Why Me?

Sometimes I wonder “why me”?

My friends often tell me “I’m always going through something”,
Especially compared to their other friends…
This is sadly true.
My life is very eventful.

I feel like life is like a game of Pokemon.
You battle the first boss, you think you beat the game, and bam, another boss level appears.
But before you even get to the boss level, there’s monsters all around you needing to be defeated.

When you finally get to the boss level, you need to unleash all your power.
If your arsenal fails, you can keep powering up until you’re strong enough to complete the final mission.

In many video games, you can select easy, medium, or hard mode.

On social media, I see everyone’s picture perfect life and at their best selves only;
Their life is on easy mode.

For my adventures, I feel like trying to accomplish your dreams is like being in the boss level where the enemy grows rapidly after each attack and it feels like there’s no hope; My life feels like the hard mode button is stuck and won’t turn off…

I wish for my life to be easier, but maybe there’s an underlying reason why everything feels turbulent all the time.
But beating a boss level usually results in a major reward at the end.

Boss levels are difficult, but not impossible.

Once you finally beat the game on hard mode, after lots of perseverance and sometimes a zillion tries, instead of wondering “why me?”, I shift my perspective to “why not me?”

So why not me?

#metoo is Real

#metoo is real…

I used to think the world was unicorns and rainbows,
Until the skies turned grey…

On a normal September day, I wanted to play Dance Dance Revolution with someone I thought was my friend.
I knew he had interest in me,
And I told him we were just friends multiple times… without benefits!

Assuming this fellow understood the word “no”, we proceed to go to the arcade.
Afterward we go to Jewel to buy food and alcohol… thinking we were just friends…

We trekked back to his apartment to eat/drink, chill, and watch rhythm game streams… as friends… without benefits.

Once the alcohol came to play, so did his demons I didn’t know existed until it was too late.

I spill my guts while in a vulnerable state, looking for the unicorns and rainbows to face my fears.

Instead, a black hole formed.

2am…
3am…
4am…

It’s 5am and as I’m falling into a drunken trance, his demons attack.

Next thing I know I wander to his bed to pass out and telling him I didn’t want to do anything beforehand apparently meant try again while alcoholed and see if that changes anything.
My pants come off, I give a half asleep “yeah sure whatever”, and I robotically pass through the motions as the devil thrusts inside me…

My lower extremities feel like they were lit on fire and my brain is spinning like the Wheel of Fortune is about to strike a bankrupt space.

I go home, pass this event off as nothing, and it happens again 2 weeks later.
Eventually, I realize something is terribly wrong and begin to seek advice from my friends.
They all told me you can’t consent while you’re not sober and are half asleep.
As soon as I felt the implications of these events, I felt like I wanted to hit a punching bag and have Niagara Falls waterfall down my face at the same time.

Through famine is when you find your real family,
Through hell is when you find peace,
And as for Mr. Rapist, have fun in the trash bin where you belong!





Yes, if you fuck me over, you will end up on my blog you probably don't know about <3

Reality's Dreams

Hallucinations
Are when reality meets
Fictional events

Imagination
Can be real if you turn it
To living actions

Dreams as real as stars
Exist because thoughts manifest
Into reality

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