Lonely Habits

It is fuck o'clock in the morning and a manic mood has struck...
I need someone to talk to.

I scroll through long lists of names on my messenger apps and contacts leading to an empty abyss.
I want to text everyone but don't want to put them to the test of whether or not they can handle imperfection...

So I bottle it up into my magic lamp already past the tipping point and the genie is probably yay close to busting out of the lamp to yell at me to come back down to earth...

I turn on my crying music tune out the sound of my nose waterfalling onto my face...

I send several text walls as a cry to the sky for solace...

Feeling like I'm on a cloud I float back down to the prickly grass while trying to avoid the ultimate collapse...

The genie pops out of the lamp and yells at me anyway to snap out of it and turn the other way to those who have their back to you...

Snap out of it! Snap out of it! You don't need to hide anymore!

Someone responds and offers a hand. Real people exist.

I am not alone!

Long Lived the Magic Vape Pen

I want to wake up and taste the rainbow
But today, the rainbow tastes like grey...

10am...
When I get out of bed, the clutter next to me shines into my near sighted vision as I roll to my left and immediately reach for my magic vape pen.
10 hits later I'm ready to begin my adventures...
I meander down the stairs of my childhood home wondering what the hell I'm still doing here and create some tastiness.

12pm... 
My indecisive mind that never stops churning takes me to my laptop sitting in my bed to attempt to do some work.
10 more hits of the magic vape pen later I'm ready for bed...

3pm...
I wonder why the fuck I'm still in bed and realize my endless to do list is incomplete and I scramble to do shit...
10 more hits of the magic vape pen later I grab my phone and start texting people the same cycle on repeat to wonder how some of these people haven't used an escape rope...
1 more hit of the magic vape pen later I've realized half my pen is gone in a day and text my friend that I need to put the pen down...

4pm...
I still have to do the everything and frantically jump in the shower...

5:30pm...
3 hits of the magic vape pen later I should probably put the pen down so I don't require more slumber and run to the gas station for some awakeness...
I end up meeting some friends at Dave and Busters and go to the bathroom to "change" and secretly take 5 more hits of my magic vape pen before playing multiple games of dance dance revolution...
My friend who works at the arcade wonders if I'm ok and tells me I look like I'm out of it.
I tell him what's up and he finally convinces me to stop craving magic and start craving natural beauty...

11pm...
My legs are jello and I can't move... I waited until no one would notice me to go back to where I shouldn't be going, but need my own escape rope.
It's buried somewhere... Likely right in front of me...
But in the meantime, long lived the magic vape pen...
If I stop investing in magic and start investing in nature, the wind will carry me to where the treasure is buried and I'll live happily ever after... Sort of...

For now, at least I know the rainbow tastes like candy and I don't need magic to survive!

Now, time to go the fuck to sleep!

Can I Have Some Sour Cream With That?

My first attempt at trying to write some more comedic/stand-up related content. Having a poetry/storytelling background, and googling how to write a punchline were definitely helpful in this endeavour!



“Can I have some more sour cream with that?”


Being a server
An adventure embarked on while trying to figure out which road to take combined with a love of people and food,
Even the most quirky of people can survive.
Running trays, bussing tables, and picking up after people can sometimes be a pain,
But the love for making people’s day takes all!


I walk into work smiling every day
Even when my family gives me a hard time right before starting my shift.
My coworkers ask me, “how are you so happy all the time?”
And my answer is, “laughing is my anti drug and talking to people is my sanity!”


This one time, when I first started the current job I have, I had the worst table of my life.
The four guests who appeared to be of some sort of Indian descent asked for the most complicated order I’ve ever seen. And don’t forget about the extra jalepenos… grilled and seasoned to perfection… and extra spicy…
And some extra sour cream with that!
The next day, the manager tells me I got 4 bad reviews the previous night.
I guess the sour cream was as sour as their attitude… and their tip!


The day before I quit my first serving job, one of the managers said serving wasn’t for me.
Guess what I did by accident a few hours later?
Spill an entire pot of soup in the soup warmer instead of the container inside the warmer and then tell the other manager that I quit about an hour later… Oops!


I enjoy serving,
But I wonder where my next adventures will take me…
Maybe I’ll become the next “Mama Julia”
The world may never know…
Oh shit, my table just got sat!