Find Treasure in the Red Zone 2015

Find Treasure in the Red Zone 2015 - Probably one of the most real poems I've written in a very long time and I've spent longer on this piece than most of my other poems. Enjoy! This is basically what I discovered after lots and lots of recent deep reflections!

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I am a warrior princess and must be strong for you.
On the streets, I am not a black belt, contact sport artist, or badass;
I am a small, vulnerable little girl, hungry for life’s adventures.

If fifteen is my lucky number,
How would I end up in the red zone more than the green?

I put a mask over my scars every day
While I bury my baggage under my bed for me to know and no one to ever find out;
It digs a pit into my heart of which I am trying to fill with love.
But I am a strong warrior princess who must feign being fine.

If I was really man’s best friend,
Why would attempts at kindness from men turn into my body acting like the fire alarm is going off?
I need to turn into an animal to make sure you don’t turn on me.
I wear a smile every day
While turning the red into inspirational quotes drawn on post it notes
To prevent myself from ending up needing to curl into a fetal position.

Oh womanhood,
How childlike you make me feel.
I can’t have a positive connection with my woman creator;
As a result fear my own gender while befriending men who think wanting to “chill” has a further assumed meaning than watching TV and talking.

I’m a 16 year old vulnerable little girl
Who’s scared to death of her first kiss,
Because being violated so many times
Makes me see affectionate touch is a warzone instead of a safe haven.

I want to find a magic lamp to wish for my virginity to have all nine lives again
In the same way you reset a video game when you’re about to get a game over
So you don’t lose your progress when you’re about to beat the game.

I want to feel pure again, unharmed like a healthy newborn baby,
Releasing the balloons and walking towards the rainbow.

Love is something to be given and received.

After finding music at a big dance concert at the Aragon to spread the sands of love
And hearing the resilient saxophone player roaring at 4am at the Green Mill to drunk people,
I have come to realize love is right in front of me;
I don’t have to search extra to find it unless I want to end up in shady town each time.
It has helped me channel the warrior’s strength to make my baggage feel like a 5lb weight being carried with one finger.

If fifteen is my lucky number,
I’d realize being in the red doesn’t mean game over;
It means I’m experiencing life fully and learning a lesson.
As I have been on more roller coasters and in more states in the last five months than I’ve been in my entire life.

Red is the universal color for love;
I just need to know it’s in my heart and in the stars the entire time.
I will look in mirror to confidently say “I love me and am worthy of love”!
For that, I shall be thankful!

The Divine Passage Prelude: Revised

Yep, this prelude was about 3+ years old. Time for an overhaul. I also chopped it down from 3 pages to 1 and actually have started writing the first chapter. For now though, here's a much better sounding prelude:

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Growing up in an ordinary middle class family from Chicago with two married parents and an identical twin sister named Monica, 25 year-old Maron was trying to find her place in the world through making a difference and inspiring others. Throughout childhood, Maron and Monica participated in the same activities, made the same friends, and were basically attached at the hip. Unfortunately for whatever reason, Maron had been bullied since age 3 in early childhood school; the bullying traveled with her through the beginning of her senior year in college. Trying to keep her mental health afloat with all of the bullying, she started seeing a counselor in third grade. To top it off, Maron’s relationship with her parents was extremely rocky. Searching for solace and happiness, tragedy ended up striking.

Maron was diagnosed with depression at age 12 when her dad was diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer, causing her to ponder about a permanent escape. She was also diagnosed with anxiety attributed to a hormone imbalance at age 16 and had infrequent panic attacks. After a slew of begging her parents to transfer schools during freshman year of high school, the failed begging and loneliness drew Maron to pursue writing. Maron and Monica were best friends with Kyle from elementary school through sophomore year of high school until he passed away of a drug overdose; Maron wishes she could have expressed her worry to Kyle before it was too late. This unfortunately caused the depression to grow worse, especially because neither Maron nor Monica had many other friends. Kyle had been a major influence on Maron and Monica, promoting the beauty of web development and prompting them to pursue a technology degree in college. However, Monica had wanted to break free from Maron to establish her own identity and did everything in her power to shove Maron out of the way. 

College was quite the rough transition for Maron as well. She had marching band as a starting place to make some friends and establish herself. Marching band was also off to a rough start because the section leaders yelled at Maron prior to the very first scrimmage game, thus, giving Maron a sour taste in her mouth for the remainder of her time in Marching Band. Later during freshman year of college, Maron joined the Sisterhood of the Purple Flower. This group helped Maron find a lot of her code of ethics and helped her find her passion for volunteerism, but she was unfortunately bullied out of that towards the end of her college career.  College classes were a struggle for Maron as she pounded energy drinks and unhealthy snack food to take her through the grind of late night studying and library ventures. The unhealthy eating came with its consequences and Maron ballooned about 60 pounds. Luckily, in an IT class, Maron ended up meeting a man named Mike, who later became her college best friend. By the time junior year of college rolled around, Maron’s mental health continued to decline.

One day, Maron stumbled into the campus Rabbi’s office of Rabbi Brown. After a deep conversation with Rabbi Brown, he told her about the trip of a lifetime, called the “Divine Passage”, where participants travel to Israel for 12 days and explore the Holy land and culture. This would be the first time Maron would begin separating herself from Monica, on January 1, 2020, enabling Maron to finally begin finding her identity. Once college was over, Maron was introduced to a community known as “Destiny’s Reach”. From that point forward, Maron was finally in a safe place where she could be herself. With each day of the Divine Passage trip symbolizing a pivotal point in Maron’s life, Maron was finally able to find happiness, spread joy to others, and inspire others to follow their dreams!