Where is Success When You Can't See It? Life as a Twenty Something

Ranting, the verbal activity I seem to do the best at… but it sometimes annoys my friends, so I generally keep it to myself.

A common theme that comes up in my life is how to find yourself as a twenty something and function as an “independent” adult. Something you unfortunately need to do as an adult is pay bills. I left college with almost zero knowledge of money management, a skill I wish was taught in a remedial college course.

When I graduated from college, I thought I wanted to be a Web Developer, get a job, stay there forever, move up in the ladder, and go from there. Not so long after I started my job, I was certain I was a bit too free spirited for Corporate America and needed to be in a place where I’m able to create. I did everything in my power to keep the job alive, but my will caved and I decided to jump out the window, with my parachute in tact, thankfully knowing where the ground was. I knew I was going to get screwed over at my job and marked on my calendar the day I knew would be the end of the road. Leading up to that day, I did everything in my power to get a new job. With no luck, one of my dear friends I live with told me my car would pass an Uber inspection and criteria and should become a driver. As reluctant as I was to do so, I did my research, gave it a test run, and felt decent. A few days before my “doomsday”, I knew being a driver and a free bird were in my fate, and handed my manager a 2 weeks notice letter.

Fast forward 8 months of being an Uber Driver and I am officially ready to throw stones and look for something else. The first thing is I feel like is slavery still exists. I don’t mean the stuff you saw 100 years ago; it’s more under the table. People are so damn greedy; the head honchos only want money and productivity. If you’re not wringing everything out of yourself and not making enough money, you’re not doing well enough, was a major theme of my last job, and even ridesharing. For starters, I have to pay for my own gas and repairs, as well as they take 25% of my fares right off the bat as a “commission” to them for using their service. Lately, I’ve had days where I’ve made as little as $7.50 per hour, which is less than the legal Chicago minimum wage. Thankfully, that’s pretty rare, but I’d drive overnight, drive myself into not sleeping, drive myself into depression and isolation, and drive my knees and energy down the toilet. I’d be out as many as 29 hours at a time, just to make sure I “make it” to my next bill payment and have a little extra for groceries. I have to wear a knee brace while driving because with my car, you have to push harder on the gas pedal; lately, my other knee has been starting to give me trouble too. I have barely been able to see my friends lately, including the ones I live with (it’s been a bit more under control now though). Those I am close with, I would bombard them with texts of how tired I was, how shitty I felt, or some sort of stress or anxiety-related thing was bothering me. Thanks for bearing with me, guys! I’ve had to decrease my attendance at open mic nites, karate classes, my “nerd” group called, “Belegarth”, everything, just to pay my bills and get by. I even created an “emergency fund” when I knew I was forsure going to leave my job, which I recently exhausted all of it.

But here I am. I am still willing to search for a better opportunity for myself, still willing to drive and do what it takes to make money (and still paying all my bills on time), and I am even here today. For that, I am successful!

Struggle Bus

The struggle is real.
I usually emphasize the desire to thrive,
But now I yearn for the drive to survive.

Fight or flight mode hath been engaged,
As I try not to become enraged.
The only thing keeping me alive is getting high,
But now I understand what being poor feels like; I empathize.

I'm rich in ideas, connections, and will, but lack the currency;
I must get it with utmost urgency...

So this is what being an animal feels like.
The only person you can count on is yourself.
I may be surrounded by a pack,
But no one else has got my back;
The only way to win the battle is to win alone.
It is time to adventure some more into the great unknown!
All while living on a prayer!

Recipe for Enhanced Ramen 3: Kicked Soy Fishy Flavor Noodles

The cheap gourmet at its finest! I used:

1 pack of Chicken Tortilla Ramen
1 minced clove of garlic
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper
3 tbsp low sodium soy sauce
1/2 tsp fish sauce
1/4 tsp freeze dried chives
1/2 tsp onion powder

Fill a medium sized pot with water and boil it: place the noodles in the pot and cook until al dente (about 3min); strain 90 percent of the water out of the pot and put back over a light flame; pour the seasoning packet and the spices/sauces into the pot; stir until noodles are warm and enjoy! This isn't the healthiest or most unhealthy thing out there but it only cost me 25 cents for the Ramen packet!