My life is a giant quest. The ultimate goal of my adventures is to become more confident in myself, believe in my positive attributes as a person, and maintain positive relationships with the people I decide to keep close to me.
I've always been a roller coaster enthusiast for as long as I could remember. Even my bat mitzvah theme was Six Flags and Amusement Parks. A year ago, I had went to Cedar Point to prove to myself I needed to end my relationship with Voldemort the jerk bag boyfriend at the time, not knowing the next time I'd end up back there again. I was able to live my childhood dream, but that's about the only gratification I was able to feel, besides letting go of toxicity. Less than a year later, my second chance to live my childhood dream plopped into my lap.
On June 6, me, my two roommate friends, and a friend I met while playing Dance Dance Revolution in an arcade, embarked on an adventure to ride the largest of roller coasters in the US and get out of town for a bit. Ironically enough, I met this lovely friend of mine at the arcade on an occasion when I got Voldemort so mad at me to where I left his apartment at 3:30am to drive home. Needless to say, I made the correct decision on who to keep in my life!
Prior to this adventure, my friend who I met while playing Dance Dance Revolution was afraid of roller coasters. We were supposed to go to Cedar Point, an amusement park in Sandusky, Ohio with record-breaking roller coasters, on the Monday. The park ended up closing due to weather issues and power outages; we ended up hitting the Six Flags in the Chicago suburbs instead. The park was an hour away from my apartment. We arrive at the park to do our “warm up rides” aka the not super scary rides. We hit the Demon looping coaster and the “more tame wooden coaster”, the Viper first and he went on those rides without a problem. We ended up heading over to the bigger wooden coaster, the "American Eagle", and he chickened out and didn’t go on the ride. The 4 of us end up hitting the a number of the bigger rides at the park, all of which my friend still chickened out for. I was getting worried my poor friend wouldn't go on any rides and possibly kick himself for it later. We wanted to leave the park early in order to make our lengthy drive drive to Ohio and not get there at 3am, but I opted for “1 more ride”. On this ride, known as "Batman", your feet dangle and you’re suspended under the track. I knew he disliked coasters where your feet dangle, but he shockingly went on the ride and thought it wasn’t that bad. By the time we reached Cedar Point, one by one, he was going on all of the rides. By the end of the first of two Cedar Point days, he succeeded at riding the fastest and tallest full roller coaster in the park. By the end of the second day, he succeeded at going from chickening out on a 175 foot drop wooden roller coaster to challenging a ride with a 420 foot almost straight down drop without crying, puking, or peeing himself. I was encouraging him the entire time and even prior to our adventures and was blown away he went on every single major ride at Cedar Point. He attributed his fear conquering to my upliftingness. I’ve always wanted to make a difference in people’s lives; whether it’s on a larger scale or on a smaller scale to a dear friend, I’m happy to be able to change people’s lives and watch them grow!
Thursday, June 16, 2016
Tuesday, May 31, 2016
Finding Your Rainbow Road
Sometimes, I feel like I run away from my problems instead of treating it like the boss level of a video game. Other times, I feel like making a “Grand Theft Auto” type getaway is quite necessary.
Right now, I’m at a point in my life where I want to figure out who and what to keep as integral components. It seems like a lot of people “be getting married and having kids and settling down and having a dog and a 9 to 5 job and playing family” and within the past year, I left a serious relationship, quit my corporate desk job, and find valid, but fake excuses to bail out of family events. I am, however, very lucky to have a chosen family!
A lot of people around me, including my twin sister, are all starting to couple up. I on the other hand have decided to focus on myself. While I am about to go get my second chance at a proper trip to Cedar Point in the next few days, the last time wasn’t so unicorn and rainbow filled. When me and “Voldemort” were about to go to Cedar Point, I was elated to finally live one of my childhood dreams; I also was on the verge of dumping his ass. Long story short, he was a very manipulative, unhappy person who enjoyed picking trivial arguments with me and not returning the favor in bed. We were only in Ohio for 2 days, but at least I had made sure to save a batch of my “special extra chocolate brownies” for the trip. The trip started with a, “hey, so you’re driving the entire way there” right as we were about to leave. We stopped at a Dunkin Donuts to get coffee and noms for the road and I began munching on my special brownies behind his back. I made sure to also eat some every rest stop we took and every time he left the room or turned his back. By the time he was ready to head back to Chicago, there was still another hour or so left before park closed, which I wanted to capitalize on. The more he upset me throughout the trip, the more I continued to keep contact with my “peanut gallery” in order for me to talk myself into breaking up with him. For the record, I had never broken up with someone on my own where it hasn’t been a mutual breakup before. He was being a jerk and decided to stay in the car while I walked around the parking lot for about 20-30 minutes, played a quick round of Dance Dance Revolution, went to the bathroom, and made a mad dash back to Millennium Force (a record-holding coaster with a steep and high drop). Unfortunately, the ride broke down several times while I was in line and I ended up waiting an hour and 45 minutes. During that time, I received several angry texts from him, most of which I ignored. After his display of waiting by the exit with disdain and refusing to talk to me for the car ride, I fell asleep in the car, woke up, got back into my apartment, and broke up with him that night. About 36 hours later, I ended up back at his apartment, grabbed my stuff, and “ghosted him” (stopped replying to him).
Not only do I need to be treated well by people I let into my life closely, but I also need to be treated well by my career path. When choosing to be a web developer, I was always a bit skeptical about staying in the IT field. As soon as I walked into my nice shiny job out of college, I was aboard the SS Sinking Ship, set to un-anchor itself at an undefined timeline. I’ve always been a high achiever and have experienced my fair share of failure, but never to this extent. When I was in school and had difficulty in a given class subject, I’d go to the professor and receive adequate assistance. I thought when at work and you experienced difficulty in a particular subject, you were supposed to ask your manager. However, asking the manager questions meant the project getting reassigned to a “cheap Indian laborer” contractor. After a few of these incidents, I began reaching out to others on my team, as well as networking a bit further. As soon as everyone was too busy to help me since I was unable to figure out how to complete the assignments on my own, I displayed a facade of productivity and success while internally, I knew I wasn’t contributing much of anything except for spreadsheets and install meetings. As soon as those weren’t good enough for my manager, my motivation went down the toilet and I felt the urgency of, “I need a new job and need to get out of here”. I ended up finding a new role, but within the same company; I did need to sneak through a few corners in order to attain the position, but it worked out and off I was to a building further south into the city. Minus the displeased manager and task reassignment, my new team wasn’t much different. I was still very unmotivated and felt the “I need to get out of here” urges. I ended up vanishing to go for many “walks” and there were a few times I went grocery shopping during work hours. My success facade walls were beginning to be broken down. A few months later, it was almost time for reviews. From midyear review to final review, I hadn’t completed a single significant task, including an assignment spanning across 8 months that lulled due to my coding program crashing beyond repair. I ended up deciding to put my technology “career” behind me and basically ghosted out of my job to everyone besides my manager and HR. Now, I’m significantly happier, am driving for Uber, performing a lot more frequently, and trying to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. I have not been treated poorly by any customers yet either.
Hardships are definitely difficult to face. Even though these experiences were necessary for wisdom’s sake, sometimes, you need to play ghost and do you in order to find true happiness!
Right now, I’m at a point in my life where I want to figure out who and what to keep as integral components. It seems like a lot of people “be getting married and having kids and settling down and having a dog and a 9 to 5 job and playing family” and within the past year, I left a serious relationship, quit my corporate desk job, and find valid, but fake excuses to bail out of family events. I am, however, very lucky to have a chosen family!
A lot of people around me, including my twin sister, are all starting to couple up. I on the other hand have decided to focus on myself. While I am about to go get my second chance at a proper trip to Cedar Point in the next few days, the last time wasn’t so unicorn and rainbow filled. When me and “Voldemort” were about to go to Cedar Point, I was elated to finally live one of my childhood dreams; I also was on the verge of dumping his ass. Long story short, he was a very manipulative, unhappy person who enjoyed picking trivial arguments with me and not returning the favor in bed. We were only in Ohio for 2 days, but at least I had made sure to save a batch of my “special extra chocolate brownies” for the trip. The trip started with a, “hey, so you’re driving the entire way there” right as we were about to leave. We stopped at a Dunkin Donuts to get coffee and noms for the road and I began munching on my special brownies behind his back. I made sure to also eat some every rest stop we took and every time he left the room or turned his back. By the time he was ready to head back to Chicago, there was still another hour or so left before park closed, which I wanted to capitalize on. The more he upset me throughout the trip, the more I continued to keep contact with my “peanut gallery” in order for me to talk myself into breaking up with him. For the record, I had never broken up with someone on my own where it hasn’t been a mutual breakup before. He was being a jerk and decided to stay in the car while I walked around the parking lot for about 20-30 minutes, played a quick round of Dance Dance Revolution, went to the bathroom, and made a mad dash back to Millennium Force (a record-holding coaster with a steep and high drop). Unfortunately, the ride broke down several times while I was in line and I ended up waiting an hour and 45 minutes. During that time, I received several angry texts from him, most of which I ignored. After his display of waiting by the exit with disdain and refusing to talk to me for the car ride, I fell asleep in the car, woke up, got back into my apartment, and broke up with him that night. About 36 hours later, I ended up back at his apartment, grabbed my stuff, and “ghosted him” (stopped replying to him).
Not only do I need to be treated well by people I let into my life closely, but I also need to be treated well by my career path. When choosing to be a web developer, I was always a bit skeptical about staying in the IT field. As soon as I walked into my nice shiny job out of college, I was aboard the SS Sinking Ship, set to un-anchor itself at an undefined timeline. I’ve always been a high achiever and have experienced my fair share of failure, but never to this extent. When I was in school and had difficulty in a given class subject, I’d go to the professor and receive adequate assistance. I thought when at work and you experienced difficulty in a particular subject, you were supposed to ask your manager. However, asking the manager questions meant the project getting reassigned to a “cheap Indian laborer” contractor. After a few of these incidents, I began reaching out to others on my team, as well as networking a bit further. As soon as everyone was too busy to help me since I was unable to figure out how to complete the assignments on my own, I displayed a facade of productivity and success while internally, I knew I wasn’t contributing much of anything except for spreadsheets and install meetings. As soon as those weren’t good enough for my manager, my motivation went down the toilet and I felt the urgency of, “I need a new job and need to get out of here”. I ended up finding a new role, but within the same company; I did need to sneak through a few corners in order to attain the position, but it worked out and off I was to a building further south into the city. Minus the displeased manager and task reassignment, my new team wasn’t much different. I was still very unmotivated and felt the “I need to get out of here” urges. I ended up vanishing to go for many “walks” and there were a few times I went grocery shopping during work hours. My success facade walls were beginning to be broken down. A few months later, it was almost time for reviews. From midyear review to final review, I hadn’t completed a single significant task, including an assignment spanning across 8 months that lulled due to my coding program crashing beyond repair. I ended up deciding to put my technology “career” behind me and basically ghosted out of my job to everyone besides my manager and HR. Now, I’m significantly happier, am driving for Uber, performing a lot more frequently, and trying to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. I have not been treated poorly by any customers yet either.
Hardships are definitely difficult to face. Even though these experiences were necessary for wisdom’s sake, sometimes, you need to play ghost and do you in order to find true happiness!
Thursday, May 26, 2016
Rebecca Duxler's Haiku Collection
A collection of as many of the haiku poems I can find, all written by yours truly :) Poems with a (xxx) at the top have a title. Enjoy!
Am I good enough?
Am I good enough?
Since I've accomplished so much,
I should know I am!
Every life matters
Death events should be honored,
Not by hashtag trends...
Today is the day
I deem myself important
And conquer the world
Find your inner strength
To plow through all obstacles
And blast to the moon
Transform every day
Living life to the fullest
Seeking growth and love
I want a burger
With every…single…topping…
Me at 2am
Where has the world gone?
Kindness exchanged for violence…
I’ll still maintain hope!
Why do we use guns?
Words can be used as weapons
Without shedding blood!
If Trump ran the world,
We’d be better off under
Robot mind control!
I am a black belt
I pack a nice punch, but don’t
Let my laugh fool you!
Be thankful for life
It can be taken away
Faster than you think
Don’t ever give up
Resilience always helps you
See the light of day
Follow all your dreams
You will certainly find them
If you keep fighting
(You Can Do It!)
You know you can do it
Keep telling yourself you can
Your goal will be reached!
(Fuel Your Fire)
Fuel your fire
Release whirlwinds of potential
For the world to see!
(No Quitting Allowed)
Resilience is key
You will thank yourself later
When you didn’t quit!
(Heart of Passion)
Passion is fashion
It lies in your heart pocket
To fuel the fire!
It’s impossible
To be everyone’s hero.
Change comes from yourself!
Turbulence exists
To say life isn’t perfect
While wisdom is gained!
Find your inner strength
To plow through all obstacles
And blast to the moon!
Forgiveness from within
Is manifested from love
And marching forward!
Climb every mountain
Like you’re scaling Mount Everest
To achieve your dreams!
I choose to live life
By embarking on ventures
Too crazy for you!
It’s never too late
To tell yourself today is
A beautiful day!
(Radical Stars)
Rockstars never quit
Adversity drives champions
Diving through the flames!
The second the wave
Crashes against the high tides,
All darkness subsides!
Trump for president...
Canada will turn into
New America
Thank the heavens for
Being alive and healthy;
You can change the world!
Artists are people
Who don't wish to conform to
Paper thin confines!
Not by hashtag trends...
Today is the day
I deem myself important
And conquer the world
Find your inner strength
To plow through all obstacles
And blast to the moon
Transform every day
Living life to the fullest
Seeking growth and love
I want a burger
With every…single…topping…
Me at 2am
Where has the world gone?
Kindness exchanged for violence…
I’ll still maintain hope!
Why do we use guns?
Words can be used as weapons
Without shedding blood!
If Trump ran the world,
We’d be better off under
Robot mind control!
I am a black belt
I pack a nice punch, but don’t
Let my laugh fool you!
Be thankful for life
It can be taken away
Faster than you think
Don’t ever give up
Resilience always helps you
See the light of day
Follow all your dreams
You will certainly find them
If you keep fighting
(You Can Do It!)
You know you can do it
Keep telling yourself you can
Your goal will be reached!
(Fuel Your Fire)
Fuel your fire
Release whirlwinds of potential
For the world to see!
(No Quitting Allowed)
Resilience is key
You will thank yourself later
When you didn’t quit!
(Heart of Passion)
Passion is fashion
It lies in your heart pocket
To fuel the fire!
It’s impossible
To be everyone’s hero.
Change comes from yourself!
Turbulence exists
To say life isn’t perfect
While wisdom is gained!
Find your inner strength
To plow through all obstacles
And blast to the moon!
Forgiveness from within
Is manifested from love
And marching forward!
Climb every mountain
Like you’re scaling Mount Everest
To achieve your dreams!
I choose to live life
By embarking on ventures
Too crazy for you!
It’s never too late
To tell yourself today is
A beautiful day!
(Radical Stars)
Rockstars never quit
Adversity drives champions
Diving through the flames!
The second the wave
Crashes against the high tides,
All darkness subsides!
I need to Uber;
There is money to be made.
Lots of adventures!
There is money to be made.
Lots of adventures!
First we work careers.
Then we drive into the night.
Time to make money!
Then we drive into the night.
Time to make money!
Trump for president...
Canada will turn into
New America
Thank the heavens for
Being alive and healthy;
You can change the world!
Artists are people
Who don't wish to conform to
Paper thin confines!
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