I wake up in the morning and exclaim how life is beautiful. I dress up and decorate myself for the day and tell myself I’m beautiful. I venture outside and tell myself today will be a beautiful day. I walk into my grey box and somehow my cheeriness gets left at home every day because I can’t be myself or interact with anyone. Thankfully, I have my roomies and friends to keep me sane and alive!
I go to work in the morning and tell myself, “you can do this, Rebs”. The day eventually becomes a blur and ends faster than I can blink. My “career” is going nowhere and I feel like I have several talent chips which don’t fit into any of the boxes. I am the ghost who walks. I sit there, I exist, I do stuff, no one sees or hears me, and I leave, and come back the next day.
After moving, thankfully, it’s time for “Oktoberfest”. By that, I mean, going camping in the Kingdom of Belegarth. Belegarth is the medieval foam sword fighting sport and community in which I call my home; if you have any questions about that, feel free to flag me down. To sum it up, you hit your friends and other fellow nerds with foam weapons while initiating in beast mode and martial arts skills, of course while having tons of fun. Whenever I’m in a place where I can make others smile, my day and life are made. I will share all of my confetti and flowers and sprinkle them on all my friends and those who could sure use a pick-me-up; Belegarth events are a time of celebration and happiness for everyone. I made some new friends along the way, learned the meaning of properly handling the drama llama, fought the best I had ever fought at an “event”, and was able to uplift myself and others with all of the positive attitudes I can find. After being refreshed from my event and healed from a transformational leadership workshop, I told myself when I had to return to work, “you can do this, you can REALLY do this”…
Nope…
Several reflections of being told how it’s “bad” to be the jack of all trades and the master of none later, an epiphany struck and told me how much I’m bullshitting myself and others when I realize I’m sitting somewhere and don’t want to do what I’m told. No, I don’t mean when your mom tells you to clean your room or your teacher tells you to do your homework, but I mean when your heart is legitimately stopping you from doing something your entire being doesn’t want to do. When I’m sitting at my desk, writing this story instead of doing the project myself and several people deemed a dead end months ago, I think to myself how I’m always the queen of ambition, and sometimes even too much ambition. Meanwhile, I sit here looking pretty on the sidelines doing even less than the waterboy on the team. As my mind enters a more deep state of reflection, I’ve been telling myself how I feel like I’m in the wrong career path. I love being a web developer, but if I can’t throw my flowers and spread joy to others, then I’m just a wilting plant needing more water. But I always find the checkered flag when I trust my heart and listen to myself...
From my experiences, it’s not your career path or job you’re failing at that defines you. It’s not how large your paycheck is that defines you. It’s how you spend your remaining time and how you act towards others that define you. I’m living my dream making others smile and laugh while telling my story. How will you spread love and joy to the world?
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