nearby
The fire was put out by the rain
Your dog begins to howl at the sky
I think he’s asking for tragedy to stop

Could it be a war against ourselves?

How can something so short, so brief, so sudden, destroy everything and take lives away?

All you know is that you can’t change the past

Mother nature can cause tons of damage
Tragedy can end lives
Illness can sweep a nation
The damage is like a cancer that only affects so many, but most are lucky

You need to be more grateful
You need to be one who lives in the present, lives to enjoy each moment, and lives for the now

The fire set ablaze can’t hurt you unless you let it…

Go the Distance

It's all so far away. But it's so close I see it in the distance; I want it so bad. People can be so darn hurtful sometimes; That's nothing new to me. I know exactly what I want. But some people don't. I have virtually everything I could ever ask for. Maybe you're just jealous I am happier than you are. If that is true, don't put me down. People who put others down are inhuman to me because I believe in eternal kindness. If you want to be inhuman, people will see you as inhuman. If you are inhuman, then I will just call you Voldemort and move on. You will deserve a cursed name. I will chase my dreams, while you will stay put. You will live a sick and twisted life in misery while I see unicorns and rainbows. You will get nothing and I will get everything. Most imperatively, I will move on with my life, living happier than you ever will!

We live in a sick and twisted world. Trust is near impossible to give and you sometimes feel like you ran into a dead end. There is no such thing as giving up and time is of the essence. As long as you listen to all of those corny sayings and quotes that everyone posts, you will be fine. Live by your own motto, make your own quotes, make your own mark, and you will go very far. If you follow your own path, then you will be able to go the distance. When you find that destination point, you will never, ever feel lost.

Don't Live in a Pit of Despair

Have you ever feared being stuck with a total bitch roommate where there's NO escape? Do you, your parents, and your best friend want to chop your roommate's head off? If you are about to have that happen to you or you are in the process of dealing with that, here are my top 5 tips on how to survive the rest of your lease and not get stuck in this situation ever again in no particular order:
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1. Schools pressure you to resign your leases early. DO NOT accept any pressure from leasing companies to sign early. When you put your name on that paper, you are stuck for as long as the lease tells you. Subleasing are always an option, but those are a PAIN to find the right person that you don't even know. You DON'T want to regret your decisions later. If people sign in September, if you wait until November or even later, at least you know you made the right decision to find somewhere and someone you want to live with. That way, you won't only have your room, the library, the computer lab, and your friend's couches to live on...

2. Resolve any issues early. Talk to your roommate BEFORE you move in to make sure things are clear. If issues persist during the year, talk about them early and don't wait until you're stuck a second year with them and want to blow your brains out. Worst of all, don't wait until you're threatening your mom that you're going to never be there and start thinking of ways how you can turn your room into your only comfortable living space...Even more worse, don't wait until you need to get the leasing company involved, or even a civil lawyer. Ms. President of the computer nerd club doesn't want to be dealing a lawyer or going to court...

3. Not all people have common courtesy or respect, so don't assume ANYTHING. For example, make your needs and wants clear to them to make sure you don't get stuck with an extra, unwanted roommate. A two bedroom apartment means two people living there and no extra tenants. Don't settle for the fatass, freeloader boyfriend living there. Make sure the boyfriend doesn't have a copy of the key. If he does, tell the leasing company immediately. OR better yet, talk to the roommate about it. Otherwise, your room will be your best friend and you will be begging your friends for a couch or your boyfriend to let him take you in... their roommates won't be too happy.

4. Keep the place clean, but don't clean up after two slobs. If there's a mess, don't write a nasty note. Knock on the door and ask politely for them to clean it up. Then, the person will be like "Omg I'm so sorry" and be willing to clean up right away. At least if there's a residing issue, make sure you reach a civil agreement so you can at least walk in the apartment, say hi, watch TV, or do homework, without feeling like you're invading everyone else's space.

5. Never feel like someone is pressuring you to live with them. On top of leasing companies convincing you to sign as early as possible as they tell you everything will run out, your friends can't forge your signature on that lease. It's ultimately up to you how you make an apartment situation. If you have exhausted all your roommate options, go random, or better yet, pay the extra money to peacefully live alone. You can always invite your friends or boyfriend to stay over as often as you'd like. The best part of that is you'd never have to worry about accomodating for anyone else!

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Top 10 reasons why NOT to resign a lease with a royal bitch of a roommate (before you find out their true colors):

1. You will resort to your friend's couches, your room, the library, and the computer lab.

2. Your room will be your only living space while the rest of your apartment is "for them to explore"

3. You will catch yourself on many occasions referring to your expensive apartment as "theirs" and never invite ANYONE over (even your homework buddies)

4. You will constantly be bitching to your friends about it

5. You will be sorry later

6. You will have nowhere to cook and end up gaining 30 pounds in one semester due to not cooking healthy food and going to the gas station for unhealthy meals

7. You will barely feel comfortable walking into your own apartment after the library closes, let alone, without your football player, ex marine, nerd boyfriend (who you love oh so much)

8. You won't feel comfortable walking in your apartment in your PJs or bathrobe/towel and will always have to feel "fully ready" before leaving your room... or bathroom

9. You will be thinking of ways on how to make your room a living space, such as mirrors, plastic utensils, and microwaves (when the apartment already comes with one)

10. When that lease is up, you can happily GTFO and never have to see them again! You will be happy that you are stuck with them for only one year. Then you have the rest of your life to enjoy!

These are worst case scenarios. Don't let these happen to you!

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My best advice: Sign at your own risk and make sure you're 100% comfortable with signing a lease before you sign yourself into a sweet deal... for the other party! If you do, then just be optimistic, make the best of it, and it will be over before you know it!

Don't end up in a pit of despair or you will want to break your bones. Your top will crack. Your brain will explode. And your mood will go down the drain. So stay away from the evil, rotten pit of despair!

Ghostly Business

You have a ghost in your closet, what do you do?

Do you exterminate it or let it be? It’s up to you…

You decide to call the exterminator but they think that you’re absolutely insane and hang up the phone…

You open the closet and you remember you were hiding your past from your parents in a white blanket, but what was that noise?

It was your heart crying… Unknown to your knowledge, the strange, eerie sound is audible

You are grief-stricken by your own tears of sorrow because you have never seen anything like this, yet you are shocked to confront your past…

You see a vision of your saint of a boyfriend and explain to him that you, this super strong woman, feel torn and like an unwanted toy who was just thrown away

You have been abused on a constant basis and are lost for words, but still remain whole

You are all alone and the doorbell rings

You sprint down the stairs and feel like your face smacked into the ground like a piano being dropped from a 100-story building, but somehow managed to not clumsily fall

“Who’s at the door?” She said with a frightened look on her face

It was just your best friend banging on your door, yelping for help. He needs you. He yearns for you. He…

He had never been so depressed in his life. Ever since his dad was in the hospital with cancer, he began feeling quite unusual; his self-esteem fled out the door, he consistently brought unnecessary anger upon himself, and he almost came face to face with Death…

You slowly answer the door and wonder who or what you’re going to see

He looked like he had cried for ages on his bed and wanted to give his best friend a strangling hug

It’s the same man you saw in your vision, but you wonder why it isn’t the ghost knocking…

Did you anihhilate the ghost already?

He sounds like he’s screaming at the top of his lungs like he’s going to die. He grabs you with the brute strength of his 5 foot 11 football player, muscular body and pulls you close to his heart for safety

He ran into the closet in your room, grabbed his notebook, flashlight, and lucky pencil he received for winning a football game in order for his team to go to state. He turned off all the lights, locked the door in your room, went into the closet, and began writing a poem that goes something like this:

“What could have caused this traumatizing moment? As my reflections project into images of reality inside my head, they cause fear, insecurity, and excruciating, internal pain. I count down the days until I can return to my happy place, when my head is empty and my heart is satisfied…”

He hears a knock on the door and assumes it’s the ghost and begins to scream again

You sweetly answer to him to his reassurance and he opens the door, lets you in, and locks it again

You close the door, talk for hours, confront your worst nightmares, and fall asleep next to each other, with him holding you close to his heart

The next day, everything returns to normal, and the ghost had left the premesis. You both have no idea what happened and only realized you were asleep next to each other. You both realize that it was only ghostly business, and reality returned to normal…

Happiness is Optimistic

There are some moments where you see people skipping merrily down the street with an expression that says “my life is absolutely perfect”. And you are like “I wish I could be like that person”.

But you can be that happy person skipping down the street, right?

You can decide to be an optimist. But that doesn’t always help. You refuse to be a pessimist, no matter how frustrated and upset you are. You randomly decide to pick a music album that describes your life, with one of the songs saying, “I’m lovin, but I’m feelin like shit”. Just mixed feelings, that’s all…

Looking through the depths of your mind you try to envision where you’d be if you decided to follow a different path instead. While you debate about whether or not you made the right choices, you realize you are seemingly happy at the moment, but why not completely content. What’s missing?

After a long semester at school you come home and feel like you are basically holding friend auditions and cutting most of them. The days of being a doormat and someone to pour your trash on and someone to scapegoat for everything are now over. You’re just asking for respect and to be treated as a human being. Is that so hard to ask for?

While creeping on facebook you see these pictures of where you were that you are not in. You wish you could find somewhere to fit into these pictures, but it’s like there’s no room at the lunch table. That’s really happened when they clearly could have moved over and made some room. And then you begin to feel like you’ve been exiled from the group… Yes, it hurts! oh so bad!

Then the next day they’re gone and you ask where they went. Claiming they had homework to do and went to the library, someone tells you they went out to lunch after you clearly asked them the previous day if they wanted to go. Just do society a favor and quit making your fake excuses every single time. And quit trying to be promising when you are clearly aware there’s no hope. They eventually catch on. Just be honest, and if you really don’t want to then just tell me and then you can completely ignore me forever you morons. Life goes on; quit being shallow bastards. Lying is not a virtue… And neither is pulling that excuse card out of your rear end…

People ask why you put your emotions on paper and you reply that you feel like you can’t trust anyone and need some way to express yourself. Well, if people weren’t to busy being pretty little liars, these trust issues wouldn’t exist. Don’t hold your tears in there’s someone to give them to…somewhere… Venting is oh so necessary. After holding it in for almost six months, you’re ready to just throw those bottled emotions somewhere… *sends a text to your friends* They claim to be busy or unresponsive… what the hell?!? Everything’s blocking my breathing mechanisms. I NEED TO RELEASE EVERYTHING. Come on now, please don’t ignore me… who will listen to me? I am bound to break sometime soon. Hopefully it will be under my control!!

Love isn’t the easiest thing to find these days. It’s like finding Waldo in that silly children’s book. If you’re too impatient and decide to cave on the first person that shows feelings, then it will bite you, time and time again. Supposedly, there’s thing, you know, called patience. If you have it, may success soon be with you.

If you feel like your only purpose in life is to please other people, then think something else. If you feel like you absolutely have to please other people and you have to put every ounce of effort into it, then they aren’t worth your time. If they tell you that you aren’t good enough, then they can go rot... No one ever deserves to stand for that. If someone is your real friend, then it should be effortless…

People may think drugs are their only way to get by in life. Well, that is SO untrue. Even if your best friend does it, you don’t have to. If it gets to be out of hand, what do you do? Confront them? They don’t listen to you. Now what? Get them help? Stop talking to them until decide to change, which they probably won’t… Because all drugs will do is hinder your true potential in life.

If you ever, ever, ever question the faithfulness of someone, well, come on now. If someone lies to you, it may cause you to have severe trust issues. But trust doesn’t come on a silver platter. Even someone throwing the excuse card constantly can cause issues because it shows how unreliable they are. If you ever get cheated on, that just screws everything up. But what if they do decide to come through?? They just need to prove themselves. And if they fail, then sayonara! Hopefully your family will never let you down…

Playing a useless game and being lazy isn’t always the best way to go. Breaks are necessary after a stressful day or whatnot. But if all you do is sit on your rear end, then you’re going to go nowhere. It always feels like there is something to do. If only there was more time to do things and sleep was less necessary. Then everything could be accomplished!!

Time is of the essence… a basic phrase you often hear. If only there was time to get 10 hours of sleep per day, study, practice, have a social life, work, go to class, do extra activities… you know. Even an extra 6 hours in the day, that would make a huge difference. Who likes getting up at 4am to go to work, or at 6am to get ready and eat breakfast before your 8am class? That’s too early. We gotta do what we gotta do. But people are becoming more and more ill due to exhaustion and stress.

Not like how you look?? But food is sooooo good! Your eating habits are a big part of your weight. Stress, sleep, and exercise are also very important. You also need to have time to do all of these things so you can manage yourself, your sanity, and your body. If you only eat everything that tastes good, such as fast food, you will turn into a whale. If you balance your diet and eat meals with lots of fruits and vegetables in them and natural ingredients and work out a couple days a week, sticking to that will show some major results…

Feel like you screwed up somewhere? Second chances usually aren’t given, but can sometimes be given out way too easily. Don’t take ANYTHING from other people, but don’t explode to anyone, or it will be thrown right back in your face. All you can do is try your best and not get so hung up over everything. Being paranoid will only kill you in the end…

Think your only purpose in life is to make people look bad to make yourself happy, including your own family members?? In that case, you’re a complete jerk. But it also shows you are very insecure and have a low self esteem and try to lower someone’s who is either very high or very low. Haters are haters and won't be part of my life. If you want to be a complete douche, gtfo and go somewhere else. Hope you get screwed even more so you can see how it feels. No one deserves to be treated without the utmost respect…

Tired of people pissing you off? Well it’s time to stand up for yourself. Independence is always nice though. You want to be a people pleaser, but that’s not the most important thing, because the entire world won’t like you. However, if those certain people who you haven’t pleased decide to treat you poorly, as well as those on your side… well don’t just stand there. Do something!!!! Don’t tell them to gtfo or start cursing at them, but be the bigger person and nicely confront them and tell them what they’re doing hurts you. If you don’t, then no one will take you seriously…

Quit worrying, dude! You gotta have some confidence! You probably didn’t mess up, no matter how much you think you did. The world is not out to get you, unless of course you’re Osama Bin Laden or some terrorist. Take a load off my dear. Don’t be so paranoid. Getting hung up on something small is so silly, but it happens so often. Just chill, breathe. It will be fine!

Making decisions is one of the toughest things to do, whether it’s to study, go out, or give up on people you think are douchebags and treat you like garbage. It can change your path forever. That may put a lot of pressure on you. But a few years down the road, realizing that you were strong enough to make that difficult choice, you won’t have any regrets…

To sum it up, the world is no perfect place to live. So many people have given up just because of one bump in the road. If you feel like you are that person with so many that it’s too hard to handle, never give up. It may be one of the most cliché phrases out there, but yet it’s so powerful. If you get treated poorly, take matters into your own hands. Don’t just let it happen or you’ll feel hurt and be shoved into a hole that it will take forever to crawl out of. Don’t ever think you need drugs to survive, because whether you think everyone hates you, there are a few people who have taken their actions out of control and you are just so frustrated you feel like you have nowhere to turn to anymore, the effects are irreversible. If people exile you from their little clique, screw them. You’ll soon find somewhere you belong. You may encounter people who lie, but not every word you hear is a lie. No matter what, somewhere you may have not located yet, there are people out there who love you to death who will give you all the respect you deserve. Whether you realize it or not, there are; those are the people you can put all your trust in and they will allow you to hold onto it forever. You never have to be paranoid about that. Don’t ever feel useless, because no one is. You are the one who can provide something special to this world, no matter how long it takes. You will find time to do it. If you attack the world with confidence and stay strong no matter what, then you will be that happy person skipping down the street.

Understand

If you commonly say that you're walking down the path of life, it's super cliche, but it's true. If you say that bitterness can be turned to something tasty, then you're definitely not out of your mind. If you say that bashing yourself will lead to an endless nightmare, that's so true. When one year ago, the only things at home consisted of hurt, drama, and confusion, you look for a stress release. You're not quite sure who to talk to because figuring out the meaning of who's true and who's out to screw you over is more difficult than the most ridiculous programming language. And the mission still continues now. You turn to your fingertips or a pencil because a virtual machine or a piece of paper reads everything. It will always be there for you. But at some point, you deem people worthy of entering this private shrine. If you are worthy, then you have done something special or led me to a personal reflection session that leads to a positive turning point. If you read the secret hidden messages and understand them, that makes you even more valuable. If you even go out of your way to do acts of unselfishness to help a dream that was attainable with an extra boost to the top shelf, I totally want to pay it forward to you. Even though the smiley face will never go away, there is a hidden frowny face that pops itself out of nowhere and takes me by surprise. The fibers are so hard to erase that there are still remains on the white board that are tough to scrub off. But they ARE going away. If you are able to understand each part of the code, then I will give you more pieces of the puzzle... If you understand, then you are mindful. If you understand, then you are special. If you understand, then you will enter into the beauties of love.

Reflections for a New Year

With a new year, there are WAY too many emotions to describe anything I could ever feel. There's a massive stream of everything running through my head right now. I want to take everything in and live for the moment.

Yes I write a lot. That's what I do. But I'm going to post it live for once. It is my "coming out of the closet" so to speak, but I am straight. If you want to judge, so be it, but I am done with the words "don't judge me" because I am going to say something new for once. I won't give two shits. If you want to be super critical or cold, not like it matters, because there are people who matter more than you do.

But right now, I am taking a moment to reflect. I am sure all of you have had your dose of insecurities, lack of self-esteem, or maybe even abuse of some sort. But how you decide to fight and cope with everything is up to you. I take my risks. Will you take yours?

Why do I doubt myself? Because I strive to be the best I can be. I am not here to compete with you. I am not here to be better than you. I am not here to outshine you. I am here to make a difference. As long as I do that, I will achieve pure happiness.

I am sure all of you have had your fair share of a tough year. I know I sure have. I may not have escaped all of my classes in one piece and am going to have an episode of Dejavu, but at least you can know that you will do better next time. You always do better the second time and learn from your mistakes. You live and you learn. You can't hold back, you can't live in fear, and you can't just sit on words without putting an action to them. Actually doing something and "making it happen" is what needs to happen. If you need to complain, you can do it for a few minutes, but then you need to take action. Do something about it. Take your own stand.

I am not broken. I am never broken and can never be broken. I am still mending from my past, but am stronger than ever. I have acquired what I need to move foward fresh into the Now. I am strong, but will be even stronger as time progresses to see what the future holds. I am looking forward to also being a better and more effective leader. I have been granted the most wonderful opportunities and blessings anyone can ever ask for. I am ready to grab it by the horns and conquer all. A little pat on the back would be nice here and there!

There may be a party rock anthem going on live right now for all of you, but for me I sit on my bed anxiously awaiting my flight. While doing so, I would like to take a moment to thank everyone personally for what they've done. For dealing with my puddles of stress and for inspiring me to take my interests (and love of music) to a new level.

I freak out about going home because I never know what to expect. I thought I was going to end up alone, but when I stepped foot through my house, I saw otherwise. One surgery and a few bumps in the road later, I came back to finish as strong as possible.

Knowing I had to pull many things out of my rear end and pull energy and motivation out of the sky, the finish line was so close. No matter how difficult, it was possible. Now, I am just about done... it is almost over, but still going. Even though it was a short time, I feel even better than before. I am strong enough, and if you do not think I am good enough, then you can suck it. I am here to please others too, but I have no selfish desire to please myself, but such is a must. Say you decide to... you know... lie to me... hahaha. You're gone! If you think I am fat or call me fat behind my back, then fuck you. I am in the process of changing that, but it is taking too long.... I am ready to try again. But that's because I refuse to let other people's poison bother me. I'm no size 0 or a model, but that doesn't mean I'm "fat" so to speak. I refuse to put myself down. Others need to accept how beautiful they are. Size doesn't matter (unless it's causing you health problems). People need to just be happy with who they are. What has society done?

Ignorance is not my best friend, and if you think so, that's your loss. I am willing to reconcile any shit I have caused, but it must be mutual. If you want to hold me back or start useless drama with me, I have no desire to see it, unless of course it's a Broadway play. Then count me in! I will not play your mind games. I will not listen to your jargon. And I will not have a cup of Java, or ever wish to see that... EVER again. I'd prefer a mocha. Let's sit down and have a chat. If you decide to go on your own path, I won't snap. I am strong enough. We are all as powerful as we think we are. I'll believe in you, you'll believe in me. All the cliche crap that everyone else seems to bring up. Such is true. If you turn around, I'll turn around too. If I care about you enough and see potential in you, I will do everything in my power to bring it out of you, and my dear, you know who you are. If, if, if..... It's a definite.

There are many things I crave. In my power, I will continue to believe everything will come my way. I seek such bliss, and in order to receive much, you must give much. The bliss will be right in front of you. With that, I will take my pride, stick it in my purse, and continue onto the next set of challenges I must face. I know I will win. No need to stick a halo on my head. I believe in myself. My belief in me will have the Force believe in me as well. I don't need a cult following. I just want appreciation. I want to help for the benefit of everyone else with some cream on the side. I live to help others. If I don't live up to my expectations I feel guilty. I want to be the best I can be. But one thing I will always leave is a piece of my wisdom and my mind. I may be different. But the difference is mine. I will always leave with this piece of mind I gave to myself. My own personal quote: "I'm just me and that's who I'll always be". Just living by that will enable a pure state of happiness for me and my loved ones. That's just the way I like it. Just right.

The Power of a Sister

The philosophies of what it means to be a sister to someone. This poem was last updated on 1-10-15!

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What does it mean to be a sister? Does it mean to be be faithful unto death? Will they be there for your 3am crying call? What they catch you when you fall? Will they even go with you to the mall?

A sister is family... as powerful as the heavens. They love and never judge.

A sister is always there for you, unconditionally to serve as your guiding star...

A sister is your lifelong companion possessing significant meaning. What would you do without them, especially if you were born with them?

A sister is the one to share your darkest secrets with, cherish their presence, experience life with... even stand next to in your wedding! They shall stand by your side at all times

The power of a sister is so genuine... so real... should never be utilized for pain...

What would YOU do without it? 

Test Test Test

Testing 123. I've never used a blog site before, but here goes! I will post any crazy ideas or spurs of creativity on here!