The Struggle is Real

Welcome to the 4am episode of Rebs's Rockin Rants! Because I can’t sleep!

The struggle is real... my slogan for quite some time now, especially as a young lady in her mid 20's wanting to be a full-time freelance gig master. As a full-time rideshare driver at 3am on a Friday night/Saturday morning, I should either be driving for Uber (or Lyft), sleeping, or going out. Instead, I feel like contributing to society by writing a story because I am way too physically and mentally exhausted to operate a car and don't want to hurt myself or others. If I could make money just sharing my stories or have this story turn into a million dollars, that would be awesome, but one can dream, right?

Right now, the job market is a pile of poop for me. For reference, I graduated from college a few years ago with a Web Development degree, got a job in my field, realized it wasn't for me, left my sinking ship job, and am trying to switch career paths to something writing-related. I have had tons of trouble getting a new job or many freelance gigs. It may be lack of experience, it may be because I am a very eccentric person and need a certain type of environment to belong into, who knows. Either way, I have been incessantly job hunting since September, 2015 and in between jobs since the end of January, 2016. It is now just about April, 2017 and am still standing strong with no "actual" job. I decided not to count how many interviews I've had (because it's a large number probably well over 30 by now) and every rejection or not call back I receive, I throw it away and keep going. 

A quote I've recently written for myself is, "shoot for the stars, even when you feel like you're falling". Right now, I surely feel like I'm falling. I often post Facebook statuses of all of the rejections I've received for failed attempts to land a job, followed by a "hello world, help me find a job" post. I refuse to give up. The struggle exists of not being able to find a job in any field. The struggle exists because I am in between jobs right now, even though it was my choice and I don't have any regrets. I took a risk and I am currently living in it. With the job market being no good, I've been willing to have countless interviews for roles outside of my field of college studies (ex brand marketing, content writer, technical writer); I sit in a room being bombarded with questions and pray I am able project my best self to these people while dressed to impress.

The struggle exists because I now run into occasions where I wonder how I'm going to be able to pay all my bills... and somehow pull it off every time. I even had to ask my parents for help a couple times in order to pay my rent and health insurance. Thankfully, they were able to help me. If I was in the opposite money situation, I'd help anyone in a heartbeat. I hope to be able to return the favor to my parents soon, and I am working my tail off to be able to do so!

Even if I'm struggling money-wise right now, I am lucky to have a roof over my head. I am lucky to have my health. I am lucky to live with 2 people who give a genuine crap about me who I love to pieces. I am lucky to live in Chicago. I could go on for awhile, but I am still wealthy; I may not be wealthy with green pieces of paper that only represent a number, but I am rich with life experiences and knowledge. I still make time to perform and have "somewhat" of a social life. I haven't totally tossed all my hobbies to the side, even though I have had to make plenty of sacrifices lately. If you don't sacrifice, you won't win! However, if you have a roof over your head and loved ones who love you back, you are currently winning at life. 

In order to succeed, all you need to do is be a good person and be you. Do your best. That's all you can do! Driving for Uber isn't too bad anyways because the customers are nice, mostly talk to me, and I get to interact with people instead of being alone! A lot of them tell me their life story and I feel that's interesting because I gain knowledge of what the world actually is and means. As much as I dislike driving, I would rather do that than have nothing at all and lose my independence. I refuse to give up until I have what I want, but I also need to live in the present! In order to continue my winning adventures, I will remain thankful for everything I have! In due time, I will find my golden ticket job! Live with no regrets, and you will continue to win the game!

There is a video for this too, which I self-recorded on my computer. Enjoy the video too :)

Video Link: CLICK HERE!!!

Story of Growing Up as an Identical Twin and Overcoming Adversity

Story time:

*Note this comes from a standpoint of someone who's met few other sets of twins, was never close with any of them, and they were all fraternal, including my estranged first cousins. I am also in my 20s!

I do not like comparing myself to others, especially my sister, but I've been thinking a bunch lately. I've always wondered how family dynamics worked and in a family with multiple siblings, constitutes a "perfect child" vs a "problem child". Starting with being born and not being able to control who's older or younger, sometimes, your sibling can be a few years older or younger than you. Imagine being born the same day, or even the same hour as someone. From birth, I guess I was always supposed to be the one who got kicked around. My parents said I was getting pushed around inside my mom's stomach. To my not so disbelief, my sister was born a minute before me, making me "the younger sibling" by technicality. I didn't see a minute as meaning anything and saw us on the same playing field. A minute to her meant everything. She stole my toys, was always selfish, and tried to boss me around, and still tries to boss me around to this day. We were both picked on a little in high school, but my being picked on started even before preschool when a boy named Joseph would pull my hair tie and stick it inside the plastic holes in the slide. Her being picked on was brief and mine lasted until the end of college, while I was even bullied by her. I ended up having a worse relationship with my parents, being looked at as the "problem child"; whenever my sister would get picked on by people, it would trickle onto me, and then trickle onto a pen and paper. Unsurprisingly, I've been diagnosed with depression.

I've noticed in a lot of sets of twins, one has a medical problem at birth and the other is healthy. I was obviously the one with the medical problem, but said medical problem is gone thankfully. I was the "expense" because I had medical problems. I felt like I was treated different, and probably was I'm sure. My sister also seemed to have a smoother ride in college. Our grades were generally always the same, we scored similarly on standardized tests and moved up the same in karate as a child. But I ended up being the one who's laptop broke. I was the one who lost several credits, failed 2 classes and had to go to summer school in order to graduate on time, who took longer to get a job and internship, who had the roommate and apartment problems, the mental health problems, the gaining weight, treated poorly by men, etc. The more problems I had in college, the more and more I was the problem child. The more and more I was picked on and treated poorly, the more and more I began realizing I was different and had different heart beat (literally). I had to keep pushing through adversity. Before I finished school, I had a 4 hour conversation with a 37 year old (at the time) marine veteran who explained to me the benefits of being different and how to handle being the problem child. Shortly after that and coming into contact with Belegarth (my nerd group of awesomeness), I began accepting how even though my parents tried to steer me away from being different, being myself will overall make me happy and advance down my chosen and destined path. My sister would conform to my parents and I would still do my own thing (while still trying to follow the rules as much as possible). I did not realize being different would promote ridicule, but as soon as I broke free, I continued to be different and myself. I would end up reading articles with the end result basically saying how the ones who distinguish themselves from others are the ones who were different. I am very lucky to have found the enlightened path at the end of the tunnel of all the crap I put up with from birth to the end of college and then some. Twins, identical or fraternal, are NOT the same people. Who you become is based on your environment. And one measly minute doesn't matter in the end. Hardships only make you stronger.

A Nerd's Awakening

This is the story of when I realized it was ok to be myself. Enjoy!

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Every day at a place I thought was home in the averagetown burbs, with an identical twin sister, and my mom and dad, I felt like I had a neon sign on my back displaying, “goat”. This term represented being the center of negative attention. I’m about to go chill at my friend’s place and decided to wear pink leggings, blue shorts with cherries, a Five Finger Death Punch shirt, an ear full of metal and an armful of bling, the family points and laughs. My mom says, “Are you really going to go out in public like that”. I reply, “um, yeah?!?” I then storm out the door and slam it shut, never looking back, wondering what I did to make myself the black sheep.

Being an identical twin almost means two people, one soul. I still get called by my sister’s name by those who don’t even know I have an identical twin sister named Rachel. But how do you find your own identity by having the same friends, doing the same sports and activities for the most part, going to the same college, even choosing the same major, and never having any room to find yourself? At least having the initials “RAD” is pretty rad, even though they aren’t unique…

From my endless amounts of experiences, long list of hobbies, and trying to fill every moment and every person around me with color, I’ve learned that life is a story. You are the main character. Each adventure you take marks another chapter in your book. You can choose to either have 15 pages, 100 pages, or even a thousand pages. As for me, I like to venture into distant lands.

When I went to college, like everyone else, I wanted to find my home and people to call my family, since I abide by the phrase, “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb”. It was also a time for me to shake the neon sign and pray a trail of the ill colored light didn’t decide to follow me. For most of my life, most of my friends have been men. Even growing up, I was best friends with a man named Kyle who inspired me to proceed down the path of nerddom. With the strong desires to bring some women into my life, I decided to go Greek. A major goal of the Greek system is to recruit members, but what if you’re indirectly assigned the role of the water boy instead of being able to talk to people? We would be in the Circus Room of the Student Center, tables set up all eloquently, about 50 women decorated fully and sporting their nicest lettered shirts, sitting at tables in their poses, and trying to convince women to join the sorority. My goal was to authentically see if the woman’s values fit with mine and would fit with what the sorority would want in a reputable person. Apparently, all that got me doing was serving finger sandwiches and water to my sisters and the pnms aka “potential new members”, and getting yelled at for checking my phone during voting while my mom was telling me my great aunt had just been admitted to the hospital.  By the end of the day, I was left out on the street to fend for myself, and don’t really talk to any of my “sisters” at this point in time. The last time I was invited anywhere was to someone’s birthday party, which just so happened to be on the same day as “Belegarth day event” (where you fight and converse during the day only and don’t camp overnight). I yearned for some real friends in my life because I sure didn’t find many in college.

After four years away from the nest, it was time to fly home again. Almost 2 months after getting back, I was introduced to a world of the nerd club, singing pirates, hitting people with foam weapons, campfires, camaraderie, medievalness, lots of food, and even the Mystery Machine? My friend Josh I met in the IT department at school, offered me a ride to the local “nerd club” practice in Elgin, IL. I accepted his offer, showed up in my workout clothes, and had no idea what I was getting myself into. After the schpeal of “Welcome to the Belegarth Medieval Combat Society” and being told the rules, I was handed a foam sword, a foam shield, and told to go get em. I ended up beating 1 person, which was an accomplishment for me. Plus, people were drawing conversations with me and seemed interested in me. Flabbergasted like a 5 year old who missed several social cues throughout life, to myself, I was like “what, you want to be my friend”, and awhile later, start screaming to myself, “they like me, they really like me!”. After the practice was over, everyone present went to go get Mexican food as usual, and talked as if we had known each other forever. From then on, I knew I was hooked.

Once I joined Belegarth, the neon sign fell off. I looked at it, stomped it on the ground, and glided forward. I learned how the bullying stopped once I fully accepted myself. Bullying is very real, and went on for me from about age 3 to age 23 in some form or another. But that’s not going to stop the warrior side from taking over. All of the times I was told to go get em, I told myself I needed to rise from the scars of my past, including the ones I have to wear every day. I also needed to tell myself finding a home in the stars was possible. After an encounter with the magic jester god, he introduced me to the holder of the stars named Kabii. The first time I saw the fellowship of Selonia, once I reached my “official” 1 year anniversary of being in Belegarth, I was welcomed into camp with a giant hug machine, apple pie drink inside of a skull, more food than I can stomach, and 6am ventures of laughing, crying, and seeing the sun come up around a campfire. I was welcomed into the fellowship and plan on placing my turkey stamp and cooking parades this year where my home away from Chicago is, Davenport, Iowa.

After many years, it looks like this program finally runs. Finding your home is actually possible as long as you are willing to keep putting yourself out there with grace and pride. When I ask myself what I could have done to become the black sheep, the answer is nothing. All I did was be myself every time and fight those who try to stop me. For those of you who struggle with being different, you are never alone. Being yourself is something to never be frowned or ridiculed upon, because nowadays, nerd is the new cool! I love being a nerd. Do you?

Can I Throw Flowers Now?

I wake up in the morning and exclaim how life is beautiful. I dress up and decorate myself for the day and tell myself I’m beautiful. I venture outside and tell myself today will be a beautiful day. I walk into my grey box and somehow my cheeriness gets left at home every day because I can’t be myself or interact with anyone. Thankfully, I have my roomies and friends to keep me sane and alive!

I go to work in the morning and tell myself, “you can do this, Rebs”. The day eventually becomes a blur and ends faster than I can blink. My “career” is going nowhere and I feel like I have several talent chips which don’t fit into any of the boxes. I am the ghost who walks. I sit there, I exist, I do stuff, no one sees or hears me, and I leave, and come back the next day.

After moving, thankfully, it’s time for “Oktoberfest”. By that, I mean, going camping in the Kingdom of Belegarth. Belegarth is the medieval foam sword fighting sport and community in which I call my home; if you have any questions about that, feel free to flag me down. To sum it up, you hit your friends and other fellow nerds with foam weapons while initiating in beast mode and martial arts skills, of course while having tons of fun. Whenever I’m in a place where I can make others smile, my day and life are made. I will share all of my confetti and flowers and sprinkle them on all my friends and those who could sure use a pick-me-up; Belegarth events are a time of celebration and happiness for everyone. I made some new friends along the way, learned the meaning of properly handling the drama llama, fought the best I had ever fought at an “event”, and was able to uplift myself and others with all of the positive attitudes I can find. After being refreshed from my event and healed from a transformational leadership workshop, I told myself when I had to return to work, “you can do this, you can REALLY do this”…

Nope…

Several reflections of being told how it’s “bad” to be the jack of all trades and the master of none later, an epiphany struck and told me how much I’m bullshitting myself and others when I realize I’m sitting somewhere and don’t want to do what I’m told. No, I don’t mean when your mom tells you to clean your room or your teacher tells you to do your homework, but I mean when your heart is legitimately stopping you from doing something your entire being doesn’t want to do. When I’m sitting at my desk, writing this story instead of doing the project myself and several people deemed a dead end months ago, I think to myself how I’m always the queen of ambition, and sometimes even too much ambition. Meanwhile, I sit here looking pretty on the sidelines doing even less than the waterboy on the team. As my mind enters a more deep state of reflection, I’ve been telling myself how I feel like I’m in the wrong career path. I love being a web developer, but if I can’t throw my flowers and spread joy to others, then I’m just a wilting plant needing more water. But I always find the checkered flag when I trust my heart and listen to myself...

From my experiences, it’s not your career path or job you’re failing at that defines you. It’s not how large your paycheck is that defines you. It’s how you spend your remaining time and how you act towards others that define you. I’m living my dream making others smile and laugh while telling my story. How will you spread love and joy to the world?

The Warrior's Song

I have always been told how interesting and different I am, but this time it’s because I am a female warrior, foam fighter, and martial artist. I enjoy stepping on the battlefield and putting up a valiant fight; sometimes on the field, I am literally among several other guys, including ogres, and no other women. I may lack in physical size, but my speed, heart, and endurance make up for it. When you look into my eyes and see raging fire, and see my smile, the unicorns and rainbows, and giggles melt away, it’s time to say goodbye; anyone who crosses my path is toast. It’s game on!

It is now time for battle. My uniform is ready to go. My power levels soar through the roof and my agility will help me maneuver like a gracefully-ice skating ninja. Yes, they are well over 9000. I have my battle cry ready, my mental images of me defeating my opponent intact, and all of my built up stamina behind me; my energies and spirits are higher than a level 100 Pokémon who never gives up.

In karate, you hear the referee say “hajime!”, which is Japanese for “begin”.

In foam fighting, you hear the referee say “weapons up… lay on!”

Once I hear that, I take a deep breath and it’s off to fighting land, as I carry myself with my heart, pride, skill, stamina, and resilience. I obviously don’t win every battle I have, but in the end, it’s about giving it your all, having fun and bettering yourself with each fight. Especially with my medieval foam sword fighting, the object of the game is to have fun. As the Horde monster characters say, “if we have fun, Horde win!”

My battle cries and karate kiei's come from within my heart. I've been doing Shotkan karate for about 8 years and currently wear a belt 1 shade away from black; I am one test away from achieving the ultimate goal, and will hopefully get there around X-Mas time. Fortunately, this bowl of cool sauce translates into foam fighting and back very well!

Being a warrior doesn’t just mean being good at fighting. The foam fighting craziness is more than just whacking each other with foam swords. It’s about finding yourself, finding your style, and finding your family. Being the only girl (or pretty close) doesn’t matter because everyone treats you as a person. It’s like saying a man and a woman are people in the same way red and blue are colors. No one will go easy on you, but out of respect for women being physically smaller than men, they won’t totally wail on you. I am a warrior not just to stand up for myself or claim how strong I am, but I am a womanly warrior to represent other females afraid to enter male-dominated activities and battles.

In the midst of battle, I will sing my warrior’s song; after battle, I will sing kumbaya next to a campfire with my friends and family and enjoy the loveliness . Who cares if being a warrior isn’t exactly the highest activity on the social scale. In battle and nerd-dom, we come from all walks of life, such as computer programmer, teacher, lawyer, businessperson, office worker, and much more. We are all people looking to unite in commonality and camaraderie. If you are interested in seeing more of this foam fighting coolness I speak of, our next meeting is at 3pm until sundown on Foster Avenue Beach on Sunday. Search for “Belegarth Medieval Combat Society” and “Morva” on Facebook. I can’t wait to see your lovely faces get down to fight and have some fun! Cheers to fighting, fun, and being a female warrior!

The Unconventional Sport

Note, this is based on a fantasy, but all information is 100% real! What live action game can you call a “sport”, call garb a “uniform”, hit people with foam weapons, and be a giant nerd?

Um….. The adventures of Dankey Kang mcZorldo?

NOPE!

It's called "Belegarth”!

What the…?!?!?!? Is this LARPing?

Not really… there are other live action battle games similar to this, such as “Dagorhir”, “Nero”, and “Amtgard” that contain more LARP-ing aspects than Belegarth, but this is simply a combat game with foam-padded weapons. Even though this game is based off of Dungeons and Dragons with lots of sprinkles of fantasy, I can best compare this to an extension of point sparring in martial arts. Yes, I am also a martial artist and have been studying Shotokan Karate collectively for about 8 years. Most LARPing and lore (also known as “battle or character stories”) are a part of the community and done off to the side.

When I was living at home, my parents would always give me this weird look whenever I’d be dressed up in my garb to go to practice or have new weapons shipped to their house (because you can build or buy them). They’d be like “OMG LARP”. Eventually, I ignored their making fun of me attitude and they eventually had to accept the fact that this is something I love! Too bad for them and any other haters!

Whenever I tell people I do this “Belegarth” thing, I generally refer to it as “Medieval Combat Club” or “Medieval Foam Sword Fighting” or just sword fighting. Since the vast majority of the population has no idea what this is, I get plenty of questions. Another one of my favorites is, “is this based off of role models”? The answer to that question is “I guess”, because it will at least give people some sort of reference to draw a visual image to. The atmosphere is very “renaissance faire” like. There is no jousting though…

Well, how do you play?

In short, you can use up to two one-handed weapons or one two-handed weapon and a shield. Weapons consist of swords, bats, warhammers, axes, daggers, spears, giant swords, bow/arrows, and much more. There are other projectiles you can use such as javelins even a knitted rock shaped like a one-up mushroom. While dressed in garb and carrying around your fighting name (mine is Maron), yourself, your weapons, and your optional armor and/or helmet, enter into battle. If you hit two limbs (arms/legs) with sufficient force, hit the same limb two consecutively quick times with sufficient force, or hit in the torso, back, or butt, you “die”, meaning you are out until the next round (which generally isn’t more than a few minutes) or lose the fight, depending on whether or not you’re sparring with one other person or in a larger battle. This game is also based on the honor system, so take your hits people! There are also “heralds” (the referees) who ensure no one is cheating, and everyone is playing safely. Weapons are also checked to ensure they are properly padded and safe for combat. We don’t want anyone getting hurt… Also, make sure to wear safety glasses. I’ve heard too many stories of people getting permanent eye damage because of arrows… Eeeeewwwww!

Growing up, I was decently athletic and always involved in sports (on top of my 8 years of martial arts experience), such as fencing, track, and I could even consider Dance Dance Revolution and marching band a sport. You don’t have to be athletic or in super amazing shape to participate, though it’s nice to feel super nimble. I started doing this lovely activity with 60 extra pounds on me and was still able to play just fine. I even met someone who helped me get rid of the weight through Belegarth. How awesome is it to meet people in some “different” type of community who can help transform your life?

I also get asked if there are tournaments, winners, or losers. My best answer to that question is as long as you’re having fun, you win. You may not win the particular battle, but you still win in general. Tournaments are like Easter eggs in video games. They generally are hosted by someone at a national “event” (which can take place during an entire day or a long weekend).

Events don’t take place all the time, but they’re not too difficult to find. For example, there is a weekend event this weekend called “Armageddon”, which I am attending. For a day event, it’s generally hosted in a gym or large outdoor space and you fight, chat, and hang out for about 6 hours. Most of the time there is a feast afterwards consisting of tasty noms such as chili, kebabs, beef barley soup, and anything else that’s quite delicious (and always homemade). There are also after parties sometimes too, which are like adult versions of college parties where people know how to handle themselves and not act obnoxious. Armageddon and other events of the sort are weekend events, in which you go camping, fight, be merry, and be off the grid. It’s definitely nice to get away from responsibility and commitment land for awhile!

If you’re interested in joining this group of epic nerddom, the closest practice to here is Foster Avenue Beach on Sundays at until around sundown or when people are done for the night. You can search for “Belegarth Medieval Combat Society” on facebook, or “Morva” on facebook to find out information and updates about the practices. Belegarth is even cool enough to have Fox News come out and record us doing our thing in Elgin tomorrow (6-2-15) at Wing Park at if anyone is really interested in seeing what we’re all about. I hope to see you lovely people come out and fight, nerd up, and be merry!

Here is the awesomeness that happened on June 2 that was on Fox News: http://www.myfoxchicago.com/clip/11584227/hundreds-gather-in-elgin-park-get-medieval-in-live-action-role-play

Enjoy your adventures in nerd town!

From Black Sheep to Pink Wolf

After my college years, I transformed from the black sheep to the pink wolf as a young lady searching for my identity.

I feel like I don’t mention this too much anymore, but I’m an identical twin. I finally found my identity just before turning 21 when I went to Israel in January, 2012. I attended a Jewish group trip called “Birthright” for about 2 weeks with my sister. We were basically attached at the hip our entire lives, but I began separating from my sister because she convinced her crew to dislike me; I decided to not deal with it anymore. When we went to the Western Wall, I put my entire body against the small section of the wall reserved for women. I cried to God, praying I would be able to reveal what I masked my entire life.

Prior to the trip, in college, I served as the secretary of the IT department club during my junior year and reached a point of almost quitting the club. After the trip, two months later, I knew I had a laundry list of club-improvement ideas and ultimately decided to run for president. To my confidence-lacking disbelief, I won the election to serve as president for my senior year. My sister didn’t attend any meetings during my term as president. This was the first time when people began to see me as “Rebecca” and didn’t even know I had a twin, despite having the same major and attending the same school. No more being called “Duxler”, “Duxlers”, “Dux”, “Dux Trux”, “Duxler Twins”, anything else associated with my last name, and my favorite, “Rachel”. No more feeling like I was stuck under my sister’s shadow. I was finally liberated and could start being myself without fear of ridicule.

During my term as club president, I excelled, began getting noticed in the department as a standout, and even won some scholarships and awards along the way. On my last day of finals second semester senior year, I was given advice on how to handle finding my identity, how to attract people while being different, and how to survive living at home again post-graduation from a 37 year-old marine veteran. From that point on, the old me began to vanish.

After my commencement ceremony a couple days later, I had to move back home; my extracurricular involvement ceased due to school ending. Sadness struck. My only escapes were going to work, going home and sitting in my car to cry, or sitting in my room alone crying myself to sleep most of the time no thanks to the hostile environment from my parents. I was always the target of bullying from my immediate family, as well as some of my relatives. I was called fat all the time because I graduated college with some extra weight. I was put down and criticized for any existing reason. Anything my parents couldn’t take responsibility for, ranging from my dad’s ulcerative colitis flare-ups to misplaced car keys was my fault. I felt like my best friend was my laptop. This was the second most depressed I had been in my entire life.

Thankfully, my friend Josh was a lifeline to me. Around July 4, 2013 I asked him for advice on how to get out of this rut. He tells me, “hey I’m interning in the suburbs, you should come to my medieval combat club called “Belegarth” with me.” Without hesitation, I accepted his offer. I showed up in my work out clothes, was handed a foam sword and shield, and made my attempts to go fight. I did well on the field for my first practice ever and people were actually treating me well. After practice, we went to El Faro, some taco/Mexican food restaurant, to all hang out together. After Josh drove me back to my car, my heart told me this was something I would invest much of my time in… without my sister. My sister had always wanted to do activities separate from me. This time, it was my turn to make the separation call.

Fast forward to October, 2013, I went camping with Belegarth for the first time. Belegarth camping trips are called “events”, which generally last for a weekend or more. After getting a spear to the face during one of the line fights, the spearman apologized to me. Oddly enough, we realized we knew each other indirectly from high school fencing; he introduced me to his practice leaders, one of them being a man named Danny. Danny and I chatted for awhile and I would later grasp his initial reputation as someone who was super helpful and could fix physical ailments.

Around Thanksgiving that year, I asked for advice on how to handle more family abuse when I ran into him at a practice; he told me he was a holistic doctor, owned his own practice, and handed me a business card. We exchanged numbers, and I called his office the next day.

After being under his wing for about a year, I lost 60 pounds, my depression and anxiety weren’t overtaking me anymore, I sustained being able to live on my own, I finally fell in love, and I realized how wonderful Belegarth people truly are. Not only is Belegarth a place of healing for me, it is a place where I can be my whole self, be free from traumatic scenarios, truly realize my identity, and even dig deeper into the martial arts side of me.

Another very memorable Belegarth moment was actually off the field. Given my history of being bullied, at one of my camping events, I randomly encountered a lovely man named Chris at night. After talking to him, he told me he was surprised I was ever bullied. His compliment moved me to tears, and now he is one of my dearest friends in Belegarth.  To top it off, instead of people wanting to avoid me or pick on me, they are trying to find me on Facebook and hang out with me. People actually want to be my friend for who I am. Thank you Belegarth for being oh so sacred to me and for helping me transform from the black sheep who got picked on all the time to the pink wolf, my lovely and quirky-warrior self. Now, I’m just me, and that’s how I’ll always be!