The Arrows Way

In 2001, I was introduced to the world of Dance Dance Revolution, DDR for short, a video game in which you are supposed to use your feet to hit 4 arrows: up, down, left, and right, and time your foot stomping with arrows that run to the top of a screen.

My closest childhood friend and his older brother got me into the game when they brought over a plastic pad strapped to a wooden plank to try to mimic the feel of an arcade-style pad. For many years after that in middle school and high school, my twin sister, my childhood friend Kyle, and me would ride our bikes to this place called "Eskape" several times a week to play DDR. After mine and Kyle's friendship died in the middle of high school, I went away to college and played very scarcely for a number of years. In 2014, after gaining a bunch of weight in college, I decided to start avidly playing again and in combination with that, martial arts, running, and proper diet, I lost 60 pounds. Who knew how much a silly game would later impact my life for the better!

Fast forward to pretty much my birthday, February 24, 2018. I was having a very tough time. I had just had a falling out with those I thought were my best friends and was forced to move and had done so three days prior to this day. I was extremely out of shape and hadn't played DDR in a hot minute. I also hadn't gone out in awhile and decided since it was my birthday weekend to go live a little. I knew on Facebook there was a DDR party going on that night and decided to give it a whirl. And it was 25 minutes away from where I was living at the time. This was my first DDR party and went into it hoping for the best.

When I arrived at the party, I didn't know anyone and headed straight towards the DDR machine. I sat down and waited to play. Within a few minutes, a guy named Chris walks up to me and we start talking for awhile. A few minutes later we stepped into the corner room to talk some more. Within a few minutes of conversation, a recent bad memory triggered, along with having an unstable mental state at the time, and I proceeded to lose my marbles and cry for about 90min to this poor guy I just met that night. Thankfully, Chris was a brave warrior and listened to me and consoled me. As soon as I felt better, we played a few rounds of DDR, talked some more, and that night lived happily ever after and continued talking to each other a lot for the most part after that night.

A week later, Chris invited me back to the person's house who hosted the party to play some more DDR. I thought it was just going to be me and Chris alone, but there were a few others there, specifically a certain someone with green hair at the time named Adam. I noticed the super cool hair and the extroverted side of me decided to talk to him. I was sharing my interests and hobbies with Adam and he seemed very interested in what I had to say, specifically that I like recording videos and posting them to YouTube. We exchanged contact information and recorded a video together, but didn't become super close until we went to a couple of anime conventions together. I didn't realize how integral both Chris and Adam would be to my life until I decided to ditch most of my old friends, which opened up the ability for me to become close to new people. They were also both there for me at different points of a very rough living situation.

I had mentioned earlier how I had just moved into a new apartment, but it fell apart very rapidly and I had to move a second time. In May 2018, I found out the apartment I was living in had bedbugs, specifically visible on my bed. My relationship with the people I was living with was also sharply declining. Throughout my time in "shitpartment land" as I coined it, both Chris and Adam were there for me at different points. Whenever I was stressed out or needed a morale boost, Chris was always there for me. He also encouraged me to make wise decisions, like improving my relationship with my parents, ditching my old friends, and taking an overall step back in my life in order to get back on track. As for Adam, he has resparked my hope in what it means to have real friends by being there for me emotionally and allowing me to express my needs. By the time I was ready to get the fuck out of shitpartment land, Adam was ready to go on an epic adventure with me before being the only person to help me move my stuff. He has also given me a safe haven place to get away from those who don't treat me right, have fun, and express my creativity. I've also gotten back on track health wise, drastically improved at DDR, and even found a job in my field of choice after 3 years of trying since I met both Chris and Adam. The three of us call ourselves the "Midwestern Triangle" and I'm excited to see what the future holds for us. I've met plenty of other beautiful souls in the DDR community, but Chris and Adam have been the most noteworthy. Thank you DDR community for helping me get through one of the most difficult parts of my life. I'm onto bigger and better things now.

How can such a niche arcade game create a widespread, loving community? Go get involved in the underground society, put yourself out there, and present yourself with a smile!

Lost in Translation

What do I want to do with my life and who do I want in my life? A question many twenty-somethings asks themselves. I studied Web Development in college and got a job right out of school. Every time I create a program, it’s supposed to produce a specific output. System.out.println(“Lost in Translation”, x); The program responds with a syntax error. When a syntax error occurs, you have to go back in the program and find where the “red X” is in your program. After reviewing the program, you keep fixing the problem until the desired output is attained. I decided to run the program one more time, which it ran to completion error free. I later notice something fishy about the program; the answer is supposed to be 1, while mine was 0. This is what’s known as a logic error, where the program runs error free with a different than desired output.

Growing up, I thought I wanted to be a computer programmer. My parents had this “vision” of who I was going to be when I grew up. They wanted me to be rich with lots of money, successful in a career, and marry a “nice Jewish man”. One of my childhood friends exposed me to programming at age 12. Unfortunately, most of my encounters with programming and programming classes have been negative. Right before it was time to start finding my true path, he ended up becoming an angel to watch over me and guide me from above. The more I sat at my desk I watched myself ride a sinking ship for almost 3 years. I would receive programming assignments with vague instructions and be told to go have fun. I’d run my program. System.out.println(“please work”, y); Program returns syntax error. Several days elapse. Syntax error. I try to tell my manager the type of assistance I need, but one person would run me around in circles aimlessly and another would tell me to go figure the answer out myself. Several failed or incomplete assignments later, I tried again elsewhere in the company to understand what this “Java Programming” thing is all about. Unfortunately, that didn’t work out either.

My parents thought I was successful because I had a job, but I was unhappy and not producing, therefore I was not successful in my eyes. Despite knowing they wouldn’t approve, I took a necessary and planned leap of faith and left my job as a programmer to find myself as a freelance writer and web developer while still making money driving for Uber and Lyft, or doing whatever else I could get my hands on. We are in a different generation and they need to understand millennials have a different viewpoint than generation X and Y. Success to them is stability. Success to me is happiness and being able to pay my bills. In the meantime, I will go be “Your Friendly Neighborhood Uber Driver”, hoping the right people will notice me.

It seems like being different yields ridicule because no one understands the language. I would be dressed to go to a bar in pink leggings, a black dress, and rainbow-colored eyes. My parents would make comments alluding to me looking weird; I would never change my clothes. I experienced this same ridicule in the place I thought was supposed to be my college home aka my sorority. I guess I have my own fashion sense, which makes me different. After I graduated from college, one of my friends in my major introduced me to the Belegarth Medieval Combat Society when I told him I felt lost at home. I felt like I had no friends and living at home was rough. After my friend took me to a practice, I was forever hooked and have been involved in this organization ever since. I would walk down the stairs dressed in my “medieval garb” and have my foam weapons with me. They would assume I was “LARPing”, which stands for “Live Action Roleplaying”. If they really wanted to know what I was doing, they would ask. I would respond by telling them I’m playing a full contact sport where you hit each other with foam weapons, such as swords, spears, javelins, bows and arrows, etc. and if you hit the person in the torso or they are hit in two limbs (or twice consecutively in the same limb), they “die” and are either out for the round or respawn depending on the game type. Players also dress in medieval garb. Several laughs later, I’d walk out the door knowing they made fun of me once again for doing my thing. At least they don’t know about my dancing with with gloves with LED lights in the fingertips. *does a brief demo of what I do for about 30 seconds* There are also meetups for flow arts all over the Chicagoland area, as well as groups on Facebook which I’m a part of as well.

Little did they know this “nerd group” I found, as well as other communities I am a part of would end up becoming my home and place of therapeutic recreation. I found people who helped me lose weight, learn to manage my emotions and my life, and even give me advice on how to manage my money. I am a part of of something, mean something, and am still able to pay my bills. I am different, and if you can’t accept me, you will be the one who’s lost. System.out.println(x); output = 1. Run successful.