Can I Have Some Sour Cream With That?

My first attempt at trying to write some more comedic/stand-up related content. Having a poetry/storytelling background, and googling how to write a punchline were definitely helpful in this endeavour!



“Can I have some more sour cream with that?”


Being a server
An adventure embarked on while trying to figure out which road to take combined with a love of people and food,
Even the most quirky of people can survive.
Running trays, bussing tables, and picking up after people can sometimes be a pain,
But the love for making people’s day takes all!


I walk into work smiling every day
Even when my family gives me a hard time right before starting my shift.
My coworkers ask me, “how are you so happy all the time?”
And my answer is, “laughing is my anti drug and talking to people is my sanity!”


This one time, when I first started the current job I have, I had the worst table of my life.
The four guests who appeared to be of some sort of Indian descent asked for the most complicated order I’ve ever seen. And don’t forget about the extra jalepenos… grilled and seasoned to perfection… and extra spicy…
And some extra sour cream with that!
The next day, the manager tells me I got 4 bad reviews the previous night.
I guess the sour cream was as sour as their attitude… and their tip!


The day before I quit my first serving job, one of the managers said serving wasn’t for me.
Guess what I did by accident a few hours later?
Spill an entire pot of soup in the soup warmer instead of the container inside the warmer and then tell the other manager that I quit about an hour later… Oops!


I enjoy serving,
But I wonder where my next adventures will take me…
Maybe I’ll become the next “Mama Julia”
The world may never know…
Oh shit, my table just got sat!

Delete These Pesky Clowns

This is how it feels to finally purge the toxic people in my life... in spoken word form. Enjoy!

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Douse the despair
And don't venture unprepared
Into the jungle of a universe where life resides in its own deep, dark ridges and humans control the planet...
With the exception of the soul supreme being that we embody as our own massive spiritual entity...

We struggle and we try,
And we laugh and we cry,
As we run awry and try not to die in this society known as madness...
While we deliberately avoid the binding tides of "the loop"
Where the inability to proceed is developed... literally to a point where you're completely stuck...
Yet you've been hanging with these clowns for far too long now...

When all we want to do is to thrive in all smiles, we sometimes get put to the test...
No, not some lame written exam you take in school, but these tests provide plenty of life challenges and even more obstacles...
These are the obstacles that clearly define who is real and who provides poison...

We try to escape from our troubles by placing a shade over our already-made facade while we test the game of life...

At times we seek assistance from what society tells us to avoid in order to be able to put a cloak over the negativity in the air...
Don't indulge in its nasty aftertaste though...

But immersing in the wrong circle of friends can result in your gold changing into coal as your exuberant mental state fades away...

This painful reality can also come to fruition when an overall poor investment is made with the wrong people.

When we surround ourselves with toxicity, the pathogens that we "think" are our friends are actually the ones responsible for draining us like a sponge and effortlessly tossing us in the trash...
If that's the case, then why the hell do we keep going back?
It's because we try again and again and again oh so relentlessly to find the good in the situation and we end up making our reluctant returns even more and more to see these people...
When all that's going to happen is that you're going to turn into a clown with them... and victory will definitely NOT be yours...

All of a sudden, plenty of troublesome situations later, an alarm with blaring lights finally decides to trigger before you want to explode from how badly you refuse to fall down with them...
The overpowering urge to vanish from the poisonous relationships takes shape while the motion to move forward from your heart succeeds! 

It may be one of the most difficult decisions that a young one can make, but the benefits far outweigh the costs... and then some!

This pivotal epiphany eventually sinks in after you've become so sick of these people that after a certain amount of time when you finally realize how done you are, you take a huge sip of the nice pot of "let's delete these pesky clowns" that you've been brewing over the past few months...
And boy, does it feel nice!

Once the evil is in your rear view mirror, don't EVER go back... or even look back! NEVER EVER EVER! 

Take a vow to avoid heading towards that dungeon of hell for as long as time exists and think of how badly you never want to be in that place ever again...

Erase those lines on the map and go pencil in some new ones. 

Realize how we need to seek out treasure and not trolls... 

That way, you will come out with a triumphant smile that exclaims, "lesson learned! I'm FREE!"
And this mistake will never, ever happen again!

Epic Chinese Buffet Adventures

So... a bunch of my friends have kept telling me that I should do standup. I have no problem in front of any sort of crowd, but I figured the best way I can portray being funny is a mashup between spoken word poetry and my crazy nerdy randomness. This story is derived from my two friends and I just randomly being in the mood to drive to a Chinese buffet one day and we eventually got there and indulged in Asian food and sushi goodness, so enjoy our crazy epic adventures!

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So just imagine you and three of your closest friends sitting in a room
You know, just on any old Saturday night in the middle of a wintery March…
Sitting on a couch, playing some smash, chilling out, having a good time, ambient music, good vibes…
Everyone is in touch with nature in some way, shape or form…
Some in the form of delirium, others in the form of sleeplessness, and others in the form of full blown consciousness…

WHAT!?!?

Like… being fully conscious,
Is that something that's SUPPOSED TO BLOW YOUR MIND OR SOMETHING?

DUH!
Like… What ever happened
To just being able to walk on the street
On any other Saturday night
And not seeing obnoxious drunk people just meandering down the streets…

Some are minding their own business
Other are tuned out into their own little alien world of theirs
There are even some crazy enough to walk down the streets and call you a whore and call you out and judge you just for being yourself…

WHAT!?!?!

Am I BLOWING YOUR MIND or something?

We just need to be fine-tuned to ourselves and not be strapped into some false sense of reality that we humans call distortion, but society calls it fucking up…
Meanwhile, we're all just trying to find ourselves in a place we call earth when the only perception of reality that we have is through our own eyes that started in the eyes of creation…

People need to act all professional, but what even is professional?
It seems to be a fine line between insanity and jaded with a touch of ginger, unless you know how to make a tunnel underground and run fast like Sonic the Hedgehog to barely escape trouble…
It seems like everyone just comes in every day… and while some seem to have a clear goal in mind, others just seem to be clunking around, yet they've been at the working place for years on end…
You wonder how they got to that position in life and you set yourself out to determine whether or not you truly want that to be your fate…
But as you grow up, you gradually know how to string your fate together in to exactly everything you want in such an intricate way…
Everyone just walks around so gingerly, passing each other in the halls, just all that smalltalk, and maybe that "asking for a cup of coffee" to see how the other one is doing and how they continue to bask in their success every day…
You just walk along on your own merry way and take their tips and have a nice day because you know where success is and need to find it your own way…

WHAT?!?!?

Does SUCCESS BLOW YOUR MIND or something?

To top it off, if you want to bask in some success…
Then imagine a guy and two girls driving along in a salsa red soccer mom car
In a little secret town that feels like just another college town
And it's just a transgender guy, a white girl, and a big white guy just roaming around, in search for the Buffet that is oh so sacred to us at that point in time
And we eventually get there after having to turn around like 6 times because we were derping around and just passed it…

WHOOPS…

SO we eventually end up getting there at some point about fifteen minutes later all safe and sound, just like we beat the secret Mario level…
Oh yeah, that's right….
We SERIOUSLY saw Mario when we were driving along, NO JOKE…
But it was just another one of them crazy business ploys to attract more customers into their store…
Enough getting sidetracked…
My parents may think this is Mexican town or the ghetto
But really,
It's just another little hole in the wall that no one knows about
It's perfectly safe, I promise
I'd never do anything wrong
Just leave me alone and let me be…
But I digress…
Let's go eat some Chinese food!
And enjoy this sunny day!