Since Joni Mitchell was a lady of many gigs, as am I, here are the top 3 most interesting gigs I’ve had over the course of this last year and a half:
1. I have been in between jobs for the better part of time since February 2016 and have been living the gig life. This first brief gig entailed me selling Hello Fresh products aka meal kit delivery services similar to Blue Apron. How would you feel if you were randomly out on the street in the city and asked if you liked to cook by some stranger in an apron... when there was bad weather outside? Imagine being the stranger in the apron standing outside in the cold trying to play the hustle game? That's what I did for just under 3 weeks. When I walked in the door for this “job of a lifetime”, it felt like I was told, “welcome to your commission-only job, where the name of the game was, "have fun and make money". After arriving at 17 N. State Street in the morning, I walked into this standing-only room into a meeting called "atmosphere", where we would go over the pitch and do some training in the morning before going out into the field. I had a mentor who would work in atmosphere meetings with me to teach me the pitch. It took me awhile to learn the pitch, but after several days, I eventually got it down. Everyone was super helpful and kind to me the entire time, which was nice. After atmosphere meetings, someone would come to the front of the room for an "impact" meeting, which was a lesson on how to sell shit. Sometimes, there would also be conference calls with the top representatives in the US, which also explained to us how to sell shit. The field was a very rough and cutthroat place. It looked all smiley and dancey and like you have pep in your step, but it was getting cold since it was around November and the field was outside on the street you and your group were assigned to. Each day in the field on average I managed to make 1 sale a day. Some days I made 0 and one day I made 3, which is called “ringing the bell”; the next day at work, you’d get announced before going out to the field in “noise”, which is honoring the people who made 3 or more sales in a day. My dear roommate friends noticed how unhappy I was when I would walk in the door and would often pass out on the couch; I had also been eating out a lot and unable to work out as much as necessary. When it was time for my appointment with my therapist, he told me to get the hell out of there; that was a sign. After spending two and a half weeks at this place, I told the commission-only job I was done. I needed to make more than $150 dollars in a week period. No, this "experience" is not going on my resume. While I am now looking for a new full-time job that won't mysteriously end 2 weeks after my start date and driving for Uber/Lyft in the meantime, this gig of mine has told me I am a lot more worthy than asking random strangers on the street if they like to cook!
2. One of the places I’ve had some decent luck finding gigs is on Craigslist. I randomly found an ad saying they needed people to wear costumes by Wiener’s Circle in less than 24 hours for decent pay. I decided to contact the poster, not expecting a reply, and received a reply to my surprise. The person told me they wanted to call me via Skype at 5:30pm that day. I also had a performance at 6pm that night I had to get to and it was a 15 minute drive. I jump on the Skype call, find out I got the gig, and rushed over to my performance. I found out the gig was to wear a hot dog costume in front of Wiener’s Circle to advertise for a minor league baseball team… from 6:30am to 10:30am in the morning. RIP! I’m not used to being up that early in the morning, but decided to do it anyways for the money’s sake. When I arrive at the Wiener’s Circle at super early in the morning, I was given my hot dog costume and left to stand around for a little bit. Since it’s super early and there was a DJ at this event, he decided to play the Cupid Shuffle and the Cha Cha Slide. So here I was, dancing around in a hot dog suit at early o’clock in the morning with a bunch of other people in hot dog costumes. As the morning progressed, a bunch of news stations came to record us holding signs for the Chicago Dogs minor league baseball team and waving. They also recorded us playing wiffle ball in these costumes. A bunch of standing around happened in between all of the madness. When I eventually checked my phone, a bunch of people, including my roommate friends, said they saw me on TV. I had always wanted to be on TV and finally got the opportunity to!
3. I also got to be on TV a second time in the same week! This time, it was a bit more of a surprise! I had applied to another freelance gig on Craigslist and ended up getting a call back. I trek to Michigan Avenue for an interview and get a call a few days later saying I got a gig. The gig was at 1:45am to do what I thought was to “help set up for an event” at the Garfield Park Conservatory. When I arrive at the conservatory, I get there and see some snacks and coffee, balloons, and plastic silverware. After having some coffee and noms, I was instructed to help roll up silverware. After rolling up silverware for awhile and talking to the other people in the room because we were all artists, the man in charge of the gig told me to come outside into the hallway and put a vest on in order for the security guards to know I was allowed into the conservatory. I’m then greeted by a man named Mike who claims he’s worked with plants for a long time. He tells me to water these pods for awhile while we’re having a general conversation. While I’m watering the pods, Mike pulls out a “forbidden plant” from his bag that was one of his coworker’s babies, but he got fired for it because he wasn’t allowed to have this Cuban accelerator plant at the conservatory. Mike then touched his orange to the plant and the plant began multiplying in size and sprouting a fruit the size of an orange in it. He throws the plant back in his bag and steps outside to call his manager. His manager doesn’t answer because there’s no signal. Meanwhile I’m still remaining super chill and not having much of a reaction to anything because I don’t get scared easily. He then takes the plant back out of his bag to notice it’s multiplied even more in size and began taking human form. It was sprouting a face, eyes, nose, and even looking and blinking at me. I thought it was some kind of magic trick or illusion. He proceeded to tell me the plant was morphing due to the “Carbonaro Effect” and I’m like “whaaaaaa???” And then he tells me the Carbonaro Effect is a TV show and I’ve been pranked. I was like, “cool, I’ve always wanted to be on TV”. We both start laughing, he walked me out of the room into another room where I signed some waivers and showed my ID, was given $100 bucks for an hour and 45 minutes of my time, told I'd air in September or fall time, and escorted to my car. Someday I will be famous and now is my time to shine!
