Harmful Effects of Sitting Too Long

With being an Uber driver and having worked at a desk job, sitting leads to long-term harmful effects; poor posture makes it worse. Being sedentary and leaning into your desk screen is harmful for the body because your muscles and vertebrae are strained when you’re not moving. Sitting also leads to brain fog, decreased mood, and increased stress levels. Driving also leads to over use of your knee from pumping the gas and brakes, which leads to alignment issues and muscle strain. According to Mayoclinic.org, sitting can cause obesity due to slowed metabolism and heart issues due to the calorie burning effect not being at its fullest potential, even if you exercise regularly. Driving for too long can also cause fatigue, which can cause accidents leading to bodily injury.

People are supposed to be active and need to move around during the workday especially. It is recommended to stretch, take walks, or sit on a wobbly object in order to utilize your muscles and pump blood to the brain. A standing desk would also be helpful. Walking away from your desk during long periods of sitting and focusing also resets the brain in order to be able to adequately focus. Take advantage of any moment to catch a break; it could truly make a difference in your day and your life!


Links: http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/expert-answers/sitting/faq-20058005

Do You Like To Cook?

"Do you like to cook? No? Have a nice day!"

"Hello m'am. Quick question. Do you like to cook? No? Have a nice day!"

"Hello sir. Quick question. Do you like to cook? No? Have a nice day!"

How would you feel if you were randomly out on the street in the city and asked if you liked to cook by some stranger in an apron... when it was snowing? Imagine being the stranger in the apron standing outside in the cold trying to play the hustle game? That's what I did for just under 3 weeks.

Welcome to my commission-only job, where the name of the game was, "have fun and make money".

I had been looking for a job and had finally landed a second round interview again, which I decided to go to. I get to the second interview and find myself talking to a young man named Nate and answering questions about marketing and sales all while standing outside. Thankfully, this was all before it became super freezing outside. After a strenuous six hours of doing that, Nate walked me inside. I ended up having to answer a questionnaire and talk to a man named Ryan to convince him I have drive and am a motivated person. I was offered the job on the spot and told to come in tomorrow.

Tomorrow happened and I was just snake-in-the-grassed into this role of a lifetime... or so I thought. Part of me was skeptical the entire time. My friends were also throwing me red flags right away due to the nature of the interview and telling me not to go into work. Something was up, and I needed to figure out why red flags were being thrown so early on. I went into work anyways.

After arriving at 17 N. State Street in the morning, I walked into this standing-only room into a meeting called "atmosphere", where we would go over the pitch and do some training in the morning before going out into the field. Nate ended up becoming my mentor and would work in atmosphere meetings with me to teach me the pitch. It took me awhile to learn the pitch, but after several days, I eventually got it down. Everyone was super helpful and kind to me the entire time, which was nice. After atmosphere meetings, someone would come to the front of the room for an "impact" meeting, which was a lesson on how to sell shit. Sometimes, there would also be conference calls with the top representatives in the US, which also explained to us how to sell shit.

We sold "Blue Apron"-like products, which were meal kits with pre packaged and pre measured ingredients so all you had to do was chop veggies and cook everything. It would take 20-30 minutes to cook the food.  The field was where we would be standing outside soliciting strangers trying to sell shit. I knew I had a hustler mentality and something inside of me was convincing me not to bail right away.

The workday was normally supposed to be from 9:45am until 6pm and if you didn’t make 3 sales you were to stay until 7, but no later. The training was from 9:45am until 11am, which you wouldn’t get paid for. The rest of the day, it was floating in the field trying to move it or lose it. 

The field was a very rough and cutthroat place. It looked all smiley and dancey and like you have pep in your step, but it was getting cold since it was around November and the field was outside on the street you and your group were assigned to. There were even points where I had to stand outside by myself and start pitching to strangers. Yes, you had to pitch to strangers! You would continuously ask every last person if they liked to cook and they would mostly give you some form of “no” while you would tell them to have a nice day and move on. Some days it was nice and warm and I didn’t need to look like an eskimo. Other days I wasn’t so lucky. Some days I would be pain free. Others I would be reaching into my bag for Advil praying the day would end. Some days I would be nice and awake. The rest of the time I would be having brain farts, mind blanks, and my mentor would see how dead I am and make a secret stop to the nearest Dunkin Donuts in order for me to be able to function during the day. Thanks Nate!

Each day in the field on average I managed to make 1 sale a day. Some days I made 0 and one day I made 3, which is called “ringing the bell”; the next day at work, you’d get announced before going out to the field in “noise”, which is honoring the people who made 3 or more sales in a day. 

After the field, you would go inside and break down your day to see if you hit your “goals” and go over what you did well and what can be improved upon. After a crazy long day plus a 45 minute commute each way, I was dead tired once I got home.

My dear roommate friends also noticed how unhappy I was when I would walk in the door and would often pass out on the couch; I had also been eating out a lot and unable to work out as much as necessary. When it was time for my appointment with my therapist, he told me to get the hell out of there; that was a sign.

After spending two and a half weeks at this place, I told the commission-only job I was done. I needed to make more than $150 dollars in a week period. No, this "experience" is not going on my resume. While I am now looking for a new full-time job that won't mysteriously end 2 weeks after my start date and driving for Uber/Lyft in the meantime, this gig of mine has told me I am a lot more worthy than asking random strangers on the street if they like to cook!

Life as We Know It Haiku Poem Collection

The struggle is real

Trying times exist all while

Waiting is worth it!


The skies aren't grey
Don't let bullshit bring you down
Believe you'll survive!


Wind whispers softly.
As life briskly passes by,
Always try your best!


Must not ever give up
As much as I wanna badly
Quitting ain't success!

The first snowfall down.

White speckles from the sky fall;

Here comes the chaos!


On the last day of
An experience of life
Craziness happens!


The deed has been done.
It may have been difficult;
Don't regret a choice!


I allow myself
To feel what needs to be felt;
It's quite uneasy!


Following your dreams
Is an adventure of life
Meets proper moment!

Life is difficult 

Gotta tough it out if you

Wanna win the game!

If you get lemons 

Imagine them being limes 

It's more positive!

Being is a choice 

You don't have to be present

But you'll miss the stars!

Go soft on yourself

You cannot beat yourself up 

To advance in life 

Thank the Heavens for Life in Trying Times

When someone knocks on the door and wants to come inside
The desire for a mask truly comes to life
Putting on a show of pretentious false reality
Displaying a world of lies
For the public eye
Your skin is the costume to your bones
To either get decorated or ripped apart...

Something will come along soon as long as the proper path is picked!

Masking the pain will exacerbate the life wrapped behind closed doors
In front of the curtain there's unicorns, rainbows, and smiles
On the other side there's lightning and fear
With only a tiny peep hole to look if you dare
At the chaos behind the veil...

I don't want you to see me crumbling from the inside out
Nothing but perfect is ever enough
Caring will only do so much
But change comes from the flames within!

How much am I worth?
My senses are all that matter,
But when you're thrown into the fire by your own blood and clone
And further ripped apart by those who claim to share hearts
It leaves a scar larger than life.
Just let it pass,
Keep moving along,
And realize not all sights are sharks.
I am not my scars!

I don't want you to see me crumbling from the inside out
Nothing but perfect is ever enough
Caring will only do so much
But change comes from the flames within!

When the world owes you nothing
And people owe you money,
You pray the platform you're carefully standing on doesn't crumble...
There's such thing as stability
And it doesn't feel real except for mental tenacity,
The only thing keeping me alive!

I don't want you to see me crumbling from the inside out
Nothing but perfect is ever enough
Caring will only do so much
But change comes from the flames within!

The only thing to do in desperate times
Is to keep on going,
To never ever quit,
And thank the heavens for life!

Poem on the Meaning of Orbiting - Orbiting is Life

The Struggle is Real

Welcome to the 4am episode of Rebs's Rockin Rants! Because I can’t sleep!

The struggle is real... my slogan for quite some time now, especially as a young lady in her mid 20's wanting to be a full-time freelance gig master. As a full-time rideshare driver at 3am on a Friday night/Saturday morning, I should either be driving for Uber (or Lyft), sleeping, or going out. Instead, I feel like contributing to society by writing a story because I am way too physically and mentally exhausted to operate a car and don't want to hurt myself or others. If I could make money just sharing my stories or have this story turn into a million dollars, that would be awesome, but one can dream, right?

Right now, the job market is a pile of poop for me. For reference, I graduated from college a few years ago with a Web Development degree, got a job in my field, realized it wasn't for me, left my sinking ship job, and am trying to switch career paths to something writing-related. I have had tons of trouble getting a new job or many freelance gigs. It may be lack of experience, it may be because I am a very eccentric person and need a certain type of environment to belong into, who knows. Either way, I have been incessantly job hunting since September, 2015 and in between jobs since the end of January, 2016. It is now just about April, 2017 and am still standing strong with no "actual" job. I decided not to count how many interviews I've had (because it's a large number probably well over 30 by now) and every rejection or not call back I receive, I throw it away and keep going. 

A quote I've recently written for myself is, "shoot for the stars, even when you feel like you're falling". Right now, I surely feel like I'm falling. I often post Facebook statuses of all of the rejections I've received for failed attempts to land a job, followed by a "hello world, help me find a job" post. I refuse to give up. The struggle exists of not being able to find a job in any field. The struggle exists because I am in between jobs right now, even though it was my choice and I don't have any regrets. I took a risk and I am currently living in it. With the job market being no good, I've been willing to have countless interviews for roles outside of my field of college studies (ex brand marketing, content writer, technical writer); I sit in a room being bombarded with questions and pray I am able project my best self to these people while dressed to impress.

The struggle exists because I now run into occasions where I wonder how I'm going to be able to pay all my bills... and somehow pull it off every time. I even had to ask my parents for help a couple times in order to pay my rent and health insurance. Thankfully, they were able to help me. If I was in the opposite money situation, I'd help anyone in a heartbeat. I hope to be able to return the favor to my parents soon, and I am working my tail off to be able to do so!

Even if I'm struggling money-wise right now, I am lucky to have a roof over my head. I am lucky to have my health. I am lucky to live with 2 people who give a genuine crap about me who I love to pieces. I am lucky to live in Chicago. I could go on for awhile, but I am still wealthy; I may not be wealthy with green pieces of paper that only represent a number, but I am rich with life experiences and knowledge. I still make time to perform and have "somewhat" of a social life. I haven't totally tossed all my hobbies to the side, even though I have had to make plenty of sacrifices lately. If you don't sacrifice, you won't win! However, if you have a roof over your head and loved ones who love you back, you are currently winning at life. 

In order to succeed, all you need to do is be a good person and be you. Do your best. That's all you can do! Driving for Uber isn't too bad anyways because the customers are nice, mostly talk to me, and I get to interact with people instead of being alone! A lot of them tell me their life story and I feel that's interesting because I gain knowledge of what the world actually is and means. As much as I dislike driving, I would rather do that than have nothing at all and lose my independence. I refuse to give up until I have what I want, but I also need to live in the present! In order to continue my winning adventures, I will remain thankful for everything I have! In due time, I will find my golden ticket job! Live with no regrets, and you will continue to win the game!

There is a video for this too, which I self-recorded on my computer. Enjoy the video too :)

Video Link: CLICK HERE!!!

Fall Special Cider Drink Recipe

*-- The Rebs Fall Special Drinkie --*

Tastes like apple cider, but a little more lethal ;) Muahahahaha!

*1 emptied gallon jug (of water)
*About 100 oz of apple cider - I suggest you buy 2 64 oz bottles
*1/2 fifth of raspberry vodka
*1/2 fifth of Fireball
*3 cinnamon sticks
*1 tsp nutmeg
*1 tsp pumpkin pie spice
*1 tsp gingerbread spice

Shake up the jug and enjoy! Can be served cold or hot :D For extra lethalness, put in the entire fifth of the vodka and Fireball! Enjoy the tastiness :D

Drink credit is mine! I invented the recipe the night before I arrived at a camping trip I attended!

Weddingriffic Misadventures

Just to preface, I am not and have never been married or engaged... or in a relationship that's lasted longer than a year.

So many people around me are getting married, having kids, moving in with their partners, getting dogs, and settling down; here I am, super single, driving for Uber at insane hours, and trying to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. Social media likes to flaunt how picture perfect people’s lives are, especially at peak events. I haven’t been to too many weddings, but unfortunately, the ones I’ve been to haven’t been for my friends and have been quite the misadventure so far! Most of my only positive wedding adventures have consisted of driving passengers for Uber to weddings or to a place to get ready for the wedding.

None of my dearest friends whom I'm close enough with to be invited to their wedding have been married... well... except one of my friends who I've been friends with since I was in 6th grade. She ended up having an oops baby with a man she met at a Jewish overnight camp in Washington state. The catch is, she grew up in Buffalo Grove (Chicago burbs) and he was one of the counselors from Israel. With the baby on the way and them soon getting engaged, they ended up deciding to have their wedding in Israel. Most of my friends are males, so excluding my sister, this would likely have been my only chance to stand up in a wedding (unless she for whatever reason gets married again). Even though I had enough money at the time, I didn't want to attend a wedding where I had little control what I did when I would be spending thousands of dollars to go to Israel... no thanks! Maybe another time!

A year later, I began dating a man who I refer to as "Voldemort" because he was such a jerk bag. He first invited me to a wedding for one of his coworkers 3 weeks after we met. I was like, "um... I haven't known you long enough and don't feel comfortable doing this". About 6 months later, Voldemort was a groomsman in one of my sister's friends weddings and asked me to be his plus one again. I reluctantly decided to go. We drove to Kokomo, Indiana and stayed in a hotel. We stayed at a Motel 6, which wasn't that bad, but not the expensive hotel everyone else stayed at. He was very notorious for starting petty arguments, but he behaved for most of the time. I didn't really know anyone besides my sister, her boyfriend, Voldemort, a couple others I met at the rehearsal dinner, and 1 other person. I proceeded to get comfortably drunk along with some free drinks from the limo since Voldemort was a groomsman. I danced my heart off in my heels and had no care in the world. I even won limbo and proceeded to spin the limbo stick like a staff because I'm a flow artist... even though I was drunk. When the garter toss happened though, I imagined it like the drummer of a rock band tossing his drum sticks or the guitarist tossing his picks. Again, I was still drunk at that point. I caught the garter like I caught a T-shirt tossed by Halestorm (the band) and Voldemort swatted it out of my hand. I was like, "wtf man"; to avoid a further scene, I handed the flowers to a little girl and walked away. Besides for that, the wedding was "aight". I had a food baby from the rehearsal dinner of very much Mexican food and frozen margaritas! Nommity nommity nommity nom!

A year after this wedding, it was time for my cousins to get married. Only this time, I had no plus one and I am not very close with my blood family. I was very close to ditching the wedding completely, but reluctantly decided to go for the free food and open bar. I had an ominous feeling about going and proceeded to pregame pretty hard to take the edge off of everything. I felt very beautiful on the outside and was excited to wear a brand new dress I bought. After the ceremony, my uncle decided to make a "neighborhood friendly comment" of, "oh, you look great" to me and, "oh you look even better" to my sister. After that, I mentally checked out of the wedding and was counting down the hours to go home. I stuffed my face with appetizers and drinks until I had the largest food baby ever. At least I got to feel fancy for a night and eat fancy hotel food that looked like I was eating at a 5 star luxury restaurant. Yay for being able to be classy and pretend to be rich for a night. My mom was showing me off like a display in a China cabinet. As a dancer, I didn't even feel comfortable dancing. I was beyond miserable and no amount of alcohol, food, or other substance could make me feel better. Once dessert was over, I bounced like a ninja and said that, "the alcohol was making me sick", though if I drank anymore I would have been sick. My friends picked me up from the train station after I made my escape and proceeded to comfort me the rest of the night, because my mood was in "black face land", meaning the worst possible mood I could be in. Seeing them was the highlight of my night.

Hopefully the next wedding I attend, which I hope is for one of my friends, I'll be able to ring the bell of joy instead of want to stick my head into my pillow crying. Marriage is supposed to be happy and I can't wait to be at a wedding where I can dance the night away, bring my LED light flow props to mesmerize my friends, and be merry!

Rebs a Rita (Frozen Margarita) Recipe

Also, the Rebs a Rita recipe! The other alcohols can be replaced with shots of tequila instead as well :D

I make my frozen margaritas with:

*3 shots of Tequila (silver)
*3 shots of Triple Sec
*3 shots of Peach Schnapps
*3 shots of lime juice
*2 cups of mixed berries (consisting any sort of raspberries, cranberries, blueberries, blackberries, and strawberries)
*2 cups fruit juice of choice (any kind of blue raspberry juice, berry juice, or berry/lemonade juice recommended)

Lots of love! You'll definitely feel the love, that's forsure ;)

If drink is too watery, add more frozen berries. If drink is too thick and won’t blend, add more juice! Enjoy the tastiness :D

Creepy McCreeperface

Creepy
The antithesis of who I need in my life
Bringing the gross spiders to the table,
Tossing them onto the ground in front of my best friends and I,
Who in turn cringe and run away.

Inside your guts lies the desire to do more than slither on my lap;
You latch onto me, bite, and inject your vicious venom in my heart,
Causing a sharp, lingering pain to ooze throughout my body.

I don’t want you here, you nasty varmin
Go away
Leave me alone
You have no benefit to me except to fulfil your selfish desires;
Chew me up, spit me out, and leave me to be wrapped in other spider webs… and used gum

Creeper McCreeperface
I will squash you like my opponent in a warzone
Just kidding
I’ll use my secret ninja powers, inaudibly scream at how the hell I ended up in this situation again, sneak out the back door when you’re asleep, and run the fuck away!
Bye Bye!

The Girl and the Snake

Being different and being a woman can be a pain sometimes, even back then.
I’m pretty, right?
I wish the right person would notice me,
A hero, a real man, a knight in shining armor
Carrying a sword and a shield in his hands,
Chivalry in his heart
Tell me how beautiful I am,
Take me for a spin in your antique car,
Show me your heart
Turn my pet snake into the furry friend I’ve always wanted.
It would be a dream come true!
So please, please, prince charming, splash some color into my life!
I hope you don’t bite!

Alphabetic Story of my Life

A day in the life of me
Brings joy, adventures, misadventures, and newfound glory.
Craziness is also a factor;
Disasters happen… sometimes!

Everyday's a new day to succeed, but
Failure is also exists.
Gotta git gud, gotta go fast, gotta climb up the ladder.

Here I go! I’m ready!
I strive for every day to make it the best it can be,
Jumping over hurdles, joking around those I interact with.
Kicking ass and taking names is my middle name!
Losing is never an option!

My oh my, what a crazy life I have,
Never a wink of restful sleep,
Or offers of hands or shoulders to lean on, but opportunity will always be on my mind!
Priviledge doesn’t really exist for me, especially now.

Quests are embarked on,
Races are won,
Savages are met with serpents.

Today will be my day, which I constantly tell myself.
Universes will meet where I want and need them to.
Voracious for a win am I.
Winning is my first name!
Xylophone sounds will ring when I reach the top.
You will hear the sound of my name in lights!
Zero chance it won’t happen; one hundred percent chance it will!

Where is Success When You Can't See It? Life as a Twenty Something

Ranting, the verbal activity I seem to do the best at… but it sometimes annoys my friends, so I generally keep it to myself.

A common theme that comes up in my life is how to find yourself as a twenty something and function as an “independent” adult. Something you unfortunately need to do as an adult is pay bills. I left college with almost zero knowledge of money management, a skill I wish was taught in a remedial college course.

When I graduated from college, I thought I wanted to be a Web Developer, get a job, stay there forever, move up in the ladder, and go from there. Not so long after I started my job, I was certain I was a bit too free spirited for Corporate America and needed to be in a place where I’m able to create. I did everything in my power to keep the job alive, but my will caved and I decided to jump out the window, with my parachute in tact, thankfully knowing where the ground was. I knew I was going to get screwed over at my job and marked on my calendar the day I knew would be the end of the road. Leading up to that day, I did everything in my power to get a new job. With no luck, one of my dear friends I live with told me my car would pass an Uber inspection and criteria and should become a driver. As reluctant as I was to do so, I did my research, gave it a test run, and felt decent. A few days before my “doomsday”, I knew being a driver and a free bird were in my fate, and handed my manager a 2 weeks notice letter.

Fast forward 8 months of being an Uber Driver and I am officially ready to throw stones and look for something else. The first thing is I feel like is slavery still exists. I don’t mean the stuff you saw 100 years ago; it’s more under the table. People are so damn greedy; the head honchos only want money and productivity. If you’re not wringing everything out of yourself and not making enough money, you’re not doing well enough, was a major theme of my last job, and even ridesharing. For starters, I have to pay for my own gas and repairs, as well as they take 25% of my fares right off the bat as a “commission” to them for using their service. Lately, I’ve had days where I’ve made as little as $7.50 per hour, which is less than the legal Chicago minimum wage. Thankfully, that’s pretty rare, but I’d drive overnight, drive myself into not sleeping, drive myself into depression and isolation, and drive my knees and energy down the toilet. I’d be out as many as 29 hours at a time, just to make sure I “make it” to my next bill payment and have a little extra for groceries. I have to wear a knee brace while driving because with my car, you have to push harder on the gas pedal; lately, my other knee has been starting to give me trouble too. I have barely been able to see my friends lately, including the ones I live with (it’s been a bit more under control now though). Those I am close with, I would bombard them with texts of how tired I was, how shitty I felt, or some sort of stress or anxiety-related thing was bothering me. Thanks for bearing with me, guys! I’ve had to decrease my attendance at open mic nites, karate classes, my “nerd” group called, “Belegarth”, everything, just to pay my bills and get by. I even created an “emergency fund” when I knew I was forsure going to leave my job, which I recently exhausted all of it.

But here I am. I am still willing to search for a better opportunity for myself, still willing to drive and do what it takes to make money (and still paying all my bills on time), and I am even here today. For that, I am successful!

Struggle Bus

The struggle is real.
I usually emphasize the desire to thrive,
But now I yearn for the drive to survive.

Fight or flight mode hath been engaged,
As I try not to become enraged.
The only thing keeping me alive is getting high,
But now I understand what being poor feels like; I empathize.

I'm rich in ideas, connections, and will, but lack the currency;
I must get it with utmost urgency...

So this is what being an animal feels like.
The only person you can count on is yourself.
I may be surrounded by a pack,
But no one else has got my back;
The only way to win the battle is to win alone.
It is time to adventure some more into the great unknown!
All while living on a prayer!

Recipe for Enhanced Ramen 3: Kicked Soy Fishy Flavor Noodles

The cheap gourmet at its finest! I used:

1 pack of Chicken Tortilla Ramen
1 minced clove of garlic
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper
3 tbsp low sodium soy sauce
1/2 tsp fish sauce
1/4 tsp freeze dried chives
1/2 tsp onion powder

Fill a medium sized pot with water and boil it: place the noodles in the pot and cook until al dente (about 3min); strain 90 percent of the water out of the pot and put back over a light flame; pour the seasoning packet and the spices/sauces into the pot; stir until noodles are warm and enjoy! This isn't the healthiest or most unhealthy thing out there but it only cost me 25 cents for the Ramen packet!

The Option Was Clear: You Are Worthy of Not Comparing Yourself to Others

The option was clear that it is time to be a free, independent woman. Free of ties holding me down, free of a career with no destiny, and the freedom to express myself as I please.

I’ve written several stories, poems, motivational whatnots, and then some, about not doubting myself, but I’ve had a bunch of trouble implementing them due to some past misadventures and traumatic situations, but what I’ve learned through my more recent endeavors is how success isn’t some magical destination point you pick on a map. Success isn’t sitting in a high-paying job ready to bang your head against the wall thinking you’re going nowhere. Success also isn’t having a picket fence lifestyle with prince charming and a bagillion dollars, though both of those would be nice.

Lately, Facebook has liked to inform me how this person had a baby and that person got engaged. I even just found out my twin sister is moving in with her boyfriend. Meanwhile, I’m single as fuck and proud. I’m still in my young mid 20’s and I’m not ready to settle down yet. I may not have a sleep schedule either… I can drive for Uber at “buttfuck o’clock” in the morning and no one to scorn me for being gone. I can attend an open mic nite or performance without someone wondering why I’m not spending 24/7 with them while I have a job and a life. I especially don’t have someone telling me indirectly it’s not ok to go camping with my friends, go to my karate classes, or how I’m never a good enough partner. That was basically the dynamic of my last relationship with “Voldemort” for 10.5 months. Once the relationship was over, I questioned my worth, which was already in question in my head due to many “not so good” relationships with my blood family. When faced with traumatic adversity, you have to condition your brain to see light to tell yourself “you are good enough”. For me, in order to attain as positive of an outlook towards myself as I can, I make sure to surround myself by people who will still be there for me, even when I feel like absolute poopie, and look for every opportunity possible to better myself. On August 13, 2016, I participated in a local talent show in Humboldt Park, Chicago, as a flow artist (“dancer”) and won first place in the adult division. My prize of loveliness was 2 tickets to a Steppenwolf Theater show and 2 tickets to the Chicago Symphony Orchestra in super good seats. After I found out I won, I was in disbelief, but told myself I’m worthy of accomplishments and winning talent shows. I am also worthy of my own creative creations of my own unique style being “good enough”. I’m still not quite in the mood to start dating again, but that’s ok, I can take 1 roommate friend as my date to the play and the other roommate friend as my date to the orchestra, both very attractive gay men! Problem solved! I’d rather be single than in a relationship that’s pulling me down. I will keep doing my best to ignore people’s Facebook bragging. I also need to tell myself I’m worthy of meeting a “real man”, as well as I am worthy of having real friends.

In the adventures of the recent college graduate and “adulting”, what else is important besides friends and relationships? My career. I’ve also told this story 18,000 times, but long story short, I got a nice shiny job right out of school as a Web Developer using my degree, I had bad manager syndrome and didn’t fit into the company, wasn’t around any peers, and was riding the fail train since day 1. I was on 2 separate teams, where the second team’s ship sank faster for me. It reached a point where it was either jump out the window with a parachute or be caught in the fire. I of course chose the parachute; on January 29, 2016, I walked into corporate desk job land for the last time. Now, I’m free from walking into work with the weight of the failure on my shoulders and happily serving as “Your Friendly Neighborhood Uber Driver” with a side of freelance gigs and however else I can scrape money. Now, I’m trying to figure out what to do next. At least for now, I’m still making money and able to pay my bills. I may have failed miserably at my job and had 0 success with what my job description told me to do, but I was able to take soft skill training classes, learn how businesses work, and get to attend an 800 dollar transformational leadership weekend seminar I didn’t have to pay for. There’s always something positive, even in the worst of situations.

SInce it’s Olympics o’clock, I sometimes watch the games with the roommate friends, as well as see results, motivational quotes, and more all over the interwebs. Especially with being an identical twin, I inadvertently catch myself comparing myself to others. I see people all over my Facebook news feed and these olympic athletes realizing their dreams. One of my biggest dreams is for content on one of my websites, blogs, or Youtube videos to go viral, thus, I would be a star. However, since stardom in any sort is incredibly difficult to attain, I need to be proud of myself for smaller milestones leading up to the ultimate goal. While driving for Uber, a lot of people ask me if I have other jobs/endeavors I’m pursuing in the meantime. I tell them about my dreams to go viral, my performance endeavors, my freelance gigs, and my uncertainty of continuing to pursue the field I studied in school. A lot of my passengers provide me with reassurance (as well as my dearest friends) of my personal goodness, which motivates me not to give up through adversity. I’ve received compliments on my quirkiness, which I sometimes fear is “too much” for others to handle as well.

I have to keep telling myself I’m worthy of accomplishments, having real friends, and having my creativity be worth something. Sometimes, I have to bash it through my head 8 million times to tell myself “I am good enough”. As long as I continue to shower myself and surround myself with positivity and not give up, the goal line will be able to be attained!

Light Shrimp DeJohnge Recipe

A lighter version of my favorite dish my mom made for me (which is usually made with a boatload of butter and bread)!

1 pound shrimp, de-vined and de-tailed
6 tbsp olive oil
1 tsp minced garlic (or 2 garlic cloves)
¼ cup sherry white wine
1 chopped green onion (put half of it to the side)
¼ tsp cayenne pepper
¼ tsp paprika
1 tbsp parsley
½ tsp garlic powder
¼ tsp thyme
¼ tsp tarragon
1 tbsp lemon juice (to drizzle on the shrimp at the end)
½ cup seasoned panko crumbs (take 2 tbsp and put it to the side)
½ tsp salt
½ tsp pepper

Heat the oven to 350 degrees. Use a large casserole dish (1-1.5 quart). Spray it with cooking spray. Put the shrimp in the dish. Place the olive oil, garlic cloves, white wine, ½ of the green onion, the spices, the salt and pepper, and the panko crumbs not put off to the side and put them in the blender. Pulse until all ingredients are mixed together. Pour over the shrimp. Put the green onions and panko crumbs that were off to the side on top of the shrimp. Pour the lemon juice on top of that. Place the casserole dish into the oven for 20-25minutes or until the top is golden brown. Garnish with a lemon wedge and parsley and enjoy!

Optional: Serve over spinach

Making Your Mark in Light Trails

In the beginning of 2014, one of my friends told me how he did this thing called “gloving” at raves. As fascinated as I was by this concept he described to me, about a month later, I attended an anime convention, ACEN, and saw vendors selling these light up LED gloves and bought a pair for 20 dollars. Shortly after ACEN, I began experimenting with this “gloving” thing, dancing aimlessly in my room, looking in the mirror, and trying to move my hands around to make cool light trails. This lasted for about a year or so, until my same friend told me about a company that sold better quality gloves, emazinglights.com. About 40 dollars later, I was the proud owner of my first real pair of gloves.

One of my biggest dreams is to have one of my products (blogs, websites, or youtube channel) go viral. I had a golden idea to one day record myself dancing around with my gloves to the song “Decisions” by “Bogore”, an electronic dance music artist, while wearing my karate uniform. A couple months later, while bored at my last job in a grey box, I was randomly curious if there was a community in Chicago for this type of thing. Surely enough, it didn’t take long to find one thanks to Facebook. I watched some youtube videos to get a better idea of what this “gloving” thing was; it required intricate hand, arm, and finger movements in specific patterns. In the youtube videos I watched, I noticed people were only showing their performances from the waist up, but something about that didn’t feel right; my creative mind told me to use my whole body with the gloves as the star. The more I watched youtube videos and tutorials, the more I noticed top glovers using their entire bodies in shows. A video that stood out to me, which I watched while bored at work, was a video of a very attractive man in a dance studio with this thing called an orbit. Looking at that video, I instantly gravitated towards the orbit and bought one from Emazinglights.

Me and dancing have had an interesting relationship over the years. I only took dance lessons when I was 4 and quit basically right away, but for some reason, at ages 8 and 9 when I went to theater camp, I was assigned more dance intensive roles instead of lines and singing. A year after that, my martial arts career began. Whenever I’d go to bar and bat mitzvahs and there would be dance offs as a teenager, I’d often win. During college, my sorority participated in a philanthropy dance contest as a group, which I did every year I was in the sorority. Unfortunately, when a “certain someone” made fun of me for dancing, my confidence went down the toilet… until I decided to invent my own style of dance with the help of youtube tutorials. I also saw a video where someone used their gloves and orbit together and adopted the idea into my dance routines. Once I became comfortable enough, I began trying to see if I can take this to the stage. Luckily, a group named “Dramageddon” accepted one of my videos as an audition and I got to perform with them 3 times. I am still looking for more opportunities!

I also like to perform in local “Got Talent” shows, as it is another dream of mine to be on America’s Got Talent. I’ve done a few local talent shows as a storyteller, but continue to lose to singers (and dancers). I’ve always wanted to do something different for a talent show, as opposed to “doing what everyone else does”. If the audience wants singing and dancing, they’ll get singing and dancing. With these LED light gloves and this LED light orbit, I will make my mark in this world, as well as beat out the singers, one glimmer of light at a time!

Skaley Bacony Sausage Recipe

That one time I entered a Chopped-related recipe contest to try getting on the show. Unfortunately, that was unsuccessful, but I did FINALLY type up the recipe for my masterpiece where Sargento Cheese, Oyster Crackers, Kale, and Bacon needed to be used! Enjoy the tastiness and uniqueness! Makes 6 sausages total!



1 pack Italian Sausages

Coat each sausage with 1/4 tsp BBQ seasoning and 1/4 tsp Garlic Powder. Cook sausages on a pan until they are no longer red


1 bunch of Asparagus
1/2 head of kale

Cook the Asparagus and Kale in:

2 cups Water
2 tsp Better Than Bullion Chicken flavor broth
1 clove chopped Garlic

Cook until asparagus and kale start to get soft

Place asparagus and kale on the side


For wrapping the Sausages:

6 pieces of cooked Bacon, 1 for each sausage
6 pieces of cooked Kale (from the side), 1 for each sausage


For topping on the Sausages:

1 cup crushed Oyster Crackers
1 tbsp crushed Almonds
1 tbsp Hemp Seeds
2 chopped pieces of cooked Bacon
1/4 tsp Chili Powder
1/4 tsp Garlic Powder
1/4 tsp Onion Powder
1/4 tsp Crushed Red Pepper
1/4 tsp Freeze Dried Chives
1/4 tsp Italian Seasoning

Put all items into a large plastic Ziploc bag or a large bowl and shake or mix well


1 cup dry Cous Cous

Cook the dry Cous Cous with:

1 1/2 cups Water
1 tsp Better than Bullion Chicken flavor broth
1 chopped clove Garlic
1 tsp Onion Powder
1 tsp Italian Seasoning
1/4 cup Sargento Sharp Cheddar Cheese
3 chopped pieces of cooked Bacon
1 tsp Chili Garlic Sauce


For the Cheese Sauce:

1 cup Water
1 cup Better than Bullion Chicken flavor broth
3 tbsp Jalepeno Cream Cheese
1 tbsp Chili Garlic Sauce
3 chopped pieces of cooked Bacon
1 cup Sargento Sharp Cheddar Cheese


Pour cheese sauce on top of sausages, kale, asparagus, and cous cous. Serve on a plate and enjoy!

Peppery Onion Spinach Artichoke Dip Recipe

Dippity Dippity Dippity Dip! I made a modified version of my usual Spinach Artichoke Dip:

1 cup lite Mayo
1 cup grated Parmesan Cheese
1 can chopped Artichoke, strained (from a can)
2 cups chopped fresh Spinach

I also added:

5 tbsp Red Onions
1 tbsp Sun Dried Tomatoes
3 tbsp chopped Red Pepper

Enjoy the tastiness! It's served on top of a spicy chip!

All Lives Matter

All lives matter.
Every morning when I check my Facebook news feed,
I see the next person who got shot and killed on Chicago streets,
The next man of color who was murdered by a cop,
The next group of people blown up by bombs or terrorized in another country.
“Oh look, so and so died”, says the next headline!
#alllivesmatter

We are now one nation
Under some higher power
Divisible
With liberty and justice for most
#blacklivesmatter

When a colored man is murdered by police
He becomes a trending hashtag,
Another poor soul being sucked into the flames of society.
Where are we?
Somewhere before the civil rights movement?

People don’t choose to not be of the majority.
Blackness and color come from man made labels to depict being born on the other side of the sun.
The world is a rainbow melting pot,
But interpretation seems to think color is poison
And needs to be annihilated like weeds…

Protest after protest,
People want to murder the police,
Causing violence to multiply like fleas while we eat fear for breakfast every day…

What is the is world coming to?
The news doesn’t have much positive to say.
Magazines like to exploit how many times Taylor Swift broke up with her boyfriend.
Music likes to talk about sex, drugs, and love
Where the same 50 songs are on repeat on the radio.
Individuality is scorned instead of honored.

The constitution says all men are created equal,
A fallacy automatically indicating women are less than men.
What happened to “all humans are created equal”?
We can easily amend a law to make it illegal for women to have abortions,
But acquiring a gun is as easy as buying candy from a candy store.
Then said gun is acquired to remove the rainbows in a gay bar in Orlando
#prayfororlando

The mentally ill are thrown away into the system,
Institutionalized
And turned into a larger monster
To repeatedly be cycled into the system.
The world is a bully except to the top 1 percent white man,
Especially now that we're allowing king bigot to run our sacred country!

If we pledge allegiance to the 50 starred flag,
Why is “texit” the next trending hashtag?
Where are we?
Civil War part 2?

Enough complaining.
How many people would be willing to step in and make a difference
Instead of recording and repeating the problem?

Where is peace?

The Epic McVentures of Fuck (Cray) Mountain

My life is a giant quest. The ultimate goal of my adventures is to become more confident in myself, believe in my positive attributes as a person, and maintain positive relationships with the people I decide to keep close to me.

I've always been a roller coaster enthusiast for as long as I could remember. Even my bat mitzvah theme was Six Flags and Amusement Parks. A year ago, I had went to Cedar Point to prove to myself I needed to end my relationship with Voldemort the jerk bag boyfriend at the time, not knowing the next time I'd end up back there again. I was able to live my childhood dream, but that's about the only gratification I was able to feel, besides letting go of toxicity. Less than a year later, my second chance to live my childhood dream plopped into my lap.

On June 6, me, my two roommate friends, and a friend I met while playing Dance Dance Revolution in an arcade, embarked on an adventure to ride the largest of roller coasters in the US and get out of town for a bit. Ironically enough, I met this lovely friend of mine at the arcade on an occasion when I got Voldemort so mad at me to where I left his apartment at 3:30am to drive home. Needless to say, I made the correct decision on who to keep in my life!

Prior to this adventure, my friend who I met while playing Dance Dance Revolution was afraid of roller coasters. We were supposed to go to Cedar Point, an amusement park in Sandusky, Ohio with record-breaking roller coasters, on the Monday. The park ended up closing due to weather issues and power outages; we ended up hitting the Six Flags in the Chicago suburbs instead. The park was an hour away from my apartment. We arrive at the park to do our “warm up rides” aka the not super scary rides. We hit the Demon looping coaster and the “more tame wooden coaster”, the Viper first and he went on those rides without a problem. We ended up heading over to the bigger wooden coaster, the "American Eagle", and he chickened out and didn’t go on the ride. The 4 of us end up hitting the a number of the bigger rides at the park, all of which my friend still chickened out for. I was getting worried my poor friend wouldn't go on any rides and possibly kick himself for it later. We wanted to leave the park early in order to make our lengthy drive drive to Ohio and not get there at 3am, but I opted for “1 more ride”. On this ride, known as "Batman", your feet dangle and you’re suspended under the track. I knew he disliked coasters where your feet dangle, but he shockingly went on the ride and thought it wasn’t that bad. By the time we reached Cedar Point, one by one, he was going on all of the rides. By the end of the first of two Cedar Point days, he succeeded at riding the fastest and tallest full roller coaster in the park. By the end of the second day, he succeeded at going from chickening out on a 175 foot drop wooden roller coaster to challenging a ride with a 420 foot almost straight down drop without crying, puking, or peeing himself. I was encouraging him the entire time and even prior to our adventures and was blown away he went on every single major ride at Cedar Point. He attributed his fear conquering to my upliftingness. I’ve always wanted to make a difference in people’s lives; whether it’s on a larger scale or on a smaller scale to a dear friend, I’m happy to be able to change people’s lives and watch them grow!

Finding Your Rainbow Road

Sometimes, I feel like I run away from my problems instead of treating it like the boss level of a video game. Other times, I feel like making a “Grand Theft Auto” type getaway is quite necessary.

Right now, I’m at a point in my life where I want to figure out who and what to keep as integral components. It seems like a lot of people “be getting married and having kids and settling down and having a dog and a 9 to 5 job and playing family” and within the past year, I left a serious relationship, quit my corporate desk job, and find valid, but fake excuses to bail out of family events. I am, however, very lucky to have a chosen family!

A lot of people around me, including my twin sister, are all starting to couple up. I on the other hand have decided to focus on myself. While I am about to go get my second chance at a proper trip to Cedar Point in the next few days, the last time wasn’t so unicorn and rainbow filled. When me and “Voldemort” were about to go to Cedar Point, I was elated to finally live one of my childhood dreams; I also was on the verge of dumping his ass. Long story short, he was a very manipulative, unhappy person who enjoyed picking trivial arguments with me and not returning the favor in bed. We were only in Ohio for 2 days, but at least I had made sure to save a batch of my “special extra chocolate brownies” for the trip. The trip started with a, “hey, so you’re driving the entire way there” right as we were about to leave. We stopped at a Dunkin Donuts to get coffee and noms for the road and I began munching on my special brownies behind his back. I made sure to also eat some every rest stop we took and every time he left the room or turned his back. By the time he was ready to head back to Chicago, there was still another hour or so left before park closed, which I wanted to capitalize on. The more he upset me throughout the trip, the more I continued to keep contact with my “peanut gallery” in order for me to talk myself into breaking up with him. For the record, I had never broken up with someone on my own where it hasn’t been a mutual breakup before. He was being a jerk and decided to stay in the car while I walked around the parking lot for about 20-30 minutes, played a quick round of Dance Dance Revolution, went to the bathroom, and made a mad dash back to Millennium Force (a record-holding coaster with a steep and high drop). Unfortunately, the ride broke down several times while I was in line and I ended up waiting an hour and 45 minutes. During that time, I received several angry texts from him, most of which I ignored. After his display of waiting by the exit with disdain and refusing to talk to me for the car ride, I fell asleep in the car, woke up, got back into my apartment, and broke up with him that night. About 36 hours later, I ended up back at his apartment, grabbed my stuff, and “ghosted him” (stopped replying to him).

Not only do I need to be treated well by people I let into my life closely, but I also need to be treated well by my career path. When choosing to be a web developer, I was always a bit skeptical about staying in the IT field. As soon as I walked into my nice shiny job out of college, I was aboard the SS Sinking Ship, set to un-anchor itself at an undefined timeline. I’ve always been a high achiever and have experienced my fair share of failure, but never to this extent. When I was in school and had difficulty in a given class subject, I’d go to the professor and receive adequate assistance. I thought when at work and you experienced difficulty in a particular subject, you were supposed to ask your manager. However, asking the manager questions meant the project getting reassigned to a “cheap Indian laborer” contractor. After a few of these incidents, I began reaching out to others on my team, as well as networking a bit further. As soon as everyone was too busy to help me since I was unable to figure out how to complete the assignments on my own, I displayed a facade of productivity and success while internally, I knew I wasn’t contributing much of anything except for spreadsheets and install meetings. As soon as those weren’t good enough for my manager, my motivation went down the toilet and I felt the urgency of, “I need a new job and need to get out of here”. I ended up finding a new role, but within the same company; I did need to sneak through a few corners in order to attain the position, but it worked out and off I was to a building further south into the city. Minus the displeased manager and task reassignment, my new team wasn’t much different. I was still very unmotivated and felt the “I need to get out of here” urges. I ended up vanishing to go for many “walks” and there were a few times I went grocery shopping during work hours. My success facade walls were beginning to be broken down. A few months later, it was almost time for reviews. From midyear review to final review, I hadn’t completed a single significant task, including an assignment spanning across 8 months that lulled due to my coding program crashing beyond repair. I ended up deciding to put my technology “career” behind me and basically ghosted out of my job to everyone besides my manager and HR. Now, I’m significantly happier, am driving for Uber, performing a lot more frequently, and trying to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. I have not been treated poorly by any customers yet either.

Hardships are definitely difficult to face. Even though these experiences were necessary for wisdom’s sake, sometimes, you need to play ghost and do you in order to find true happiness!

Rebecca Duxler's Haiku Collection

A collection of as many of the haiku poems I can find, all written by yours truly :) Poems with a (xxx) at the top have a title. Enjoy!

Am I good enough?

Since I've accomplished so much,

I should know I am!

Every life matters

Death events should be honored,
Not by hashtag trends...

Today is the day
I deem myself important
And conquer the world

Find your inner strength
To plow through all obstacles
And blast to the moon

Transform every day
Living life to the fullest
Seeking growth and love

I want a burger
With every…single…topping…
Me at 2am

Where has the world gone?
Kindness exchanged for violence…
I’ll still maintain hope!

Why do we use guns?
Words can be used as weapons
Without shedding blood!

If Trump ran the world,
We’d be better off under
Robot mind control!

I am a black belt
I pack a nice punch, but don’t
Let my laugh fool you!

Be thankful for life
It can be taken away
Faster than you think

Don’t ever give up
Resilience always helps you
See the light of day

Follow all your dreams
You will certainly find them
If you keep fighting

(You Can Do It!)
You know you can do it
Keep telling yourself you can
Your goal will be reached!

(Fuel Your Fire)
Fuel your fire
Release whirlwinds of potential
For the world to see!

(No Quitting Allowed)
Resilience is key
You will thank yourself later
When you didn’t quit!

(Heart of Passion)
Passion is fashion
It lies in your heart pocket
To fuel the fire!

It’s impossible
To be everyone’s hero.
Change comes from yourself!

Turbulence exists
To say life isn’t perfect
While wisdom is gained!

Find your inner strength
To plow through all obstacles
And blast to the moon!

Forgiveness from within
Is manifested from love
And marching forward!

Climb every mountain
Like you’re scaling Mount Everest
To achieve your dreams!

I choose to live life
By embarking on ventures
Too crazy for you!

It’s never too late
To tell yourself today is
A beautiful day!

(Radical Stars)
Rockstars never quit
Adversity drives champions
Diving through the flames!

The second the wave
Crashes against the high tides,
All darkness subsides!

I need to Uber;
There is money to be made.
Lots of adventures!

First we work careers.
Then we drive into the night.
Time to make money!

Trump for president...
Canada will turn into
New America

Thank the heavens for
Being alive and healthy;
You can change the world!

Artists are people
Who don't wish to conform to
Paper thin confines!

Zero to Forgiveness

A quarter century ago, I was born under the wing of my mom and dad and was setup to navigate life’s mazes on my own.

Sometimes I wonder what the “ideal parental unit relationship” is supposed to look like. I sometimes say “I wish things could have been different”, but I’d rather try to find the positive in something, even if it seems like there isn’t anything bright to say. It could be worse. We had no problems getting food on the table and had shelter.

I see all of these people having close relationships with their mom and part of me wishes I could have one, but need to accept it not being in the cards for me. In a mother-themed story, one would expect me to discuss the positive experiences I’ve had; though there isn’t anything noteworthy, I am thankful to have been afforded the opportunity to try several different activities and sports. I wrote a poem recently about “surviving an episode of the mother’s day show”, which consisted of lyrically explaining how anxious I become prior to mandated interactions with my mom.

According to statistics you see in psychology textbooks, having a negative relationship with parental units constitutes adverse effects in being able to create and maintain relationships with others. The relationship with both of my parents was overall pretty poor throughout my entire life, but it is more in “no bueno land” with my mom. It is also mentioned how poor familial relationships elicit an increased likelihood for adulthood mental illness.

A certain situation often overlooked is family bullying. In being an identical twin, being born a minute after my sister meant everything. I was looked at as the youngest, smallest, and weakest, therefore most vulnerable. With being the subject of all of the ridicule displayed among the family, it caused a plethora of problems. One verbal attack after another, I’d sit there and take them like nothing is bothering me. My anger-o-meter would escalate from green, yellow, orange, and red, until I reached “super saiyan levels”. I eventually would become so tired of getting hurt to a point where I would become rage angry and want to terrorize the town and crush buildings. This led to me not only struggling to create relationships with other women while joining a sorority in college in effort to combat my poor parental unit dynamics, but it also caused me to be unable to properly communicate my upset feelings and struggle with being assertive in the professional world. It also drove me to being so depressed and anxious to a point where a friend noticed a difference in my behavior and suggested I attend therapy (and I did). One of my friends I live with explained to me what a healthy relationship should look like; while I don’t want to envy him, negative life situations make you stronger.

I wish I was able to get my entire college paid for me like a lot of my surrounding friends. I wish I was able to go on more family vacations. I wish I didn’t have to spend my childhood getting yelled at and nitpicked for not meeting your unattainable standards not in my direction. I still try to search for what love means. Since verbal abuse was a norm in my life, getting verbally abused by boyfriends became a thing too. Every time I think I’d want to “try again”, something would happen to make me feel unsafe. By the end of college, I no longer wanted to associate myself with my past and refused to take family graduation pictures. I wish I wasn’t so sheltered as a child to a point where most of my life skills were acquired after moving out and needing to teach myself. Being hand-held my entire life led me to struggle to trust myself, as well as make me so clueless about money to a point where I ended up listening to my abusive ex boyfriend who coerced me into making extremely poor decisions. I can’t dwell on the past though. It’s time to move on! I wish my mom would be able to move on from her past too, which hindered her to be able to properly express love. It’s why I haven’t been able to say the magic 3 words in at least 10 years.

As an overall positive person, I like to act like a house flipper in terms of dealing with negative circumstances. I could rant and rave all day about my difficult childhood or choose to think about the strong woman I am becoming for overcoming the rugged flaming pathways.

I hear about all of these stories about kids failing out of college, getting arrested for whatever reason, or turning into “festie burnouts”, meaning those who attend festivals to escape reality. I may now have to suffer through the massive self-esteem issues, but I have a lot more to be thankful about than I think.

I am thankful to have been able to realize I was mentally troubled and decided to seek recovery. All of my past trauma has inspired me to want to constantly better myself every day and find my strongest self. I am thankful I didn’t have to get sent to some lame daycare and my mom worked from home while we were very young. I am thankful to be in good health and rarely get sick. I am thankful to have been able to attend a super prestigious high school that shoved the “hard work pays off” motto in your face and even had a fencing team, which I was on all 4 years. I am thankful I am thankful to be able to attend a major university and earn a college degree and the opportunity to have worked for one of the top international banks. A lot of people I know and see seem to accept mediocrity and comfort while finding themselves through romantic relationships. I am lucky to strive for independence and find my own stability to make the system work by for me by taking risks instead of joining the corporate zombies. Most of all, I am thankful to be a self-motivated person who is able to turn the poor treatment in my past into wanting to inspire others to bring out their best selves, help others, and make a difference. The list continues.

As I grow older, I am becoming aware how I can no longer remain bitter of my past; I need to let go of bitterness in order to find forgiveness. Whatever happened x number of years ago is gone and I need to take the backpack off and leave it behind. I need to keep telling myself these experiences were just meant to make me stronger and possess more mental endurance. Plus, I’m not perfect and apologize for my shitty past behavior. I can only forgive so much, but I can never forget. I’m just thankful to be alive!

Stop Doubting Yourself

A little while ago, I wrote a motivational speech explaining how people should stop doubting themselves. Unfortunately, I've been quite guilty of doing so lately.

Thoughts from my past have lately been popping up in my head, all of questioning myself and decisions I made. The most recent example is when I recently decided to make a career change and left my “nice shiny job”, jumping off the top of a Chicago skyscraper and pulling the parachute cord. It was one of the scariest decisions I had ever made. I left safety and exchanged it for the unknown and adventures. I didn’t think I’d still be able to maintain independence, but have so far been successful.

When you’re a little kid, positive actions are rewarded by affirmation and negative and against the norm behavior are answered by punishment. For me, it seemed like everything in my line of sight was answered with a punishment or snarky response. It all started by getting kicked around in the womb by my twin, thus being born second. I didn’t care about one measly minute, but to her, it meant everything. She always wanted to be better than me and all I wanted to do was be me. I was always the brown banana in the bunch; it was the one that was still tasty and often thrown away or overlooked. I once walked outside in a pink scarf with flowers on it, a black shirt, pink skinny jeans, piano high knee socks, and skate shoes, all tied together with a pink bow headband. My mom gave me the stink eye and ask me if I was about to go in public looking how I did. I walked out the door. My sister didn’t receive the same treatment in my presence, and likely not at all. Little did I realize how bad I felt like I was screwed over for my adult life in terms of believing in myself.

Many people have told me how you're supposed to take pride in yourself, but how can you if the demons in your head are like a cancer eating at your self worth due to the dragons of your past you’re wrangling with? According to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, it is quite essential to feel a sense of belonging in this world. I wanted to find a special place of being welcomed and praised.

There have been many situations where everyone seemed to believe in me except for me. For example, towards the end of my senior year in college, as a Web Development major, I was given this assignment to make a web page with specific requirements. I was in the library among some of my friends investing in my screen. The demon spoke to me and told me there’s no way I’d ever be able to accomplish this task. When I took a few programming classes prior to this, I had to repeat 2 of them. Both classes were the ones I took with my sister, who showered me with how I was the most useless and crappy programmer ever. I was never really praised and thus, believed I was an awful programmer. I went to the professor’s office several times and he told me I’d surely be able to solve the programming puzzle. After mustering up the courage to spray the demon with pepper spray in the eye instead of backing down immediately, I successfully completed the assignment.

On December 5, 2015, I successfully tested for my black belt in Shotokan Karate. I was constantly showered with compliments by my peers in class, as well as from my friends. I wasn’t sure if I was going to pass the test and would ask my friends, “what if I failed my test?” I sometimes had these toxic thoughts in my head of how I’m not worthy of being a black belt. When I was trying to land my first job right out of school back when I was overweight, I was about to basically have interview number 20 and hadn’t received any offers yet. My mom told me I probably wasn’t receiving any offers because I was overweight and didn’t look good enough. I ended up landing that job. I took my karate test in front of the instructor who had once given me a low score. I was ready to show the world what I was made of. I obviously passed, am worthy of large accomplishments, and need to tell my brain to accept it.

In regards to maintaining relationships with other people, I sometimes felt like people were going to be offset by my quirkiness and how loud I am. I’ve had way too many poor and abusive relationships with men for my own good and I was bullied by peers and family from Pre-K through the end of college. I had also experienced several roommate fail situations, due to fear of communication on my end stemming from the fact standing up for myself at home was punished consistently, among other reasons. Surely enough, I was able to learn from the reasons that made my past relationships fail and hit the jackpot this time around. I am still not so lucky yet in terms of finding a romantic partner, but I’m sure it will soon change.

To top it off, when I graduated from college and was left to suffer the wrath of my parents, I was also left knowing I needed to move on from my high school friends. Thankfully, one of my friends from college introduced me to the Belegarth Medieval Combat Society, a group of nerds who enjoy playing a contact sport battle game where you hit each other with foam weapons. I tried to find a community (of women) to accept me in college, which turned into me being considered too weird to recruit people and only good enough to hand out the finger sandwiches and show Powerpoint slides. To my disbelief, after I was introduced to this nerd community, I was welcomed and accepted with open arms. I am worthy of having real friends who love and accept me for who I am and need to keep telling myself that.

Let me begin again by asking, “how would you take pride in yourself if you’ve been beaten down so many times?” The answer is resilience. People are bullies to those who value themselves because the bullies feel the need to hurt others to make themselves feel prideful. The targets for bullying are usually people who identify as being “different”. Every time I doubt myself and prove myself against a challenge, I become empowered. The empowerment motivates me to want to continue to push myself farther than I think I am capable of. Sticks and stones may break your bones, words may break your soul, but the only way to win the fight is to take a stand and keep standing.

Now Booking!

I am currently booking/opportunity hunting in:

*Blogging/Creative Writing/Editing/Publishing

*Content Writing/Article Writing/Copywriting/Researching

*Resume/Cover Letter Writing

*Technical Writing

*Personal Chef/Recipe Writer

*Storyteller/Spoken Word Poet

*Keynote Speaker/Motivational Speaker

*Flow Arts Performer

*Front End Web Developer/User Interface Designer

*Voice Actor

*(Video Game/Anime) Concept Designer
*Social Media/Webmaster
*Review Writing

For a showcase of what I do, click here!

I live in Chicago and am open to remote work. For performances, I am willing to travel. For all (serious only) inquiries, please contact Rebecca.Duxler@gmail.com!

Story of Growing Up as an Identical Twin and Overcoming Adversity

Story time:

*Note this comes from a standpoint of someone who's met few other sets of twins, was never close with any of them, and they were all fraternal, including my estranged first cousins. I am also in my 20s!

I do not like comparing myself to others, especially my sister, but I've been thinking a bunch lately. I've always wondered how family dynamics worked and in a family with multiple siblings, constitutes a "perfect child" vs a "problem child". Starting with being born and not being able to control who's older or younger, sometimes, your sibling can be a few years older or younger than you. Imagine being born the same day, or even the same hour as someone. From birth, I guess I was always supposed to be the one who got kicked around. My parents said I was getting pushed around inside my mom's stomach. To my not so disbelief, my sister was born a minute before me, making me "the younger sibling" by technicality. I didn't see a minute as meaning anything and saw us on the same playing field. A minute to her meant everything. She stole my toys, was always selfish, and tried to boss me around, and still tries to boss me around to this day. We were both picked on a little in high school, but my being picked on started even before preschool when a boy named Joseph would pull my hair tie and stick it inside the plastic holes in the slide. Her being picked on was brief and mine lasted until the end of college, while I was even bullied by her. I ended up having a worse relationship with my parents, being looked at as the "problem child"; whenever my sister would get picked on by people, it would trickle onto me, and then trickle onto a pen and paper. Unsurprisingly, I've been diagnosed with depression.

I've noticed in a lot of sets of twins, one has a medical problem at birth and the other is healthy. I was obviously the one with the medical problem, but said medical problem is gone thankfully. I was the "expense" because I had medical problems. I felt like I was treated different, and probably was I'm sure. My sister also seemed to have a smoother ride in college. Our grades were generally always the same, we scored similarly on standardized tests and moved up the same in karate as a child. But I ended up being the one who's laptop broke. I was the one who lost several credits, failed 2 classes and had to go to summer school in order to graduate on time, who took longer to get a job and internship, who had the roommate and apartment problems, the mental health problems, the gaining weight, treated poorly by men, etc. The more problems I had in college, the more and more I was the problem child. The more and more I was picked on and treated poorly, the more and more I began realizing I was different and had different heart beat (literally). I had to keep pushing through adversity. Before I finished school, I had a 4 hour conversation with a 37 year old (at the time) marine veteran who explained to me the benefits of being different and how to handle being the problem child. Shortly after that and coming into contact with Belegarth (my nerd group of awesomeness), I began accepting how even though my parents tried to steer me away from being different, being myself will overall make me happy and advance down my chosen and destined path. My sister would conform to my parents and I would still do my own thing (while still trying to follow the rules as much as possible). I did not realize being different would promote ridicule, but as soon as I broke free, I continued to be different and myself. I would end up reading articles with the end result basically saying how the ones who distinguish themselves from others are the ones who were different. I am very lucky to have found the enlightened path at the end of the tunnel of all the crap I put up with from birth to the end of college and then some. Twins, identical or fraternal, are NOT the same people. Who you become is based on your environment. And one measly minute doesn't matter in the end. Hardships only make you stronger.

Pickle Mason Jar Epic Bloody Mary Recipe

The epic bloody Mary of awesomeness, recipe invented by yours truly:

1 can Campbell's tomato juice
1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
1 tsp lemon juice
1 tsp lime juice
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp pepper
1/2 tsp garlic powder
1/2 tsp onion powder
1/2 tsp celery salt
3 pickle chips
1.5 shots vodka
1 mason jar (or full-sized glass)

Pour ingredients into the glass, stir carefully, insert the pickle slices, and enjoy the tastiness and tomatoey goodness :D

You Can Do It

Lately, been suffering from a lot of confidence issues lately due to a lot of recent changes in activities, friends, and my career path and have taken a lot of time to reflect about what I've done for a quarter century. This past weekend, I went camping with my “sword fighting” group called the “Belegarth Medieval Combat Society”. On these camping trips, we play our “nerd foam fighting combat game” during the day, and eat, drink, and be merry around campfires at night. I usually have a group to camp with, but most of my close friends from Davenport, Iowa were unable to attend this event. I want to feel like I’m worthy of success and fitting in. When I told a bunch of my friends I had nowhere to camp this event, they all welcomed me with open arms and even offered to setup my tent. Aside from knowing I'm an accepted part of the Belegarth community, I have 2 really good friends at home to help me realize I’m never alone. I was even able to successfully meet new people, which I was proud of.

I also took a recent leap of faith, which has been on my mind for quite some time. I decided I no longer want to continue on the career path I chose in college, Web Development. To also confirm that decision, I’ve somehow been phased out of all my committees and leadership positions within the IT field. There was even a conference I was recently supposed to volunteer for, a place for college students pursuing technology could network and find career and certification opportunities. They for some reason stopped contacting me. I also departed from 9 to 5 land, the place that kept my wallet safe and gave me a springboard to figure out what I want to do with my life. Now, I have turned into “Your Friendly Neighborhood Uber Driver”, rideshare driver at large hoping my blog of the same name or other projects of mine get noticed. My blood family doesn’t necessarily support my decision, but my real friends call me brave. I’m aware dreams come in baby steps and not overnight. You have to work gradually to achieve your goals. Every time I question whether or not I’m capable of attaining success when I feel down, I always flashback to how I was able to earn my black belt for Shotokan karate. The test of physical and mental strength was quite the strenuous fiend.

December 5, 2015 quickly approached. I spent all day at home relaxing, practicing a little, refreshing my memory on Japanese terminology, picking up my gi, and picking up one of my roommates from work thanks to him being oh so kind enough to watch my exam. When I arrived at the testing venue, I frantically applied my essential body oils for mental balance that I rub behind my ears and topically for medicinal benefits, chugged water, and waited to be placed in line to test. I was of course the oldest one in my testing session, but that’s because being a 20 something isn’t a very popular demographic in my karate club. I ended up having to test among kids who were about 15-16 years old when I’m supposed to test with people 15-35 years old. While I was waiting for my name to be called, since there were less people than usual in my testing group, I was to either test in front of the dojo owner or test for the most senior instructor who I tested in front of when I tested poorly prior to taking a 5.5 year karate hiatus at the end of my junior year in high school. Testing for the senior instructor would be my redemption to show him how much I’ve grown in the 7+ years since the last time I saw him. When my name was called, it was no surprise to I’d have to test in front of the senior instructor.

It was time to kick some ass and take some names. I took a deep breath and waited in my ready stance for the test to start. “Downward block assume!” was called. The fire was lit. As we were doing warm up punches and kicks down the floor, of course my contact decided to almost fall out; doing front kicks forward and backward down the floor while having one functioning eye felt like a half blind man trying not to bump into walls. My contact eventually popped back in. The proctor called, “Inward block reverse punch”; “Downward block reverse punch”; “Knife hand block”; “Front kick, spear hand thrust”. I was desperate for water and gasping for air. It also felt weird when the judges were staring at my loud breathing, but I’d rather be breathing loud than not show any fighting spirit. My “kiai” spirit yells were louder than the sound of hearing a firetruck siren from your house. Once the basics portion of the test was done, it was time to do our katas. Before beginning the kata, you announce the name of what you're performing; “Bai Sai Dai”, channeled from my heart through my mouth. The executed kata was successful. Next, it was time for the colored belt katas. Thankfully, we had to do these katas for the tournaments; I completely spaced on having to do those katas for the first degree brown belt going on black belt test… oops! “Heian Godan” gets called and it went very well too of course. After katas were performed, it was time for target tests, to see if we could punch a target and escape in time and kick a target. I hit the focus mitt with as much drive as I could with plenty of accuracy. Once the target tests were over, we were asked Japanese terms and needed to execute the move corresponding to the Japanese term called out. “Kosa Dachi”; “Shuto Uke”; “Mawashi Geri”. All of those were called out correctly. We were then asked how many classes we attended, if we went to any tournaments, and if we went to the kickathon service event fundraiser to raise money for charities involving helping sick children. For the final portion of the test, it was time to do one point sparring, meaning each person goes to the front of the line and does a block/counter technique to the person throwing the attack. When it came my turn, I was luckily presented with opportunities to catch people’s round kicks, spin them around, and followup with a punch. By the time the test was over, my legs were ready to collapse faster than an olympic sprinter who just won first place.

The day after the exam, it was time to receive my results. I arrived at my class, and it was announced in front of everyone by the instructor I had growing up as a child that I had earned my black belt. I pictured myself in my dreams crying my eyes out in the middle of class, but instead, I wasn't surprised. It took me about 8+ years to earn my black belt. Victory is mine and I am now worthy of the official title of badassery! If I am capable of earning my black belt, I am capable of achieving my dreams with hard work and passion by my side.

Healthy Tuna Salad on Garlic Bread Recipe

The "tuna salad special" a la Rebs:

1 can of chunk light tuna in water
3 tbsp light mayo
1 tsp yellow mustard
1 tsp dill relish
3 tbsp minced onions
1 tsp onion powder
1 tsp garlic powder
1/2 tsp freeze dried chives

Served on top of a toasted slice of wheat bread with:
1 tsp grated Parmesan cheese
1 tsp olive oil
1 tsp garlic powder

The tastiness is tasty and very quick and easy to make too!

Hearty and Healthy Chili Recipe

Base and Spices

2 cans black beans
1 can cannelloni beans
1 can chili beans
1 can kidney beans
1 chopped roma tomato 
1 can diced tomatoes
1/2 chopped red onion
3 tbsp sliced jalepenos
1 tbsp minced garlic
3 cups water
1 tsp Tabasco sauce
1 tsp green sauce
2 tsp Better Than Bullion chicken broth
1 tsp cilantro
1 tbsp oregano
1 tsp freeze dried chives
1 tbsp chili powder
3 tbsp cumin
1 tbsp Italian seasoning
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp pepper
1 tbsp olive oil
5 tbsp medium cantina salsa
1 tbsp reduced sugar ketchup
1 tsp Worcestershire sauce
1 package chili seasoning
1 tsp BBQ seasoning

Ground Beef

2 pounds lean ground beef
2 packages taco seasoning
1 cup water



Garnish 

Mexican Blend Cheese
Red Onions
Tabasco Sauce
Oyster Crackers



Put all ingredients except for the ground beef, taco seasoning, and garnish ingredients into an 8 quart pot. Cook ground beef in a separate pan until brown and add taco seasoning with an extra cup of water into the beef. Add cooked beef into the 8 quart pot. Simmer ingredients in pot for an hour and enjoy the tastiness!

10 Signs You're Adulting Just Fine

The adult world can be a jungle without a map,
But I can tell you 10 reasons why you and I are doing just fine.

1. After graduating from college and taking ownership of my expensive piece of paper,
I thought I landed my dream job right away.
Little did I know, I'd be riding a sinking ship.
At least I found a life boat and a place to work!

2. Some people are connected to their blood family.
My clan is comprised of a chosen few I genuinely love.
I'm blessed to have a family.

3. Everyone wants to feel like they're a part of something.
It could range from a religious organization to a group of nerds who hit each other with foam weapons;
If I can belong to one of the most outlandish groups out there, you can belong somewhere too!

4. I'd rather be single than in a miserable marriage or have an oops baby and ruin my life. It's fun to be able to dance like Beyonce, waving my hands without a ring on my finger, and be proud of it!

5. I sometimes compare myself to others, especially through social media, but no one around me has their black belt. I'm always aware I can always kick some serious ass!

6. I feel like I need a money management 101 class, which was never taught in school,
But at least I can afford to pay my bills on time!

7. Even if you see other people reaching their dreams before you, you are on your own journey and will reach your goals at your own time! Keep your eyes on the prize! You are worthy of success!

8. Sometimes during these mapless adventures, you reach a crossroad. Difficult decisions and sacrifices will have to be made, but it's all for the gold. Realize and accept these necessary choices and believe in your journey!

9. Don't take small things for granted. If you think you're low on your luck, be blessed you have a roof over your head, a place to listen to art, and the health capacity to be here today.

And 10. If you are alive, you are adulting just fine. Just be thankful for this beautiful life!

Light Show Leap of Faith Poem

Taking a leap of faith is more frightening than skydiving.
When you full-heartedly want something,
You will climb over every mountain to chase the light.
That’s what dreams are worth!

One of the most memorable things told to me
When I asked someone who “kind of knew me” how I was perceived by the world,
Was, “You’re different, but in a good way”
How would one process that?

The place I thought would produce the most ridicule
Helped me find myself when I gave the unknown a fair chance!
I like to hit my friends with foam weapons
And found the land of the nerds to be my home!

My views of success don’t fit a job description.
That may be applicable for many others.
But don’t let any noise or rejection stop you from chasing your dreams!

I will not fear new experiences!
I will not fear taking risks!
As long as I’m alive, I will keep chasing my dreams until the day I die.
I will never give up and triumph through adversity. Will you follow your dreams with me?

Quarter Life Crisis: Reflections and Realizations From Being In Your Twenties

When you reach a certain point in your life, you end up reflecting and wondering where you are and where you want to go. If you think everything is crappy and feel like you're going nowhere, chances are it's not true. If you have independence, income, talents, drive, and a support system, you're doing a lot better than you think. If you have a college degree, you're definitely doing better than you think. If you're young, you don't have to have all your shit together. If you feel like other people who are younger than you are finding success faster than you, you have to realize how different their life and journey are than yours. It’s impossible to replicate someone else’s situation and need to accept your own circumstances. As long as you’re making and recognizing forward progress, you’re on the path to success. Everyone finds themselves, lands ideal opportunities, and realizes their dreams at a different pace. It’s ok if your success comes a little bit later than someone else. Just make sure to keep trying, keep adventuring, and continue being willing to accept a possible chance of failure. At times, you may feel lost and have no idea which direction to proceed in at the crossroad. It's ok to question where you are. It's ok to question your faith and where to place it, especially if your parents forced religion down your throat. It's ok to be uncertain of where you want your career path to go. It's ok to fail and fall on your ass as long as you maintain an awareness and refuse to give up. And it's definitely ok to be single and focus on yourself. If you want to change the world and have an idea of how to do it, keep believing in your idea and working on your idea and it will come to life. Patience and resilience are the answer. But be careful, because even superheroes have limits! Just don't be afraid to live and use your heart and intuition as your guide! Make sure you share the love, too!

Bacon Lasagna Recipe

Veggies

½ cup chopped Red Pepper
½ cup chopped Red Onion
1 chopped Jalapeño
1 chopped Serrano Pepper
1 cup Spinach
1 chopped Garlic Clove
½ tsp Garlic and Herb Seasoning
Salt/Pepper to taste
1 tbsp olive oil

Place all veggies and the olive oil into a pan and sauté the veggies until they start to turn soft

Sauce

2 cans Tomato Sauce
1 can Tomato Paste
1 whole Roma Tomato
¼ tsp Oregano
¼ tsp Basil
¼ tsp Italian Seasoning
¼ tsp Parsley
¼ tsp Thyme
¼ tsp Red Pepper Flakes
3 Garlic Cloves
1 tbsp Bacon Grease
2 tbsp chopped White Onion
¼ cup Parmesan Cheese
Salt/Pepper to taste

Combine the sauce ingredients in a blender and pulse until fully mixed together and clumps are gone

Base

7 Lasagna Noodles (no boil noodles)
1 24oz carton Cottage Cheese
1 package Smoked Uncured Bacon (cooked on a skillet pan)
1 can Tomato Sauce (used for cooking the ground beef)
1 pound Ground Beef (cooked over the stovetop until the meat is brown)
½ cup Mozzarella Cheese
Large Casserole Dish for cooking the Lasagna

Combine cottage cheese and the sauce. Fill the bottom of the large casserole dish with 3.5 noodles, veggies, meat, 5 pieces of bacon per layer, sauce/cottage cheese mix, and mozzarella cheese (in that order). Continue to add layers until you run out of ingredients. Garnish with Basil, Parsley, Parmesan Cheese, and Bacon Crumbles

Preheat oven to 375 Degrees and cook for 40-50 min until top is golden brown and noodles are soft. Let stand for at least 10 minutes. Times may vary slightly, so make sure to consistently check on your lasagna. Enjoy the epic bacon deliciousness!