The Game

You lost the game... or did you? Just a pinch of optimism will help you win, even through the absolute worst!

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Within the stormy day

While staring out the window looking for a light

Appearing deep in fright

The desire comes to go numb

Just to subside the pain

And ease the agonizing tension

In order to play the game

But why…?

Searching for answers

Within the turmoil and twisters of life

Terror ensues to topple over the bridge

As one struggles to keep an inflamed mind in check…

While the tears are locked inside,

There's nowhere to hide,

And help is not on the way…

Why is everything about pain?

Wondering where the bright side is,

Searching for answers,

The twister inside the mind is ready to unleash a destructive blow…

Trying to speak her mind

Receiving a large dose of ridicule in return

Ready to blow

With a cork nearing its way out

The only thing she wants is to close her eyes

And realize that tomorrow is another day…

But it doesn't get any better…

Trying to find herself

Through transformation into the dreaded form of adulthood

The craving to become a child struggles to prevail,

But you know you need to grow up…

Balancing the maturity and wisdom with ignorance

Within a corporation and life's game

You are taken onto the battlefield

Where the fun feels like a dream

But it's actually for real

And life is grand,

Which is something the haters can't stand

Because the game consumes everyone’s souls…

So they band, and beat, and bash with a brand

With a negative vibe trying to eat the rainbow

Making it all goes sour

While she tries to be herself...

For trying to help

She gets taken for granted

For saying no

She gets abused

Even by those who are supposed to love…

Trying to find a way out

Is quite the tedious task

Rather challenging as well

But it's not so swell…

She continues to search for answers

Within the tattered heart

That needs to be sewn together with love…

Yearning for a moment to be uplifted,

Chasing the storm cloud for a moment of freedom,

The escape begins for a moment of peace…

In order be away from evil we humans like to call drama

She sheds an optimistic light to the rest

To uplift them all

Watching the haters fall

And lovers rise…

The only ones who will win in life

Are those who keep their pride

Continuing to stand tall

Before they fall

Making the world a better place

Spreading love and inspiration to all…

When the search for answers is complete,

Within the soulful mind,

The quest for life

Is never complete

Journeying onward and upward

With optimism by her side,

Knowing she has her pride,

She will always conquer life's game!

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If you want some more inspiration or find out when I post my next poem or blog post, like me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RebsMcduxler

Belegarth Kill, Grill, and Chill Event 2013

Here is my description and review of the 2013 KGC event!

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The Dunharrow Realm hosted their annual KGC event this year on August 10, 2013 at Wing Park in Elgin, IL. If you have no idea what happens at an event, basically, people check in and get their weapons checked at "Troll". Then we fight, socialize, eat, fight and socialize some more, have tons of fun, and enjoy the beautiful weather outside. Bigger events usually have camping involved as well, but there was no camping here since it was only for one day.

After one short month of fighting, it was time to attend my first event. Having zero idea what to expect and what was even going on, everyone was very open to helping me to make sure I had fun. I also didn't feel like a total clueless newbie or have anyone yell at me a the top of their lungs when waiting for a direction. Every single person I sent a Facebook message to with tons of questions prior to the event answered them with a positive attitude and didn't come off as being annoyed at all, which I appreciate immensely. At the event, everyone answered my questions with open arms as well. I was even provided with loaner equipment and a loaner garb because I hadn't made/bought anything yet. During the fights, people made sure I knew where to go and not walk around the field like a bumbling idiot. When me and a bunch of people were chilling, I was pulled off to the side to duel/practice and I got some very valuable critiques. Thank you to the mini peanut gallery for the pointers as well. Since I'm new, I appreciate all of the training and pointers that people offer to me. The feast was quite tasty as well (yay BBQed noms). When everyone was figuring out the plans for afterwards, people were very helpful in making sure I knew where to go and let me follow them and have somewhere to change my clothes since my house was way out of the way. I saw everyone's genuine concern for me and acceptance towards me. This entire organization is in complete favor of diversity because everyone in the sport comes from different backgrounds and walks of life. With that, virtually everyone is accepting of each other, which makes this place very family-oriented.

Also, I would like to give a special shootout to the Dunharrow realm for throwing the fantastic event! Thank you to everyone especially who made this event memorable and a positive experience for me! I will have more good reviews and fabulous blogs about this in the future!

On that note, here is an article about this event that was featured in Elgin newspaper!

http://couriernews.suntimes.com/lifestyles/21892185-423/fighting-in-the-park-legally.html

Edible Fiend and Weightloss Blog Update

Such a delicious delight
Can also be your foe

An escape from life
Slowly eating you alive

The taste of suffering
Reeling you dead in its sight

Trapped by its smell
You are lured into the temptations

All six senses tingling
Like a relic that craves attention

Addicting delights
Cause a longtime fight

The most painful battle in your life
Will be your biggest triumph

Slow and steady while accepting patience
Willingness to enter combat until victory!

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My lovely words of wisdom are to watch what food you put through your mouth. It only tastes good for a few minutes but hurts for awhile to come. Try to get at least 30 minutes of exercise a day to keep yourself active. It's hard, but think in small goals and stay positive and you will get there. Just keep going. You can do it! Even if you mess up at times and get off track, never, ever give up (even when you want to)!

In terms of how I'm doing personally, it is definitely hard to stay on track, that's forsure. I am going on bike rides at least once a week and also going to belegarth practice at least once a week, which is way better than what I did before. My eating habits need some work, but at least I am becoming more conscious of everything that is going on! I will keep going and success will be in my favor in due time!

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If you want some more inspiration or find out when I post my next poem or blog post, like me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RebsMcduxler

Ever Forward

This is definitely a poetic description of how I am! Enjoy!

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Rocker girl
Who’s ready to conquer the world
With her ravishing raw music
Rendered through the heart

Sadness reaps through her sorrows
Making several storms come to fruition
Suffering a severing pain like a gunshot to the heart
Still standing tall among the crowds

Tireless cries for help within the burning flame
On an endless tirade in search for the answer of why
Society screams in her face as she treads to stay afloat
Triumph will come with perseverance and patience

Losers in her life fear success and risk
Never letting go of negativity
Being lost is never an option
While leaving evil to rot in despair

She’s never left behind along the way
Never hindered while utilizing her accurate aim
Nearly escaping death during birth
She realizes that now is the time to shine

Through every ounce of suffering
The power of her voice echoes worldwide
Eternally smiling through her journey through hell and back
Ever forward will be her attitude always!

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If you want some more inspiration or find out when I post my next poem or blog post, like me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RebsMcduxler

Better than a Hallmark Card

In my opinion, I think all of these silly greeting cards are generic and not meaningful. When writing a card to someone, it should come from your heart, not a package. This is what I wrote on my parent's anniversary card and I believe that it sounds more genuine than a card you buy in a store!

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A wedding anniversary is a beautiful milestone. It signifies the proud relationship we've developed over time, genuine feelings we embody through our synchronized hearts, and the permanent love we possess. The true meaning of togetherness is being united as one through a bond only we will understand.

Hold on tight even after our adventures to eternal life. Even through absolute turmoil or trivial arguments, we still can battle through prolonged misery and triumph. No matter what, your love radiates to the world with a continuous smile and a childish glow. Our flame will forever sparkle in the fields of love.

Paramore and the Music Industry Downfall

After being a long-time follower of the band Paramore, I heard their new album and was disgusted. I had been analyzing for a long time how powerful music is and then gaging the type of people society are becoming in comparison to what type of music they listen to. The reason I am using Paramore as the main example is because the band lost two of its members and like a lot of my favorite bands, had their newest album release look like it's trying to please the fans, leaving their roots, and turning towards conformity. One of my main themes in my writing is to show that people should challenge what society wants, not follow "the trend", and to be genuine towards yourself and others. Music is very close to my heart and shouldn't turn into a bunch of mass-produced garbage...

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Hayley Williams was always an individualist… until the self-titled album and the departure of the Farro brothers. Her hair may have changed a little, but her style changed so drastically to where she goes against her original anti-conformist ways. But why do music artists seem to do that in the first place? It's like taking the word "artist" and transforming it into "money". I feel like all that these stars eventually want is money. They become so entrapped in the perks and views of stardom. Eventually the moral and pleasuring value disappears and turns into the three F's: fame, fortune, and fans.

But why am I using Paramore as an example? There are plenty of other bands who are experiencing this phenomenon in my opinion as well: Muse, Linkin Park… who is now going to have Chester Bennington destroy Stone Temple Pilots, Cobra Starship, Sick Puppies… What on earth is happening? This regression in the music industry… and even society, wants people to fit in. Ultimately, those who try to fit in ultimately become unhappy, fall down the drain, and possibly even disband. Thankfully, Paramore is very resilient because when their band members left, they didn't quit and continued going. Perseverance is a highly respected quality in any respect.

The goal of music should be to have fun, entertain, and inspire people through the emotion and passion conveyed through the sounds… NOT to sell out and make money. Eventually, musicians will turn into drones and acquire an obsession for money. Unfortunately, in a capitalistic society, people believe that money will make them happy and successful. Ultimately, money does not display success. It only means people were willing to throw paper at you because you put a heavy price tag on yourself. That's not what music is all about and what it was truly meant to be. Art is conveyed through a genuine passion… and always should be!

One thing that bothers me about Paramore and other bands such as Maroon 5, is that the more they evolve, the more they push the "band" in the background and put all the spotlight on the vocalist. The vocals are generally presented with the most emphasis in a song and the vocalist generally stands in the front. Since they move around the most on stage and the spotlight follows them, the rest of the band is left in the shadows… literally. A band wouldn't be a band without all its pieces… Otherwise, it's just a person representing a broken entity. Hayley Williams is NOT Paramore. Her and the rest of the band members are Paramore… Though the singer may be the fronting the band, the singer should not receive all of the credit for the band.

Music is about everyone turning into stars and taking the music away from the heart and turning it into publicity and money. That's not what music is all about. Yes, every industry has competition and each artist wants to be the best in their category, otherwise known as genre. Artists usually start from the bottom and provide their own sense of authenticity and put it onto the table. The more they get noticed, the more they start being sucked into the vortex of fame. Fame mutates artists into conformists. Conformist songs have redundant lyrics, sound fake, fixed, and they even all sound very similar with minor differences to morph it into what society calls a song. And they're even dressed the way Hollywood wants you to look like too...

If the world wonders what the moral of the story is, it's that new music that lands on the billboard charts and that's overplayed on the radio is the type of music that turns into a sellout instead of something beautiful. The lyrics and tunes and redundant, the music doesn't sound authentic and instead sounds mass produced; most people who appreciate the band's older albums won't like the newer ones. Paramore has turned from a punk rock superstar into a broken band struggling to adjust to society's pop music interests. The music industry seems to be turning into pop and country act. What really made me the most upset was when on X-Factor, when the finals were down to a 13 year-old girl with an old soul of a voice vs a country singer who could potentially be my father who sounds like all the rest of the country singers, guess who won? The person who got more votes, not the one with the most talent. That's why later in life, those with the actual talent get the recognition they deserve, like Chris Daughtry! In my opinion, I think that the current meaning of music is tarnished. Music is turning into a conformity for bands to please the fans and not themselves. With an art, when not being genuine, those who appreciate art see that the talent diminishes and the music turns into an epic disaster... Music without quality is a devastation to everyone!

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If you want some more inspiration or find out when I post my next poem or blog post, like me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RebsMcduxler

Joining Belegarth as a Newbie

This lovely blog is about my experiences of first joining belegarth. As of now, I have been in it for under a month and I have had nothing but positive experiences so far. In another organization that derives on its values and sisterhood for life eventually being followed by people excluding me, being very judgmental towards me, and even deleting me off of facebook, I have seen the exact opposite in this wonderful place!

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After my fair share of negative experiences in organizations and having plenty of people treat me poorly, it was time for me to start over and make some new friends. With a lot of my poetry stemming from anti conformism, anti-bullying, and having a skewed definition of family, I wanted to find “my place” where I feel like a normal person, can be myself, can meet new people, and most importantly, have fun. A dear friend of mine who knows my entire story invited me to go to “Medieval Combat Club” (belegarth) at school one a couple times during my senior year, but I was always way too busy with running a club, my classes, getting a job, and trying to graduate. As soon as I graduated from college and started working, I knew things were going to be tough…

Moving back home with my parents after graduating is one of the most painful experiences for me; if you read my poetry, you can probably tell. Not only is living with my parents a pain, but I began realizing I don’t have the greatest friends. By that, I mean I want to hang out with people who are going to be successful in the future, have direction in their lives, and make me feel like I’m someone meaningful to them. There’s a distinct difference between “having a rough time in your life” versus “never going anywhere in life”. I always love getting involved in organizations and wanted to find a group to call “home” and feel a sense of belonging. After having a long talk with this same friend, he invited me to go to another belegarth practice and make necessary accommodations for me to be able to go out of the kindness of his heart. Without hesitation, I decided to give it a shot. I figured this would be my gateway to what I’ve been looking for. Also, he always spoke very highly of everyone and the organization itself, mentioning that the people are extremely genuine and how much his unit brothers mean to him, even considering them his family. After going to my first practice, I knew my life was about to change! I had the type of experience where I was looking forward to coming back, talking highly about it constantly to my friends, and always smiling when I mention it to people!

I’m so used to being the person who’s in a leadership role or that person willing to step up and help others, and now I’m the “new kid in town”. Everyone that I met is beyond wonderful to me and words can’t describe how much I appreciate it. All of the realms are very friendly and open to newcomers (and even have loaner equipment). They make sure you understand the rules, want you to become a better fighter, and everyone has fun the entire time. The entire sport is on the honor system, meaning that you have to maintain a high level of sportsmanship and be an honorable fighter. When I reached out to the realm leaders asking for more information and where the practices are located, they kindly responded and welcomed me with open arms. They even went above and beyond to make sure I find the location of the practice, answer my numerous questions, and are always willing to help me.

Not only are these people wonderful on the field, but they are off the field as well. I can have intelligent conversations with every person I’ve talked to. They all have ambition in their lives. They are all very polite, warm, and friendly, as well as they know how to have fun. Even when I screwed up and should have taken a different train in the morning (stupid Metra and their awful train times for the line I take), they made sure I was able to find a way back to my car (which was parked about 30 minutes away where the public transportation didn’t go to that area). The thing is that I barely knew these people and they STILL did that. That truly makes a statement!

For those of you who think the people in Medieval Combat Club (belegarth) are weird and “too nerdy”, think again. Who cares if people think they are LARPing (live action role playing, which belegarth don’t really do), wearing “funny costumes”, and running around whacking each other with sticks. If you actually take the time to try it, it’s really fun. It’s not for everyone and it is a combat sport. At the same time, this group is one where the “don’t judge a book by its cover” motto comes into play. People have no right to judge people for being themselves and having fun. They don’t deserve the “weird looks” or whispers that I heard on the quad at school.

Belegarth is a wonderful organization and I encourage anyone to join! When you step inside something new and outside your comfort zone instead of being judgmental and narrow minded, you will get the respect you deserve. Being a newbie isn’t a big deal because everyone is out there to help you. I am very thankful to have been introduced to belegarth and I had a very positive experience at my first event! If you have no idea what belegarth even is, be sure to check out www.belegarth.com!

Target

The more I write, the more I realize that one of my central themes is anti conformity towards society. This is something I stand by every day and refuse to ever "fit in". Unfortunately, that comes with a rather large price to pay. Those who are willing to pay the price will reap a large reward filled with wisdom and pride. It stinks that a certain type of person becomes the subject to be bullied. The survivors who keep fighting will end up very successful, full of wisdom, and see how beautiful life truly is. With that, here is another spoken word poem:

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How much can one go through
Before they reach their self-demise?
To stay alive
Torn like ripped tights
Fearful of any sort of wall
Jumps at a screaming siren
Praying for no further hurt

The attacks firing rapidly
In all directions, they're barraged towards the target
With obvious knowing and sighting in mind
The target understands the gravity as to what they represent in society
While living in a world of pain
But how does the target channel these emotions?

Depression haunts the chosen few with the neon sign over their heads
Some are lucky to escape
The vast majority suffer through it in life
Triumph through the evil comes learning how to be a survivor
These are the ones who have stories of wisdom to share
Signs of life's bumpy roads
Showcasing that they won the battle

That makes me wonder…
Why am I a target and what did I do to deserve the PAIN?
Why do I have to SUFFER?
Why do I have to ENDURE?
Many of life's questions simplified into short sentences of why
True understanding of the situation is difficult to attain

Targeted individuals are ones who tend to challenge society
The norms are only a set of guidelines followed while embarking on an epic adventure
Who would want to conform anyways?
Apparently… everyone… almost…
Usually how it goes is that those who don't fit in
Are the ones who become the target
But why would someone go against the tides?

Even in a place you're supposed to be surrounded by your rocks
In a realm that should be flowing with love
Family be there for the entire show encasing love around you…
Instead, they toss tomatoes upon the stage in the midst of condescending chuckles
Inflicting ridicule instead of spreading warmth…
Giving the target a major price to pay

The ultimate question lies within…
Why pierce a bullseye with a needle instead of plastic?
Who would want to see the target fly?
When would someone's tattered heart soar into the sky?
Because targets tackle the mystical breeze on their own autopilot
Seeking success on the road less traveled to spread unlimited beauty and kindness
Magnetizing a following covered in fresh papered greens to indulge in life's joys!

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For more inspiration, personal expressions, wisdom, and poetry, like me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RebsMcduxler

Weightloss Journey: The Road to the Finish Line

I was going to make a super long, extensive introduction about my weight issue, but I didn't think it would be necessary for getting my main point across. Long story short, I am overweight, admit to it, and want/need to lose about 50-60 pounds. In my quest to inspire others, I need to first inspire myself and this, prove a major point to the rest of the world of who I really am. That way, I can make my mark on the world while looking a lot healthier and better on the outside!

If you desire for a back story, I was never overweight until college, but as soon as my high school sports slowly ceased, my diet slowly began falling down the drain with that. After my junior year of high school post-karate, I started gaining weight. With buffet style food in the college dining centers and freedom comes a lack of control. When I ended up in a lousy apartment situation my junior and senior year, I did whatever I can to "get by" and get through that situation, got busier in school, looking for a job, running a club, etc. With that came a loss of focus on diet and exercise, resulting into becoming overweight.

Weight loss is never an easy thing to do. I also had 2 unsuccessful attempts at Weight Watchers. It's a wonderful program, but I didn't fully commit to it either time. The only way to achieve success is to give 100% every time! Not every goal can be accomplished by overanalyzing the big picture, but by breaking it down into bite-sized pieces. Not everything comes right away, but with time, patience, and effort. The pain you suffer through now will result in a larger and gratifying quantity of success later.

You can say "you're going to do it" 500x or more, but words don't mean a thing until you implement them. I know I'm guilty of that. Those of you who say you're going to do it later, get up and do it now. Time is precious and life is short. Live it to the fullest by being healthy now and don't waste anymore time thinking and dreaming about something.

Those of you who want to embark on this journey with me, feel free to follow me on here or like me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RebsMcduxler. World, we are in this together. Who's with me at taking a stand now? Keep a positive attitude and your heart open. With that, you will open the gate to a bright future! Updates will be posted frequently!