Find Treasure in the Red Zone 2015

Find Treasure in the Red Zone 2015 - Probably one of the most real poems I've written in a very long time and I've spent longer on this piece than most of my other poems. Enjoy! This is basically what I discovered after lots and lots of recent deep reflections!

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I am a warrior princess and must be strong for you.
On the streets, I am not a black belt, contact sport artist, or badass;
I am a small, vulnerable little girl, hungry for life’s adventures.

If fifteen is my lucky number,
How would I end up in the red zone more than the green?

I put a mask over my scars every day
While I bury my baggage under my bed for me to know and no one to ever find out;
It digs a pit into my heart of which I am trying to fill with love.
But I am a strong warrior princess who must feign being fine.

If I was really man’s best friend,
Why would attempts at kindness from men turn into my body acting like the fire alarm is going off?
I need to turn into an animal to make sure you don’t turn on me.
I wear a smile every day
While turning the red into inspirational quotes drawn on post it notes
To prevent myself from ending up needing to curl into a fetal position.

Oh womanhood,
How childlike you make me feel.
I can’t have a positive connection with my woman creator;
As a result fear my own gender while befriending men who think wanting to “chill” has a further assumed meaning than watching TV and talking.

I’m a 16 year old vulnerable little girl
Who’s scared to death of her first kiss,
Because being violated so many times
Makes me see affectionate touch is a warzone instead of a safe haven.

I want to find a magic lamp to wish for my virginity to have all nine lives again
In the same way you reset a video game when you’re about to get a game over
So you don’t lose your progress when you’re about to beat the game.

I want to feel pure again, unharmed like a healthy newborn baby,
Releasing the balloons and walking towards the rainbow.

Love is something to be given and received.

After finding music at a big dance concert at the Aragon to spread the sands of love
And hearing the resilient saxophone player roaring at 4am at the Green Mill to drunk people,
I have come to realize love is right in front of me;
I don’t have to search extra to find it unless I want to end up in shady town each time.
It has helped me channel the warrior’s strength to make my baggage feel like a 5lb weight being carried with one finger.

If fifteen is my lucky number,
I’d realize being in the red doesn’t mean game over;
It means I’m experiencing life fully and learning a lesson.
As I have been on more roller coasters and in more states in the last five months than I’ve been in my entire life.

Red is the universal color for love;
I just need to know it’s in my heart and in the stars the entire time.
I will look in mirror to confidently say “I love me and am worthy of love”!
For that, I shall be thankful!