The Positivity Garden

This is the story of what inspired me to want positive people in my life. Enjoy :)

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A few months ago, when my life turned into chaos and I’d come home to my very roomy one bedroom apartment in one of the hip areas in Chicago, I looked sink and realizing how full it is, exclaim, “NOT THE DISHES!” at a month’s worth of dirty dishes. This describes how I feel with dead weight in my life.

When I was in college, during my freshman year in the dorms, someone pointed out to me how I was “friends with everyone”. I saw that as a good thing when I was younger, but I felt like something was missing. I had tons of friends and a very fruitful network, but felt very lonely…

Once I graduated college, since due to proximity issues, it was difficult to maintain friendships, I needed to start over. I was a new person after college and felt confident enough to go out into the world and meet people. Shortly after my return home, I ended up reconnecting with one of my friends from high school named Shawn. He introduced me to his friend group, and I later realized I was hanging out with a toxic group of people who had no motivation to do anything in life except watch TV, party, and not have a job. My relationship with that entire group is dissolved at this point. Shortly after I reconnected with Shawn and friends, I ended up reconnecting with another high school friend, Chris. Chris ended up introducing me to his friend group as well. Of course, these people would end up being toxic for the same reasons and then some; however, I decided not to purge everyone.

I recently had to move out of my one bedroom apartment and realized how much I’ve been hoarding only 2 years into my full adult life, such as papers, notes, clothes, etc. Something memorable one of my ex boyfriends told me was how my true friends will help me move when I need to. Two of my dearest friends, Kyle and Noah, who are now my roommates, were the only two people I decided to maintain relations with after the second group of friends I met after college disbanded. The pair of them and a pair of movers helped siphon through my 800 square feet of clutter, which was all mine, and get it onto a truck which needed to fit 3 people’s belongings… About ¾ of the truck was filled with MY stuff. Whoops! Thanks Noah for your parents helping me to erase or donate a large portion of junk I didn’t need. About a month into living with each other, this is the first time since living in the dorms in college where I can get closer to my roommates instead of having to worry to fight with them. That was nice!

With a more optimistic view towards people, I still wanted a select person to form a spiritual bond with. Not even a romantic relationship, especially because I am still recovering from a somewhat recent breakup. With all of the “best friend” figures I’ve had in my life, I’ve always felt like there’s been a barrier separating me from the relationship I want with the other person. One adventure on the Mystery Machine later, an old green Pace Bus remodeled and painted from his family to represent a parody of the Scooby Doo version as the “Mystery Machine Party Bus”, ended up introducing me to his roommate, Trevor. Both of these two lovely people helped me with assembling my new apartment, which I dearly appreciate. After hanging out with Trevor some more, I feel like I’ve found someone to help me maintain my positivity garden, which is an outlet to spread joy and good vibes to all. Not only that, but this kind of connection with someone is depression’s antidote. Life’s too short to waste your time with toxic people. Hold onto those who want to create and foster love with you. Who do you want in your life?

Top 5 Reasons to Sport a Positive Attitude

The picture says it all :)

Motivation for 10-27-15

Pics and art done by me. Enjoy the love and smiles :)

Motivation for 10-25-15

Just some inspiration and a little drawing I did to motivate you lovely people!

Today, 10-25-15, in Micropoetry, More Motivational Graphics

Today, 10-16-15, in Micropoetry... "Fighter's Fire"

This is about what goes through my head every day. Enjoy the mini poem!

A Nerd's Awakening

This is the story of when I realized it was ok to be myself. Enjoy!

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Every day at a place I thought was home in the averagetown burbs, with an identical twin sister, and my mom and dad, I felt like I had a neon sign on my back displaying, “goat”. This term represented being the center of negative attention. I’m about to go chill at my friend’s place and decided to wear pink leggings, blue shorts with cherries, a Five Finger Death Punch shirt, an ear full of metal and an armful of bling, the family points and laughs. My mom says, “Are you really going to go out in public like that”. I reply, “um, yeah?!?” I then storm out the door and slam it shut, never looking back, wondering what I did to make myself the black sheep.

Being an identical twin almost means two people, one soul. I still get called by my sister’s name by those who don’t even know I have an identical twin sister named Rachel. But how do you find your own identity by having the same friends, doing the same sports and activities for the most part, going to the same college, even choosing the same major, and never having any room to find yourself? At least having the initials “RAD” is pretty rad, even though they aren’t unique…

From my endless amounts of experiences, long list of hobbies, and trying to fill every moment and every person around me with color, I’ve learned that life is a story. You are the main character. Each adventure you take marks another chapter in your book. You can choose to either have 15 pages, 100 pages, or even a thousand pages. As for me, I like to venture into distant lands.

When I went to college, like everyone else, I wanted to find my home and people to call my family, since I abide by the phrase, “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb”. It was also a time for me to shake the neon sign and pray a trail of the ill colored light didn’t decide to follow me. For most of my life, most of my friends have been men. Even growing up, I was best friends with a man named Kyle who inspired me to proceed down the path of nerddom. With the strong desires to bring some women into my life, I decided to go Greek. A major goal of the Greek system is to recruit members, but what if you’re indirectly assigned the role of the water boy instead of being able to talk to people? We would be in the Circus Room of the Student Center, tables set up all eloquently, about 50 women decorated fully and sporting their nicest lettered shirts, sitting at tables in their poses, and trying to convince women to join the sorority. My goal was to authentically see if the woman’s values fit with mine and would fit with what the sorority would want in a reputable person. Apparently, all that got me doing was serving finger sandwiches and water to my sisters and the pnms aka “potential new members”, and getting yelled at for checking my phone during voting while my mom was telling me my great aunt had just been admitted to the hospital.  By the end of the day, I was left out on the street to fend for myself, and don’t really talk to any of my “sisters” at this point in time. The last time I was invited anywhere was to someone’s birthday party, which just so happened to be on the same day as “Belegarth day event” (where you fight and converse during the day only and don’t camp overnight). I yearned for some real friends in my life because I sure didn’t find many in college.

After four years away from the nest, it was time to fly home again. Almost 2 months after getting back, I was introduced to a world of the nerd club, singing pirates, hitting people with foam weapons, campfires, camaraderie, medievalness, lots of food, and even the Mystery Machine? My friend Josh I met in the IT department at school, offered me a ride to the local “nerd club” practice in Elgin, IL. I accepted his offer, showed up in my workout clothes, and had no idea what I was getting myself into. After the schpeal of “Welcome to the Belegarth Medieval Combat Society” and being told the rules, I was handed a foam sword, a foam shield, and told to go get em. I ended up beating 1 person, which was an accomplishment for me. Plus, people were drawing conversations with me and seemed interested in me. Flabbergasted like a 5 year old who missed several social cues throughout life, to myself, I was like “what, you want to be my friend”, and awhile later, start screaming to myself, “they like me, they really like me!”. After the practice was over, everyone present went to go get Mexican food as usual, and talked as if we had known each other forever. From then on, I knew I was hooked.

Once I joined Belegarth, the neon sign fell off. I looked at it, stomped it on the ground, and glided forward. I learned how the bullying stopped once I fully accepted myself. Bullying is very real, and went on for me from about age 3 to age 23 in some form or another. But that’s not going to stop the warrior side from taking over. All of the times I was told to go get em, I told myself I needed to rise from the scars of my past, including the ones I have to wear every day. I also needed to tell myself finding a home in the stars was possible. After an encounter with the magic jester god, he introduced me to the holder of the stars named Kabii. The first time I saw the fellowship of Selonia, once I reached my “official” 1 year anniversary of being in Belegarth, I was welcomed into camp with a giant hug machine, apple pie drink inside of a skull, more food than I can stomach, and 6am ventures of laughing, crying, and seeing the sun come up around a campfire. I was welcomed into the fellowship and plan on placing my turkey stamp and cooking parades this year where my home away from Chicago is, Davenport, Iowa.

After many years, it looks like this program finally runs. Finding your home is actually possible as long as you are willing to keep putting yourself out there with grace and pride. When I ask myself what I could have done to become the black sheep, the answer is nothing. All I did was be myself every time and fight those who try to stop me. For those of you who struggle with being different, you are never alone. Being yourself is something to never be frowned or ridiculed upon, because nowadays, nerd is the new cool! I love being a nerd. Do you?

Today, 10-9-15, in Micropoetry... "Shining Light" (3 Haiku Poems)

Screw all this shooting and negative crap the media portrays. Instead, here's 3 haiku poems of light:

Be thankful for life
It can be taken away
Faster than you think

Don’t ever give up
Resilience always helps you
See the light of day

Follow all your dreams
You will certainly find them
If you keep fighting

Can I Throw Flowers Now?

I wake up in the morning and exclaim how life is beautiful. I dress up and decorate myself for the day and tell myself I’m beautiful. I venture outside and tell myself today will be a beautiful day. I walk into my grey box and somehow my cheeriness gets left at home every day because I can’t be myself or interact with anyone. Thankfully, I have my roomies and friends to keep me sane and alive!

I go to work in the morning and tell myself, “you can do this, Rebs”. The day eventually becomes a blur and ends faster than I can blink. My “career” is going nowhere and I feel like I have several talent chips which don’t fit into any of the boxes. I am the ghost who walks. I sit there, I exist, I do stuff, no one sees or hears me, and I leave, and come back the next day.

After moving, thankfully, it’s time for “Oktoberfest”. By that, I mean, going camping in the Kingdom of Belegarth. Belegarth is the medieval foam sword fighting sport and community in which I call my home; if you have any questions about that, feel free to flag me down. To sum it up, you hit your friends and other fellow nerds with foam weapons while initiating in beast mode and martial arts skills, of course while having tons of fun. Whenever I’m in a place where I can make others smile, my day and life are made. I will share all of my confetti and flowers and sprinkle them on all my friends and those who could sure use a pick-me-up; Belegarth events are a time of celebration and happiness for everyone. I made some new friends along the way, learned the meaning of properly handling the drama llama, fought the best I had ever fought at an “event”, and was able to uplift myself and others with all of the positive attitudes I can find. After being refreshed from my event and healed from a transformational leadership workshop, I told myself when I had to return to work, “you can do this, you can REALLY do this”…

Nope…

Several reflections of being told how it’s “bad” to be the jack of all trades and the master of none later, an epiphany struck and told me how much I’m bullshitting myself and others when I realize I’m sitting somewhere and don’t want to do what I’m told. No, I don’t mean when your mom tells you to clean your room or your teacher tells you to do your homework, but I mean when your heart is legitimately stopping you from doing something your entire being doesn’t want to do. When I’m sitting at my desk, writing this story instead of doing the project myself and several people deemed a dead end months ago, I think to myself how I’m always the queen of ambition, and sometimes even too much ambition. Meanwhile, I sit here looking pretty on the sidelines doing even less than the waterboy on the team. As my mind enters a more deep state of reflection, I’ve been telling myself how I feel like I’m in the wrong career path. I love being a web developer, but if I can’t throw my flowers and spread joy to others, then I’m just a wilting plant needing more water. But I always find the checkered flag when I trust my heart and listen to myself...

From my experiences, it’s not your career path or job you’re failing at that defines you. It’s not how large your paycheck is that defines you. It’s how you spend your remaining time and how you act towards others that define you. I’m living my dream making others smile and laugh while telling my story. How will you spread love and joy to the world?