Weddingriffic Misadventures

Just to preface, I am not and have never been married or engaged... or in a relationship that's lasted longer than a year.

So many people around me are getting married, having kids, moving in with their partners, getting dogs, and settling down; here I am, super single, driving for Uber at insane hours, and trying to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. Social media likes to flaunt how picture perfect people’s lives are, especially at peak events. I haven’t been to too many weddings, but unfortunately, the ones I’ve been to haven’t been for my friends and have been quite the misadventure so far! Most of my only positive wedding adventures have consisted of driving passengers for Uber to weddings or to a place to get ready for the wedding.

None of my dearest friends whom I'm close enough with to be invited to their wedding have been married... well... except one of my friends who I've been friends with since I was in 6th grade. She ended up having an oops baby with a man she met at a Jewish overnight camp in Washington state. The catch is, she grew up in Buffalo Grove (Chicago burbs) and he was one of the counselors from Israel. With the baby on the way and them soon getting engaged, they ended up deciding to have their wedding in Israel. Most of my friends are males, so excluding my sister, this would likely have been my only chance to stand up in a wedding (unless she for whatever reason gets married again). Even though I had enough money at the time, I didn't want to attend a wedding where I had little control what I did when I would be spending thousands of dollars to go to Israel... no thanks! Maybe another time!

A year later, I began dating a man who I refer to as "Voldemort" because he was such a jerk bag. He first invited me to a wedding for one of his coworkers 3 weeks after we met. I was like, "um... I haven't known you long enough and don't feel comfortable doing this". About 6 months later, Voldemort was a groomsman in one of my sister's friends weddings and asked me to be his plus one again. I reluctantly decided to go. We drove to Kokomo, Indiana and stayed in a hotel. We stayed at a Motel 6, which wasn't that bad, but not the expensive hotel everyone else stayed at. He was very notorious for starting petty arguments, but he behaved for most of the time. I didn't really know anyone besides my sister, her boyfriend, Voldemort, a couple others I met at the rehearsal dinner, and 1 other person. I proceeded to get comfortably drunk along with some free drinks from the limo since Voldemort was a groomsman. I danced my heart off in my heels and had no care in the world. I even won limbo and proceeded to spin the limbo stick like a staff because I'm a flow artist... even though I was drunk. When the garter toss happened though, I imagined it like the drummer of a rock band tossing his drum sticks or the guitarist tossing his picks. Again, I was still drunk at that point. I caught the garter like I caught a T-shirt tossed by Halestorm (the band) and Voldemort swatted it out of my hand. I was like, "wtf man"; to avoid a further scene, I handed the flowers to a little girl and walked away. Besides for that, the wedding was "aight". I had a food baby from the rehearsal dinner of very much Mexican food and frozen margaritas! Nommity nommity nommity nom!

A year after this wedding, it was time for my cousins to get married. Only this time, I had no plus one and I am not very close with my blood family. I was very close to ditching the wedding completely, but reluctantly decided to go for the free food and open bar. I had an ominous feeling about going and proceeded to pregame pretty hard to take the edge off of everything. I felt very beautiful on the outside and was excited to wear a brand new dress I bought. After the ceremony, my uncle decided to make a "neighborhood friendly comment" of, "oh, you look great" to me and, "oh you look even better" to my sister. After that, I mentally checked out of the wedding and was counting down the hours to go home. I stuffed my face with appetizers and drinks until I had the largest food baby ever. At least I got to feel fancy for a night and eat fancy hotel food that looked like I was eating at a 5 star luxury restaurant. Yay for being able to be classy and pretend to be rich for a night. My mom was showing me off like a display in a China cabinet. As a dancer, I didn't even feel comfortable dancing. I was beyond miserable and no amount of alcohol, food, or other substance could make me feel better. Once dessert was over, I bounced like a ninja and said that, "the alcohol was making me sick", though if I drank anymore I would have been sick. My friends picked me up from the train station after I made my escape and proceeded to comfort me the rest of the night, because my mood was in "black face land", meaning the worst possible mood I could be in. Seeing them was the highlight of my night.

Hopefully the next wedding I attend, which I hope is for one of my friends, I'll be able to ring the bell of joy instead of want to stick my head into my pillow crying. Marriage is supposed to be happy and I can't wait to be at a wedding where I can dance the night away, bring my LED light flow props to mesmerize my friends, and be merry!

Rebs a Rita (Frozen Margarita) Recipe

Also, the Rebs a Rita recipe! The other alcohols can be replaced with shots of tequila instead as well :D

I make my frozen margaritas with:

*3 shots of Tequila (silver)
*3 shots of Triple Sec
*3 shots of Peach Schnapps
*3 shots of lime juice
*2 cups of mixed berries (consisting any sort of raspberries, cranberries, blueberries, blackberries, and strawberries)
*2 cups fruit juice of choice (any kind of blue raspberry juice, berry juice, or berry/lemonade juice recommended)

Lots of love! You'll definitely feel the love, that's forsure ;)

If drink is too watery, add more frozen berries. If drink is too thick and won’t blend, add more juice! Enjoy the tastiness :D

Creepy McCreeperface

Creepy
The antithesis of who I need in my life
Bringing the gross spiders to the table,
Tossing them onto the ground in front of my best friends and I,
Who in turn cringe and run away.

Inside your guts lies the desire to do more than slither on my lap;
You latch onto me, bite, and inject your vicious venom in my heart,
Causing a sharp, lingering pain to ooze throughout my body.

I don’t want you here, you nasty varmin
Go away
Leave me alone
You have no benefit to me except to fulfil your selfish desires;
Chew me up, spit me out, and leave me to be wrapped in other spider webs… and used gum

Creeper McCreeperface
I will squash you like my opponent in a warzone
Just kidding
I’ll use my secret ninja powers, inaudibly scream at how the hell I ended up in this situation again, sneak out the back door when you’re asleep, and run the fuck away!
Bye Bye!

The Girl and the Snake

Being different and being a woman can be a pain sometimes, even back then.
I’m pretty, right?
I wish the right person would notice me,
A hero, a real man, a knight in shining armor
Carrying a sword and a shield in his hands,
Chivalry in his heart
Tell me how beautiful I am,
Take me for a spin in your antique car,
Show me your heart
Turn my pet snake into the furry friend I’ve always wanted.
It would be a dream come true!
So please, please, prince charming, splash some color into my life!
I hope you don’t bite!

Alphabetic Story of my Life

A day in the life of me
Brings joy, adventures, misadventures, and newfound glory.
Craziness is also a factor;
Disasters happen… sometimes!

Everyday's a new day to succeed, but
Failure is also exists.
Gotta git gud, gotta go fast, gotta climb up the ladder.

Here I go! I’m ready!
I strive for every day to make it the best it can be,
Jumping over hurdles, joking around those I interact with.
Kicking ass and taking names is my middle name!
Losing is never an option!

My oh my, what a crazy life I have,
Never a wink of restful sleep,
Or offers of hands or shoulders to lean on, but opportunity will always be on my mind!
Priviledge doesn’t really exist for me, especially now.

Quests are embarked on,
Races are won,
Savages are met with serpents.

Today will be my day, which I constantly tell myself.
Universes will meet where I want and need them to.
Voracious for a win am I.
Winning is my first name!
Xylophone sounds will ring when I reach the top.
You will hear the sound of my name in lights!
Zero chance it won’t happen; one hundred percent chance it will!

Where is Success When You Can't See It? Life as a Twenty Something

Ranting, the verbal activity I seem to do the best at… but it sometimes annoys my friends, so I generally keep it to myself.

A common theme that comes up in my life is how to find yourself as a twenty something and function as an “independent” adult. Something you unfortunately need to do as an adult is pay bills. I left college with almost zero knowledge of money management, a skill I wish was taught in a remedial college course.

When I graduated from college, I thought I wanted to be a Web Developer, get a job, stay there forever, move up in the ladder, and go from there. Not so long after I started my job, I was certain I was a bit too free spirited for Corporate America and needed to be in a place where I’m able to create. I did everything in my power to keep the job alive, but my will caved and I decided to jump out the window, with my parachute in tact, thankfully knowing where the ground was. I knew I was going to get screwed over at my job and marked on my calendar the day I knew would be the end of the road. Leading up to that day, I did everything in my power to get a new job. With no luck, one of my dear friends I live with told me my car would pass an Uber inspection and criteria and should become a driver. As reluctant as I was to do so, I did my research, gave it a test run, and felt decent. A few days before my “doomsday”, I knew being a driver and a free bird were in my fate, and handed my manager a 2 weeks notice letter.

Fast forward 8 months of being an Uber Driver and I am officially ready to throw stones and look for something else. The first thing is I feel like is slavery still exists. I don’t mean the stuff you saw 100 years ago; it’s more under the table. People are so damn greedy; the head honchos only want money and productivity. If you’re not wringing everything out of yourself and not making enough money, you’re not doing well enough, was a major theme of my last job, and even ridesharing. For starters, I have to pay for my own gas and repairs, as well as they take 25% of my fares right off the bat as a “commission” to them for using their service. Lately, I’ve had days where I’ve made as little as $7.50 per hour, which is less than the legal Chicago minimum wage. Thankfully, that’s pretty rare, but I’d drive overnight, drive myself into not sleeping, drive myself into depression and isolation, and drive my knees and energy down the toilet. I’d be out as many as 29 hours at a time, just to make sure I “make it” to my next bill payment and have a little extra for groceries. I have to wear a knee brace while driving because with my car, you have to push harder on the gas pedal; lately, my other knee has been starting to give me trouble too. I have barely been able to see my friends lately, including the ones I live with (it’s been a bit more under control now though). Those I am close with, I would bombard them with texts of how tired I was, how shitty I felt, or some sort of stress or anxiety-related thing was bothering me. Thanks for bearing with me, guys! I’ve had to decrease my attendance at open mic nites, karate classes, my “nerd” group called, “Belegarth”, everything, just to pay my bills and get by. I even created an “emergency fund” when I knew I was forsure going to leave my job, which I recently exhausted all of it.

But here I am. I am still willing to search for a better opportunity for myself, still willing to drive and do what it takes to make money (and still paying all my bills on time), and I am even here today. For that, I am successful!