Can I Throw Flowers Now?

I wake up in the morning and exclaim how life is beautiful. I dress up and decorate myself for the day and tell myself I’m beautiful. I venture outside and tell myself today will be a beautiful day. I walk into my grey box and somehow my cheeriness gets left at home every day because I can’t be myself or interact with anyone. Thankfully, I have my roomies and friends to keep me sane and alive!

I go to work in the morning and tell myself, “you can do this, Rebs”. The day eventually becomes a blur and ends faster than I can blink. My “career” is going nowhere and I feel like I have several talent chips which don’t fit into any of the boxes. I am the ghost who walks. I sit there, I exist, I do stuff, no one sees or hears me, and I leave, and come back the next day.

After moving, thankfully, it’s time for “Oktoberfest”. By that, I mean, going camping in the Kingdom of Belegarth. Belegarth is the medieval foam sword fighting sport and community in which I call my home; if you have any questions about that, feel free to flag me down. To sum it up, you hit your friends and other fellow nerds with foam weapons while initiating in beast mode and martial arts skills, of course while having tons of fun. Whenever I’m in a place where I can make others smile, my day and life are made. I will share all of my confetti and flowers and sprinkle them on all my friends and those who could sure use a pick-me-up; Belegarth events are a time of celebration and happiness for everyone. I made some new friends along the way, learned the meaning of properly handling the drama llama, fought the best I had ever fought at an “event”, and was able to uplift myself and others with all of the positive attitudes I can find. After being refreshed from my event and healed from a transformational leadership workshop, I told myself when I had to return to work, “you can do this, you can REALLY do this”…

Nope…

Several reflections of being told how it’s “bad” to be the jack of all trades and the master of none later, an epiphany struck and told me how much I’m bullshitting myself and others when I realize I’m sitting somewhere and don’t want to do what I’m told. No, I don’t mean when your mom tells you to clean your room or your teacher tells you to do your homework, but I mean when your heart is legitimately stopping you from doing something your entire being doesn’t want to do. When I’m sitting at my desk, writing this story instead of doing the project myself and several people deemed a dead end months ago, I think to myself how I’m always the queen of ambition, and sometimes even too much ambition. Meanwhile, I sit here looking pretty on the sidelines doing even less than the waterboy on the team. As my mind enters a more deep state of reflection, I’ve been telling myself how I feel like I’m in the wrong career path. I love being a web developer, but if I can’t throw my flowers and spread joy to others, then I’m just a wilting plant needing more water. But I always find the checkered flag when I trust my heart and listen to myself...

From my experiences, it’s not your career path or job you’re failing at that defines you. It’s not how large your paycheck is that defines you. It’s how you spend your remaining time and how you act towards others that define you. I’m living my dream making others smile and laugh while telling my story. How will you spread love and joy to the world?

The Unconventional Sport

Note, this is based on a fantasy, but all information is 100% real! What live action game can you call a “sport”, call garb a “uniform”, hit people with foam weapons, and be a giant nerd?

Um….. The adventures of Dankey Kang mcZorldo?

NOPE!

It's called "Belegarth”!

What the…?!?!?!? Is this LARPing?

Not really… there are other live action battle games similar to this, such as “Dagorhir”, “Nero”, and “Amtgard” that contain more LARP-ing aspects than Belegarth, but this is simply a combat game with foam-padded weapons. Even though this game is based off of Dungeons and Dragons with lots of sprinkles of fantasy, I can best compare this to an extension of point sparring in martial arts. Yes, I am also a martial artist and have been studying Shotokan Karate collectively for about 8 years. Most LARPing and lore (also known as “battle or character stories”) are a part of the community and done off to the side.

When I was living at home, my parents would always give me this weird look whenever I’d be dressed up in my garb to go to practice or have new weapons shipped to their house (because you can build or buy them). They’d be like “OMG LARP”. Eventually, I ignored their making fun of me attitude and they eventually had to accept the fact that this is something I love! Too bad for them and any other haters!

Whenever I tell people I do this “Belegarth” thing, I generally refer to it as “Medieval Combat Club” or “Medieval Foam Sword Fighting” or just sword fighting. Since the vast majority of the population has no idea what this is, I get plenty of questions. Another one of my favorites is, “is this based off of role models”? The answer to that question is “I guess”, because it will at least give people some sort of reference to draw a visual image to. The atmosphere is very “renaissance faire” like. There is no jousting though…

Well, how do you play?

In short, you can use up to two one-handed weapons or one two-handed weapon and a shield. Weapons consist of swords, bats, warhammers, axes, daggers, spears, giant swords, bow/arrows, and much more. There are other projectiles you can use such as javelins even a knitted rock shaped like a one-up mushroom. While dressed in garb and carrying around your fighting name (mine is Maron), yourself, your weapons, and your optional armor and/or helmet, enter into battle. If you hit two limbs (arms/legs) with sufficient force, hit the same limb two consecutively quick times with sufficient force, or hit in the torso, back, or butt, you “die”, meaning you are out until the next round (which generally isn’t more than a few minutes) or lose the fight, depending on whether or not you’re sparring with one other person or in a larger battle. This game is also based on the honor system, so take your hits people! There are also “heralds” (the referees) who ensure no one is cheating, and everyone is playing safely. Weapons are also checked to ensure they are properly padded and safe for combat. We don’t want anyone getting hurt… Also, make sure to wear safety glasses. I’ve heard too many stories of people getting permanent eye damage because of arrows… Eeeeewwwww!

Growing up, I was decently athletic and always involved in sports (on top of my 8 years of martial arts experience), such as fencing, track, and I could even consider Dance Dance Revolution and marching band a sport. You don’t have to be athletic or in super amazing shape to participate, though it’s nice to feel super nimble. I started doing this lovely activity with 60 extra pounds on me and was still able to play just fine. I even met someone who helped me get rid of the weight through Belegarth. How awesome is it to meet people in some “different” type of community who can help transform your life?

I also get asked if there are tournaments, winners, or losers. My best answer to that question is as long as you’re having fun, you win. You may not win the particular battle, but you still win in general. Tournaments are like Easter eggs in video games. They generally are hosted by someone at a national “event” (which can take place during an entire day or a long weekend).

Events don’t take place all the time, but they’re not too difficult to find. For example, there is a weekend event this weekend called “Armageddon”, which I am attending. For a day event, it’s generally hosted in a gym or large outdoor space and you fight, chat, and hang out for about 6 hours. Most of the time there is a feast afterwards consisting of tasty noms such as chili, kebabs, beef barley soup, and anything else that’s quite delicious (and always homemade). There are also after parties sometimes too, which are like adult versions of college parties where people know how to handle themselves and not act obnoxious. Armageddon and other events of the sort are weekend events, in which you go camping, fight, be merry, and be off the grid. It’s definitely nice to get away from responsibility and commitment land for awhile!

If you’re interested in joining this group of epic nerddom, the closest practice to here is Foster Avenue Beach on Sundays at until around sundown or when people are done for the night. You can search for “Belegarth Medieval Combat Society” on facebook, or “Morva” on facebook to find out information and updates about the practices. Belegarth is even cool enough to have Fox News come out and record us doing our thing in Elgin tomorrow (6-2-15) at Wing Park at if anyone is really interested in seeing what we’re all about. I hope to see you lovely people come out and fight, nerd up, and be merry!

Here is the awesomeness that happened on June 2 that was on Fox News: http://www.myfoxchicago.com/clip/11584227/hundreds-gather-in-elgin-park-get-medieval-in-live-action-role-play

Enjoy your adventures in nerd town!

From Black Sheep to Pink Wolf

After my college years, I transformed from the black sheep to the pink wolf as a young lady searching for my identity.

I feel like I don’t mention this too much anymore, but I’m an identical twin. I finally found my identity just before turning 21 when I went to Israel in January, 2012. I attended a Jewish group trip called “Birthright” for about 2 weeks with my sister. We were basically attached at the hip our entire lives, but I began separating from my sister because she convinced her crew to dislike me; I decided to not deal with it anymore. When we went to the Western Wall, I put my entire body against the small section of the wall reserved for women. I cried to God, praying I would be able to reveal what I masked my entire life.

Prior to the trip, in college, I served as the secretary of the IT department club during my junior year and reached a point of almost quitting the club. After the trip, two months later, I knew I had a laundry list of club-improvement ideas and ultimately decided to run for president. To my confidence-lacking disbelief, I won the election to serve as president for my senior year. My sister didn’t attend any meetings during my term as president. This was the first time when people began to see me as “Rebecca” and didn’t even know I had a twin, despite having the same major and attending the same school. No more being called “Duxler”, “Duxlers”, “Dux”, “Dux Trux”, “Duxler Twins”, anything else associated with my last name, and my favorite, “Rachel”. No more feeling like I was stuck under my sister’s shadow. I was finally liberated and could start being myself without fear of ridicule.

During my term as club president, I excelled, began getting noticed in the department as a standout, and even won some scholarships and awards along the way. On my last day of finals second semester senior year, I was given advice on how to handle finding my identity, how to attract people while being different, and how to survive living at home again post-graduation from a 37 year-old marine veteran. From that point on, the old me began to vanish.

After my commencement ceremony a couple days later, I had to move back home; my extracurricular involvement ceased due to school ending. Sadness struck. My only escapes were going to work, going home and sitting in my car to cry, or sitting in my room alone crying myself to sleep most of the time no thanks to the hostile environment from my parents. I was always the target of bullying from my immediate family, as well as some of my relatives. I was called fat all the time because I graduated college with some extra weight. I was put down and criticized for any existing reason. Anything my parents couldn’t take responsibility for, ranging from my dad’s ulcerative colitis flare-ups to misplaced car keys was my fault. I felt like my best friend was my laptop. This was the second most depressed I had been in my entire life.

Thankfully, my friend Josh was a lifeline to me. Around July 4, 2013 I asked him for advice on how to get out of this rut. He tells me, “hey I’m interning in the suburbs, you should come to my medieval combat club called “Belegarth” with me.” Without hesitation, I accepted his offer. I showed up in my work out clothes, was handed a foam sword and shield, and made my attempts to go fight. I did well on the field for my first practice ever and people were actually treating me well. After practice, we went to El Faro, some taco/Mexican food restaurant, to all hang out together. After Josh drove me back to my car, my heart told me this was something I would invest much of my time in… without my sister. My sister had always wanted to do activities separate from me. This time, it was my turn to make the separation call.

Fast forward to October, 2013, I went camping with Belegarth for the first time. Belegarth camping trips are called “events”, which generally last for a weekend or more. After getting a spear to the face during one of the line fights, the spearman apologized to me. Oddly enough, we realized we knew each other indirectly from high school fencing; he introduced me to his practice leaders, one of them being a man named Danny. Danny and I chatted for awhile and I would later grasp his initial reputation as someone who was super helpful and could fix physical ailments.

Around Thanksgiving that year, I asked for advice on how to handle more family abuse when I ran into him at a practice; he told me he was a holistic doctor, owned his own practice, and handed me a business card. We exchanged numbers, and I called his office the next day.

After being under his wing for about a year, I lost 60 pounds, my depression and anxiety weren’t overtaking me anymore, I sustained being able to live on my own, I finally fell in love, and I realized how wonderful Belegarth people truly are. Not only is Belegarth a place of healing for me, it is a place where I can be my whole self, be free from traumatic scenarios, truly realize my identity, and even dig deeper into the martial arts side of me.

Another very memorable Belegarth moment was actually off the field. Given my history of being bullied, at one of my camping events, I randomly encountered a lovely man named Chris at night. After talking to him, he told me he was surprised I was ever bullied. His compliment moved me to tears, and now he is one of my dearest friends in Belegarth.  To top it off, instead of people wanting to avoid me or pick on me, they are trying to find me on Facebook and hang out with me. People actually want to be my friend for who I am. Thank you Belegarth for being oh so sacred to me and for helping me transform from the black sheep who got picked on all the time to the pink wolf, my lovely and quirky-warrior self. Now, I’m just me, and that’s how I’ll always be!

Beautification of the Clouds

Just another short flash fiction story about wanting to make the world a better place. Enjoy!


She ran into the great big city… buildings everywhere, skies unpolluted, people populated all around, arms and eyes wide open... The excitement cheered as she stood brightly upon the stage in a room filled wall to wall to announce her keynote speech. Wisdom was shared on how to promote change and betterment to the world. “Let’s fight for justice by seeing all people as human and not a color on a paint palette... because we are all beautiful!” The crowd exploded in jubilation and took action. The clouds can relax peacefully now…

Raven Fly Free

This handy flash fiction story is about growing up and making progress in life, but you always need a little helping hand! Enjoy!

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The prime time for night owls arises as now is the time to prepare for independence…

“Raven… it’s time to take flight!” The thoughts pulsate through her wings as the process of flying free is once again overthought… A crash into the wall becomes her fate…

Mission failed…

As the night of the pink nova moon takes shape, the color is blockaded by the greyness of pollution… Grey to represent the thunderous clap of the sorrowful skies as birds strive to fly freely to warmth without those blockades that cause failure and confinement…

“Raven… snap out of it…what are you doing? Get up! It’s time to take flight!”

She gazes towards the horizon with a crippling glare as giving up will never be an option. Fear is the black bird shielding the triumph that all shall wield. Raven will stop at nothing to proceed onward in the timeline! The sight of new scenery provokes the black bird to attack as perseverance is sent to Raven from the synergies of the moon. Denying and ignoring the moon will only result in a fiery black hole…

Raven graces onward as the spirits from above gravitate her towards a successful mission. Toxicity ignored, the pink nova moon prevails… The darkness and grey fade away as the brighter horizon is near.
She senses a blue song bird and gently floats towards the guiding star and the beautiful pink cookie-shaped structure.

“Raven… it’s time to take flight! Are you ready for this?” She soars into the great beyond as daylight begins to emerge. A new beginning is in sight! The light has now taken flight! Black holes shall never be in sight!

Mission complete!

Douse the Despair Flash Fiction Story

Remember when I posted a preview to a short story back awhile ago? The inspiration finally came to me to write this, with lots of revisions and changes to the idea, and this is what I came up with. Note that this is my first time EVER writing flash fiction! Enjoy! Updated on 5-11-14!

Weightless… the incredible rush Shira receives each time after she performs. It is now her turn to take flight on stage!

The stage... a place to grab the spotlight, place it upon your heart, and spill your guts to an audience, is where Shira frees herself from the daily mundane and releases life’s pains for others to relate to.  

…”And it is when we all become one functional unit that evil can cease to exist and life can be free of despair and negativity from others.”

The audience roars with excitement and snaps their fingers while being motivated by her powerful words!

After gleefully walking home, she receives a text from Kylie, her nightmare roommate who allows her freeloading boyfriend to rein the place and allow the foul stench of 3 week-old dishes, telling her to “stay out of my apartment”.

“Now I understand why so many people run away from their place of residence”, Shira mutters to herself while smothered in tears during her pitch-black stroll.

Shira silently opens the door in her attempts to sneak into her room to enter her personal lady cave.

"Why does this darn place have to feel like a witches den?" This prevalent thought fuels the ammo brought to the stage. She closes the door and painfully expels her tearful desire for a more stable place to call home…

The next day, after an extraordinarily difficult day at work, Shira wants to channel the previous night’s pain and use it to create… a spicy stuffed jalapeño popper with a side of raw poetry.

The sound of electronic music screams through her cellphone as she answers the phone with great reluctance while seeing her mother’s name appear on the screen.

“You’re such a failure… why do you consistently end up in conflict?” Her mom continues to bicker about nonsense and point out her weaknesses. Shira holds back tears to be able to mutter, “The only issue is terrible luck with a touch of impatience.”

“You’re so fat!” Shira exclaims, “I’ve lost 25 pounds so far… quit undermining all of my accomplishments” as she later receives a letter in the mail informing her that she won a nationally recognized prestigious award for poetic excellence.

“You’re so smart, but *insert flaw here*” is a frequent phrase that comes out of her mother’s mouth due to the need for her mom to always make herself feel better by putting others down, mainly Shira.

To maintain balance and sanity, she releases her inner child by frolicking outside every so often, practicing martial arts, channeling creativity through mediums such as cooking and music, and drawing pictures with words… And of course, remaining positive and strong at all times.

Every Wednesday night, Shira attends an event called “The Pencil Pot”, which is an amateur performer night for people who like to experiment with the arts and have fun, while free bacon is given to all performers and attendees! It’s the one place where she’s been practicing her spoken word poetry for “Talent Universe”, which is an international talent show that’s as widely broadcasted as the Olympics are.

It’s everything Shira dreams of whenever she’s trapped inside her bedroom when Kylie and her boyfriend are taking over the place and she doesn’t want to feel like she’s invading someone else’s space.

Every time an unpleasant emotion comes about, the words “douse the despair… douse the despair… douse the despair” are the words that Shira hears pounding through her head when she tells herself to smile, even when it’s a struggle.

It’s the week before the big audition and another successful performance at The Pencil Pot has been completed.  Frolicking in the midnight darkness, she smiles, grabs optimism by the hand, and tells herself “the world is mine, I can do this!” With that, victory emerges!

The Shortest Flash Fiction Ever!

If I were to tell a story in exactly 6 words, here's 4 different stories that I'd tell:

#1: May there be magical dragons flying

#2: The volcano vigorously erupted, ravaging Shermantingletown

#3: A song beautifully sung has begun

#4: The holy sword has been summoned

Enjoy the epic shortness!