Broken Record

I feel like my friends are tired of me telling them the same story over and over again...

It is past 4am
And I'm scrolling through my messages wondering who my next victim will be to hear about how I found another way to screw myself over.
I don't want to bother anyone,
But my instincts tell me to message someone before I shove more artificialness through my mouth because I haven't been to therapy in 2 weeks...

It would be nice if someone could hold my hand and tell me everything would be ok, but I've held my own hand the last 4+ years.
While I don't regret it, I need to open the door instead of letting myself continue to drown...

"I'm a strong independent woman!"
I continue to chant that to myself as I try not to let myself cry.
The magicness is right next to me, but it's locked in the safe and I shouldn't go grab the key...

"I'm a strong independent woman!"
I continue to tell myself that while pushing unnecessary societal and familial pressures aside to keep myself afloat.
I am one to march to my own irrythymic heartbeat at my own pace and shall continue on my way to the golden roads!

"I'm a strong independent woman!"
I scream that to myself in the mirror as I look at my bare body, realize what I've done to it, and vow to be better.

I'm not a broken record.
You cannot shatter me as easy as glass breaks.
I may sound a little off, but I still am able to function.

I'm sorry the songs have some minor keys, but I'm not sorry for being me!
I'm not sorry for being free!
And I'm definitely not sorry for being different.

I have already walked away from the ridicule for it to follow me back to what is supposed to be home.

If I am a strong independent woman as I say, it is time to lay the layers, brick by brick, and pave my own golden roads!

Review of Sugar Factory Rosemont

***Each category is out of 1 and is rounded to the nearest .1***

Cleanliness: 1 - The place looked pretty clean. Most of the tables were bussed. The place where my friend and me sat (at the bar top) was clean (thank the lord, I’ve been eating at so many dirty tables lately…)

Service: 1 - Jaz, the bartender, rocked! She was prompt and our drinks didn’t take forever!

Ambience: 1 - I liked the music and I can still talk to my friend without totally screaming.

Taste of Food/Drink: 1 - We split a fishbowl drink and I then had a martini. The drink looked appealing to the eye and tasted like a perfect balance of sweet and strong. The candy added a nice touch as well. The cotton candy went first! The martini was also pretty appealing and it tasted delicious. I was pretty full at that point, but I was still able to happily down it and enjoy it. The drink size was appropriate and the quality/aesthetic was pretty high.

Was it worth my money?: .5 - It’s a little pricey, but it is Rosemont (upscale Chicago suburb)… It was worth it and all, but I wouldn’t want to go there too frequently because I would drop way too much money because everything is so tasty! I’m sure it’s expensive because of all the bells and whistles for the drinks too, but it isn’t too too bad.

Overall: 4.5/5

Prey Meets Rock

I feel like prey,
The clay that gets destroyed when the fire is so strong it's ineffective.
When the blood of the covenant is not thicker than the water of the womb I wonder why and want to cry... And then run away...
To the abyss where it feels like I keep taking shots and I miss...
The shots hit the rim and bounce right out every time...

I need to be a rock...
Immovable and hard to destroy...
Because I won't be your toy
As you are a leech and shall let your grasp finally elude me...

Goodbye to you.
You are not my family.
You have sucked every ounce of blood out of me, but I am still conscious.
I will be my own rock
And squash whoever tries to break me!
I have learned from my mistakes while the stakes were high,
And now I will make the successful shot I need...
Right in the net!