*Note this comes from a standpoint of someone who's met few other sets of twins, was never close with any of them, and they were all fraternal, including my estranged first cousins. I am also in my 20s!
I do not like comparing myself to others, especially my sister, but I've been thinking a bunch lately. I've always wondered how family dynamics worked and in a family with multiple siblings, constitutes a "perfect child" vs a "problem child". Starting with being born and not being able to control who's older or younger, sometimes, your sibling can be a few years older or younger than you. Imagine being born the same day, or even the same hour as someone. From birth, I guess I was always supposed to be the one who got kicked around. My parents said I was getting pushed around inside my mom's stomach. To my not so disbelief, my sister was born a minute before me, making me "the younger sibling" by technicality. I didn't see a minute as meaning anything and saw us on the same playing field. A minute to her meant everything. She stole my toys, was always selfish, and tried to boss me around, and still tries to boss me around to this day. We were both picked on a little in high school, but my being picked on started even before preschool when a boy named Joseph would pull my hair tie and stick it inside the plastic holes in the slide. Her being picked on was brief and mine lasted until the end of college, while I was even bullied by her. I ended up having a worse relationship with my parents, being looked at as the "problem child"; whenever my sister would get picked on by people, it would trickle onto me, and then trickle onto a pen and paper. Unsurprisingly, I've been diagnosed with depression.
I've noticed in a lot of sets of twins, one has a medical problem at birth and the other is healthy. I was obviously the one with the medical problem, but said medical problem is gone thankfully. I was the "expense" because I had medical problems. I felt like I was treated different, and probably was I'm sure. My sister also seemed to have a smoother ride in college. Our grades were generally always the same, we scored similarly on standardized tests and moved up the same in karate as a child. But I ended up being the one who's laptop broke. I was the one who lost several credits, failed 2 classes and had to go to summer school in order to graduate on time, who took longer to get a job and internship, who had the roommate and apartment problems, the mental health problems, the gaining weight, treated poorly by men, etc. The more problems I had in college, the more and more I was the problem child. The more and more I was picked on and treated poorly, the more and more I began realizing I was different and had different heart beat (literally). I had to keep pushing through adversity. Before I finished school, I had a 4 hour conversation with a 37 year old (at the time) marine veteran who explained to me the benefits of being different and how to handle being the problem child. Shortly after that and coming into contact with Belegarth (my nerd group of awesomeness), I began accepting how even though my parents tried to steer me away from being different, being myself will overall make me happy and advance down my chosen and destined path. My sister would conform to my parents and I would still do my own thing (while still trying to follow the rules as much as possible). I did not realize being different would promote ridicule, but as soon as I broke free, I continued to be different and myself. I would end up reading articles with the end result basically saying how the ones who distinguish themselves from others are the ones who were different. I am very lucky to have found the enlightened path at the end of the tunnel of all the crap I put up with from birth to the end of college and then some. Twins, identical or fraternal, are NOT the same people. Who you become is based on your environment. And one measly minute doesn't matter in the end. Hardships only make you stronger.
I've noticed in a lot of sets of twins, one has a medical problem at birth and the other is healthy. I was obviously the one with the medical problem, but said medical problem is gone thankfully. I was the "expense" because I had medical problems. I felt like I was treated different, and probably was I'm sure. My sister also seemed to have a smoother ride in college. Our grades were generally always the same, we scored similarly on standardized tests and moved up the same in karate as a child. But I ended up being the one who's laptop broke. I was the one who lost several credits, failed 2 classes and had to go to summer school in order to graduate on time, who took longer to get a job and internship, who had the roommate and apartment problems, the mental health problems, the gaining weight, treated poorly by men, etc. The more problems I had in college, the more and more I was the problem child. The more and more I was picked on and treated poorly, the more and more I began realizing I was different and had different heart beat (literally). I had to keep pushing through adversity. Before I finished school, I had a 4 hour conversation with a 37 year old (at the time) marine veteran who explained to me the benefits of being different and how to handle being the problem child. Shortly after that and coming into contact with Belegarth (my nerd group of awesomeness), I began accepting how even though my parents tried to steer me away from being different, being myself will overall make me happy and advance down my chosen and destined path. My sister would conform to my parents and I would still do my own thing (while still trying to follow the rules as much as possible). I did not realize being different would promote ridicule, but as soon as I broke free, I continued to be different and myself. I would end up reading articles with the end result basically saying how the ones who distinguish themselves from others are the ones who were different. I am very lucky to have found the enlightened path at the end of the tunnel of all the crap I put up with from birth to the end of college and then some. Twins, identical or fraternal, are NOT the same people. Who you become is based on your environment. And one measly minute doesn't matter in the end. Hardships only make you stronger.
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