Douse the Despair

After my worst nightmare in my college apartment for my latter two years, referred to as the prime place of learning (because I was in college) and how insanely awful I feel living at home with my parents, I would leave one place of hell and go to the other. My only escape would be to go to class, my activities, go to the library/to study, and go out with my friends. I felt absolutely horrible.

I want to inspire people until the day I die. The recent passing of my friend has made me want to continue this legacy and I also had a friend who has been there for me since my life turned around. I always like to see the good in everything instead of dwelling on what's awful. I looked forward to moving out of my college apartment for about a year and 8 months (getting out was quite refreshing), but moving out of my parents house will be quite liberating!

It is about maintaining optimism through turmoil.

I am also using this for spoken word!

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Inspire

Courage

Integrity

The ideal person wants to carry these core values upon their sleeve

With full force and visibility

Not to try to please the world

But to provide it with more

When that dreaded monster appears

You struggle to withstand its blows and stay true to yourself

Even when your heart is on lockdown

The evil only wants to instill cruelty

While being thirsty for brutality

Only to inflict pain and suffering onto others

Even family…

Suicide

Silence

Sorrow

Praying is all a dream of wishing for more…
You’re scared to a point of panic

Bitter towards being shoved towards the side of hate

While being a prime advocate for love…

The devil struggles to shine through

As a hero marches to the beat of her heart…

Calling her shots

Just like that

She’s winning the game

Holding her own fire

With strength succeeding…

Optimism later struggles to prevail…

A message is thrown in her face with the "Good Riddance" encased in the title bar…

Yearning for closure

Turmoil flies through the air

In not one, but two separate places that should be a home

One with family and one in the prime place of being

She wakes up to a cloud that blooms thunder over her head

To only see the dark and ugly…

With her room the only place to go,

She feels hopeless,

Lost,

Terrified,

Alone

All while living in toxicity…

How disgusting is that?

Nowhere to even land?

The word "if" flies over her head

Forced in someone else's space for years

Or another that is rotting

Living improperly and miserably…

Powerless…

Almost beyond the point of no return

Looking ahead for the day of departure

To douse all of the despair!

Someone takes her under their wings

And tells her how to make a mark,

How to acquire power

And how to succeed!

After feeling like constantly been going back and forth from one side of hell to the other

The knowledge of being triumphant is steadily acquired

And a vast following is magnetized to her movements!

Liberation can successfully douse the despair

Turn frustration into pride,

Turn anger into strength,
And convert negativity into beauty

In order to project these magical words worldwide!

Sunlight Strong

I was sitting in my friend's garage outside as I wrote this. After going outside and getting some fresh air, it made me realize that so many people just sit on their rear end and wait for an opportunity to just come without actually trying to actively seek it. I have also noticed that many people are lazy and unmotivated and sit in their room playing video games or just doing nothing. People should go outside, try something new, and just live. An opportunity will come when you are proactive and go find one on your own!

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The beauties of the outdoors

Forces of nature at your face

Feels divine

You're free at last

Staring at the beaming blue sky

Pulsing in front of you

Providing a sense of pride

Naturally

People want to sit

To not stop and stare at the clouds

No motivation to thrive

Wanting to stay subtly locked in a personal hideaway

Warmth among your blood

The all powerful ahead

Walking forward

Towards the fresh green

Where opportunity lies in the outside world

Adventure onward ahead

Yearn for a fresh change

Actually do and not try

The strength will prevail within

With eyes open wide to a vast outside

Take advantage of the world

Don't always be indecisive about it

Just take a step out the door of normalcy

Into an unknown realm

Free of all fears

With a spread set of wings

And an open heart

Venture through the wind

Feel fulfillment in life

To not fall behind

Be above the rest

Your heart will take you far

Into a mysterious unknown land

Opportunity awaits ahead

As you remain sunlight strong

Teachings and Lessons from Death

I wrote this post in reaction to my best childhood friend who passed away on May 25, 2013. He was my biggest inspiration and the foundation for the rest of my life. I had never lost anyone close to me and these are my opinions on how one should properly cope with the gravity of a hefty loss...

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I know that dying is a part of life, but the true mystery is that you never know when it's going to happen. There are many different ways that people perceive Death, but this is the best way to handle it:

Up until now, during my 22 short years of living, I had never had any real encounters with Death before. I never lost anyone super close to me. I have lost people who lived on my dorm floors and talked to occasionally, had a couple classes with, a couple family members that I wasn't too close with, and even someone in one of my turnabout groups. I even went to a wake for a good friend whose infant son passed away. But never had I lost anyone close to me before. I'd rather learn now than later. It will teach me and provide me with another one of life's experiences.

On May 25, 2013 I lost my childhood best friend who helped me to initially choose my life's path. We got into an argument when I was in high school and things weren't ever the same. I feel like it's a common phenomenon to realize how important someone truly is to you when they're gone. People always have that feeling of "I wish I could have said goodbye" or "I wish I could have told them how I feel" or "I wish I could have rekindled our friendship". Unfortunately, you can't. There are most certainly healthy ways to cope with a heavy loss and optimistic ways to continue to live and love your life.

When someone passes, they may be buried in the ground or have his or her ashes scattered about, but the spirit and legacy will always live on. You can always do something in the person's honor, such as dedicating some kind of personal memorial to them. For example, a school can dedicate a track meet to someone who was active on the track team or the ones who were closest can get a personalized tattoo to remember the loved one or very close friend. Most importantly, even though someone "being there in spirit" isn't the same, it is a healthy way to hold the passed person in your heart forever. Saying a prayer isn't a bad idea either. Mourn the passed person and celebrate their life. It will lighten the mood from the waterfall of tears and room full of sadness.

Your family and friends will be there for you. Alcohol and drugs are not the answer. Those will dilute your problem for a short amount of time and eventually cause your life to spiral out of control. If need be, there is always grief counseling available. One thing to also do is write a lovely letter in remembrance about the person and read it at the funeral. Cry your eyes out and call your best friend to console you and you will feel more at ease.

Death is inevitable and is just another part of the life cycle. Although it's the most terrible thing and it's even worse when the person is young, but it happens and you need to move on from it. You will never forget the person and you can always say hello at the cemetery. Just realize that the person is in a better place and although you can never touch or hear them, but you can feel and sense them.  Most importantly, don't dwell on the past. Take your mistakes and lessons and learn from them for the future. If you messed up or did something you shouldn't have to the person, don't regret it. That will make you more miserable later. Just move on and keep living. That's all you can do. Don't get stuck in a black hole. Move forward. The person will always want the best for you and would be happiest if you lived your life to the fullest.

Don't be afraid you're going to die and keep thinking about Death. You should live your life like you're going to die tomorrow and accomplish as much as you can. Life is short, but live on the edge and don't hold back. Don't let fear consume you. Live in the present and don't take things for granted, especially life. Life is the most precious thing one can have. Take advantage of the world. The world is your canvas. Paint as much as you can upon it and people will see it and become your happy followers and driving force. Take on the world with a smile. Happiness and love are driving forces. Display love to everyone, because who knows, they may one day be gone forever and there is nothing you can do. Believe what you want. Do what you want. Fight adversity and don't be afraid to be the odd one. Just enjoy yourself. Be free. It's better to know that you die happy and fulfilled than miserable and empty! Celebrate life always! Treasure the wonderful gift of life and you will be able to continue marching onward from the tragedy and sorrow. That way, it's never game over for you!