Sometimes I feel the need to play hide and seek from myself;
My best friend is my vape pen…
If I’m sad, I’ll hit my pen.
If I’m anxious, I’ll hit my pen.
If I’m anything except on top of the world, I’ll hit my pen.
The sad news is the pain is like a band-aid.
The pain goes away temporarily and comes right back.
I wish someone would help me out of my hiding place,
Even though my hiding place is within.
Why am I hiding in the first place?
I want to be here, but not where I am right now,
Therefore, I place a veil over my heart to not fully expose myself.
When someone special decoded to come in and see through the veil, it makes me want to take it off, even though the veil is crazy glued to me.
Do you actually want to see what’s inside?
Ok fine, you can have it!
I just need to believe in myself and in you while manifesting and acting towards certainty.
Thank you for convincing me to be me and igniting my flame!
I shall remove my veil and get better;
Now I can finally see myself thriving!
Time to put the pen down!
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Sunday, March 29, 2020
Saturday, March 28, 2020
The Man Who Made Me Feel
Why do I always write about you?
Because you’re my boo!
I never thought I’d like anyone again for a long time;
I want you to be my partner in crime,
But first, we need to put in more time!
I have so many adventures planned.
I just need to take a stand on my life
So I don’t keep enduring more strife.
Let’s go on this flight
While never getting in a fight
During our plight towards amazingness!
And I don’t want to miss a beat!
We both march to the beat of our own drum
But don’t worry, we never sound dumb!
We are beautiful beings onside and out
And uniting together makes us even stronger,
Which makes me want to stay for longer!
This is the millionth ting I’ve written about you,
But before I met you I was so blue…
Now we both shine brighter than the sun,
Because you are the bun to my burger…
I hope one day we can take this a step further!
Because you’re my boo!
I never thought I’d like anyone again for a long time;
I want you to be my partner in crime,
But first, we need to put in more time!
I have so many adventures planned.
I just need to take a stand on my life
So I don’t keep enduring more strife.
Let’s go on this flight
While never getting in a fight
During our plight towards amazingness!
And I don’t want to miss a beat!
We both march to the beat of our own drum
But don’t worry, we never sound dumb!
We are beautiful beings onside and out
And uniting together makes us even stronger,
Which makes me want to stay for longer!
This is the millionth ting I’ve written about you,
But before I met you I was so blue…
Now we both shine brighter than the sun,
Because you are the bun to my burger…
I hope one day we can take this a step further!
Sunday, January 5, 2020
I Dream of Dark Chocolate
I’ve been single for so long
But am starting to feel more full.
Being different has held me back,
And has put me ahead of the pack.
There’s a twinkle in my eye that’s so close yet so far
I wish I could jump into my phone screen and see you.
You check all my boxes and aren’t a figment of my imagination
Or a cartoon character.
My time with you is like a vacation…
A vacation from my brain that takes me to a paradise island!
Only time will tell
I hope we never yell
Except at a rave,
Which you will be my babe.
You treat me super well,
Which caused me to raise my standards,
Though you are far from standard!
The last time I wrote a love poem
It was 9.5 minutes long and the person turned out to be Voldemort from Harry Potter.
You are like the blotter I put into my mouth and see stars, the moon, and rainbows.
My eyes, ears, and heart are wide open!
I hope this paper is tasteless,
So I can take my dark chocolate bar and run with it.
Pinch me!
I hope this isn’t another fucking dream…
But am starting to feel more full.
Being different has held me back,
And has put me ahead of the pack.
There’s a twinkle in my eye that’s so close yet so far
I wish I could jump into my phone screen and see you.
You check all my boxes and aren’t a figment of my imagination
Or a cartoon character.
My time with you is like a vacation…
A vacation from my brain that takes me to a paradise island!
Only time will tell
I hope we never yell
Except at a rave,
Which you will be my babe.
You treat me super well,
Which caused me to raise my standards,
Though you are far from standard!
The last time I wrote a love poem
It was 9.5 minutes long and the person turned out to be Voldemort from Harry Potter.
You are like the blotter I put into my mouth and see stars, the moon, and rainbows.
My eyes, ears, and heart are wide open!
I hope this paper is tasteless,
So I can take my dark chocolate bar and run with it.
Pinch me!
I hope this isn’t another fucking dream…
Healing Sun
What can make the sun come out today?
Is it up to God?
Is it up to me?
Is it up to some undefined higher power known as the weather, which may or may not be controlled by something up there?
It is raining in my eyes right now.
I see Niagara Falls from a mile away, but have never been.
Going to a new destination would fill me, but I cry so much and my bucket is still empty…
Is there a place where the sun is always out?
Is there a place where a special healing plant is always in season?
Do I have to find the sun or make something happen on my own or can lady fate help me?
Someone please embrace me!
Maybe I have to plant the seeds to make the magic plant appear to help the sun come out and make it warm again?
I’ll figure it out and make my own goddamn sun!
Is it up to God?
Is it up to me?
Is it up to some undefined higher power known as the weather, which may or may not be controlled by something up there?
It is raining in my eyes right now.
I see Niagara Falls from a mile away, but have never been.
Going to a new destination would fill me, but I cry so much and my bucket is still empty…
Is there a place where the sun is always out?
Is there a place where a special healing plant is always in season?
Do I have to find the sun or make something happen on my own or can lady fate help me?
Someone please embrace me!
Maybe I have to plant the seeds to make the magic plant appear to help the sun come out and make it warm again?
I’ll figure it out and make my own goddamn sun!
Sunday, September 18, 2016
The Girl and the Snake
Being different and being a woman can be a pain sometimes, even back then.
I’m pretty, right?
I wish the right person would notice me,
A hero, a real man, a knight in shining armor
Carrying a sword and a shield in his hands,
Chivalry in his heart
Tell me how beautiful I am,
Take me for a spin in your antique car,
Show me your heart
Turn my pet snake into the furry friend I’ve always wanted.
It would be a dream come true!
So please, please, prince charming, splash some color into my life!
I hope you don’t bite!
I’m pretty, right?
I wish the right person would notice me,
A hero, a real man, a knight in shining armor
Carrying a sword and a shield in his hands,
Chivalry in his heart
Tell me how beautiful I am,
Take me for a spin in your antique car,
Show me your heart
Turn my pet snake into the furry friend I’ve always wanted.
It would be a dream come true!
So please, please, prince charming, splash some color into my life!
I hope you don’t bite!
Tuesday, May 31, 2016
Finding Your Rainbow Road
Sometimes, I feel like I run away from my problems instead of treating it like the boss level of a video game. Other times, I feel like making a “Grand Theft Auto” type getaway is quite necessary.
Right now, I’m at a point in my life where I want to figure out who and what to keep as integral components. It seems like a lot of people “be getting married and having kids and settling down and having a dog and a 9 to 5 job and playing family” and within the past year, I left a serious relationship, quit my corporate desk job, and find valid, but fake excuses to bail out of family events. I am, however, very lucky to have a chosen family!
A lot of people around me, including my twin sister, are all starting to couple up. I on the other hand have decided to focus on myself. While I am about to go get my second chance at a proper trip to Cedar Point in the next few days, the last time wasn’t so unicorn and rainbow filled. When me and “Voldemort” were about to go to Cedar Point, I was elated to finally live one of my childhood dreams; I also was on the verge of dumping his ass. Long story short, he was a very manipulative, unhappy person who enjoyed picking trivial arguments with me and not returning the favor in bed. We were only in Ohio for 2 days, but at least I had made sure to save a batch of my “special extra chocolate brownies” for the trip. The trip started with a, “hey, so you’re driving the entire way there” right as we were about to leave. We stopped at a Dunkin Donuts to get coffee and noms for the road and I began munching on my special brownies behind his back. I made sure to also eat some every rest stop we took and every time he left the room or turned his back. By the time he was ready to head back to Chicago, there was still another hour or so left before park closed, which I wanted to capitalize on. The more he upset me throughout the trip, the more I continued to keep contact with my “peanut gallery” in order for me to talk myself into breaking up with him. For the record, I had never broken up with someone on my own where it hasn’t been a mutual breakup before. He was being a jerk and decided to stay in the car while I walked around the parking lot for about 20-30 minutes, played a quick round of Dance Dance Revolution, went to the bathroom, and made a mad dash back to Millennium Force (a record-holding coaster with a steep and high drop). Unfortunately, the ride broke down several times while I was in line and I ended up waiting an hour and 45 minutes. During that time, I received several angry texts from him, most of which I ignored. After his display of waiting by the exit with disdain and refusing to talk to me for the car ride, I fell asleep in the car, woke up, got back into my apartment, and broke up with him that night. About 36 hours later, I ended up back at his apartment, grabbed my stuff, and “ghosted him” (stopped replying to him).
Not only do I need to be treated well by people I let into my life closely, but I also need to be treated well by my career path. When choosing to be a web developer, I was always a bit skeptical about staying in the IT field. As soon as I walked into my nice shiny job out of college, I was aboard the SS Sinking Ship, set to un-anchor itself at an undefined timeline. I’ve always been a high achiever and have experienced my fair share of failure, but never to this extent. When I was in school and had difficulty in a given class subject, I’d go to the professor and receive adequate assistance. I thought when at work and you experienced difficulty in a particular subject, you were supposed to ask your manager. However, asking the manager questions meant the project getting reassigned to a “cheap Indian laborer” contractor. After a few of these incidents, I began reaching out to others on my team, as well as networking a bit further. As soon as everyone was too busy to help me since I was unable to figure out how to complete the assignments on my own, I displayed a facade of productivity and success while internally, I knew I wasn’t contributing much of anything except for spreadsheets and install meetings. As soon as those weren’t good enough for my manager, my motivation went down the toilet and I felt the urgency of, “I need a new job and need to get out of here”. I ended up finding a new role, but within the same company; I did need to sneak through a few corners in order to attain the position, but it worked out and off I was to a building further south into the city. Minus the displeased manager and task reassignment, my new team wasn’t much different. I was still very unmotivated and felt the “I need to get out of here” urges. I ended up vanishing to go for many “walks” and there were a few times I went grocery shopping during work hours. My success facade walls were beginning to be broken down. A few months later, it was almost time for reviews. From midyear review to final review, I hadn’t completed a single significant task, including an assignment spanning across 8 months that lulled due to my coding program crashing beyond repair. I ended up deciding to put my technology “career” behind me and basically ghosted out of my job to everyone besides my manager and HR. Now, I’m significantly happier, am driving for Uber, performing a lot more frequently, and trying to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. I have not been treated poorly by any customers yet either.
Hardships are definitely difficult to face. Even though these experiences were necessary for wisdom’s sake, sometimes, you need to play ghost and do you in order to find true happiness!
Right now, I’m at a point in my life where I want to figure out who and what to keep as integral components. It seems like a lot of people “be getting married and having kids and settling down and having a dog and a 9 to 5 job and playing family” and within the past year, I left a serious relationship, quit my corporate desk job, and find valid, but fake excuses to bail out of family events. I am, however, very lucky to have a chosen family!
A lot of people around me, including my twin sister, are all starting to couple up. I on the other hand have decided to focus on myself. While I am about to go get my second chance at a proper trip to Cedar Point in the next few days, the last time wasn’t so unicorn and rainbow filled. When me and “Voldemort” were about to go to Cedar Point, I was elated to finally live one of my childhood dreams; I also was on the verge of dumping his ass. Long story short, he was a very manipulative, unhappy person who enjoyed picking trivial arguments with me and not returning the favor in bed. We were only in Ohio for 2 days, but at least I had made sure to save a batch of my “special extra chocolate brownies” for the trip. The trip started with a, “hey, so you’re driving the entire way there” right as we were about to leave. We stopped at a Dunkin Donuts to get coffee and noms for the road and I began munching on my special brownies behind his back. I made sure to also eat some every rest stop we took and every time he left the room or turned his back. By the time he was ready to head back to Chicago, there was still another hour or so left before park closed, which I wanted to capitalize on. The more he upset me throughout the trip, the more I continued to keep contact with my “peanut gallery” in order for me to talk myself into breaking up with him. For the record, I had never broken up with someone on my own where it hasn’t been a mutual breakup before. He was being a jerk and decided to stay in the car while I walked around the parking lot for about 20-30 minutes, played a quick round of Dance Dance Revolution, went to the bathroom, and made a mad dash back to Millennium Force (a record-holding coaster with a steep and high drop). Unfortunately, the ride broke down several times while I was in line and I ended up waiting an hour and 45 minutes. During that time, I received several angry texts from him, most of which I ignored. After his display of waiting by the exit with disdain and refusing to talk to me for the car ride, I fell asleep in the car, woke up, got back into my apartment, and broke up with him that night. About 36 hours later, I ended up back at his apartment, grabbed my stuff, and “ghosted him” (stopped replying to him).
Not only do I need to be treated well by people I let into my life closely, but I also need to be treated well by my career path. When choosing to be a web developer, I was always a bit skeptical about staying in the IT field. As soon as I walked into my nice shiny job out of college, I was aboard the SS Sinking Ship, set to un-anchor itself at an undefined timeline. I’ve always been a high achiever and have experienced my fair share of failure, but never to this extent. When I was in school and had difficulty in a given class subject, I’d go to the professor and receive adequate assistance. I thought when at work and you experienced difficulty in a particular subject, you were supposed to ask your manager. However, asking the manager questions meant the project getting reassigned to a “cheap Indian laborer” contractor. After a few of these incidents, I began reaching out to others on my team, as well as networking a bit further. As soon as everyone was too busy to help me since I was unable to figure out how to complete the assignments on my own, I displayed a facade of productivity and success while internally, I knew I wasn’t contributing much of anything except for spreadsheets and install meetings. As soon as those weren’t good enough for my manager, my motivation went down the toilet and I felt the urgency of, “I need a new job and need to get out of here”. I ended up finding a new role, but within the same company; I did need to sneak through a few corners in order to attain the position, but it worked out and off I was to a building further south into the city. Minus the displeased manager and task reassignment, my new team wasn’t much different. I was still very unmotivated and felt the “I need to get out of here” urges. I ended up vanishing to go for many “walks” and there were a few times I went grocery shopping during work hours. My success facade walls were beginning to be broken down. A few months later, it was almost time for reviews. From midyear review to final review, I hadn’t completed a single significant task, including an assignment spanning across 8 months that lulled due to my coding program crashing beyond repair. I ended up deciding to put my technology “career” behind me and basically ghosted out of my job to everyone besides my manager and HR. Now, I’m significantly happier, am driving for Uber, performing a lot more frequently, and trying to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. I have not been treated poorly by any customers yet either.
Hardships are definitely difficult to face. Even though these experiences were necessary for wisdom’s sake, sometimes, you need to play ghost and do you in order to find true happiness!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)